Hi ladies - why do we get so much stress, haven't we had our share? Its beginning to feel like that. Im up and down like a yoyo at the minute with job situ adn aches and pains and so tired uring the afternoon - not sleep tired just exhausted! I did see my dr a few weeks agi she said look at my diet and excercise. Well I think I eat pretty well and every time I go for a walk of more than 20minites I pay for it with my feet hurting.
Jane I think your hubby has a point with the stress thing - none of us know what triggered our BC - may not be that, but have to consider it if things get any worse.
Doz & Jane can I ask you something - do you have moments when you've got pains that seem worse and wonder if its anything else? Then it goes and you tell yourself off for being so stupid.
Poor Vicky, she's really been through it but at least she's being monitored and things get picked up and dealt with.
I went for my yearly check last Friday, I saw the nurse practioner, she said everything was fine and I could have another fat transfer if I wanted. I just can't see the point of going thru GA and recovery time and it might not even work.
I still don't sleep well either, don't think my dr would let me have sleeping tabs on a regular basis. Im on 10-20mg amtripylene whcih supposed to help but them have to drag myself out of bed in the morning.
Right I'll stop moaning - been a lovely day today and supposed to be nice for the weekend too - get out in the garden do some weeding.
Janice hope you and hubby are doing well.
Take care ladies.
Well what a week at work...stress or what!!!So glad it's Friday and I don't have to go in. I had a very stressful situation to deal with; which started on Monday and didn't get resolved until yesterday afternoon. I actually had physical symptoms of stress on Wednesday morning; my heart was going, I felt sick and I actually cried before work. This is not like me. When I think about it now it's because on Wednesday our team leader has her day off ; another manager has just left; another manager is off sick with stress herself and I wasn't sure if the Clinical Services Manager was going to be in and I felt rather isolated with regards support for decision making. Luckily when I got to work the Clinical Services Manager was in all day but it shouldn't be down to luck should it? OH told me to hand my notice in but I'm not. I would rather see how things go and if needs be will start looking for a job first. He worries about the effect of stress after my diagnosis of BC 2 years ago and frankly so do I to be honest.
Anyway, its Friday and I'm sitting at my computer typing this with my lovely cat Iolo purring on my knee so feeling ok. OH and I are going out to lunch later and the weather is set fine for the weekend so will be able to get my dahlias in!!
Thanks everyone, am still finding i dont feel tired until midnight or so, used to be asleep by 10. do you think it is the treatment and the tamoxifen, i was originally told it makes you sleepy so i take it at night?
Anyway,long day at work, but going okay.
nothing on the tv so it may be time to read, and keep oh company while he shouts at telly watching football.
have some of next week off and think i might drive on my own to see sister in devon. i dont want to have too much time here and get anxious. so then i feel like i have donesomething with my holiday time.
love to you all
It isn't naughty to go back to sleep; yesterday was a funny old day. We didn't do much here because of the weather. I wanted to plant out my dahlia tubers so went outside to start planting and down came the rain! So just decided to have a quiet day doing this and that but nothing in particular. We went for a walk in the afternoon but apart from that a very quiet day.
We had a lovely time last weekend when we went to stay with my youngest brother in the Lake District; the weather was beautiful and we just went for long walks and chatted. He is very content with his life now after being through 2 divorces so good to see.
Anyway, work beckons and I'm not really in the mood for it today; fingers crossed for a quiet day!
doz hope things have gone okay, or is move next week.
feel very guitly as i have done nearly nothing today, tried to sleep in and started reading.didnt get up til 12.is it really naughty to take half a sleeping tablet and go back to sleep? i kn ow they are not for daytime. we had no plan s but i felt i should have done something, i did cook our meal though and some washing.
anyway i hope you are all okay
thank you all so much, i will write more later. as i said, i knew tomorrow is another day. i had quick swim, lymph appointment then a walk along seafront, I know sometimes that i am focussing too much but realised even on my own I am taking in whats around me and it does stop the overthinking.
Yesterday was better, I went to colleagues for drinks for her birthday, family all there. i was a bit quiet but they didnt mind, my other friend got pretty drunk and maudling, she is under a lot of family stress and its sad that drink is her answer. we all get texts the next morning, sorry if i was a pain etc and you just wish she could see that she isint coping.
anyway, my eyes are tired from eye contact with my reception manager this morning, came to check on me but blimey she can go on!
much love and thanks for the support.
STella, amazing to sing.
Doz good luck and Janice, thank you for wise words, anne
Anne, I have to say I agree with what everbody else has said - it takes time, good days and bad days, try not to feel so pressurised.
I'm just going to contradict the last word now cost the job situation has really got to me this week. I've ha two interviews this week, the first one on Monday has rang and offered me a slightly different version of the job and told me the salary which is not enough so going to turn that one down this morning, the one on Tuesday went well but there's a little doubt in my mind about that one, should hear something on Monday. Also got another interview on Monday and today I've had job alerts for 4 jobs I could apply for but I'm sick of filling in application forms!!! Arrrrrrgh!
Feel better now for the rant! I had a few tears in the bath last night too. And then I've got people telling me just consider what you've got through and went through with BC - going for jobs is nothing compared to that, which is true I suppose. My mantra has to be 'Calm Down'!
On a different subject singing at Wembley was great, really enjoyed it.
Sorry to moan but know I can say it all on here.
Have a good day ladies.
have been a bit low today, and i think frustrated that i should be better. today was my group and i couldnt explain why. i did think about the automatic writing but i think it might make me self analyze. i think i was so matter of fact with treatments appts, etc and dont think about fear, it returning. i dont know how to explain my true feelings, i knw you all get it. hence me writing again. maybe that is the answer to just go with it, and start again tomorrow, did you all do the same?
I remember reading that yyou should talk to yourself as if you were talking to good friend, its like im too in control, and place these high expectations on myself, how do i let them go?
i have gone through the counselling and dont feel i could add anything else, i cant explain it very we
i dont think i have ever really acknowledged how huge it was and scary, even when i first tell someone i play it down as if it wasnt serious. as ive said before i dont feel i need to cry or want to, i have been angry and i feel sad that helen and oh find it hard how it has changed us all.
sorry for the ramble,
ill keep fluttering, and try to accept things as they are.
Thanks Janice, where did you find your self cbt??. YEs i am coming to same conclusion if these people were important, i would be making an effort too.
Today has been more boob massage, it works really well on the day. have found out that i should have been doing my routine, lying down. have done it on the sofa, since december! thats chemo brain, how would i remember the details, i assumed gravity would help but its not, its the lymph moving sideways. havent got my loveelyy new firm bras etc. but must consider that that is their advice and i would be silly not to do it.
work at the drs was okay today, i have the mini boss with me on friday, pays lip service to most things but will tolerate it and do my best to stay busy.
love to you all,
thanks janice and doz. doz cant believe your bANK nurse, what a cheek. and i didnt know about family allowance, crazy british rules.
am realizing how much nicer it is to share with people who get me, and this moving on. i feel pretty disappointed with former colleagues from school. havent heard from them since christmas, i only had one or 2 that supported me through the treatment and now i seem to have been forgotten, its not easy to go back an visit because obviously lessons are going on, and in the staff rooom i felt i didnt fit in anymore. sad but i know all of you would agree that throughout life you add and lose friends for different reasons. i dont want to hang onto it negatively, but just a bit too thoughtful at the moment.
doz sounds good that you should be on nights for the move, even if i bet you wont know where things are!
just finished quick sunday lunch, we got in the habit of eating 5/6ish and then there seems to be nothing of the evening left, so today it was 3pm, 1 or 2 is too early for us, we went down for a few bits from lidl and got a cheap pud for a change.
am trying to motivate myself to cut down on treats, i think i have put on about 3/4 stone, fat but comfortable- size16, and i think thats why i cant get motivated. any hints to get me started???? i have been reading about rebounders, mini trampolines. you can do a good cardio routine and get sweaty on them, it wouldnt take much space so may get one from ebay, might encourage Daughter to do a bit on it as well.
have anyone heard of morning pages, automative writing, - a way to help overthinking first thing you write whatever is in your head, no worry about spelling punctation etc, but its a help for depression, if you dont know what to write, you just keep writing rubbish. i jump from so many thoughts early mornings.
anyway, am going to sit quietly, enjoy a bit of a book.
flutter gently to all, and big thankyou for boosting me up, i need to check in a bit more often, like before
big hugs to everyone, hello janice glad you are being selfish, hope phil is doing well, its been a while since his operation.
Doz what a bugger about your ward, but glad you are being matter of fact about it and have already thought of what you could do, what sort of patients are normallly on this ward?
lovely to check in again and catch up on our news.
have started my lymph drainage sessions via the hospital, an hour on my boob in a lttle room, 6 floors up in hastings!! its so gentle but the nurse feels she has really moved the fluid but told me it will fill up again. it did feel a lot softer but very orange peely - used to love my bigger boobs, but now they get me down. she has recommended good moisturizing and firm support bra, well - had to try the granny doreen one from triumph, went to a g cup!!! omg, its so ugly, and pointy, and huge. i know i have to take the advice but it is horrible, have found some others slightly better on ebay and now i know the size i can take a chance.
my mood has been up and down, you know everyone sees the sunshine and you should feel better, i found it a bit tough, cos it means i cant hide away.have been along the beach for long walks, and trying so hard to find the simplest thing to be grateful for and appreciate. on the youngers ladies fb group, several have good local recurrences but we are all there to support and be there.in my local group in the woods, we have a couple of new people, with oesucugal cancer, obviously in a lot of pain, hard to eat, etc or even want to eat. as we are out in nature the idea is for it to inspire and see how it makes us feel. i try to look at the colours and just be quiet.
job is okay, it gets stressy like most jobs do, the charity group who fund the support group are opening new charity shops and do have the odd paid position, ideal for me as retail manager was my main job, but just for now it could be a bit of a gamble, and perhaps not so stable, while we need to fund mortgage etc, i probably need to stay at drs. it would be nice to think i could volunteer or be involved at some point to say thankyou.
have done a little bit of relaxation via headphones, i just forget that it will help.
any one any other ideas on bras? it has to be firm support, esp to seperate the boobs, as the lymph channel runs down the middle, and wear something at night, i did have soft sports bras but i dont think they have enough support,
big hug to you all
doz back in 2011, you had fibrosis, what did they do to help it?
i was just reading your early posts
Jane, the match will be on TV, we're part of the pre match entertainment at 1.30pm singing 2 songs True Colours and Just the Way You Are and then again at half time singing Dance With Me Tonight, there is going to be 2000 of us so hard to spot anybody even if we're televised! But Im really looking forward to it.
Glad to hear your brother's doing ok - he deserves it.
Doz, bad news about work, won't be very nice for you. Maybe there plans will change over 4 weeks.
Lovely day here again (we've dared to say we've missed the snow!!)
Stella; how amazing that you're singing at Wembley next Saturday. What will you be singing and will you be on t.v.?
Doz; sudden news about closing ward and moving. This seems to be how the NHS is going at the moment. I feel for you that you'll have to work on the ward where you were treated. It's bad enough when I'm on call and have to go and do an assessment at the hospital where i got my diagnosis; every time I go there it brings back those bad old memories so i can't begin to know how it wold feel like actually working in the same place.
My brother with the alcoholic/suicidal soon to be ex wife is doing well at the moment. He's happy in his flat with the kids and he's put the house on the market so really hoping he has a quick sale so that he can move on. Once he's sold the house he will then be filing for a divorce.
It's been a beautiful day today; \i've been out gardening all day and am well pleased with what i've done...weeding, shredding and mulching!! My face is glowing and it won't be long until I hit the pillow.
Anyway flutterbies, flutter gently
Janice - I'm with you as well, I think it is time to be a bit selfish and think of yourselves more, nothing wrong with that because you would still always be there for them if something really wrong. Thats the second time somebody has said to me keep smelling the roses, the first one was a psychic and my mum loved roses and I'd not long bought her favourite rose, Peace, and planted in the garden.
Doz, hope you get that shoulder sorted finally -things go on and on don't they. Vicky must feel the same.
I'm still applying for jobs, had a few interviews but nothing as yet, got 2 more coming up - things have certainly changed since I last looked for a job, but Im sure something will turn up.
We're going to be singing (Rock Choir)at Wembley on 22/3 at Saracens v Harlequins match looking forward to that.
Jane - enoy your trip to the Lakes, sounds lovely.
Anne - I do think part time jobs are a good thing, my eldest had 2 paper rounds and a job in a pub in the evening but the other two were never keen.
The fog's cleared here so hoping the sun starts shing soon, it does make you feel better!
Have a good day everybody.
Good on you; it's so important to look after yourselves as you've both been through so much. I often wonder about the support I had from my family and its only now all the trauma is over that I've had space in my head to think and reflect on this. My sister was brilliant and was always there on Skype when I needed her (she lives in Australia); my lovely auntie was also a rock; I have to say it was my brothers who didn't really know what to say to me. Don't get me wrong, they're lovely and would talk about anything other than what mattered to me at the time; looking back on this I think they just didn't know how to talk to me as I was in so much distress
I was going to see my daughter Em in glasgow at the end of March but when I rang her to arrange it she sounded like she needed to get away; she's snowed under with work from her course and she finishes her current assignment on 27th. So, plan B; my youngest brother has just moved to the Lakes so I asked if we could come and stay with him for a weekend and he's more than happy. When I told Em she was so excited; she's not a city girl and loves the countryside so back to the Lakes I go!
Anyway, time to get ready for work. Take care.
My hand was forced a few years ago when I was made redundant and had no spare cash to give. My daughter literally got on her bike and cycled around the area asking for jobs. She came back a few hours later having secured herself a part time job collecting eggs at the chicken farm down the road!! It is good for their confidence to get out there and meet different people and get paid for their time.
Changing the subject, work is cutting back more and more. One of the locum consultants is leaving at the end of the month and my manager told me today that the commissioners have no plans to replace him!! It feels really scary working there at the moment as there just aren't enough staff on the ground to do the work. Help!!!
My OH and I had a lovely break in the Lakes last week; we were lucky with the weather, lots of sunny blue skies so plenty of walking followed by pub meals and a glass or two of the old red wine;perfect.
Flutter gently all
hello all flutterbyes
have so much to catch up on, but wanna ask you ladies with older children, am getting frustrated and naggy mum cos my daughter not showing any interest in getting part time job, i know it was different and easier when i was teenager but she doesnt want any money, i know i have to wait until she expresses an interest, I hope she will just go visit our local shops because it is a good thing to add to cv, for after college.it isnt because i wont give her any money but it is because its good for her confidence etc. i think it is probablyjust me trying too hard to enforce what i feel she should be doing, and that might be what you tell me. Dare i say she is pretty laid back but i dont get backed up by oh cos he doesnt care if she sits around.
am doing okay apart from this, had to go to funeral in coventry this week, was in panic about doing drive etc on my own because i havent been there since i was 15. lots of motorway drving but good for my confidence.
ladies sorry i will read your posts now xxx
Raindrops keep falling on my head......when is it going to stop!!!
Stella - how did you get on with your interviews yesterday? I was thinking about you.
Well my suicidal, alcoholic sister in law is out of detox and went straight back on the bottle big time; unbelievable. On Thursday she drank loads, then tried to climb over a 10 foot high fence to get to the railway line but fell and broke her ankle in 2 places. She called my brother to tell him so he got the paramedics to her. She also told people she'd ingested rat poison! She needs to have an operation to put a pin and plate in but the doctors wouldn't operate a) until she was sober and b) until they'd checked her bloods to see if she had taken rat poison as it thins the blood. Here we go again...
Anyway, hope you are all keeping warm and safe in this weather
Good luck on Friday Stella with your interviews...2 in a day...ouch! What jobs are you going for?
Travelling home last night was hairy to see the least...lots of fallen trees and debris blowing around as well on the road; had to drive slowly because you couldn't see that far ahead on the road. Was relieved to get home. Our poor little kitty cat looked a bit frightened with it all; he was glad to see us arrive home; he soon cutched up on my knee for a cuddle! Last day today then 3 days off yaroo!
We went to a talk by Iolo Williams the welsh wildlife man last Thursday; he lives in the next village from us and gave a talk on guess what? welsh wildlife! He was very funny but also very knowledgeable..it was a really enjoyable evening. He's doing a new tv programme starting this Sunday so will be watching that. Ever since my diagnosis and operation I've become interested in birdwatching and must confess that I am now a bit of a twitcher; This year we've booked to go to Harris in JUne so that from there we can do the trip to St Kilda's and see the sea birds; after Harris we go down to Mull but before that even we're going to Orkney in May for the wildlife...I can't wait.
Keep warm and safe ladies in this awful weather
Glad to hear your checkup went well. If 'm stressed it seems to affect my eyes ( I dont know why I've gone italic!) I was getting a bit worked up about the job situation a couple of weeks ago and heyho got an eye infection/allergy - Dr wasn't sure!
I've got 2 interviews on friday so hoping one of them goes my way! The one I'd really like is with NHS at two of the hospitals in Leicester, 25 hours a week.
Got my check up in a month's time, but feel well so should be ok - don't have a mammogram til November, mine's every 18 months.
How are you now Doz, better I hope, and glad things are going well for you Anne.
The weather is awful here at the moment, dread to think what its like at the coast and elsewhere. I'm working pm today and not a lot to do and have TV in reception so just looking at all the floods. There's now a red weather warning for West Wales & North West England, the first one apparently.
On that cheerful note (sorry) take care everyone, keep warm and dry.
It was a relief; interestingly I developed eczema after my diagnosis and it has started to clear up a bit after this latest appointment...stress related I think.
It's very quiet on this thread at the moment, I hope everyone is fit and well.
Just a quick post to say that all was well at my check up last Friday; don't have to be seen for another year, hurrah! OH and I went to the pub after the appointment for steak and chips and glass of red for me and a pint for him; it was bliss.
Hope everyone is well
JAne and Janice
cbb is celebrity big brother, there i have dared to tell you, its utter madness but my daughter got me sucked in to it
but look how fast and well and how much you can write on the ipad!!! woohoo. i dont even correct my spelling ad im (see) on a laptop with proper keys!!! too much effort to write i with I, but then i never wanted to be a secretary.
enjoy your light, its nearly candlemas so definitely time to see the light, even a candle will do.