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Where did I go????

katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi ladies - why do we get so much stress, haven't we had our share? Its beginning to feel like that. Im up and down like a yoyo at the minute with job situ adn aches and pains and so tired uring the afternoon - not sleep tired just exhausted! I did see my dr a few weeks agi she said look at my diet and excercise. Well I think I eat pretty well and every time I go for a walk of more than 20minites I pay for it with my feet hurting.

Jane I think your hubby has a point with the stress thing - none of us know what triggered our BC - may not be that, but have to consider it if things get any worse.

Doz & Jane can I ask you something - do you have moments when you've got pains that seem worse and wonder if its anything else? Then it goes and you tell yourself off for being so stupid.

Poor Vicky, she's really been through it but at least she's being monitored and things get picked up and dealt with.

I went for my yearly check last Friday, I saw the nurse practioner, she said everything was fine and I could have another fat transfer if I wanted. I just can't see the point of going thru GA and recovery time and it might not even work.

I still don't sleep well either, don't think my dr would let me have sleeping tabs on a regular basis. Im on 10-20mg amtripylene whcih supposed to help but them have to drag myself out of  bed in the morning.

Right I'll stop moaning - been a lovely day today and supposed to be nice for the weekend too - get out in the garden do some weeding.

Janice hope you and hubby are doing well.

Take care ladies.

Stella xx

 

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Butterflies
Anne I am having tons of trouble sleeping.. I,ve been to Dr,s several times regarding this and she has been very supportive, she has agreed the lack of hormones does,nt help and stress... Perhaps we think we should be over it all by now but were still undergoing treatment in the form of hormone blockers so it has,nt really gone away has it honey, nor the yearly checks they are all still there to keep the gremlins active.. I think we just have to take the day and enjoy it flutterby I now take half a sleeping tablet every night just to get a good.. Ish nights sleep as without that I,d be rubbish and like you I don't feel tired till past midnight most nights
xx
Jane I can totally empathise with the stress thing too I,m still very emotional and can cry at anything 😞 I hope things have settled for you xx
Well girls NHS organising a p..s up in a brewery comes to mind... Our move today is OFF!!!!!!
We have spent our shifts nearly killing ourselves packing and still looking after patients.. And everyday the bed bureau has sent us more patients we are now at 8 over capacity.. Soooooo as there is nowhere to send these poor extra patients we have had our move cancelled!?!? And they are now using our new ward for extra beds 😞 the last few days it's been all hands on deck to unpack and get our ward back to efficient and it's been exhausting to say the least... Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!
Poor old Vikki is going through the mill again we went to see Neuro team re the constant pain in her back and legs to try to get a different take on Discitis damage the consultant we saw from Neuro was excellent (been trying to get an app, for months with them) he went through everything even showed her MRI of the damage done.. He,s ordered another MRI to check on any progress and then decide whether to operate 😞 but while we were with him she mentioned a problem with her feet thinking it might be connected.. She gets white patches when her feet are cold? He ordered an urgent Doppler which she had yesterday and has had an urgent referral to the Vascular team as the Doppler showed some discrepancies 😞 poor poor girl, when is it going to end 😞
I finally got my app for injection led shoulder scan.... But a problem arose as I can't have the injection with it being my Lymphodema side 😞 so it's just a scan now 😞 but hopefully it will still give me some answers?
Apart from all that loving the sunshine and being able to get in the garden when I get the chance and it's looking splendid 🙂 we have Blackbirds nesting in the climber above my French doors 🙂 so I,m being very careful not to scare her when I go outside... Tho she,s made me jump a few times shooting out when I open the door!
I hope all is well with everyone enjoy your break Anne and sending a few spoons to help with the crappy days to you all xxxxxhugxxxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Well what a week at work...stress or what!!!So glad it's Friday and I don't have to go in.  I had a very stressful situation to deal with; which started on Monday and didn't get resolved until yesterday afternoon.  I actually had physical symptoms of stress on Wednesday morning; my heart was going, I felt sick and I actually cried before work.  This is not like me.  When I think about it now it's because on Wednesday our team leader has her day off ; another manager has just left; another manager is off sick with stress herself and I wasn't sure if the Clinical Services Manager was going to be in and I felt rather isolated with regards support for decision making.  Luckily when I got to work the Clinical Services Manager was in all day but it shouldn't be down to luck should it?  OH told me to hand my notice in but I'm not.  I would rather see how things go and if needs be will start looking for a job first.  He worries about the effect of stress after my diagnosis of BC 2 years ago and frankly so do I to be honest.

 

Anyway, its Friday and I'm sitting at my computer typing this with my lovely cat Iolo purring on my knee so feeling ok.  OH and I are going out to lunch later and the weather is set fine for the weekend so will be able to get my dahlias in!!

 

Take care

 

Jane x

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thanks everyone, am still finding i dont feel tired until midnight or so, used to be asleep by 10. do you think it is the treatment and the tamoxifen, i was originally told it makes you sleepy so i take it at night? 

Anyway,long day at work, but going okay.

nothing on the tv so it may be time to read, and keep oh company while he shouts at telly watching football.

have some of next week off and think i might drive on my own to see sister in devon. i dont want to have too much time here and get anxious. so then i feel like i have donesomething with my holiday time.

love to you all

Anne x

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Oops sorry got names mixed up meant Jane ha ha
JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Not lazy going back to sleep you must have needed it.I don't feel guilty at all these days as if I am feeling up to it I do things but if not I just go with the flow.Had D.D and family for the weekend so today been for a walk and now sitting sewing and watching the birds fighting in the garden.Glad weather stayed nice for Stella it makes such a difference. Hopefully we will get some fine weather soon and we can get gardening but the wind was so bad here it flattened my daffodils so I have a huge vase of them in the conservatory rather than let them rot in the garden take care all love spoons and hugs Janice xxxxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning all

 

It isn't naughty to go back to sleep; yesterday was a funny old day.  We didn't do much here because of the weather.  I wanted to plant out my dahlia tubers so went outside to start planting and down came the rain! So just decided to have a quiet day doing this and that but nothing in particular.  We went for a walk in the afternoon but apart from that a very quiet day.

 

We had a lovely time last weekend when we went to stay with my youngest brother in the Lake District; the weather was beautiful and we just went for long walks and chatted.  He is very content with his life now after being through 2 divorces so good to see.

 

Anyway, work beckons and I'm not really in the mood for it today; fingers crossed for a quiet day!

 

Jane x

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

doz hope things have gone okay, or is move next week.

feel very guitly as i have done nearly nothing today, tried to sleep in and started reading.didnt get up til 12.is it really naughty to take half a sleeping tablet and go back to sleep? i kn ow they are not for daytime. we had no plan s but i felt i should have done something, i did cook our meal though and some washing.

anyway i hope you are all okay

anne x

 

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

thank you all so much, i will write more later. as i said, i knew tomorrow is another day. i had quick swim, lymph appointment then a walk along seafront, I know sometimes that i am focussing too much but realised even on my own I am taking in whats around me and it does stop the overthinking.

Yesterday was better, I went to colleagues for drinks for her birthday, family all there. i was a bit quiet but they didnt mind, my other friend got pretty drunk and maudling, she is under a lot of family stress and its sad that drink is her answer.  we all get texts the next morning, sorry if i was a pain etc and you just wish she could see that she isint coping.

anyway, my eyes are tired from eye contact with my reception manager this morning, came to check on me but blimey she can go on!

much love and thanks for the support.

STella, amazing to sing.

Doz good luck and Janice, thank you for wise words, anne

katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning all

Anne, I have to say I agree with what everbody else has said - it takes time, good days and bad days, try not to feel so pressurised.

I'm just going to contradict the last word now cost the job situation has really got to me this week. I've ha two interviews this week, the first one on Monday has rang and offered me a slightly different version of the job and told me the salary which is not enough so going to turn that one down this morning, the one on Tuesday went well but there's a little doubt in my mind about that one, should hear something on Monday. Also got another interview on Monday and today I've had job alerts for 4 jobs I could apply for but I'm sick of filling in application forms!!! Arrrrrrgh!

Feel better now for the rant! I had a few tears in the bath last night too. And then I've got people telling me just consider what you've got through and went through with BC - going for jobs is nothing compared to that, which is true I suppose. My mantra has to be 'Calm Down'!

On a different subject singing at Wembley was great, really enjoyed it.

 

Sorry to moan but know I can say it all on here.

Have a good day ladies.

Stella xx

emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi all, Anne your post was so familiar to us all and so many times we doubt our own bodies that we make ourselves go daft with our gremlins (Doz's word for it) but it really does ease with time then there will be days when something happens or is said to take you right back there! I don't talk about it to people much but do get offended when told aren't you lucky at least you are still here!!!! No prizes for guessing how many words that end in off go through my head! 🙂
Doz hunny I so hope this move goes well for you and maybe it will be a little easier with less patients? Sending you the hand for the first few shifts and maybe you will be too busy to think about where you are that you do it o.k well that's the theory!
Janice I am so with you on the concentrating on us as a couple thing, I see it as how we started the two of us and it will be how we end so in between is time to enjoy why we are together!! As for family and friends who let us down I now just let it go if they weren't there when it was so needed then they don't deserve our time now so I now tell those close to me to chant my mantra when stressed by others LET IT GO! I have to confess as time goes on I don't regret it one little bit in fact I can look back and wonder if that soft touch was really me? I still care but only those who got us through,like yourself as you know my Oh was seriously ill during my rads and it came as a shock to be told that someone very close couldn't come to the hospital as he has to work in the morning and life goes on!!!???? So guess who doesn't have a place at our house these days?
I am much happier without the guilt tripping and wanting to please which we are all programmed to do it did take some will power to learn to say no and put us first but now I have the bit between my teeth and it has become my other mantra!!! We are having fun with our new family member he is so funny,affectionate and becoming a wonderful reason to go walking for us both!! 🙂 I must admit I had forgotten how much work was involved but it is worth it!!
Jane, Jane where or art thou? No post for some time I do hope you are o.k if you have had enough of us and are moving on that's fine just let us know how you are, it's not the same without you!
To all our flutterbys I apologise if I left you out but I reckon your eyes will be swapping sockets by now at my posting so am sending all the usual cutlery and hugs flutter gently and be kind to yourselves Em xxxxx

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

It's now just over 3years for me Anne and I only now feel more in control again.I think that was a real problem as I wasn't able to control what was happening to me and it seemed as if it was doctors and nurses who were in control.Then just when things were getting better Phil got bladder cancer and it was back to where I had been.I sometimes think I am a bit selfish now as I feel the people who matter now are us two and we have coped with it all on our own and the support of my friends on BCC site.If you feel like crying don't hold back as tears help us to heal.I still sometimes lie in the bath and have a few tears.Things will get better just don't try to rush it .hope I have made some sense take care big hug. Janice xxxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thanks Janice.

have been a bit low today, and i think frustrated that i should be better. today was my group and i couldnt explain why. i did  think about the automatic writing but i think it might make me self analyze. i think i was so matter of fact with treatments appts, etc and dont think about fear, it returning. i dont know how to explain my true feelings, i knw you all get it. hence me writing again.  maybe that is the answer to just go with it, and start again tomorrow, did you all do the same?

I remember reading that yyou should talk to yourself as if you were talking to good friend, its like im too in control, and place these high expectations on myself, how do i let them go?

i have gone through the counselling and dont feel i could add anything else, i cant explain it very we

i dont think i have ever really acknowledged how huge it was and scary, even when i first tell someone i play it down as if it wasnt serious. as ive said before i dont feel i need to cry or want to, i have been angry and i feel sad that helen and oh find it hard how it has changed us all.

sorry for the ramble,

ill keep fluttering, and try to accept things as they are.

much love 

anne xx

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Anne it's really self help and things I picked up when I was having counselling. I realised when Phil was so ill last year that a lot of people ask how things are but aren't listening to your reply and I found out that people who I thought cared were just saying what they thought they should, so I don't rely on anyone but will be there if they should need me. Xxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thanks Janice, where did you find your self cbt??. YEs i am coming to same conclusion if these people were important, i would be making an effort too.

Today has been more boob massage, it works really well on the day. have found out that i should have been doing my routine, lying down. have done it on the sofa, since december! thats chemo brain, how would i remember the details, i assumed gravity would help but its not, its the lymph moving sideways. havent got my loveelyy new firm bras etc. but must consider that that is their advice and i would be silly not to do it.

work at the drs was okay today, i have the mini boss with me on friday, pays lip service to most things but will tolerate it and do my best to stay busy.

love to you all,

Anne xx

 

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Yes Anne I know where you are coming from I only hear from 3 people I worked with and then just the odd text?It is sad but I think once you leave a job for whatever reason you are soon forgotten about that's life.I must admit my bit of self CBT has helped as I don't tend to worry or dwell on things as much and decided that if people weren't bothering to contact me I would just move on even family I ring or text and if they don't respond then it's their loss and I must admit it's made life easier. Phil and I are doing well at the moment and enjoying our time together.Exercise is good and gives you a feel good factor I go for a lot of walks and also to our healthy start gym twice a week and meet like people and don't have to worry what I look or feel like.Take care and you'll get there flutter gently xxxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

thanks janice and doz. doz cant believe your bANK nurse, what a cheek. and i didnt know about family allowance, crazy british rules.

am realizing how much nicer it is to share with people who get me, and this moving on. i feel pretty disappointed with former colleagues from school. havent heard from them since christmas, i only had one or 2 that supported me through the treatment and now i seem to have been forgotten, its not easy to go back an visit because obviously lessons are going on, and in the staff rooom i felt i didnt fit in anymore. sad but i know all of you would agree that throughout life you add and lose friends for different reasons. i dont want to hang onto it negatively, but just a bit too thoughtful at the moment.

doz sounds good that you should be on nights for the move, even if i bet you wont know where things are!

just finished quick sunday lunch, we got in the habit of eating 5/6ish and then there seems to be nothing of the evening left, so today it was 3pm, 1 or 2 is too early for us, we went down for a few bits from lidl and got a cheap pud for a change. 

am trying to motivate myself to cut down on treats, i think i have put on about 3/4 stone, fat but comfortable- size16, and i think thats why i cant get motivated. any hints to get me started???? i have been reading about rebounders, mini trampolines. you can do a good cardio routine and get sweaty on them, it wouldnt take much space so may get one from ebay, might encourage Daughter to do a bit on it as well.

have anyone heard of morning pages, automative writing, - a way to help overthinking first thing you write whatever is in your head, no worry about spelling punctation etc, but its a help for depression, if you dont know what to write, you just keep writing rubbish. i jump from so many thoughts early mornings.

anyway, am going to sit quietly, enjoy a bit of a book.

flutter gently to all, and big thankyou for boosting me up, i need to check in a bit more often, like before

Anne xxx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Janice
Yes I did know they claim for their children I didn't mention it as it sooooo winds me up! Nothing to do with the people but Labour govt for giving them that incentive to come over here in the first place, it's just so wrong some of our own people struggle to get help when they claim willy nilly! Time we had a woman in charge 🙂
Apparently I didn't know this till my sister was poorly but if you want McMillan services you have to approach them... I tried for her but when I contacted them they apologised and said it has to be a referral from the patient, I told them I was given a McMillan nurse for breast cancer and he replied its part of breast cancer routine! my sister didn't want them sadly misconception on her part about their role..
I,m working nights the weekend of our move so goodness knows where I,ll be working?
Glad to hear Phil is doing so well 🙂 sending much love and big hugs to you both xxxxhugxxxx
JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Ann nice to read your posts again.What is a McMillan nurse we haven't had anything to do with them apart from breast care nurse at the first two apps I had and Phil hasn't had anyone apart from stoma nurses.Phil is doing really well and even mowed the lawn the other day(it's not very big ) so def like his old self.I think you sound as if you are coping a lot better and hopefully you get Lymphoedema sorted out I got so as from M&S so maybe try them they were very helpful and seem to be used to dealing with B.C people .
Doz poor you having to move wards but maybe easier with less beds.In 1992 we moved our whole hospital I was on nights so did my night at the old place and next night in the new it was really weird and hard at first.I hope it goes okay.How disgusting the nurse didn't care I sometimes wonder why they ever went into the job and did you know they claim family allowance for their kids who live in the Philippines and have never been here.
Stella hope you enjoyed today and sang your heart out.
Love and hugs to everyone and hopefully some sunshine to brighten our lives xxxxxxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Anne
As much as you seem to be struggling with things you do sound more positive sweetie 🙂 it's good not to give in to any of it and as the yrs go by it does get easier.. I think we just go into a deeper level of thinking (understandably) and we tend to analyse everything more which is,nt always good, my sister told me this after she went through it all, she said your life has,nt changed it's just the circumstances....
I have fibrosis in my lung from R/T but nothing is done for it as it's only a small area and as the McMillan nurse explained, there is 90% healthy tissue so not to worry... So I don't 🙂
Our move is getting closer 13th April eeeeeek! It's going to be chaos!! But hopefully organised?
We have Neuro patients on our ward anything from Brain Tumours, bleeds, head injuries, drug/drink related injuries anything really to do with the brain! The only good news coming from our move is we will only have 15 beds 🙂 at the moment we have 24 tho 8 are supposed to be blocked... Ha ha ha ha! As if! We have 5 outliers at the moment so it's bedlam! And damned hard work, just done 2 nights with a bank nurse as we don't have enough staff to cover 21 patients.. The little monkey would,nt answer buzzers pretended to be deaf when asked to help with 3hrly turns and did her own thing!! Aaaaargh! Thankfully tonight my last night till Monday we have our own staff who are brilliant, this bank nurse actually admitted (Phillipino) she was only doing the job till she could get the British State Pension then she was going home!!!! She admitted most if the nurses from there do this then come back to the UK to collect it! My mind boggled when she said The British Government are too generous!!! How disgracefull is that! Needless to say I didn't offer her my sweeties 🙂
Well best get my bottom into gear and have some tuck sorted for tonight..
Hope all is well with everyone and Anne Flutter gently you are doing well honey 😉 xxxxhugxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

big hugs to everyone, hello janice glad you are being selfish, hope phil is doing well, its been a while since his operation.

Doz what a bugger about your ward, but glad you are being matter of fact about it and have already thought of what you could do, what sort  of patients are normallly on this ward?

lovely to check in again and catch up on our news.

have started my lymph drainage sessions via the hospital, an hour on my boob in a lttle room, 6 floors up in hastings!! its so gentle but the nurse feels she has really moved the fluid but told me it will fill up again. it did feel a lot softer but very orange peely - used to love my bigger boobs, but now they get me down. she has recommended good moisturizing and firm support bra, well - had to try the granny doreen one from triumph, went to a g cup!!! omg, its so ugly, and pointy, and huge. i know i have to take the advice but it is horrible, have found some others slightly better on ebay and now i know the size i can take a chance.

my mood has been up and down, you know everyone sees the sunshine and you should feel better, i found it a bit tough, cos it means i cant hide away.have been along the beach for long walks, and trying so hard to find the simplest thing to be grateful for and appreciate. on the youngers ladies fb group, several have good local recurrences but we are all there to support and be there.in my local group in the woods, we have a couple of new people, with oesucugal cancer, obviously in a lot of pain, hard to eat, etc or even want to eat. as we are out in nature the idea is for it to inspire and see how it makes us feel. i try to look at the colours and just be quiet.

job is okay, it gets stressy like most jobs do, the charity group who fund the support group are opening new charity shops and do have the odd paid position, ideal for me as retail manager was my main job, but just for now it could be a bit of a gamble, and perhaps not so stable, while we need to fund mortgage etc, i probably need to stay at drs. it would be nice to think i could volunteer or be involved at some point to say thankyou.

have done a little bit of relaxation via headphones, i just forget that it will help.

any one any other ideas on bras? it has to be firm support, esp to seperate the boobs, as the lymph channel runs down the middle, and wear something at night, i did have soft sports bras but i dont think they have enough support, 

big hug to you all

Anne xx

doz back in 2011, you had fibrosis, what did they do to help it?

i was just reading your early posts

xxxxxx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Just a quickie as I,m at work on my break.. Good luck with your trip to Wembley 🙂 and sing your heart out Butterfly 🙂
I've been told tonight we start the move in 3 weeks all staff are asked to go in for the weekend (I,m working nights so I,m not sure if we'll be working with patients or moving them) it's definately happening I,m going to give it a couple of weeks and if I,m not happy I,m considering dropping my hours and working for the Nursing Bank 2 nights a week.. At the moment that thought is very appealing!
Daniel goes back for his last.... Yes LAST stint in Afghanistan on Wednesday I hav,nt seen much of him due to work.. So I,ll be glad when he,s home for good in July 🙂
Had my app, for my shoulder I,m now waiting for a scan, I had a few X-ray,s which showed nothing untoward so they are going to inject die into my shoulder and scan it to see what's going on... Getting somewhere at last!
Love and hugs to everyone flutter gently xxxhugxxxx
katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning

Jane, the match will be on TV, we're part of the pre match entertainment at 1.30pm singing 2 songs True Colours and Just the Way You Are and then again at half time singing Dance With Me Tonight, there is going to be 2000 of us so hard to spot anybody even if we're televised! But Im really looking forward to it.

 

Glad to hear your brother's doing ok - he deserves it.

Doz, bad news about work, won't be very nice for you. Maybe there plans will change over 4 weeks.

 

Lovely day here again (we've dared to say we've missed the snow!!)

 

Stella xxx

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Stella; how amazing that you're singing at Wembley next Saturday.  What will you be singing and will you be on t.v.?

 

Doz; sudden news about closing ward and moving. This seems to be how the NHS is going at the moment.  I feel for you that you'll have to work on the ward where you were treated.  It's bad enough when I'm on call and have to go and do an assessment at the hospital where i got my diagnosis; every time I go there it brings back those bad old memories so i can't begin to know how it wold feel like actually working in the same place.

 

My brother with the alcoholic/suicidal soon to be ex wife is doing well at the moment.  He's happy in his flat with the kids and he's put the house on the market so really hoping he has a quick sale so that he can move on.  Once he's sold the house he will then be filing for a divorce.

 

It's been a beautiful day today; \i've been out gardening all day and am well pleased with what i've done...weeding, shredding and mulching!!  My face is glowing and it won't be long until I hit the pillow.

 

Anyway flutterbies, flutter gently

 

Jane xx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi
Just had a call from work..... They are pulling our ward down to make more car parking spaces?? It was only built 10 yrs ago 😞 but the news I can't get my head around is were being moved to the new Oncology unit where I had my treatment and my sister was in there................ I,m really not sure about this 😞 too many horrid memories! We are going lock stock barrel patients and beds in 3/4 weeks all hands on deck...
Aaaaaaaaaaargh I,m too old for change :((((((( xxxhugxxxx
katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning all

Janice - I'm with you as well, I think it is time to be a bit selfish and think of yourselves more, nothing wrong with that because you would still always be there for them if something really wrong. Thats the second time somebody has said to me keep smelling the roses, the first one was a psychic and my mum loved roses and I'd not long bought her favourite rose, Peace, and planted in the garden.

Doz, hope you get that shoulder sorted finally -things go on and on don't they. Vicky must feel the same.

I'm still applying for jobs, had a few interviews but nothing as yet, got 2 more coming up - things have certainly changed since I last looked for a job, but Im sure something will turn up.

We're going to be singing (Rock Choir)at Wembley on 22/3 at Saracens v Harlequins match looking forward to that.

Jane - enoy your trip to the Lakes, sounds lovely.

Anne - I do think part time jobs are a good thing, my eldest had 2 paper rounds and a job in a pub in the evening but the other two were never keen.

The fog's cleared here so hoping the sun starts shing soon, it does make you feel better!Smiley Very Happy

Have a good day everybody.

Stella xxx

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Thanks for that Jane and Doz so it wasn't just me who felt the lack of support but I don't feel guilty I have still got my Phil and that's the main thing iand we are just pottering along quite happily and living for the day.I have a few friends and acquaintances who are facing cancer for the second time (not just bc) so do as I am and enjoy life and remember to take time to smell the roses I may not be posting as much as feel its time to move on but will keep in touch love and hugs Janice xxxxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Butterflies
Finally I can get on?? Every time I went to the site after getting a notification, I clicked on the forum and it took me to 2011/2012 posts and would,nt let me go further?? Soooo frustrating!!
Caught up with the posts 🙂 I don't know what advice I can give about our young ones working as I,ve never had to cope with them not... Until Vikki became poorly and sadly it's not an option at the moment but I do think for their own self esteem they should get out there and brave this big wide world 🙂
Vikki had her app, with Neuro consultants and they are sending her for an MRI to see if it's lasting damage causing the pain... Then where we go from there is up to the results but he did say it can take years to recover fully 😞 he Did show concern about her circulation tho, her feet go white when they are cold.. They look dreadful as it's in patches so now she is being sent to see vascular team.... It's never ending!
Afghan came home last week 🙂 for 2 weeks, I hav,nt seen a great deal of him apart from helping to choose some curtains and do a bit of gardening but sadly he was hungover tut tut so hav,nt spent much quality time with him! Hopefully going for a meal tonight as I,m working over the weekend!
I have my shoulder appointment on Friday hope I get to the bottom of it this time!
Janice I wholeheartedly agree with you about looking after No 1 if I really look back I got no support either, apart from Vikki who would always come with me for treatment but the rest of my family/sisters where nowhere to be found! It does set a seed for the future and you have every right to stand back from problems, it's very sad really as I,m sure like me you always jump in to help, it's not at all selfish to feel like you do so don't ever feel guilty sweetie, it's that old saying look after yourself as no.one else will xx
Well the weather has been brilliant I,ve had the week off between shifts and as much as I,ve spent most of it on my own I,ve really enjoyed the sun and being out in the garden pottering 🙂
I think I,m becoming a bit of a hermit, I just can't be bothered with anything or anyone... Think it's still the after effects of the virus I had it floored me! Just waiting for garage to pick my car up... Landlord of a local pub backed into me last week an crunched the paintwork on my bumper so he agreed to pay cash for repairs bless him, rather than go thro insurance which would have bee far more expensive! So I,m land locked for a couple of days but thank goodness the weather is so good 🙂 I can carry on pottering ha ha... And sleeping in! bliss!!
Hope everyone is well and you all enjoy planned trips 🙂 love as always xxxhugxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Janice

 

Good on you; it's so important to look after yourselves as you've both been through so much.  I often wonder about the support I had from my family and its only now all the trauma is over that I've had space in my head to think and reflect on this.  My sister was brilliant and was always there on Skype when I needed her (she lives in Australia); my lovely auntie was also a rock; I have to say it was my brothers who didn't really know what to say to me.  Don't get me wrong, they're lovely and would talk about anything other than what mattered to me at the time; looking back on this I think they just didn't know how to talk to me as I was in so much distress

 

I was going to see my daughter Em in glasgow at the end of March but when I rang her to arrange it she sounded like she needed to get away; she's snowed under with work from her course and she finishes her current assignment on 27th.  So, plan B; my youngest brother has just moved to the Lakes so I asked if we could come and stay with him for a weekend and he's more than happy.  When I told Em she was so excited; she's not a city girl and loves the countryside so back to the Lakes I go!

 

Anyway, time to get ready for work.  Take care.

 

Jane xx

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Sounds like a lovely weekend Jane.Weather has been really nice here as well so makes us feel so much better.We went to D.Ds at beginning of March and it was so nice to get out and about as it usually rains when we go to Scotland. Life here going not too badly some family traumas but we are trying to just concentrate on ourselves however selfish it may seem.We have had a rough few years and feel we didn't get the support from family that we could have so I have decided that we have to come first and let them get on with it. Seems like I am uncaring but I am saying how it is and actually feel better that we are just living our lives as best we can and not getting stressed and worried we have had our fair share of it so now looking forward to maybe a good few years together. Hope you are all enjoying this fine weather and long may it continue.take care and flutter gently live and hugs Janice xxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi all

 

My hand was forced a few years ago when I was made redundant and had no spare cash to give.  My daughter literally got on her bike and cycled around the area asking for jobs.  She came back a few hours later having secured herself a part time job collecting eggs at the chicken farm down the road!!  It is good for their confidence to get out there and meet different people and get paid for their time.

 

Changing the subject, work is cutting back more and more.  One of the locum consultants is leaving at the end of the month and my manager told me today that the commissioners have no plans to replace him!!  It feels really scary working there at the moment as there just aren't enough staff on the ground to do the work.  Help!!!

 

My OH and I had a lovely break in the Lakes last week; we were lucky with the weather, lots of sunny blue skies so plenty of walking followed by pub meals and a glass or two of the old red wine;perfect.

 

Flutter gently all

 

Jane x 

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

hello all flutterbyes

have so much to catch up on, but wanna ask you ladies with older children, am getting frustrated and naggy mum cos my daughter not showing any interest in getting part time job, i know it was different and easier when i was teenager but she doesnt want any money, i know i have to wait until she expresses an interest, I hope she will just go visit our local shops because it is a good thing to add to cv, for after college.it isnt because i wont give her any money but it is because its good for her confidence etc. i think it is probablyjust me trying too hard to enforce what i feel she should be doing, and that might be what you tell me. Dare i say she is pretty laid back but i dont get backed up by oh cos he doesnt care if she sits around.

am doing okay apart from this, had to go to funeral in coventry this week, was in panic about doing drive etc on my own because i havent been there since i was 15. lots of motorway drving but good for my confidence.

ladies sorry i will read your posts now xxx

 

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning Flutterby,s
I was so sorry to hear about your sister in law Jane, I don't think anyone will ever be able to help her 😞 she sounds as if she,s on the road to destruction... It's just such a terrible shame that there are,nt the resources for someone to get inside her head to try to find out what the trigger is? But I hope someone tries as it's terrible to watch that self destruct button being pressed 😞 xx
Lovely to hear Phil is coming on so well and life for you both is starting to turn around.. I hope you are looking after yourself Butterfly.. I know how easy it is to focus on the poorly one and forget to take care of yourself!! Hope you have a lovely time with family and the weather stays kind, fingers crossed. xx
Ooooh those interviews make my stomach do somersaults!! It's bad enough answering question let alone putting scenario,s out there, good luck with them honey hope the best one comes through for you xx
Em 🙂 baby sounds lovely I was smiling from ear to ear reading your post and remembering my own puppy days 🙂 he will become the main character in your home for yrs to come I,m sure, bringing lots of smiles and joy.. And you rabbit on as long as you want 🙂 hope the weather has started to clear for you? My heart goes out to anyone who is badly affected 😞 I,m sure it's s/e from medication but I fill up something wicked when I see the devastation on tv, mind you I fill up when it's something nice too!! I,m just odd that way ha ha!
We had a beautiful day here yesterday... God knows where it came from?? But very welcome 🙂 went with Ben to the beach wrapped up like an Eskimo then when we got there it was so calm and dare I say some actual warmth in the sun.. Ben thoroughly enjoyed his walk and swim as he would,nt even entertain walkies the past few weeks in the wind and rain! He flopped when we got back and didn't stir till this morning 🙂
Back to work in morning not looking forward to getting up at half 5 I hav,nt done an early since Boxing Day it's going to feel wierd! I am going to see how the land lies staff wise and hopefully take the big step to ask for a reduction in hours???? If I can pluck the courage up 🙂 I can I can I can.....................!
Flutter gently girlies hope everyone is safe and drying out... Roll on Summer 🙂 big hugs all round xxxhugxxx
katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Morning all - Jane I did a reply to you original post, pressed post And it disappeared! Quite a long one as well! The first interview was waiting list co-ordinator at local hospital. Think it w t ok but both interviews were putting you in scenarios 'what wod you do' do t like those. It did sound a bit stressful as your the one telling somebody their op is canx after they've been sitting there 5hrs. The other one was at a solicitors which is more what I'm used to (at accountants presently) but that is only 2 days a week not sure will be enough financially. Should hear midweek so we'll see.
Nice to hav your hols to look forward to Jane.
It was a lovely day yesterday nice to see the sun. Our neighbours fence came down in the wind but they just don't bother with it so Dave has tried to prop it all up as we have badgers come thru who dig up all the lawn!
Hope you get your shoulder sorted Doz. I also think a lot of niggles are down to treatment. Went for walk yesterday but knew to it before I even got back home - soles of feet aching calves aching so did some stretching not bad now. Off work today as going to a funeral. One of my aunties, she was a lovely lady.
Take care of you everybody
Stella xxxxx

emmy
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi flutterbys, what an awful few weeks ( weather wise) we have had! I had to cancel my reflexology twice as I couldn't get to my apps!! Grrrr! Thankfully though the flooding has affected the roads we are o.k and locally it didn't quite get to 2007 levels which I am so grateful for as our poor little town has taken such a long time to recover and the heartbreak was unbearable to see.
Jane what a terrible thing that your ex sister in law is still causing your brother problems it's awful what drink does to a person and all the help in the world won't work unless the person changes which from the sound of it your sister in law may not be ready for, I know as my father was an alcoholic and it was chaotic growing up with someone who was lovely sober but someone else when he had been drinking 😞 seriously sad. I hope it all picks up for your brother and his children soon. Doz my poor Flutterby you get some much needed time off and become ill! I think you have run yourself ragged so when you stop it all catches up with you,some real me time for you soon I hope 🙂 hugs hunny. Janice good to hear Phil is almost back to himself it's such a strange journey and each person has to deal with it their own way which can be difficult for those around but there is no script for this is there? Interviews are nervy times so to go to two in,one day!!! I am not worthy you are so incredibly amazing!! I do hope you get the one you want so fingers crossed and definitely the hand to hold!
Where is Jane no 1? I do hope she is o.k? I have looked several times and no post Jane wherefore art thou?
We are in the throes of puppy training and little man is being such a diamond 🙂 he is after all a baby but is doing so well, the only fly in the ointment is that he had been chipped etc also had his first jab before we picked him up but when we went to our local vet we were told that as he had been given a different brand he had to go through another two vaccines?? So poor thing cried when he had it and it made me feel so awful so dreading the last one but won't let him go without cos I couldn't bear it if he became ill from something avoidable. We will have the joy of walking him then as much as the training which has been a joyful time for us both as it's so much fun!!
Well my lovely flutterbys I will shut up as I could go on for ages 🙂 so sending spoons,live and of course a hug to all sorry not leaving anyone out if I haven't mentioned you just running out of time as got family coming round 🙂 take care and stay dry!!!! Em xxxxx

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Oh dear Jane your poor brother having to protect his family from all of the mess that is going on with your sister in law Thinking of you all and sending a big hug.
Stella keep us informed about your interviews and how you got on keeping fingers crossed.
Doz good for you resting when you can.Agree with what you say about down South but even some if them had to wait for help until the Thames flooded the it's all hands on deck.My shoulder is much better after cortisone injection but I agree that a lot of it is because we are getting older and forget we can't do as much as we used to.Poor Dan having all the problems with the weather but time flies and he'll soon be back home.
Phil is doing fine and looks like his normal self again I am sure people thought his time was up he looked so terrible.Fingers crossed weather is okay in 2 weeks time as we are going to Scotland to see family.
Hope snow doesn't come bad enough all the rain.
Take care everyone and keep warm and dry we are fortunate where we are but feel so sorry for those flooded out love hugs and spoons Janice xxxxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Raindrops keep falling on my head......when is it going to stop!!!  

 

Stella - how did you get on with your interviews yesterday?  I was thinking about you.

 

Well my suicidal, alcoholic sister in law is out of detox and went straight back on the bottle big time; unbelievable.  On Thursday she drank loads, then tried to climb over a 10 foot high fence to get to the railway line but fell and broke her ankle in 2 places.  She called my brother to tell him so he got the paramedics to her.  She also told people she'd ingested rat poison!  She needs to have an operation to put a pin and plate in but the doctors wouldn't operate a) until she was sober and b) until they'd checked her bloods to see if she had taken rat poison as it thins the blood. Here we go again...

 

Anyway, hope you are all keeping warm and safe in this weather

 

Jane xx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Butterfly's
Hope everyone is safe dry and well after the awful battering the wind and rain has thrown at us... And they are promising more!! Sorry!! Not the news we all want to hear is it 😞
Good luck on Friday Stella I hope something nice comes out of it for you tho 2 interviews in one day... My you are brave I don't think I could face one!! But well done you for getting out there 🙂
It seems the freak weather is world wide.. Afghan Dan had to fly to Kandahar for the day to receive some certificate or other and as they were landing the heavens opened up and it didn't stop for 4 days so they were stuck there as the rain came down off the mountains and flooded most of the base.. Then as if that was,nt enough it started snowing so once more flight back to Bastion was cancelled, he was stuck there 7 days going out of his mind as they can't interact! Bless him!
The wind here was horrendous last night lots of damage tho like other parts of the country unless your southern (North &south divide) it rarely gets air time 😞 and in our area there is still lots of damage from the tidal surge in Dec... Woke up to find my fencing down 😞 next door neighbour has kindly offered to sort it out as ownership is unknown, how kind 🙂
Just about over this bug but coughing has really hurt my R/T ribs I thought at one point I,d fractured or broken one but it does seem to be settling a bit, tho I,m having to be careful what I do!! I finally got my app, through to see a consultant re my shoulder problems but not till March 14th thankfully not being at work has given it some rest, and I,m not due back till next Tuesday so I will be wrapping myself in cotton wool for a few days... What a moaning Minnie I am.. I just feel all the little niggles since BC are mounting up on me! It's easy to blame all the treatment, I forget I,m getting old eeeeeeeek!!! It's no fun is it!
Hoping everyone is well and of course Phil.. Love to everyone flutter gently and stay safe xxxhugxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Good luck on Friday Stella with your interviews...2 in a day...ouch!  What jobs are you going for?

 

Travelling home last night was hairy to see the least...lots of fallen trees and debris blowing around as well on the road; had to drive slowly because you couldn't see that far ahead on the road.  Was relieved to get home.  Our poor little kitty cat looked a bit frightened with it all; he was glad to see us arrive home; he soon cutched up on my knee for a cuddle! Last day today then 3 days off yaroo!

 

We went to a talk by Iolo Williams the welsh wildlife man last Thursday; he lives in the next village from us and gave a talk on guess what?  welsh wildlife!  He was very funny but also very knowledgeable..it was a really enjoyable evening.  He's doing a new tv programme starting this Sunday so will be watching that.  Ever since my diagnosis and operation I've become interested in birdwatching and must confess that I am now a bit of a twitcher;  This year we've booked to go to Harris in JUne so that from there we can do the trip to St Kilda's and see the sea birds; after Harris we go down to Mull but before that even we're going to Orkney in May for the wildlife...I can't wait.  

 

Keep warm and safe ladies in this awful weather

 

 

Jane xx

 

 

 

 

katieb
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Jane

Glad to hear your checkup went well. If 'm stressed it seems to affect my eyes ( I dont know why I've gone italic!) I was getting a bit worked up about the job situation a couple of weeks ago and heyho got an eye infection/allergy - Dr wasn't sure!

 

I've got 2 interviews on friday so hoping one of them goes my way! The one I'd really like is with NHS at two of the hospitals in Leicester, 25 hours a week.

 

Got my check up in a month's time, but feel well so should be ok - don't have a mammogram til November, mine's every 18 months.

 

How are you now Doz, better I hope, and glad things are going well for you Anne.

 

The weather is awful here at the moment, dread to think what its like at the coast and elsewhere. I'm working pm today and not a lot to do and have TV in reception so just looking at all the floods. There's now a red weather warning for West Wales & North West England, the first one apparently.

 

On that cheerful note (sorry) take care everyone, keep warm and dry.

 

Stella xx

Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

It was a relief; interestingly I developed eczema after my diagnosis and it has started to clear up a bit after this latest appointment...stress related I think.

 

It's very quiet on this thread at the moment, I hope everyone is fit and well.  

 

Jane xx

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

That's great news Jane such a relief.
Doz hope you feel better soon Love and hugs Janice xxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Jane
That's brilliant news 🙂 it's such a relief to get the nod for the next year.. Well done you xx
Full of cold and coughing for England 😞 just typical... A week off and feeling rotten! Tho I,ve been lucky to have got this far as everyone I know has had it over the past couple of months and I did avoid it, but it's caught up with me.. Oh woe is me!
Hope everyone is well and avoiding the floods? We,ve had some really nice weather these past few days, it's been lovely to see the sun and blue skies 🙂 love to all xxxhugxxx
Elsa
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi ladies

 

Just a quick post to say that all was well at my check up last Friday; don't have to be seen for another year, hurrah!  OH and I went to the pub after the appointment for steak and chips and glass of red for me and a pint for him; it was bliss.

 

Hope everyone is well

 

Jane xx

JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

What a coincidence Doz.There are a few things we all share Em like me has a son Alan & my daughter is Carole like your sister.Had shoulder injected and it did hurt quite a bit and is still very tender so taking it easy.Got my eldest grandson Josh coming for a few hours so looking forward to that.We don't see much of our grand kids as they live away but Josh is with his mum and it's about 25 miles so we do get to see him.Phil isn't doing too badly but has been a bit down this week so I have been the one who gets it all.So I haven't gone out for a walk with him and having an hours me time.No doubt he will feel better after his walk.Weather is dry and chilly so a bit of sunshine after all the rain we had last night and terribly windy was quite frightening at times but we are still lucky to live where we do.
Hope everyone is doing okay and thanks for letting me have a bit of a groan love and hugs Janice xxxxx
Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Hi Janice
Vikki,s birthday is 26th also 🙂 I didn't realize it was Australia Day!
I had been thinking on the same lines re nodes.. And the shoulder pain, tho it did start straight after my op but has progressively got worse so it could be work that's causing it? I know the trigger thumbs I,ve had have been linked to lack of oestrogen we,ll see what the Dr comes up with!
I hope the injection is,nt too painful for you I remember the sensation in my thumbs eeeeek tho where they did it there is very little tissue between the skin and joint so fingers crossed for you sweetie xx
I,ve only just been catching up with the real world and had,nt seen much of the flooding, I didn't realize it was so bad poor poor people 😞 my heart goes out to them and the weather this weekend looks terrible so I hope everyone is safe and it does,nt affect anyone too badly 😞
Love and hugs flutter gently xxxxhugxxxx
JaniceRob
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Ha ha I def got that wrong cbb ha ha.glad things are looking up with family Doz and hope it continues.My eldest so was 43 on 26 Jan so big celebrations for it as it's also Australia Day.I am having cortisone injection in my shoulder tomorrow so will get a bit of relief for a while I hope.I read an article about Heberdens nodes ( the lumps you get on your fingers) and apparently they are caused by lack of oestrogen AND they can also appear on the spine mainly the neck so maybe that could be a reason for sore shoulders etc.Also all the years of nursing won't have helped either.So try to be a bit kinder to yourself and get some rest.
It's cold and damp here and windy but at least we are not suffering like the poor souls who have been flooded for weeks.So just about to get wrapped up and out for a walk got to try and get this weight off feel so uncomfortabl. Take care all love and hugs Janice xxxxx
amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

JAne and Janice 

cbb is celebrity big brother, there i have dared to tell you, its utter madness but my daughter got me sucked in to it

xx

amd66
Member

Re: Where did I go????

but look how fast and well and how much you can write on the ipad!!! woohoo. i dont even correct my spelling ad im (see) on a laptop with proper keys!!! too much effort to write i with I, but then i never wanted to be a secretary.

Thanks Doz,

enjoy your light, its nearly candlemas so definitely time to see the light, even a candle will do.

Anne xx

Doz1949
Member

Re: Where did I go????

Aaaargh tried to edit but it won't let me 😞 I don't know why it spells & as & just ignore it 😉 stupid ipad!! xxx