Where did I go????

[GIJaneH]

Hi there. Just popped back in to see how everyone is. I can't comment on Minoxidil, but I can tell you that nanogen ,works brilliantly. Adds nano fibres to the hair and it really makes a difference. You can get it in different shades. It's weird, but my hair is JUST beginning to thicken up a bit on top - three years after chemo finished!

It was great to see you Janice, hope you and phil are ok. And Doz - you have Dan home! Yay!

Hope everyone else is doing ok

Just made chocolate and beet root cake, plum and almond cake and lettuce and cucumber soup! Harvest time....

Love jane1

[katieb]

Thanks Jane will try some of those tips.

Have a good day all.
Stella xxx

[Elsa]

Morning flutterbies

Just read your post Stella about Minoxidil.  I have very fine hair (nothing to do with treatments, that's just the way it is).  I've tried lots of different thickening shampoos and conditioners and most of them don't do anything.  Howver, for me I've found that L'Oreal Fibrology shampoo seems the best then I follow with Jason's Lavender Conditioner which is very thick so I tend to water it down as I go along just so it comes out of the bottle!  I think with Minoxidil that it works whilst you use it but if you stop using it then your hair will revert to how it was before.  I always remember Jane 1 saying she had problems with her hair and that she was advised to eat 3 breakfasts but in stages e.g.half hour intervals and it should include some protein and she also mentioned that dried apricots were good too. Also, make sure you eat enough iron rich foods.  Also, 2 years ago when I'd convinced myself I needed chemo I decided to have my hair cut short to prepare me (luckily chemo wasn't needed) but I liked my short hair and have kept it that way ever since because it makes it look thicker.

Doz-a good old sing song does wonders! We occasionally go and watch Man Utd play and we stand in the Stretford End belting it out with the rest of them.....wonderful.

Anyway, work beckons

Fluttter gently

Jane x

[katieb]

Afternoon ladies As you all say I've just been checking in now and again. It's hot to be a good sign?
Janice hope phil is doing ok. Must be nice for you having dan home doz and your holiday sounds lovely Jane 2. I've just got back from visiting son no2 in Manchester where it was throwing it down today and the same when we got back to Leicester!

Just wondering if any have you tried minoxidil to help hair growth? I know in the greater scheme if things it's not a big prob but as going Drs Tuesday going to ask about it - spent a lot of money on thickening treatments that don't work. Any tips?

Still finding my new demanding but probably good for the grey matter!

Doz you should see if there's a rock choir in your area you'd love it.

Stella xxx

[Doz1949]

Hi Butterfly's
I think your right Janice as time goes by I know I,m trying to move on a bit and I get sick of hearing myself moaning 🙂 but the summer is a good time to try to take stock of things..
Hope you have a lovely week Jane and your time away is beneficial to you both Janice xxx
I,ve just had a few days off but back tonight 😞 so thankful that it's freshened up a bit tho, but on saying that I hope everyone stays safe with the awful forecast over the next few days... Batten the hatches down flutterbys and keep those wings safe!
Daniel is enjoying his training in Newcastle.. So much so he,s staying there every weekend and loving it 🙂
I went to my first live footie match last week and watched Hull Tigers get through to the next Europa league leg.. Absolutely loved it, especially getting in the same stand as the supporters choir... I belted it out with them much to Vikki,s dismay 😉
Definately going again 🙂
Sending lots of love and hugs to you all and hope you are all...doing well 🙂 xxxxxhugxxxxx

[JaniceRob]

I think you are right sunshine seems to be the reason I sit in the shade but do like sunny days.We are in Dunfermline for a few dats at our daughters but not going in to Edinburgh as I worry Phil may get a bump to his back as it's always so crowded so maybe next year.your holiday sounds lovely so enjoy.I hope it's quiet here because people are moving forward so not posting as often but I still pop on now and then to see if anyone needs a moan or just to update how they are doings take care love Janice xxx

[Elsa]

Hi all

It's very quiet on here so hoping that means everyone is enjoying the sunshine or is on holiday.  Really glad it is a bit cooler I just don't seem able to do heat anymore.  When I was younger I loved it but not these days; give me a cool sunny day anyday and I'm happy.

It's our 30th wedding anniversary in September so we're going back up to Scotland; it will be my 4th trip there this year....1st night of holiday will be spent in a castle; 2nd night we're going to the most northerly michelin starred restaurant in Scotland called the Albannach and then after that we will be staying in a cottage near the sea for a week.  Can't wait to go.

Our daughter finishes her Masters course today hurrah so next week we're going to have some much needed relaxation and a few laughs at the Edinburgh Fringe.  Hotels are sooo expensive there so we're booked into the halls of residence at the uni for £39 each for B&B; which I thought was really good value.

There are a lot of free shows but we're also going to a couple of paid shows...Eric and Little Ern and Frankenstein Unbolted!!

Hope everyone's ok

Jane xx

[Doz1949]

Ola Signorita's
My last day on hols 🙂 I,ve had such an amazing rest I,ve been almost horizontal 🙂
Jane I,ve been picking posts up but hav,nt had the opportunity to write, but it's 7am and I,m the only one up savouring the fresh morning before it starts to swelter again.. Far too hot but I,m certainly not complaining :)!
I can only go with what Janice and Em have said... Yes it is normal to have it rear it's ugly head in flashbacks and I think when we are feeling vulnerable it happens more, or even out of the blue the little begger is there! So it's got to be just part of the cycle and perhaps just a tad of mourning for ourselves... And why not! The diagnosis alone is enough to to upset any life let alone what follows 😞 I,m also 3 and a half yrs on but I don't think time comes into the equasion.... My sister is 7 yrs on and still lives with it, tho in a more accepting way, I take my tablet every morning and the only word that comes to mind is Cancer so of corse it's normal sweetie xx just down right inconvenient 😞 I had a couple of meetings with a councillor and I felt tons better getting it off my chest and having someone in the know (as he,d been there himself) to confirm I was,nt taking a trip down looney way 🙂 it does help and I didn't tell anyone at the time as I felt it was a sign of weakness... But it is,nt and I,ll quite easily admit to it now 🙂
My friend here had her check up on Friday all,s going well and here they have to make their own app, with an oncologist.. She won't go till I,ve gone home and strangely does,nt want to discuss it at all?? It's felt a bit strange as I,d have been more than happy to have gone over things with her...and feels a bit sad that I,ll be home when she finds out if she has to have any treatment so won't be able to support her, but we are all different I guess in the way we handle things so in my eyes now anything is normal for each individual!
Can't say I,m looking forward to the good old English weather but it,ll be nice to not feel as if I,m melting.... I,ve had so many hot flushes on top of mid 30's temperatures and nights where it does,nt get below 20 😞 I,ve not slept well but I,ve really enjoyed just totally chilling by the pool most days and very little else 🙂
Hope everyone is well (and Phil) and finding ways to get rid of the gremlins... Little blighters want shooting!
Flutter gently Butterflies and take good care of those wings xxxxxxhugxxxxxx

[Elsa]

Thank you Janice and Emmy for your kind words.  I mostly feel ok; I get on with work and enjoy my time off and holidays it's just that every so often that little gremlin comes to the surface and knocks me for 6.  I know it will never go away and that I have to learn to live with it. Maybe I just need to go with the flow and accept that there will be times when I feel this way but know that it won't last and like you say Emmy hold onto the thought that tomorrow will be a better day.

Jane xx

[emmy]

I just read your post Jane and know we all feel the same. I watched Kylie being interviewed about her cancer she is further down the road and she was very tearful so no matter who you are or how much money you have it hits us all hard, I find the ads will make me uncomfortable along with people who treat us like we had a bad dose of flu!! I think to be fair they move on trying to pretend it didn't happen not in a bad way but in fear of causing upset to us. Like Janice I feel better with each day but that gremlin will stay in my head somewhere at the very back and then something someone says will bring it to the fore!! As Doz says we have our gremlin but it isn't such a big one any more as time goes on it becomes more part of my past now and I don't pass up any chance for any opportunity to enjoy the days as they come.If I have a bad day/moment I tell myself tomorrow will be better 🙂 so far it works. If you feel the need for counselling then do go as Janice said it helped her, I found the flutterbys were my saviours where I could ask questions or have a general moan to so if it helps you go right ahead! More hugs from me along with spoons and much love Em xxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Ah bless you Jane but it's normal I feel that now That I am 3 and half years down the line that I am at last becoming me again.Maybe being off the Letrozole is helping but I am feeling much better.I had some counselling and it did help I needed it after Phil was diagnosed and it was a way to rid myself of some of the horrible thoughts I had and I did feel as if it was the crutch I needed at the time.I think maybe people don't mention it as they are maybe hoping they are helping by not reminding you of it all.It will always be there but you will eventually start to accept it and move on IN YOUR OWN TIME. So try to take each day at a time and we are here for you Flutterbys are amazing people. Take care and
Don't worry you are quite normal and only those who have been there understand big hug Janice xxxxx

[Elsa]

Hi flutterbies, me again....

I feel a bit silly asking this as I'm now over 2 years down the line from diagnosis and surgery but...I still get what I suppose are flashbacks to things that happened during this time like today for instance I was driving to work when out of the blue it was like I was back in outpatients being told all over again that I needed a mastectomy.  I nearly cried in the car but managed to hold it together as I was only a few mintues away from work.  Does this happen to any of you?  I'm not sure what to do about it or is it a natural process that I just have to go through?  I'm don't really fancy having counselling but wonder should I?  Help!!!  My family and friends never mention it anymore and its like as though they expect me to be over it all and actually I don't think I am.

Jane x

[Elsa]

Just returned from hols; went to the isles of Harris and Mull.  We had a great holiday and the weather was good; we even managed a swim in the sea on Harris at the gorgeous Luskentyre beach!  On Mull we went on the boat trip again to see the Sea Eagles but this time had a real bonus of seeing bottle nosed dolphins swimming and jumping around our boat; wonderful.  

Been catching up on the posts and was horrified to read about your friend Doz and what happened to her on Turkey; poor thing; I hope she makes a good recovery.  Also it was good news to hear that your other friend's breast cancer hasn't spread.  

Anne-also really good news that it was scar tissue; you must be very relieved.  After all that worry I expect you now feel exhausted as well!

Emmy- your Dougie sounds so cute; animals quickly become a part of the family.  I had to put our cat Iolo into the cattery and I missed him dreadfully.  On Sunday morning I was at the cattery before opening time as I coudn't wait to see him.  He looked really well and the owner didn't want to give him back as she had taken a shine to him!

Going back to work yesterday was tough; I feel shattered already!  Anyway, speaking of work got to go and get ready.  Take care flutterbies

Jane xx

[Doz1949]

Just had a message from Carol it has,nt spread 🙂 had lumpectomy and can go home tomorrow 🙂 very relieved! Xxx

[Doz1949]

Hi Butterflies
Work finished now for 3 weeks and hopefully when I get back I,ll have made a sound decision re my hours.. I did send an email to our Sister but as yet no proper reply?
I go to Mallorca on Monday morning 🙂 though it's a bit of a sad event I,ll be arriving to 😞 my friend Carol has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having her op today.... They don't mess about in Spain do they... She was only diagnosed on Monday!! Still waiting to hear from her, I was,nt sure if I should still go but she has said definately, I was a bit anxious to start off with thinking I,d not cope with it but I will and I guess she feels better knowing I,d been there. Her sons girlfriend who is Estonian has her mum and dad coming to stay and they don't speak a word of English so that,ll be fun 🙂
And as if that was,nt enough bad news my long standing friend of 32 yrs was on holiday with her family and the first night they were in Turkey they went for a meal.. She ordered flambé fish and the stupid stupid waiter spilt some ignitor down her and then the idiot lit the dish... She went up in flames 😞 and has been airlifted to Sheffield burns unit.. The poor girl is burnt from head to toe and is in a terrible state 😞 she is so pretty with beautiful hair and it's mostly been burnt off and her face is unrecognisable 😞 I was so shocked when I saw her I just cried! The hospital is hopeful that she won't have to have skin grafts but it will be a long time before they know how bad the scarring will be 😞 such terrible news!
I have spent the day de.ivying a fruit tree at Daniels, it's so good to have him home but I,m pooped it took nearly 6 hrs, next door neighbour said it had,nt been touched for nearly 20 yrs so you can imagine the amount of ivy! And bugs!! Eeeek! Finally we can see the tree trunk I thought it was about 2' in diameter but now it's been cleared it's only about 9" wide... So ready for a long soak in the bath 🙂
Just thought I,d pop on to wish you all sunshine and smiles and to say au revoir for 2 weeks 🙂
I hope you are all well and Phil too? Nice to hear your perking up a bit Anne I hope it continues 🙂 love and hugs to my precious flutterbys... Love you all xxxxxhugxxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Nice to hear from you again Anne.Phil is fine and out and about and managing tubes okay.His uristomy is permanent as had his bladder removed.Saw doc today and he is going to see him again in 6 weeks.Phil told him he is not willing to have reconstruction of ureter as he worries it could all happen again.He says he is happy to live with the Nephrostomy if kidney improves so will find out how things are in August and take it from there.
Doz hope Daniel got back okay and you are smiling for England.Not long till your holiday which will help recharge your batteries.
Hope everyone else is okay and Em hope Dougie is recovered from his op take care all love and hugs Janice xxxx

[amd66]

Good to hear from everyone, and Doz nearly retired, janice sorry that Phil has been through the mill again, but sounds like he knows what he wants and can be manged that way. let us know how hospital goes, does not having repair means he keeps stoma etc, my medical knowledge not very good!! he is able to get about and go anywhere with you.

em, your poor sis in law, what a horrible shock but its sounds they have taken it in their stride,

elsa, glad things have moved on with your brother, its tough after all the difficult times they have had.

was out with the receptionist staff at somones house last night, im not really a newbie now but still felt a bit on the edge of it, but its bound to, with them working together, some for 6 years or more. i felt a bit awkward with not much to say, but think it was okay. there were 2 of us taken on at same time and she is very funny,and i know im the quiet sensitve one, who takes things to heart. reading this sounds a bit weedy. there is also squabbles with 2 older ladies, and you know I just wanted to tell them how petty it sounds and try having cancer. but i dont do confrontation, just moan on here.thank you ladies.

Teenage daughter has pmt and being a right grump! we decided we would have lazy, bread cheese salad, etc for dinner, 'well mum thats not proper food is it', well i wanted to say, go get a job, do your own dinner. just gets you down when they forget all the other stuff you sort out, but eh thats parenthood! shes getting roast pork tomorrow fgs!! she has piled of quite a bit of weight and i have to tread carefully, am hoping to pick up cheapish exercise bike, and hope she goes on it.

got a bit of a low sunday, night feeling but having reflexology before work so that should relax me.

i seem to be doing okay with anxiety and a bit more in control. accepting the feelings that come. i overanalzyze a lot esp in the mornings but its goes away. i dont think i can learn to turn that off.

love and flutters to you all,

glad you are here

Anne xx

[JaniceRob]

Glad all okay Ann what a relief for you all.I am feeling good just now been off the Letrozole for a month and mood has definitely improved not as emotional and coping better with the way things are with Phil.Also got more energy maybe because I am getting a better sleep at nights so will see what she says when I go back on 22July.
Phil seeing his consultant on Monday and tell him he is not being chopped up again to try to reconstruct ureter if kidney has recovered and just to take it out.I don't think his kidney has got any better and neither does the stoma nurse so I think the sooner he is sorted the better for him so he can get on with his life.He was doing so well and this has knocked him right back.Well going to have a lazy day and relax on our new decked area in the garden it's a real sun trap so hope it stays fine.Love and hugs to all and Doz you must be sooo happy bet you can hardly wait till Sunday xxxxxxxxx

[amd66]

Hello flutter by s, hace some xatching up to do.  had my yrgent refferal abd all okay.  Scar tissue.  Everyone ekse very relieved abd I jyst felt the same. Battery low was will write more. Have been plodding along. Doctors ok, can get a bit petty sonetimes, stilk going to support group in the woods, and days go up and down much love to you all

A xx

[Doz1949]

P.s Daniels home for good next Sunday 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

[Doz1949]

I,m still here 🙂
Been on jury service for the last week, up and out early to catch the train everyday.. So home and to bed early.. Which after doing nights for so long has been quite refreshing if not tiring! But all that aside I,m loving it! Woe betide the naughtiest 😉
Brilliant news Em it's dreadful having to wait bless you, and I can only add to what's already been said that without the Butterfly Babes I don't know where my head would have been at xxxx
I go on holiday July 6th 🙂 sooooooo ready for it now I,ve had a taste of this weather, been buying new clothes and a few books to take.... sorted 😉
Hope everyone is well and Phil is coping sending my love and a great big hug to everyone xxxxxHUGxxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Lovely news Em.As you can see it has been very quiet on the site for a while hopefully it's because everyone is enjoying the sunshine Doz will be as I think she maybe on holiday now.So sad for your step brothers wife but at least she is here and I agree unless you've been there you don't get it. I have a friend who had ovarian cancer and ended up having a colostomy as well as it was so extensive and still has cancer but just gets on with her life as she says it's all too short.
Hope everyone is fluttering gently love and hugs to all Janice xxxxxx

[emmy]

Hi flutterbys! What lovely weather we are having 🙂 it so helps when the sun is shining! Well got my results yesterday morning.........CLEAR!!! It's only now that I realise I was mentally holding my breath and quietly stressing!! So went out for my fav Indian last night to celebrate and had a couple of glasses of wine 🙂 methinks I could happily turn into a lush! I don't drink much never have but I do enjoy it when I do!
I hope things are plodding along for you all? Janice lovely how are things with you guys? I keep thinking of Phil and wishing for the best for you both it's about time! Well some good news (results aside) my step brother and his wife have been trying for a baby for around six years so they ended up seeing specialist who did some tests on sis only to find she had both cervical and womb cancer!! Poor woman was shattered about the fact it would mean no baby but had all the ops bless her she has just been told they got it all so no chemo needed she is now glad they were in the throes of seeing the specialist as they told her she would not have been here next year! She is now resigned to no babies but also glad to still be here and my step brother says he could not imagine what the outcome would be and likened it all to dropping off a cliff and not knowing if there would be a net on the other side!
Funny enough she has joined a group online and says the only people who 'get it' are those who have been through it and I so agree. I had told her that I got my best support here and I wouldn't be where I am today without my beloved flutterbys.
Well Dougie our puppy goes to have his op tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it I feel so guilty as he hates the vets with a passion, he shakes and wees as soon as we go through the door! We tried taking him to be weighed for a few weeks only to find he was getting more distressed at that so going to feel awful leaving him there 😞 funny how much little scraps mean to you after such a short time I couldn't imagine life without our little monster!
Ah well it's got to be done so he will be getting spoilt for the rest of the week 🙂
Right I hope this finds you all enjoying the weather and you are all getting your robins in a row 🙂
Spoons for those in need, hugs and hand to hold Em xxxxx

[Elsa]

Waiting for mammo results is awful; where I am it's usually a 2 week wait.  Why can't you get them on the day; it would be so much better.  All that stress can't be good for us.

At work we've had a new locum child psychiatrist started and he's lovely; nothing is too much trouble; let's hope it lasts.  I actually slept soundly last night; which is the first time in ages and is it because I'm feeling less stressed at work because of him?  Maybe.  His predecessor was awful; he wouldn't communicate with the team; he literally put barriers up by keeping his office door closed or not replying to emails; it made working life very very difficult.  

Good news; do you remember me telling you all about my brother and his alcoholic wife?  Well he's sold the house and the sale completes today (Friday 13th I know!!)  so at least financially they are now separated thank goodness.  Next step is divorce.  He just wants some peace and quiet; not much to ask is it?

Anyway, the sun is shining, it's my day off.  OH and I are having lunch later and I think a glass or two of  red/white/rose/sparkly (haven't decided yet!) will go down very nicely!

Flutter gently

[JaniceRob]

Poor you Em just hope the tears helped.I sometimes think these secs and receptionist think they are some type of god. At hospital for this dmsa scan so Phil had radioactive stuff injected and the was told to go back at11.15 sat and waited so at 11.40I went and asked how long he would be as we had another app so they took him in so we just made it back for 1 pm. I have my check up on Monday and Phil has pre- op bike test in the afternoon but at different hospitals so off to DDs for a rest this weekend.We have to wait here for mammo results and it can take up to 4 weeks depending how busy they are I agree with Doz it should be done that day but as you say who cares we are just a number I don't know what the new term would be for the word Care as people seem to have forgotten what it used to mean.
Em glad we are all here to rant at as I don't think anyone else listens it just goes over their heads
Take care all and flutter gently at least wings are staying dry love and hugs Janice xxxxx

[Doz1949]

Aw bless you Em and Janice pretty rotten times for you 😞
I can't understand why they can't just keep you there for 10 mins after your mammo and get called in to see the Doc to get the results as is what happens here... It's dreadful and I know I could,nt cope with the wait, it really needs addressing for the ladies who are victims of cancer, I would,nt wish it on anyone either but if they could just see inside our heads maybe it would be different?
Glad it was good news Em 🙂 finally even tho you had a run in with a wanna be Dr... They're all the same they have this higher archy thing that really does patronise!!
I hope your app, goes well Janice god love ya, I can totally empathise what with myself and Vikki over the last 2 yrs I feel as if I live there 😞
Oh well lovely day today had a very relaxing and pottering one in between watching the Tennis, AND my Sky box not receiving a signal sent me upstairs to watch it on Freeview 🙂 me thinks Sky is about to be cancelled!
Love and hugs to you all... By the time I come on the reply page I,ve forgotten who wrote what... It's an age thing 🙂 so I,ll just send love and hugs and spoons for anyone in need xxxxhugxxxx

[emmy]

Hi flutterbys, Janice you need the hand so sending it along to you as I know exactly how that feels!! It was like that for us for a few months, but bless you it seems never ending which is so unfair!! I know where you are coming from re people who seem to float through do whatever they like and nothing touches them! You can almost hear the buildings collapse as they go but behind them! Hubby does the same looks at some people and doesn't get it but then we aren't alone, I wouldn't wish anything like this on anyone but there does seem to be no real justice!!
Rang hospital to be told that I need to talk to surgeons sec who is at another hospital so rang there went through the blasted silly hold music then got said sec who tells me all results from the mammo are always late by a couple of weeks??? So I asked if they had my results there to which she replied that surgeon has to look at them first so she can't say!!!! I was fuming as I received a letter this morning saying we are booking you in to see surgeon at this point I almost passed out a sense of déjà vu for a couple of secs then hubby asked if I was o.k I must have gone a shade green! I said I don't know read a bit further and it was for Jan next year!!!! I just wish they thought how anyone would feel getting that before a result is due and the b****y sec really patronised me saying they were up to date with all their apps and couldn't see why that would throw me??? Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!! It's so impersonal I felt like a name and number after all it wasn't my first mammo so I should know? Errr no! My first two results were back to me around a week later so I am going to put in a complaint with pals it isn't right when someone has already been through this merry go round a couple of times and no matter how many it is still as scary as the first!!!! Sorry just can't believe I ended up crying out of frustration and fear I do feel a bit silly now but it didn't at the time 😞
Ah well at least I got the sec to agree that she would look it up on computer and pass it on to the surgeon to see and says they will get letter out in a couple do days. I am not ungrateful for what treatment I have had but do feel there should be far more sensitivity when dealing with people's feelings and fears.
Right got that off my chest and bless hubby he is cooking our meal and we might even open a bottle of wine!! Thanks for being here to moan at I know no one really understands like the flutterbys 🙂 sending spoons for those in need and hugs all round Em xxxxx

[JaniceRob]

You have certainly served your dues Doz and having to work in a place where you are just a number isn't the way to live a life.Even Jane said this morning that she feels that no-one seems to be bothered about your welfare.It was lovely meeting up again and she looked well.Nice to see someone face to face.Apps tomorrow again it seems as if we don't have time during the week for ourselves as I am trying to get sorted before Phil has his op as I will be away all afternoon visiting and then making sure he is taken care of when he gets home.Sorry I'm moaning but it just seems so unfair especially when I look at some people who have never worked smoked drank and done drugs and nothing ever happens to them
Enjoy the sunshine love and hugs Janice xxx

[Doz1949]

Just a quickie good luck with your appointment tomorrow and send Jane my love 🙂 hope she is well.. Xx
Retirement.. Yes I,m almost ready 🙂 65 this year so I,ve earned my due,s 🙂 still no concern/word from Sister so that's making my mind up even more 🙂 NHS certainly is,nt the place it used to be.. They forget we are human!
Love to you all flutter gently xxxxhugsxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Thanks E.Jane and only 4wines.Feel like a bottle full tonight as Phil proper Mr Grumpy today.We have 2apps on Thurs and now have 2 on Monday I have my check with breast surgeon in the morning and Phil has an app in afternoon.All these apps are really stressing me as I seem as if I am here there and everywhere.
Hope you get something to suit you job wise as I think the NHS is so different to when I left it 20 years ago best thing I ever did as I did enjoy my time working in a nursing home most of the time. So maybe a change will be good for you.Gladyour sarcoidosis is improved what a relief
Take care flutterbies and flutter gently I am meeting with GI Jane for coffee tomorrow as she is on holiday in the N.E looking forward to it love and hugs Janice xxxxx

[Elsa]

Just been catching up on everyone's posts..a lot going on for us at the moment what with wedding anniversaries - congratulations Janice and Phil and only 4 wines!!  - and Doz thinking of retirement...possibly??  I've been thinking not of retirement but scaling down on the work front.  Working in the NHS is so stressful at the moment and do I want it anymore??  No I don't.  Yesterday I had my check up with the respiratory consultant; lovely man.  He thinks my sarcoidosis has burnt itself out and I don't need to be see for another 2 years.  I just felt huge relief and exhaustion after the appointment as haven't been sleeping well for worrying about it.  Anyway, I got to thinking that I have enough to worry about with my health that I don't need the hassle of work so will be looking for another completely diffferent job; it may take some time to find the right one though.

I like to think that little butterfly was Ami watching over you Doz; I often think about her and what a lovely person she was; so kind.

Anyway flutterbies, flutter gently

Jane xx

[emmy]

Funny that, I sat outside in the sun and a butterfly landed on my foot then sat there for ages! I felt so peaceful and couldn't help just smiling like an idiot, later on walking the dog we were dive bombed by a couple of beautiful peacock butterflies so yes I am convinced we all get a little visit from our very much missed and loved ami 😞 it does make me smile 🙂
Well still no word rang hospital but my Bcc nurse is on hols and the receptionist wasn't very helpful so no further forward! Did read that results should be given within two weeks so that's over so going to ring my surgeons secretary and see if she can help, it's so b***dy frustrating it would be good to tick that off for this year!! Had a voucher for Xmas from my DIL for bio nails so went today as we are going out for a meal next Sat with son and wife for my birthday, technician was lovely her mother had BC 7 years ago as she asked if I was on medication so explained and found out that the reason for my crap nails is the meds!! I can grow them but they are weak and just snap at the slightest tap so looks like another legacy from all the s***e!
Just getting some bits done in garden and waiting for some plants to be delivered hopefully the weather will be better well the forecast looks promising so fingers crossed.
Doz my flower time to rehearse retirement and as Janice says it's so much less financially but we do have some valuable time together we don't need to rush anywhere and no stress!!! I look back and can't believe I worked full time doing 24 hour shifts (sleep ins) and went out teaching four evenings a week!!! I must have been totally bonkers so this may the wall I crashed into to put a stop to it all 🙂
Take care flutterbys and good luck for Phil let's hope it is now almost over ,spoons for Phil too! So spoons and hugs all round Em xxxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Hi Doz maybe Amy thought you needed a visit as you have had such a rotten time.I struggled when I first finished but you cut your coat to fit the cloth and we get along okay not a lot to spare but we manage.Its awful when you have worked for years and then at the end of the day no-one cares.I didn't even get a thank you but it's their loss at the end of the day.You enjoy your time off and holiday things will work out in the end take care and start looking after DOZ be kind to yourself love and big hug Janice xxxx

[Doz1949]

Hi Janice
I,m not expecting any pressure now 🙂
I sent an email to Sister asking for a reduction in hours and if possible just 2 nights a week, I explained that I was struggling with moving the hoists and it was,nt helping repair my shoulder.. I also told her about my kidney infection and sent a very blunt message about the auxilliary who denied me a break even just for a drink, apart from being nasty about it she was very unprofessional by shouting at the nurses station!
I somehow think this may have put me out of favour, not that I ever got any! Hey ho 🙂
I doubt they will ring me to cover short falls again 🙂 as I,ve not even had a concerned reply from Sister... We are but a number and human does,nt come into it sadly!
I have 2 night shifts next weekend then....... Jury service for 2 weeks 🙂 then back at work for only 3 nights then I,m on holiday for 2 weeks in sunny Mallorca, so in the next 5 weeks only 5 shifts to do 😉 then hopefully I,ll come back to reduced hours.... BLISS!
I have to see the consultant on Friday re shoulder, but I think it's as the Radiologist and Dr said.. Wear and tear on top of BC op! My whole back feels out of kilter, if he suggests finishing work then so be it!
Feeling quite relaxed about it all even tho it might be a struggle and complete life change, I worry about Vikki,s future but at some point we will sort something out I guess!
I,ve felt a bit out of the loop at work lately with doing nights so it won't be a great loss to leave 🙂
Thanks for your words of support Janice and Em and for all you flutterbys who have supported me throughout all my whinging 🙂 and as I write this a butterfly has just landed next to me on my garden table.. Think I may have just had a visit from a very special Flutterby... I,d like to think so 🙂
Hope everyone's good and results tests etc are not too long winded! Love and hugs as alwayz xxxxxhugxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Just make sure Doz you don't bow to pressure and have your days off it will help you get over your infection.Hopefully it will stay dry and sunny although it's a bit cloudy here at the minute take care and REST if you can love hugs and spoons I think you need them Janice xxxx

[Doz1949]

Ah bless ya 🙂 and why not 🙂 it's sunny here too, I,ve just finished a night shift and saw a lovely rainbow on the way home... Not back till Friday now 🙂 going to doze in the garden soon... Bliss!
Enjoy your weekends flutterbys xxxxhugxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Thanks to you both had a nice meal and a few wines (4) in fact so slept well last night
Sunny here this morning hope it stays nice love and hugs Janicexxxx

[emmy]

Happy anniversary to you both 🙂 have a tipple in fact have as many as you like! 😉 loads of love from us both xxxxx

[Doz1949]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY with tons of love to you both xxxhugxxx

[JaniceRob]

Oh Doz I so feel for you.Pain is not a good thing to have to put up with and kidney infection on top of it all poor you.I was shocked to read auxiliary had a nerve to say what she did I would probably have wiped the floor with her.Good for you dropping hours but it won't work if you continue to do extra when they are short staffed you will have to stick to your guns an d refuse to drop everything and go to work they will have to employ more staff simple as.If people continue to cover shifts they will never employ anymore staff and so it goes been there and know what it's like.Hope injections work for Vikki you have both gone through such a lot.
Well Phil got apps for ct scan and another scan at nuclear medicine so just waiting for app for renogram now.We don't know if we are coming or going as had so many apps lately and got another 4 next week 2 on the same day so hope morning one doesn't run late.As you say Doz life just S... at present.We have had nearly 4 years of S... and it still continues.Got my yearly check up with breast surgeon on 16th June even thiugh it's actually 14months since last app.Just watch Phil will get app for something the same day and we are at different hospitals.Still we do manage to still have a laugh and going out for meal tonight as it's our 45 the wedding anniversary today and hope we get a few more to celebrate.
Love and hugs to everyone Janicexxxxx
P.s here comes the rain yuk

[Doz1949]

Hi Flutterbys
How rotten for you both Janice, poor Phil no wonder he is so down.. It's just horrible waiting an outcome I do feel for you xxxhugxxx
Well 2 weeks on and the injection in my shoulder didn't work very well 😞 still having the same pain in my shoulder and shoulder blade, I,ve been assured by everyone it's muscular and wear and tear but it's really getting me down now, started physio again today, what a wast of a supposed hour which ended up 45 mins as she was clock watching?? I was given the same gentle exercises that I,ve been doing for the past yr and they didn't work then 😞 my Dr seems to think its due to muscle being cut during lumpectomy as when I hunch my shoulder it feels like the whole muscle in my shoulder blade is dragging upwards? I think it's going to be just one of those things we learn to live with!
Then on top of that I was doing a bit of gardening last Saturday at Daniels ready for his homecoming in 3 weeks and I thought I,d maybe pulled a muscle in my side... Till wed, morning when I started getting really bad cramps after having a wee.... 😞 Thursday started passing blood so rang the Dr,s and they got me straight in thank goodness.. It's a kidney infection 😞 had to go straight to work and had the most awful shift, which makes me realize we are just a number... I got a roasting off one of the auxiliaries for asking to go for a drink... I was told I was only a half shift (which I was doing as a favour as they were short staffed it should have been a day off ) so didn't deserve a drink break... Er I,m supposed to drink plenty?? So 5 hrs without a drink and not one person explained to her I was,nt feeling well 😞 well I came off the ward in tears.. sat in the car and wrote a letter to sister asking to drop my hours, it's now in her office! Done it finally and really don't care anymore... Time to think of number 1
Vikki was in hospital last week for 5 pain killing injections in her spinal area.. Keeping my fingers toes and eyes crossed it works for her, like me, she,s had enough now, her MRI results were promising though the damaged discs are calcifying albeit a bit misshapen which is to be expected, tho a bit of scar tissue is quite close to the nerves, which is more than likely the cause of the pain now.... So if these injections work things may look a bit more promising for her?
Oh what a whinging post 😞 sorry girlies just.having a crappy time of things too.. Roll on a proper summer 😞
Hope it goes well for you Em but your all right there is,nt enough support for C I had to search for the bit I got, and as you say no news is good news so again keeping fingers and everything else crossed for you and Phil
Love and hugs to all you lovely butterflies xxxxhugxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Hi Em we have been busy in the garden today before the weekend rain.Fence actually replaced at long last so nice and private again.We haven't a huge garden which is maybe just as well as Phil has to be careful with the hernias he has.I have 2friends who go to healthy start gym where I go and they find it has helped their Fibro so hopefully it may help you manage yours a bit better.I agree about lack of support re B.C and Phil had none at all for what he has been through.He has a stoma nurse coming on Tues to assist with Nephrostomy and she was quite shocked we had had such poor support.Heres hoping for some more sunshine as we can get out and take his mind off things.Take care my friend love and hugs to you both Janice xxxxx

[emmy]

Hi Janice we have been trying to catch up with ourselves after being away for two weeks and the garden has been the worst!! It's more like a huge field but now the shrubs we planted are starting to grow nicely so that should take care of the border we are just awaiting delivery of plants for hanging baskets and troughs so we will be back on track soon! Well we will be if this blasted weather would stay put for a few days! It's hard to plan and I am afraid I am a fair weather sort of gardener and so is hubby. Poor Phil it's rotten waiting around I just wish they would just get on with things but I know it's a bit more complicated than that it's just so unfair! I had my mammo last week and am still waiting for results but am banking on if I had something to worry about they would have been in touch by now? So not borrowing tomorrow's problems I reckon we have all learnt to live for the day now 🙂
I have been to rheumy clinic and am going to be sent on a course for Fibro once a week for six weeks I am not too sure about it but I reckon it may stop me feeling like I am slowly going mad! My specialist nurse has arranged it but I have pointed out how strange it is that I get support for this but never had it for BC? I am not ungrateful but do wonder how things get prioritised.
I do hope that things have settled for all our flutterbys I have sort of caught up and hope that everyone is o.k. Sending the usual spoons and hugs to all Em xxxxx

[JaniceRob]

Hi Anne how are things going with you? It's been very quiet on here but hopefully it's cos everyone has been enjoying some sun.
Saw Phils consultant and he explained everything and obviously painted worst case scenario so Phil down again for a few days.Trying to keep him occupied so he isn't thinking too much but as we all know the waiting game is the worst time.
Hope everyone is okay love and hugs Janice xxxx

[JaniceRob]

Hi Anne Phil better physically not sore now.He is very worried as won't know what's going to happen for a good few weeks.His consultant who did original op is seeing him next week for a chat and fuller explanation as it was different surgeon on duty when he was admitted and Phil had just come out of theatre when he was explaining what had happened.We are trying to get on as normal and garden all planted up and getting out for walks again but looks like it's another summer recuperating again.
Hope you get sorted soon it must be very worrying for you but I am sure things will turn out okay.Enjoy Edinburgh we love it our daughter lived there for a few years and our son also lived and worked there so we visited the city often. We will have been married 45 years in June and we intend to reach our fiftieth. I will take on board what you have written and look for the nice things which are always around us.I think I am coping better this time and intend to keep fit and well for my pretty muddy race for life in September.
Take care and thanks for your kind words love and hugs Janice xxxxx

[amd66]

janice, you may find there are tiny things over the summer that you can enjoy, even if it just a new flower, a nice smell, a cream tea you make yourself, look for those things.

xx

[amd66]

OH janice,

Im so sorry to hear all this about phil, and guilty that i hadnt been on here. hope things have improved and chin up, he must have been gutted. you have always been so lovely wit support for me.

much love and hugs

and will catch up with the other news.

am still waiting for mammo, cant remember when i felt the change, saw registrar he feels its probably scar tissue. but do the tests to be sure, only bummer will be I cannot get to speak to someone straight after, as it is an extra clinic.

am trying just to think thats nothing, we are away to edinburgh, next sunday, first time we have flown, we went there for honeymoon 25 years ago inaugust. so shame that i wont know by then.

went to gym today, and instead of just swimming, made the effort to go into studio, 30 mins or so on some of the machines,good to get a bit sweaty.

anyway will catch up more tomorrow

Anne xx

[JaniceRob]

Thanks E.Jane. Just something else for him to contend with poor man.He is really worried as whatever happens it will be another big op.
Your holiday sounded idyllic as that is just the sort of thing I enjoy.We have blue tits who have just built a nest but not seen anything of them for a few days just hope sparrow hawk hasn't caught one as we saw it around the other day.
Well off for a walk around nearby park as Phil feels up to it he has been so down he hasn't wanted to do anything but hopefully he might feel better going out take care love and hugs Janice xxx

[Elsa]

Just come back from a lovely holiday in Orkney; such a peaceful place. Lots of coastal walking and bird watching but hardly any trees on the island just sweeping moorland and farmland. We saw hen harriers, short eared owls and arctic terns nesting. On windy days (which was most days!) the sea looked wild but I like that. Been reading the posts on here and Janice I was so sorry to hear about Phil's setback; just as he was getting back to his old self again. Life's a b....r at times isn't it. When I read your post I just wanted to give you both a big hug; instead I'm sending a virtual hug and hand to hold and want you to know that I'm thinking of you xx

[JaniceRob]

Thanks Stella.Phil got home late Saturday afternoon and is a bit better now he's home.I can sort his nephrostomy for him so district nurse says she will pop in next week to see how he is doing.He has to have Nephrostomy for at least 6 weeks it's so unfair as he was becoming like his old self but this has knocked him right back.
Oncologist has told me to try glucosamine so will give it a try.I have no doubt that in 2 months time I will be back on some sort of tablet again. Hope you enjoy the job I was a nurse in a nursing home for some years and enjoyed it.Take care love Janice xxxx