Hi Janice thanks forvthe congrats. Should start next week if all paperwork through, theyve asked me if id like to go in monday 2-3hrs to help with archiving! Probably will - show willing.
My aches and pains have been a bit better over last couple of months especially soles of my feet which were affected by chemo, which make me wonder if we're still recovering from chemo 3 years on - any thoughts anybody? I hope the break helps you Janice. Cant say as I like the thought of 10 years but if that's what they recommend I'd do it. I have stared taking glucosamine chrondoitrin again as well.
Poor Phil I'm not suprised he's in shock - such a lot to take in. So unfair. Is Phil at home now? I hope so & perhaps enjoying the sunshine. BIG HUG to both of you xxxxx
flutter gently everyone
Anne - try not to worry but I know you will. I was wondering whether the lumps could simply be scar tissue which feels harder than normal tissue. Sending a virtual hug and a hand to hold x
Been catching up on all the new posts. Welcome Pog; we all know exactly how you feel so please rant, rave, laugh and cry with us if it helps. We've all been through this diagnosis; which is like being floored by a ten ton truck. I remember when I was told by my doctor; the room span and everything went into slowmo; the doctor ran round the table to catch me because I think I was about to fall! I am now just over 2 years on and I have good days and not so good days; there is no predicting when the not so good happens but they are getting less and less often now. I think the tiredness you describe is an emotional one from the trauma and shock of it all and it takes time to recover. Hang in there x
Emmy-your Dougie sounds gorgeous; we got a kitten last October and I hadn't realised how much I missed my cats. It's lovely to have one around the house again. He gives us such a welcome in the morning and cuddles up on my knee every evening; in between he's lively!!
Doz- lovely that Dan is back; so hope he gets that job. All NHS seems to be suffering the same problems-stress, overwork, understaffed. We had a new locum started a month ago and he's lovely but he came to see me yesterday to say he already feels he's drowning in work. His words to me were, 'did they save all this up for me; I feel like I'm drowning'. My heart went out to him. This is how it is and I can't see it getting any better. Have you heard any more about Vicki's appointment?
My day off today thank goodness; am cooking a lunch for OH so may be really decadent and get a bottle of wine to go with it!
sorry ladies really quick post, have had lumpy feelings in wle boob in last week, dr has referred me to hospital, not as urgent 2 week but to move appointment earlier, am scared, feel sick and anxiety not good in mornings, its not so much about cancer but how to deal with waiting,
know i cant do anything but wait
Hi girls, me again. Thanks so much for your support and hugs, very grateful indeed not to feel so alone at long last. Will just keep checking in and out if that's ok. I don't know about being brave stopping the meds, it's really quite frightening - sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't situation but I was very close to not wanting to be here at all if I didn't get some quality of life back. Hey ho, only time will tell!
Anyway, it's lovely to hear about everything going on with you all. We were at a wedding in Fermanagh on Friday and grandson's 5th birthday party on Saturday on the way home. Wiped out yesterday and still tired today but hopefully will feel a bit brighter tomorrow. Off to nurse Wed to have bloods checked. I don't really expect them to tell me anything new. Hubby off to hospital Wed also as he is having another checkup after his surgery (he had triple by-pass at the same time I had my surgery and treatment). Hopefully his news will be better this time and it's just a fitness thing holding him back. Fingers crossed.
Doz, pls stay p
off work you would tell ys not to feel guilty, and it's obviously painful, pog lovely to read you, you are most wrlcome, the rads really fo take it out of you so dont think too much about ehst you csnt do , im 47 and grab any afternoon sleeps I can,
today has been a stronger day, just being in the moment at bodiam castle. Lots of green trees which were calmimg, even tine to lay on blanket and enjoy sunshine must try and keep mood
love to all xxx
I'm new to this and am very grateful to everyone for posting how they feel during and after all the treatments. I am now 15 months post treatment after surgery and radiotherapy. Stopped taking Tamoxifen and not now taking any other drugs. I notice someone mentioned quality of life is important - heartily agree which is why I stopped. Also back on low dose HRT to try and lessen the hourly sweats (day and night). Thought I was going to go mad with them and very down about it all. Onc and GP both counselled and this was what we have all agreed I will do. Will try to stop again after a year or so. Lots of research out there pros and cons.
Interested in the fatigue end of things too, does this ever stop? It has improved a bit some weeks pretty good but other weeks have a real lack of energy. Can't garden much at all which depresses me. Some days just have to do very little and feel such a fraud as I had so little surgery and treatment. Now it's 'all over' so to speak why am I still so tired and feeling so different? Has normality changed forever? I'm only 57 and can no longer do what I used to do pre-op etc. Sorry for moaning but thanks for writing about your experiences; it really helps.
Glad things are a bit calmer for you Ann; I'm impressed that you're jiving!! I don't think I would be able to do that now without causing myself some injury!
I was off sick from work all last week (no surprise there!) with achy joints, headache, tiredness but I honestly think it was brought on by the stresses of work recently. When I went back this week there were another 4 clinicians off too so I think we're all feeling the same; it's not good is it?
A lovely long weekend now to look forward to then 2 weeks today we'll be making the crossing to mainland Orkney; can't wait. I've gots lots of gardening to do before I go; weeding and planting but looking forward to the garden in full bloom later in the year. Our daughter's coiming home today for a few days so will be lovely to see her. She's just finished her exams and only has a project to do now then she'll finish her masters in August so this year has gone quickly.
My youngest brother has been living in my parents old house where we all grew up; he's sold the house and has to move everything out by the end of next week. Our parents ashes are also buried in the garden there under an acer tree so without sounding morbid we're digging them up to take with us. So next weekend my brothers and I are meeting up there for one last time to say goodbye to our childhood home. It will be emotional for me but my brother's had a difficult marriage and needs to move on with his life with his new girlfriend in the Lake District; he's now the happiest he's been in a long time.
I need some summer clothes for work but have really gone off clothes shopping these days. Really tempted to just shop online!
Have a good weekend flutterbies
Thank you all, im in a better mood this week, i know i was clutching at fixing things too much and trying too hard. i scrapped the idea of hypnosis, and got some apps on my phone and am trying them each night, as much as relaxation as anything, but this one is about self esteem.however i went to a dance class last night, on my own. its wierd that i have the confidence to do that, not knowing anyone.the people were nice, 2 ladies let me sit with them, it was leroc jive, and you move around the room every few minutes as you learn new dance so you never just sit there, i will try another one next week, because i think i would like proper jive, i did it years ago, dont know how my stamina will be but it was good and it is that thing or being absorbed in an activity.
as i said why do i stress over daytimes, getting up. anxiety etc.
things got a bit stressy at the doctors thius week, not many appointments etc, scripts taking a while and you know i thought this isnt my stress, i will just do my best. boss was a bit off and i did take it to heart and then thought, bugger it she isnt my friend, who knows whats going on in her head etc.
so i hope i can continue accepting the good and bad, lots of love to you all,
sorry janice you are back on the gardening, my oh does no gardeing, but we dont have much space, he will do the hedge with lots of moans, and nags!
thanks for your support as always, we can feel so different one week to the next, xxx
things have settle down at home now, some big talks about being ungrateful, consideration etc. i think oh may have male menoapuse or similiar as he is tetchy but we are being calmer around each other.
i know some of this will be repetition to your posts from a long while back. but i seem to be stuck with too many thoughts, not happy, flat, going through the motions of work, life, home etc.
i am coping with the morning anxiety, because i know its me causing it and it will disappear once i go out or start something.
sorry if this seems rambly but i just dont want this to be my existence where life is flat lik this and i am on the edge on things, when i see friends i join in and want to be sociable., but i still do the things i enjoy, swimming walking etc. i also wonder if i need to start something new, am confident to start new dance etc on my own.im still taking antidpressents,
iwonder if i am trying to find a solution that isnt there, and am trying too hard???
i was looking at hypnosis a couple of days ago but would that change what is really the aftermath of cancer for all of you and how you dealt with it.
can you remember what you have done to ease these feelings. was there a moment where somethign just started to feel better,
you people seem to be the best ones to know what i am feeling, and i appreciate the support i have had. today i have been along hte seafront and also saw some bluebells on the way home.
hope you are fluttering gently.
oh blimey, my dear friends i have missed so much. doz am glad your incident is behind you, cannot imagine how sad you felt but glad some decisions have been made. Gi jane sorry for your stress too, has it helped being signed off.
i hope you have settled down a little bit.its wet here as predicted for Easter sunday, but have been up and down the road for quick walk.
seems i am annoying my oh just by being here at the moment, him and daughter both wanting me to stop moving things around or tidying up, she got her bunny which she loves and we have to plug every gap behind toilet, cupboards, wires etc and then nothing gets put back, towels, clothes etc. its too stupid even writing it down but i feel like its hav a go day, i will get over it and hope they just realise it hurts, had a bit of a cry and now move on.
love to you all
Work was much better than expected and I didn't have a single duty call to take; that's never happened to me before but I was very glad of it. We won a little bit at bingo but not enough to cover costs! We had a good night out though and on the way home we laughed so much ; we played this silly game where we have to sing songs with a theme. Last night it was songs with a girl's name in it; man's name; parts of the body and wedding or marriage!
Anyway; a long Easter break to look forward to and choir's singing in church on Sunday. We practiced on Wednesday evening and to end the evening we sang a fun song; 'Somebody to Love' by Queen. It's a difficult one to do but we gave it our best effort! At the end our pianist Huw said, 'well, it is easter after all'. I looked it him and said; do you mean we crucified that?' and he nodded!! We just laughed.
Lots of gardening to do this weekend but the weather's looking good for today and tomorrow so will crack on. Happy Easter everyone.
ps glad to hear GI Jane is ok
We're all needing some tlc at the moment. I'm going into work today knowing I'm on call and knowing there is no managerial cover (again!).. I discussed this with the team leader on Monday and she promised she'd do something about it; well at 4.55pm yesterday I was copied into an email she'd sent to the Clinical Services Manager stating my concerns and the email ended with the words 'any suggestions?'! How does that help me today...I am so worried about going in and am on the verge of going on long term sick with stress. I don't even have a manager at work; they're still trying to sort that one out. To add to matters I should have been seeing one of the doctors regularly for prescribing supervision and he's now off long term...it's a mess. Sorry to rant flutterbies but as you can see it's getting to me.
For some mindless but light relief my friend and I are going to Bingo tomorrow evening!!
Janice-sending you and Phil a flutterby hug
Take care flutterbies
ps has anybody heard from GI Jane; she hasn't posted for ages
Oh Doz; just read your post and how awful for you. I guess it's what we all think about and try constantly to put to the back of our minds because it's too scary to contemplate....you're supposed to be working in a caring profession but where was the care for you? Could you speak to your manager and request (demand!) to stay put; it's a more than reasonable request .How close to retirement are you? Look after yourself. I'm still a good few years off; if I was closer I would seriously consider it right now but can't afford to give up yet. After my very stressful week at work last week I've now had time to reflect on it and will be speaking to the team leader tomorrow to ask about managerial cover in light of when she, the team leader has her day off on wednesdays and the only other manager is on long term sick. I am due to be on call again this Wednesday and can already feel my levels of anxiety rising so decided the best option was to tackle it head on! We have to look after ourselves and our own emotional well being because people forget what we've been through or don't realise how the effects of what we've been through continue to affect us now and will carry on doing so.
Janice- the 28th isn't far away now; sometimes the worst part is waiting for these appointments. In the run up to mine I just couldn't think about anything else; all these 'what ifs?' going round in my head and that's tiring and emotionally draining. If I could financially give up work tomorrow I would without a doubt; but Em still needs supporting through her course. Once she finishes in September I will seriously be looking for a sea change, a less demanding job unless a miracle happens at work and we get enough staff and reliable managerial support. I can already see pigs flying outside my window!!!
Anne - I get aches, pains and niggles and it's natural to worry about them because of what we've had. I would be lying if I said I didn't worry because I do and have to tell myself that it is just probably due to growing older, or a back/head/whatever ache like I used to get before I was diagnosed. I think it is stuff like this that other people don't realise how it carries on affecting you emotionally.
Yesterday was a big gardening day; managed to get a whole border weeded and dug over. Today I am doing another border; my aim is to completely weed the whole garden before we go to orkney mid-May! Oh, and get my dahlias in; love my dahlias. I'm at my happiest just pottering outside; the cat was climbing trees then coming over to play trying to catch the weeds as I threw them into the barrow or just lying on the grass whilst I worked.
A few of us are very fragile at the moment; look after yourselves flutterbies; you're very precious people.