It,s been emotional

[Emperortooco]

Another year has passed since I lost her almost 6 years to the hour ! Must admit it doesn’t get any easier I don,t care what anyone says just somewhat bearable. I come on here often to see how people are getting on and yes sadly a few have succumbed to this awful disease but there are still a lot of familiar names on here. I wish you all well and stay extra safe during this turbulent time x

[Emperortooco]

Hi ladies; It’s almost 4 years to the day that I said goodbye to my amazing mum as her brave battle with this vile disease came to an end. I miss her just as much now as I did then and she will always be so close to me in my heart. I,ve been on the forum since then from time to time and sadly I,ve seen some other familiar names also gain their wings. To me every month is vitally important to create awareness of this disease however October is officially the month to make both females and males aware that this disease doesn’t care about who it strikes and when, so I will wear my pink ribbon with pride and display my pink ribbon tattoo on my wrist in honour of all of those who have fought and are fighting  to be rid of cancer #f*ckcancer

[Bevlaar]

Thank you for sharing such an emotional journey with us. Its clearly going to be a difficult time for you at the moment without your dear mum. But yes...time to move on from here. I feel honoured to think we helped you through some difficult times. Take care and God bless you.
Love bev xxx

[Emperortooco]

My mum,s funeral was on Thursday and as she wasn,t religious we held a humanist funeral which was beautiful. It was a celebration of her life with 3 of her favourite songs played too. It,s been very strange for me since she passed as I couldn,t remember anything about her the memories wouldn't,t come but since the funeral they have flooded back and I believe that I was either in shock or denial. Life will never be the same for me but I do know that she would have wanted me to move on and be happy ( she told me often enough over the past 6 weeks or so) so although I,m not reDy to move on I am trying to put a smile on my face for her. She used to say I was her " eyes and ears" well she was " the wind beneath my wings" will love her forever. Well that's it from me and as the title of my post says it has been very emotional. I hope that all of you on here will keep on fighting the fight and one day perhaps we will get rid of this cruel disease but until then my heart and thoughts will be with you all. It,s been.a privilege for me to hear everyone's stories on these forums but time for me to take my leave. Xxxx

[JulieD]

I am sorry to hear your news but I am glad to hear that you were with your Mum and that her passing was peaceful. The past few weeks must have been a mix of emotions and now you face the loss and emptiness try to hold onto those prescious times you spent with your mum they are priceless and will stay with you. I do hope that knowing that your mum is not in pain and that she was serene and peaceful when she left you, will in some small way bring you comfort. There are no words that are adequate at times like this but thank you for the priviledge of sharing a little of you and your mums journey, I send you lots of love and strength xx

[Bevlaar]

So sorry for your loss...losing a mum is devastating. My thoughts and prayers are with you xxx

[Downbutnotout]

Sorry to hear your sad news. It's never easy, no matter what age and even when you know it's inevitable. Be comforted that she's at peace now and you did all you could for her.

Take care.

Flo

X

[June_BCC]

Hello Emperortooco

I'm so sorry to hear about you mum. 

Our thoughts are with you and your family and friends and this sad time.

June,

on behalf of the moderation team at BCC

[Emperortooco]

My mum sadly lost her battle with this cruel disease just after midnight. She battled right until the end and her courage, stamina and zest for life wS truly remarkable. I was with her holding her hand until the end and she went so peacefully after enduring such pain. I ve got a huge hole in my heart now and a massive void in my life that never can be filled but I guess what is keeping me sane at the moment is the look on her face as she passed serene, calm and just beautiful. Thank you ladies for your support on here and my love goes out to you all.xxx

[Bevlaar]

Thinking of you and sending a gentle hug to you and your mum. What a beautiful post Mel66 💖💖
Bev xxxx

[Mel66]

Thinking of you, your mum and all the family at this time. I hope that you all find peace in that which is to come and your love for each other sustains you through. Your love for your mum has shone through in all your posts and she sounds a very special lady.

Don't think of her as gone away,
Her journey's just begun.
Life holds so many facets,
This earth is only one.
Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears,
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know today,
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched,
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she was loved so much.

Love and hugs xxx

[Emperortooco]

Hi, wanted to update you on my mum,s condition. It is now looking as though we have only a very short time left now as she is drifting now and feel as though the next 24 - 48 hours will tell it,s own story. I,ve felt so privileged and honoured to have looked after my mum over the past 4 weeks or so since she came out of hospital and it,s been very humbling. I,ve seen good, not so good and shared some beautiful moments with her and these I will treasure and take them forward as I try to cope with the gaping hole that her passing will leave in my heart and my life. Thank you all for your kind comments and my thoughts are with you all xxx

[JulieD]

What a lovely post! So pleased your Mum has made her 95th birthday (belated birthday wishes) and god to hear she is managing to eat a little. You are both amazing, love and strength to you xx

[Mel66]

How fabulous that you have got to spend another birthday with your mum. Treasured moments!

Happy birthday to mum, and love and hugs to all. x

[Bevlaar]

Sorry i posted before I'd finished....wanted to wish her a very very happy birthday 💖 xxx

[Bevlaar]

Oh thats the best news! She's certainly a fighter. Hope she is comfortable. ..and the fact mum is still eating a little is good. Thinking of you both and sending a gentle hug xxx

[Emperortooco]

Just thought I would update everyone, delighted to say that she has battled on and made it to her 95th birthday (today), we,ve just celebrated with a few teaspoons of baby cottage pie as it,s puréed and easy to digest and the cream part of a pannacotta. She continues to amaze me with this inner strength that she keeps on finding especially at her grand age x

[2catlady]

I can only reiterate what the other ladies have said at this heartbreaking time.
Sending you both lots of love and hugs,Helen xxxxxxx

[Desi-2]

Wishing you strength Emperortooco xxxxx

[JulieD]

That was a lovely way to put things ladygrey.

Emperortooco, your mum is obviously a wonderful strong loving woman and I'm sure you are right that she was holding out to be home with her loved ones. She is probably still trying to hold on for you so you don't have to lose her, though she knows that she must leave you. It will of course be so so hard for you when the time comes but you have had precious time with her and you've obviously got a strong and loving bond whch will hopefully help you through the tough times. If you can, try to reassure your mum that whilst you will miss her because you love her it is ok for her to go when she is ready because her love and strength will enable you to get through.I'm pleased to hear she is generally comfortable. Just keep holding her hand, kissing her head and just being there, she knows and can feel your love. My love and prayers are with you xx

[ladygrey]

Love and kisses to you.  There is nothing better than taking your Mum's hand at the end of her life as she took your's at the beginning of your life.  Full circle.

Ade xxx

[Bevlaar]

Oh emperortooco...its heartbreaking reading your post. Im sending you love and a huge hug and you and your mum are in my thoughts and prayers. Its so cruel this disease....it is my worst nightmare the thought I'll never see my beautiful children anymore or see their children. Stay strong and stay close to your mum and hold her close.
Love bev xxx

[Emperortooco]

Mum,s first couple of days at home were brilliant. I,m still of the opinion that she waited to be at home and see loved ones before she finally let go and it does seem that way as even the district nurses have passed comment at just how quickly she is failing. Breaks my heart but finally after all this time of suffering her pain is under control in the main. She has started to sleep a lot more now and when she does wake has been teary a couple of times which I hate to see. She said that she is not frightened to go as she wants to be out of pain but what she did say was that her only regret is that she would miss us all, which cracked me up. She really is an awe inspiring lady who I know will always be with me even though I won,t be able to kiss her head as I always do.

[JulieD]

Sorry there was a delay but so pleased to hear your mum is home now. I can imagine how much you are enjoying hearing her snore - it's the small things isn't it?!

Hope they've got pain meds sorted so your mum is as comfortable as possible. I know these next deays/weeks will be hard and emotional but I'm sure you will cherish your time.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers xx

[2catlady]

Thank god she's home,huge hugs to you both xxxxxxxxxxxxHelen xxxxx

[Bevlaar]

Thank goodness she's home where she belongs...close to you all. Much love to you and will be thinking of you xxx

[Mel66]

I've been following your posts Emperortooco. So glad you've finally got your mum at home where she wants to be with her family around her.

Much love and hugs for you all in the days ahead. x

[Emperortooco]

Home at last!!!!!!! She is tucked up in bed fast asleep snoring! Couldn,t think of a more comforting sound at this moment lol

[nicky08]

Hi emperortooco
I have only just picked up your postings but would like to add my admiration for the support you are giving your Mum, the care the hospital have obviously given her and to hope that she is home with you now in the place she wants to be. Thinking of you and your Mum and hope her final days are as comfortable as they can be and you remember all of the very many good times you must have had together in her very long life.
Take care
Nicky x

[Emperortooco]

Thankyou everyone for your kind words. Had a lovely last night at the hospital tonight with lots of nurses coming in to wish my mum well. Best one was the end of life specialist who said that it was a privilege to have met someone who was born in 1919 and had experienced so much change in their life. Thankyou Mel Mcevoy my mother felt so special

[Milo1]

Thinking of you and your mam, will add you both to my prayers xxxx

[Emperortooco]

Well the bad news is that she is still in hospital however good news is tomorrow is a definate! We are having issues with her pain control as she has a very low tolerance to,opiates. She,s on a combination of patches, pills and a syringe driver just hope because of the pain not being totally under control her home coming isn,t an anti climax, fingers crossed

[2catlady]

Oh no,I can't believe ,your mums not home. How cruel for your mum,shocking !I'd go and break her out and get her home.
I hope she's home tomorrow,huge hugs to you both ,Helen xxxxxxxx

[Bevlaar]

Thinking of you and mum....I'm praying that she gets home tomorrow. Sending you a huge hug and lots of love..stay strong ((((( )))))
Bev xxx

[Emperortooco]

Hi Julie, Unfortunatley the homecoming hasn,t happened, delays with carers apparently . Looking more like Thursday now. The hospital have put it down to the bank holiday but either way my mam,s disappointment is upsetting to see xx

[JulieD]

I've been thinking about you today, I hope your Mums transfer to your home went smoothly and you get to spend some good quality time with her xx

[JulieD]

Glad to hear your mum has perked up a bit at the prospect of being home with you. You have every right to feel proud of her she sounds like a strong amazing woman. It will be hard for you but if you are anything like your mum you will cope because you will want all to be as well as possible for your beloved mum. I shall be thinking of you all tomorrow (and beyond)as your mum returns home and you all settle and adjust into a new life.
Don't forget we are here if you want to offload, ask a question, have a cry,share a happy moment.....xx

[Emperortooco]

Thank you Julie for your kind words. She has definatley rallied round as she knows that she is coming home tomorrow. I am just so in awe of the dignified, courageous attitude that she has had throughout her journey with breast cancer. She is truly an inspiration and I,m so proud that she is my mum.xx

[JulieD]

Emperortooco,

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum, it must be such a hard and sad time for you but I hope you will find some support here,we do understand how cruel this disease is to both sufferers and family.

I remember Potmaid very well and was one of her Clairdrops in her final months, she was such a good example to us all in the way she handled her last days. I, unfortunately have lost far too many friends with secondary cancer but what I will say to you is that the care available means that our last days can be comfortable, dignified and peaceful.

I so hope your Mum can get home on Tuesday and be where she wants to be with her loved ones around her. We will be thinking of you all. Please do post whenever you want or need to.

Love Julie xx

[Emperortooco]

Thankyou all for your comments. She is still incredibly calm although seems to have deteriorated since yesterday. I,m just praying that she holds on until Tuesday as I know she doesn,t want her final days to be spent in a hospital side room

[Bevlaar]

Oh this is always so sad to hear and I am so sorry for you and your family. Be proud of your amazingly strong mum and remember the wonderful times....such a great age...the things she must have experienced in her lifetime. Shes with the love of her family and that's all she needs.

lots of love to you 

bev xxxxxx

[2catlady]

Oh,Emperortooco,so sorry to here your news,my heart goes out to you and your mum.
Love and hugs to you at this very sad time xxxxxxxxxx

[Janet_BCC]

Dear Emperortooco,

Thank you for your post.  I'm pleased you have found some support on the forums over the years.

I am sorry to hear that your mum is so poorly.

Take care

Very best wishes

Janet

BCC Moderator

[Emperortooco]

I,ve rarely posted on here since my mum was diagnosed with BC almost 5 years ago but I,ve been on here practically everyday and followed stories that have both inspired me as well as breaking my heart, Potmaid always sticks in my mind. Well today I was told that my mum has days maybe weeks left as the cancer has spread pretty much everywhere. Flo (my mum) has never ailed anything until she was diagnosed with BC at 89. I,m so proud of the way she has battled and handled her illness and more so today as she handled the news like the brave and courageous 94 year old lady that she is while I have been a quivering wreck. We are bringing her home on Tuesday to spend her final days where she is happy and feels secure. Don,t know why I,ve posted on here but I felt that I had to as a tribute to her bravery but also out of love as she is my world.