I've just read your post and I could have written it myself. I''m so so sorry to hear that your mum has passed away, I cant imagine what you are actually going through but know that one day I will.
I found about about a month ago that my Mum has got secondary breast cancer in the spine. She had breast cancer 5 years ago and I was looking forward to finally that nightmare being over (no more yearly manograms, no more anti cancer tablets) etc....but unfrotunately she had excruciating pain in her back in Dec and eventually after numberous tests and getting referred back to the consultant who saw her for the breast cancer we have an answer (well half at least) as we are still waiting for the CT Scan and oncologist appointment.
Your post made complete sense to me, I have been so up and down with my emotions that I realise I'm grieving for the time, events, milestones which I know we won't have now.
Does it get easier over time? How are you dealing with what I have to say is going to be the worst time of my life? I'm sitting here now typing on my laptop and my mum is stting opposite me watching Belgium V Panana in the world cup eating a packet of crisps. These things I never even thought about and I know one day I will cherish those times as I won't have them anymore.
I have had several chats with various people on these forums over the last few years, my Mum was diagnosed with secondaries just under 3 years ago, after almost 5 years clear.
It was a devastating time and to be honest I grieved then as I knew that although my Mum could be with us for a few years, she would never reach the age i had almost imagined she would. Me and Mum were so so close, shopping partners, ladies who lunch.. and she was an awesome nana to my 2 kids. Towards the last 6 months she lost a lot of her ummph for life and the lunches were fewer and further between.. but hse was still my Mum and the kid's Nana.
Sadly my Mum lost her battle on Fri 26th Jan, after a short bout in hospital. Although Mum had been ill for almost 3 years at the final stages it all came very quickly and she passed away peacefully surrounded by her family.
If anyone would like to get in touch to chat things over I'd be delighted to hear from you. It's a tough time and I do feel that talking helps, whatever stage you or your loved one are currently at.