Hi everyone I hope you are all managing to enjoy the weather. My question I think will result in a very mixed response. I was on the waiting list for a diep in 2020 when I was diagnosed with secondaries in my bone. During my primary treatment although I lost all my hair, I managed to keep upbeat and not let my appearance get me down too much. I know that some of us believe that it shouldn’t matter how we look as long as we’re beating this and others really struggle without hair or their body image. I think we all deal with things differently and we have to cope with things the best we can when we can. Anyway I’m rambling. My question is, has anyone has any significant reconstruction after being diagnosed with secondaries? My oncologist completely dismissed the idea of me staying on the waiting list saying it’s now a waste. I accepted this initially but my boobs are so unlevel with my recon boob being encapsulated, hard and high and my natural boob soft and much more droopier than the other. It’s also had a huge impact on my marriage, even though my husband is supportive I’m so self conscious. My hair is very thin and wispy hardly grown since 2016. My teeth are loosening because of the treatment but I’ve been told the denosumab prevents me from having any work done. So all in all I’m feeling really down with feeling so ugly and would love to be allowed to have the surgery or at least a thorough explanation as to why I can’t have it. At first I agreed that it was a lot to put myself through if I was to die in 6months. But if we lived with those thoughts we’d never plan anything. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want an 8 hour op to put my body right but that is the only option. We don’t want cancer but we’re stuck with it, so I want to make the best out of what I do or don’t have. Whatever your views or experiences I would love to hear from you. Lots of love xxxx
I really feel for you but I think one reason they wouldn’t carry out a long and complex operation for what they see as cosmetic reasons is the increased risk of blood clots that having cancer carries with it which would increase the risk of surgery. I had a spinal fracture caused by a bone met so had to have surgery but it was an emergency as I could have been left paralysed, and all the risks of the surgery were spelled out to me including increased risk of pulmonary embolism because of having cancer. I would press for an explanation as to why the operation is considered out of the question, perhaps that might help you to come to terms with it. Lots of love
Jane
Dear Buster,
I do get where you are coming from on this. As women we spend our lives being told how we should look and all of us are touched by this! I never had a reconstruction after mastectomy and in some ways that was easier, just using a prosthesis. But last year my cancer returned and I started chemo, lost all my hair and loads of weight. I felt and looked grim and frankly thought I must be repulsive! My husband was scared to hurt me and so was physically reserved too. But the situation has changed with time; I feel much better as my treatment is working, hair is back and normal life has resumed! If I were you I would continue to investigate the possibility of a reconstruction, but perhaps also be a bit kinder to yourself! SBC is hard to deal with, but we are expected just to get on with it. It might be worth contacting MacMillan for counselling support so you can work through some of your feelings too.
Mary