Tattoo for mum/update on mum

[Guest user]

So this is what happened yesterday. Me and dad decided to go to our hospital to see the Macmillan staff. We sat in a very quiet area that was very relaxed, offered tea or coffee and spoke to a very nice lady who made us both feel a little bit calmer. We discussed what had been going on and how ill mum was. She advised us that it would be good to get our GP to come out to see her to see weather she needed to be admitted to hospital. Our GP surgery closes at lunch time on a Thursday so there was not answer. The lady rang NHS direct to talk to them , they took our details and they would get someone to come and see mum. So we went home to wait for the call. We got a call from an emergancy out of hours service but they could not guarantee a time that we would be seen. So as adviced my Macmillan as opiton number two, i rang for an ambulance. So mum was taken into hospital A&E where they did urine and blood samples. Mum was kept in and is now in a ward. Now, i found out how bad my mum really is yesterday. They recieved, in the post, a copy of a letter that was sent from her cancer team to her GP. I was shocked at what i read. I have never been to an appointment with my mum and dad as mum is a very private " old school" person and didnt want me to go, so i have had to go along with what mum and dad have told me after they attend the apointments. The rash that is covering my mum front ,back ,neck and now left arm is infact not a rash but Inflamatory breast cancer. Dad says he was told " we cannot cure the rash, but we can slow things down" what they were really says was the cancer is incurable but be can slow it down! I dont know if its the way it was worded to mum and dad or as sometime happens, doctors explain things and you missunderstand what you have been told. so to bring things up to date, mum has grade 3 (or it was a few weeks ago) Wide spread Bilateral Inflammatory breast cancer. She has open wounds the size of 10p pieces between her breasts and the hole of her back and fornt is weeping and bleeding. I now know i should have insisted to my mum that i go the the appointments with them. Will keep you posted how she is.

[AnnieK68]

Hi Wacky,

I really wish there was something I could say or do to make things better for you and your family.

If you haven't done so already, I would ring the BCC helpline who may be able to guide you in the right direction with getting some help. There does come a time when you have to think of the needs of the whole family and not just your Mum. Hopefully, with the right help in place things will be easier for you and your Dad.

It's quite normal for you to get frustrated with the situation but try not to get angry with your Mum, I'm sure if she wasn't so poorly she wouldn't be like this. Believe me, I know it's difficult I have an 82 year old Mum and lost my Dad to cancer nearly 20 years ago.

Take care

Axx

[Lavenderlassie]

Well done, Wacky,
You go right ahead, it is better if you do it and not your Dad. We had a situation like that once with my Mum and Dad, where my Dad said "Do not call the doctor" We said "call the doctor or we will when we get there and we are coming over now" He thought there was no treatment for what he had but there was, and he forgave everyone.
She is too confused to be making good decisions and I don't think you will find any doctor will criticise you for doing it, or your son or Dad.
keep going, we know you love your Mum and so does she really
Lavender
xx

[Guest user]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. Mum was better this morning and has been out of bed today. Still very frustrating as she is SO against getting professional help. had to be very blunt with her today for her and my fathers sake. Told her she needs help, not eaten since Sunday not taking tablets. Memory is now herrendous. She asked me today why my son was not at work. He has anxiety and agoraphobia. He is unable to work. She had forgotten. Dad was out walking around our estate this afternoon in a daze and not at all himself. VERY concerned for him! When i tried to tell mum today she needs help and that dad needs help she just shouted and told me to go home. I didnt ! I think it may be best if i just ring for help and not my dad. If she was to know that we are going to get help she would go NUTS at dad. He gets everything in the neck from her all the time, so its hard not to upset her because after i leave , dad gets yelled at from mum! My son has been to see her today and has come back very distressed (he's 18) it is affecting him more than he lets on, which is not good for his own mental health. Mum wakes dad up all through the night and says " oi you fallen asleep again" through out the night. He is exhausted!!!!!!!!! Im going to go back over later but i can feel the anger inside me towards my mum growing which i hate myself for. I know it may end in a huge row but enough is enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i still love her : (

[RevCat]

Hi Wacky, so sorry to hear your latest update, you msut be very worried.

Thank goodness Lavender Lassie found your post or we might have all missed it.

The advice from the others is good. Fortisip and Forticream (not absolutely sure of the spelling) are what they use in hospitals for people who are very weak. Deydration can cause hallucinations, as can water infections (which can also have symptons that mimic mild dementia) - hopefully if she can get her fluids back in balance she will be more like herself.

Hopefully the hopsital can help clear the fluid from her lymphodema - she may have to be admitted if it's very bad. I think phoning macMillan would be good, also does your mum have a specialist breast nurse - you could phone her.

Thinking of you - please come back to tell us your updates. Remember always what a great son you are and how proud the Mum you love is of you.

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Wacky Racer,
I'm sorry to hear your mum has taken a turn for the worse, as well as the suggestions other users have put forward, have you phoned the helpline here? The staff are here to support you and your mum and will, I am sure point you in the right direction to find the help you both need right now. Unfortunately the helpline is closed until tomorrow morning at 9am, but do please give them a call, calls are free 0808 800 6000.

Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

[carolihne]

Poor thing this is horrible for all of you. Personally I would get in contact with Mcmillian. Your Mum needs to made comfortable even if she isn't keen on having them- from my expereince they are very tactfull and used to dealing with difficult situations. Try getting her some fourty sips drinks (from the chemist) they contain all the nutrients one needs , try to get her to suck ice lollies or take small sips of fluid. She may be halucinating due to dehydration? Can you make your way to the lympodema thread (good luck with trying to find it!) but the ladies on there might have some more useful advice.
Hang in there
Caroline

[Lavenderlassie]

Hi Wacky
I have posted a new post with a plea for people to find you here in "Undergoing Treatment for Breast cancer" How it got into Complementary therapy, I don't know! Will try again.
This is what i wrote:
http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/community/forums/undergoing-treatment-breast-cancer/about-wackys-mum-having-trouble-treatment

[Lavenderlassie]

Hi Wacky,
I saw your comment on one of the other threads, and tracked you down.
That all sounds very disappointing after your news last month.
Although she looks angry if you mention hospital or Macmillan, things are not going to get better without getting help- if you have a Macmillan nurse contact I would phone them saying your Mum is not happy about it- but you cannot leave her the way she is or your Dad left feeling helpless too. You could maybe phone and ask to speak to her GP too or instead. Or phone the Helpline here?
Lavender
xx
Will also try and post a duplcate somewhere so people know to look for you here

[Guest user]

I had a phone call from dad today asking if i could go and have a chat with mum. when i got there she was in bed. she looked terrible. She has not eaten for 2 1/2 days. She is being sick. She refuses to take her Medication. She is hallucinating. (seeing things on the ceiling that are not there) She does not have the strength to get the the bathroom and my dad struggles to help her. (he is 78) Mum looks like she is filling with fluid, her neck and face is swelling on the same side as her arm, really bad. the swelling in her face is making her voice sound different, like someone talking with something in their mouth. She is still as stubborn as usual. If we mention hospital or Macmillan she gets very angry and upset. Dad and i dont know what to do for the best. HELP! : (

[Guest user]

so where do i start........... Mum has been back to the hospital to check on the rash that she had on her chest and back. The hospital gave her cream to help with it, this did not work. Apparently the rash is connected to the Lymphedema and damaged lymph nodes. Mums arm has now got very large due to the build up of fluid and has to rest it on a cushion as it is very uncomfortable, her forearm is the size of my thigh and she is unable to now wear her sleave. The fluid is now building up in her neck and face on the same side. I was supposed to be taking my mum and dad out in the car this morning but got an early call from dad to say that he had had to break into the bathroom as mum had been to the loo and locked the door but had not had the strength to get off the loo. This is the first time this has happened. Mum looks really ill and bloated. so worried about her. Mum has to go for a bone and body scan in 2 weeks time. She was put on Capecitabine and Domperidone tablets 2 days ago.

[Guest user]

Thanks everyone for your kind words as always.
Will keep you all posted on mums progress.
Thankyou all.

[Lavenderlassie]

What great news, Wacky! So pleased for you all, but you must all feel a bit knocked sideways, from the stress beforehand. Love to your Mum and hope your OH is doing well too.
Lavender
xx

[Guest user]

Oh that is absolutely fabulous news, what a relief,though be good to know cause of rash, the fact is not cancer is the best and the main thing oh lots of love to u all. please keep us updated, it wonderful x

[Guest user]

That's such great news! It's had a ripple effect to me - it's just the news you wish to kear.

All the best for you all.

[Cackles]

What a relief after such stress on you all. Yippee in some ways but I hope they can find out the rash's cause.
Thank you for letting us all know.
Cackles

[RevCat]

Thank you for the update. Well that is good news - you must all be SO relieved. Goodness me what a time you've had of it. Never before has a rash sounded like good news!

I hope you are all able to enjoy this moment together.

Take care.

[Guest user]

Thanks Shar.
Sorry for not updating sooner but I've been trying to get my head around the news my mum had yesterday.
Mum went to see the docs and got the test results and they examined her.
They told her No cancer!! After department linked to the cancer department said they thought it had come back, mum gets confirmation that it had not.
Aparently it's a very severe rash all over her back, chest and neck, but the cause is unknown.
They have put her on some tablets to try and sort this out.
Mum has to go back in a months time to see the docs and see how the treatment for the rash is going.
We were all fearing the worse , good news for a change!!

[Guest user]

Hi Wacky, I have sent you a PM tonight, I do hope all went well on Wednesday and as someone else said on here, your love for your mum really does shine through and that means such alot, I know I appreciated and embraced that so much last year when I went through my treatment. Lots of positive thoughts to you and your family x

[Guest user]

Thanks Cackles.

[Cackles]

Wacky I am so sorry your mum has a problem again so soon after her chemotherapy is over. I hope they can find out what is happening in order to try to control it. She has such an supportive family.
All best wishes
Cackles

[Guest user]

Thanks everyone. Will keep you posted as to how mum gets on.

[Lavenderlassie]

Thinking of you all, Wacky, as you come up to Wednesday's appointment and hoping you get news of some possible treatment.

[RevCat]

Oh Wacky I am so sorry to hear this. INflamamtory breast cancer is especially nasty, yet even so there are some very encouraging stories from women on here. Will be thinking of you all... your love for your Mum shines through every post and I'm sure she knows how much you love her and your support means a lto to her.

Take care

[Guest user]

Mum finally has her appointment with the hospital this Wednesday.
Her inflamatory breast cancer looks like it has come back.
It looks worse that it did originally. Mum only stopped her chemo in November.
You can now see it above the neck line of her blouse.
Really worried about her and what they will say on Wednesday.

[Lavenderlassie]

Really sorry to hear that Wacky
Hope you get some definite news soon, with a plan for treatment
Thinking of you all
Lavender
xx

[RevCat]

Oh Wacky, that sounds very worrying for you all. Thinking of you all...and hoping it turns out to be a flase alarm. I know you will continue to be a great support to your mum. Take care.

[Guest user]

Mum went to hospital today for a new sleave.
They were not happy with the skin redness on her chest. Looks like the cancers back again.
Gutted! : (

[Guest user]

Thanks eveyone.
Ginger1984, Would love to see a pic when you get your tattoo done.
Any ideas what your having done?
Mark.

[Guest user]

I think it is a lovely idea. I am doing the same to show my mum support. Post a pic once completed! X

[Guest user]

Hi Wacky, just caught up with your post and its true, your tattoo has a very powerful message and your family are very lucky having you, I couldnt do this withouth mine,it really is important and once again, I am thriled about your mums good news. Keep posting and thanks for sharing with us. Shar 🙂

[Lavenderlassie]

What fantastic news, Wacky! Grinning like mad here, so pleased for you all! As it will have affected you all, now I hope a lift for you all.

[RevCat]

That's great Wacky (or Mark... somehow the name Wacky suits you)

Let's hope that now she really is able to get over all her treatment and move forward. She will be so proud of how you've supported her through all the ups and downs of her treatment... she must've done a good job cos you are clearly a very loving son.

[Guest user]

Hi everyone.
Some good news!
Mum went to the hospital and got the all clear again.
The small lump that was there two weeks ago has disappeared.
Doctors very pleased with her and don't want to see her again until May.
Mark.

[Guest user]

Thanks bubbletrouble. Most people that have seen the tattoo seem to like it, and what it stands for.
Mum has her appointment with the hospital on Wednesday so lets hope for some possitive news.
Mark.

[Guest user]

Wacky I think your family are very lucky to have a lovely thoughtful person like you in their lives. I love the idea of the tattoos, and the one you've chosen is perfect. Best wishes to you, your wife and your mum xx

[Guest user]

Thanks everyone, really pleased with the tattoo, it means a lot to me. Mum get her results next week so fingers crossed. Will keep you posted.

[Lavenderlassie]

That's a really good tattoo, Wacky, it really means something and is a message to a lot of people.
Really sorry to hear the news about your Mum, hope the tests go well.

[Cackles]

Evening Wacky,
Sorry Mum is going through so much just when she was getting her hair back. Mine unlike RevCat and Lavender is still only a centimetre but thatis better than nothing.
You must be pleased with the tattoo. You wanted to get one done and you have done just that. I hope it wasn't too uncomfortable.
Do let us all know what mums progress it like.
My best wishes for her and to you and your wife. She has a lovely family supporting her.
Cackles

[RevCat]

Hi Wacky,
thanks for uploading your photo - a very powerful message indeed.

I am sorry to hear you Mum is still having to have more treatment and investigations - a very worrying time for all of you. Hopefully they will get on top of it and she will soon be on the mend.

I am sure your support means a lot to her at this time.

Take care of yourself too.

[Guest user]

Hi all.
Well i finally had the Tattoo done.
Decided on something that was personal to me, my wife and my mum.
I had a script tattoo done on my arm which says " The first wealth is health " meaning that money is not everything and good health is more important. Nothing too flash, just some suttle lettering.
Mum has had a bit of a set back. The blood transfusion did not seem to make her any better. still very tired. She went for a check up last week and the doctor found a lump on the other side. Mum had a chest x ray and a blood test and goes back next week.
A real shame as mum was doing so well and after finishing her chemo in November , her hair had started to grow back, not a lot but just enough to see a stubble. This cheered her up seeing it start to grow back. i fear that she may need more chemo and i dont know how she will deal with the possability of that.
I have uploaded the picture of my tattoo to my profile picture for you to look at.
Mark.

[Lavenderlassie]

Well, it's not the everyday place to do it, that's for sure, but it is possible!

[Guest user]

Thanks lavender for the info.
They had to check her blood presure every 20 minutes, so after the vain popped in her arm, they had to take it using her ankle.
Didnt know you could check blood presure from there?
Mark.

[Lavenderlassie]

Good that she got the blood in finally, but what a shame about the popped vein. Difficult to see what else they could do apart from check on the poorly arm, normally they are not supposed to use it for BP check or anything with needles but with a blood drip in her other arm guess the options were limited.
Onwards and upwards!
By the way the swollen arm stuff is called lymphoedema- pronounced lim fuh dee mah if you can work that out!
Cheers
Lavender

[Guest user]

Thanks Lavender.
Well, mum had her blood transfusion today. 4 hours to put in 2 bags of blood. Mum has a problem with her right arm , can't remember the fancy name, but I know it's to do with the lymph gland in her armpit and fluid in her arm making her arm very large. Anyway they had to take her blood presure and used the poorly arm. When they pumped up the blood presure machine there was a pop, and a vain in her arm burst. Apart from that all is ok. Let's see how she feels over the next couple of days. Hopefully she will feel more like her old self.
Mark.

[Lavenderlassie]

Oh dear, that doesn't sound organised! Hope it all works out today for her and that she feels better fr it
Lavender

[Guest user]

Well, mum went for her transfusion today. After having a blood test and waiting four hours she was told the blood would not be ready for another five yours. She could wait or come back tomorrow. So let's hope she has better luck tomorrow.

[Guest user]

Thanks Cackles for your kind words.
Lets see how mum is after the Transfusion.
Mark.

[Cackles]

Evening Wacky Racet.
I have read all the posts here and think you are a lovely worried son that cares very much for his mum. Anaemia and the low blood counts caused by the chemotherapy can cause memory loss and activity to drop in some people. Your mum may be shielding herself perhaps by denying she as had cancer. Lots of people do this and if she copes that way so be it.
I had "Tatoos" put on for my radiotherapy on thurday. Having had chemotherapy I have now become needle phobic... I take my hat off to you for getting one done......I hope it is not too painful.
All the best for you and your mum and dad.
Cackles

[Guest user]

Thanks everyone. Lets hope mum is feeling better for christmas.