69161members
363172posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Feel like a fraud

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Thank you. Your blog and these posts spurred me to register and battle with the “I’m not a robot” test (which seemed far trickier than normal).  

So many of the messages in this string resonate, particularly the comment on controlling who knows about my breast cancer.  

With children in 2 separate schools, I have kept th information contained in one school but not in the other - and I know which one I feel more comfortable with.  

I also work in a large organisation (where I have been for a long time) and I can feel my news spread between colleagues across geographies with each kind message I receive - extending further from my immediate team and city.  Part of me fears that I won’t be able to walk into any of the offices without glances of pity - which are well-meaning but...

After a mastectomy and lymph clearance surgery last week, I get my pathology report tomorrow.  I’m quite nervous now after making the error of looking up 5 year survival rates before I know my stage.  Whatever the report, I know there will be a treatment plan in which I will be confident.

Good luck with all your treatments and recovery.  Thank you for reminding me of some of the most positive and important things.

Highlighted
Community Champion

Re: Feel like a fraud

Love you Jempd. So well written and inspiring. You are amazing.
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Jude just read your blog - so well written and puts into words how I, and in no doubt many others feel.
Like you I rarely cry but somehow plod through all this rubbish . I have chosen carefully the people I needed to tell and how my wonderful friends have been has reduced me to tears, family and friends have been awesome and I have become a lot closer to each one of them- feel so so blessed to have them in my life . Then there is everyone else- I hide it from most people and thus has caused me to reflect why. 1) my children (12,10 and 7) have wanted to be normal and they have selected which members of school staff I have told - this has given them some control over this. With a picc line it is noticeable and they and I have wanted to keep this covered with long sleeve tops and cardigans around ‘everyday’ people eg school playground. I also gave chosen to wear my wig out of the house at all times. Inside I wear scarves.
2) think some of the above helps me have some control over what is going on. I choose who to tell and who to smile at and ask how they are. 3) with my wig -Audrey - I have felt a fraud when people complement my new hair style , slightly blonder colour and lots shorter, some have even asked where I had it cut- I just say thank you.
With all this I don’t need everyone I see or am acquainted to know- don’t need their well meaning looks, pity, comments that you popped into you blog. So I am happy with the choices I’ve made, it has allowed my children to be ‘normal’ at this horrid timeI, I’ve not been the topic of gossip or people saying the wrong thing and upsetting me.
This doesn’t mean I won’t tell other but I don’t need to at this point in time.
Gosh I didn’t know I was going to put this all into words - but thank you Jude for promoting me.
Chemo wise I had cycle 4 out of 6 yesterday. New drug this time - docetaxel- was terrified after reading others experiences. However I’m 24 hours in and doing amazingly well. No ‘swiimy’ head today, no bond or joint pain. Went out for a walk with my mum to my beloved foreshore- 19 swans were still there, birds, butterflies and sparkling sea. This might all change over the coming days but am smiling at the mo.
When you meet the oncologist ask all the questions you have - I had loads - they are the ones with the knowledge, I asked the nurse for a minute by minute run down of the chemo day- this really helped me, look round the ward etc. Then when you start take 1 cycle at a time and then break down to each day - makes it so much more doable. Awful days will just be that 1 day or 2 but the rest of cycle different.
Take care, we’re all rooting for you xx
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Jude just read your blog absolutely bang on well done and thanks for sharing xx
Highlighted
Community Champion

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude. Hacve just read your blog and it is bang on to how we feel well was for me anyway however I did tend the chemo as had opposite er and her2 to yourself. Couldn’t have worded better myself. I am now 3 weeks post active treatment and feeling pretty good. Still have the thought occasionally of it coming back and did they
Manage to take it all in the first place it supposethis is something that will get easier as time moves on. Think I might even type something up myself so can give to friends and even family as thinking would maybe help them understand also. Brilliant reading. Good luck with your chemo and hoping not to many side effects.
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

 

Just read your blog!!! Well done you - love the title and I so enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing on here...I will be thinking of you, as I said but it will also be good reading your blog posts too.

 

Sending love and hugs and  you’re so right about the  great support on the forum.

 

Take care.

Rosie xx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

JUDE1962. Sorry to read your going down the chemo route. You are being so brave and I look forward to reading your blogs going forward. Moving towards the last stage of active treatment but will keep coming back on here to see how you are doing. Fingers crossed your se are minimal. Love and hugs Chris
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jem

Thanks for the good luck messsge, I’m expecting the chemo nurse will go through the nitty gritty bit of chemo so should have a better idea of what to expect on Monday - gulp!
Hope you are coping ok with your chemo, what cycle are you in?
First blog complete, if you have a spare 2 mins give it a read
Take care x
https://dancingwithchemo.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/why-blog-about-chemo/

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude - sorry previous message should have read appointment on Friday - blaming chemo exhaustion!!
Blogging sounds a good idea
X
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude good luck tomorrow re results- we’re all with you, hugs Jem xx
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Thanks Rosie
If I’m brave enough to publish I’ll let you know!
The support on here is immense
Take care x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude

 

Good luck with your blog...I think you’re right! Writing is very cathartic so I’m sure you’ll find it helps you through chemo. Will you publish it? Let us all know on the forum if you do.

 

Meanwhile enjoy those little things! Thinking of you and let us know how it goes.

 

Take care of yourself.

R xx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

Sounds like you have got a lovely set up in France.
I have to say I’ve been treated fantastically by everybody involved in my treatment so far in the NHS - god bless em
I’ve decided I’m going to do a blog whilst I’m going through the chemo treatment, thought it might be good therapy
We all need to take time to smell the roses, get our priorities right going forward & to enjoy as much as we can. Sometimes the simple things are the best

Take care x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Jude there is nothing selfish in focussing on yourself!!! In fact you must do it! 

It’s so helpful having support from your nearest and dearest as well as friends around you. I’m sure you feel much more in control of things now - it’s a much better place to be than the early days of uncertainty and the terrifying unknown. 

 

Yes we live in France. There is a support group for everyone affected by cancer in the city, about 10 kilometres from where we live. Also a similar forum to this one (my French is good but having to write it all in French is much harder) I’m sure I’d make some faux pas along the way! Having said that my French friends have been wonderful as is the care I’ve received. There is counselling, well-being courses and dietary advice there if I need it and I only have to pck up the phone to speak to my oncologist, surgeon, gynécologue (sorry French spelling) to have an appointment within hours. It is an excellent Heath service.

 

I suppose sometimes I think people think you’re all done now you’re finished with active treatment but I think it takes time to recover. I think it’s finding the new me...the one who will never take anything for granted and is making time to appreciate what I have and enjoy all the little things in my life.

Take care

Rosie xx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

Yes it is good to have a plan, I’ve got next week to get straight at work & then I can rather selfishly focus on myself
My friends & family have been great & my husband & elder sister in particular have been really supportive
I’m pleased that physically you feel fine, I would imagine emotionally that hits more once the treatments have finished. Are you living in France? Do they have any support networks that you can join in your local area. I might contact the Look good feel better local centre to assist with the hair loss / makeup to suit
Look after yourself x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello Jude

Good to hear your news!

I'm pleased that you have the full picture and that you now have a plan. It must feel much better and also that your oncologist is lovely chap. 

I can’t pretend I know what your journey through chemo will be like as it wasn’t necessary for my treatment but I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you well. I hope you have lots of family support or if not, some good friends to hold your hand. Although as I’ve read on here, there is a lot of virtual handholding along the way!!

 

I seem to be recovering very well physically but still find the emotional side harder. I have no further appointments until November when I’ll have a six monthly mammogram but I’ll be hanging around on this forum, hopefully cheering everyone on and taking a little support for me, from the lovely ladies in the coming months ahead.

 

Take care.

Love Rosie x

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Ladies
Had my appointment with the oncologist today - lovely chap spent an hour with him talking things through
The upshot is grade 3 stage 1 no cancer in lymph HER2+ ER-, so chemo & herceptin
Having 6 lots of chemo, 1 every 3 weeks
The first three are EC & the second three are T (which is a bit nasty but going for belt & braces approach). They will also start the herceptin with the T & then a further 9 months of herceptin every 3 weeks. This mix of drugs ups my 10 year survival to 85% - decent odds
Appointment with the chemo nurse a week on Friday. Start date for chemo 30th July & got wig appointment through for 1st August!
6 month parking permit sorted for hospital as well
A lot to take in today but we now have a plan x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi E

I think we have all had to wake up & smell the coffee.
Good luck for you next week, I hope your results are the best possible
Jude x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Yorkshire Tyke,

 

I was prescribe Cicalfate  Repair cream after my lumpectomy. Still use this now on my scar.

 

Then Xeracalm AD Lipid-Replenishing balm during radiotherapy.  I also use TriXera Nutri-fluid cleanser over my breast and underarm. This is a face and body wash but is very soft and gentle. Both these products are designed for very, very dry skin that is irritated. 

 

I can see why they are medically prescribed and have been worth every penny. If they are not stocked in store , perhaps you could google an Avene supplier in the UK.

 

Good luck.

Rosie x

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Boots and superdrug appear to stock some of the products which ones did you use
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Just found out the that radiotherapy wil be 6-8 weeks from 1st radiotherapy appiontment, that I wont get till 2 weeks after results, that are going to be at least 4 weeks after surgery that was 6 weeks after diagnosis.

I had plans......that due to denial I thought were possible!

E x

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

hi Jude,
l'm in total denial about the posibility of needing chemo although I have researched ALL possibilities in high technical detail! I, like you appreciate the power that knowledge brings.
Maybe I will have to lose my nipple and have chemo. Neither are the end of the world, I must keep away from catastrophizing. I may know this time next week, 4 weeks after surgery.
I hope tomorrow goes ok for you.
love e x

Highlighted
Community Champion

Re: Feel like a fraud

Yorkshire Tyke

 

that is great news about your results 🙂

 

If you go on the Radiotherapy section here there is a montly thread for radiotherapy where ladies who are continuing rads that month and ladies just about to embark on them can give help and support to each other.  I generally start the next months thread towards the end of the month before. 

 

Helena xx

 

 

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Yes Blue2!! 

Drank loads of water too (still do) !! Very important!!!😉

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Yorkshire Tyke

 

So pleased to read about your results this morning. You must feel somewhat relieved given how worried you were. Great news that you have a holiday planned - something to focus on. Me too!!!

 

I’m not sure I was ever in denial but it was a great shock, I must admit. Your journey sounds as though it will be similar to mine, although I live in France. I have appointments booked for November including a mammogram. Was diagnosed in February and rads finished 5 weeks ago, so they’re not leaving me too long to relax!!!

 

In terms of skincare ( and i know it is different from what I’ve read for other ladies on the forum in the UK) i was told not to put anything on my skin other than what was prescribed by my oncologist and surgeon. I was given Avene products which have worked like a dream and absolutely no side effects whatsoever throughout.  The products were developed with the advice and expertise of cancer specialists in France and the center Thermale provides aftercare for women after cancer treatments.  I know they are available in Boots but not a full range -probably need the website. Would be happy to tell you what I use if you are interested.

 

Anyway good luck with your treatment and will be thinking of you.

Take care.

Rosie xx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Yorkshire Tyke, I had 4 weeks of radiotherapy at Leeds exactly a year before you are due to start! From mid August 17 to mid September 17. At Leeds, they don't advise any creams to use, and just provide you with barrier cream for washing with. My skin was mostly fine, though became red, hot and itchy towards the end of treatment and they gave me cooling dressings for that. I would say take your own water, as it's recommended that you drink plenty, it's summer, and the water in the waiting rooms by the treatment machines is warm! Well it was last year anyway! Any questions, just ask. X
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

I was given a leaflet for the Unit at Leeds which makes reference to additional leaflets about skin care but I haven't been advised to do anything other than put bio-oil on my scar. What do you recommend?
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi,

 

I think I was initially in denial, I was so fit an healthy way above average for my age. I kept thinking why me what did i do? I don't smoke, I have a good diet, I excercise regularly etc.

 

I am an analyst so I was straight on the internet researching and reading articles. Basically trying to process what was going on. After a couple of days I had read so much I decided enough was enough and I had to limit myself to reputable sites. The US version of this site is very good for information on the tests.

 

After more thought I decided the only way I could stay sane through this was to break it down:

 

Part 1 - get through the operation

Part 2 - get through chemo if necessary

Part 3 - get through radiotheraphy

Part 4 - A tablet a day... how bad can that be you take a multi vitamin everyday

 

My friends (one of whom is a GP) kept telling me, the fact that you are so fit will help you recover from surgery etc.

 

Running along side this was the thought what will I do when I've got through all of this?

 

Like Jude it's a holiday, but for me it's skiing, which was booked before my journey started and then (as a result of a question asked by the nurses distracting me while the anethetist put the cannula in the back of my hand (the only bit that I hated)) Scuba Diving in Galapogos with hopefully shoals of hammerhead sharks!

 

So in short I think that DENIAL is a pretty common response.

 

 

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

On the subject of feeling like a fraud, last week I had to be admitted to hospital for neutropenia. I ended up on the Acute Medical Ward in a Bay with people who were clearly very very sick. I found myself feeling very fraudulent for taking up a precious bed with fever and a low WBC. I truly felt guilty. It wasn’t until the next day that the penny dropped, I am not a fraud, I have breast cancer which is scary enough, and my treatment could possibly kill me! There is a definite disconnect between how I feel, which is generally quite well, and the reality of my diagnosis. I think it may take a while to truly sink in.
Jacq
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Sorry *neat & tidy
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hiya

If you are like me you may find, depending on your results, that it does start to sink in - the reality of been told I need chemo keeps hitting me in little waves
Also today, only a minor thing but I very rarely have anything wrong with me I’ve had to phone the breast unit & get an appointment as the lower end of my scar was inflamed, so my consultant had to squeeze some pus out - yuk!
And I have been showing off as my scar was very near & tidy
Just hoping on Wednesday that I’m not triple negative but I’ve got a feeling...
The waiting is a total bummer though

Take care x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi everyone,
I felt such a fraud after diagnosis that I became obsessed with asking for a re-test!
Was called back from my first mamogram at 52,
diagnosed 16th may Dcis and idc.
Had not worried one jot at the appointment where a biopsy was taken, how would i have cancer . I am fit and active with a good diet and no family history of breast cancer. Bit of a shock on results appointment!
3 weeks of MRI and 4 more biopsies I was relieved
to be able to chose breast conservation surgery on 27th June .
I've now been waiting nearly 3 weeks for results.
phoned today and was told maybe next week!
I feel I'm being given a test in patience .
If margins arn't clear my surgeon has said he will have to take my nipple! I so want to keep my new boob as it is.
I can't stand this waiting so have joined your conversation though I see from your more recent posts that you probably don't feel a fraud no more xxxxxx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Yorkshire tyke I had my rads done at the Bexley wing of Leeds lgi too. Amazing staff who really do care. I would suggest you take something to read whilst waiting as you don't always get in on time. They are so very busy brought it home to me just how many people are suffering with this damn disease!!! Take some water and whichever cream you are using to apply straight after your treatment. Don't forget to get the free parking by showing the attendant your appointment letter. Good luck with it all and ring that bell loud and proud when you have finished!!!💖💖
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hiya

That’s fantastic news, I’m really pleased for you - presumably you’ll be having some hormone treatment as well?
Wishing you loads of luck with the radiotherapy!

Re holiday, would love to go somewhere like Cuba, a 2 centre hols - a week in Havana & a week at the beach. You never know...

Jude x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello Ladies,

 

My Oncotype DX score was 11 so I've avoided Chemotheraphy by a whisker, so releived. I was actually shaking before I went in for my appointment, I could have done cartwheels down the corridor on the way out (well in theory I was never any good at them when I did gymnastics at primary school....)

 

Just goes to show that despite the tumour being Grade as 3 chemotheraphy is not always necessary.

 

My Radiotheraphy will start Mid to Late August as St James Hospital Leeds so if anyone has some top tips (even if it's which cake to choose in the cafe) please share.

 

Jude.

 

A holiday is definately something to look forward to. Where are you thinking of going?

 

E

 

 

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Enjoy your belated celebrations & holiday Rosie x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Well done Jude!! Planning a holiday is good...something to look forward to.

 

I was diagnosed the day before my husbands birthday and two weeks before my 60th!! I had such big plans but obviously they didn’t happen. It’s only now, 6 months on, that we are planning a few celebrations and a break to relax. 

 

Your spring holiday will be here before you know it. 😊

 

Take care.

Rosie

xx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Rosie

Thanks for the message

Yes I’m researching it as much as possible on the basis that it gives you a degree of control

We had talked about a holiday early October but as that won’t happen thinking of planning a fab holiday next spring
I love a plan!

Take care x

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jen
Thanks for the message

I will defo join the chemo group on here - these forums offer great support

I’ll be honest I’ve struggled a bit the last couple of days with the chemo concept as initially it was ‘just’ an op & radiotherapy so I am having to get my head around it all

Work have been fantastic so that is a big help

Take care x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hello Ladies

Just popping in this thread again and seeing a few recent posts.

 

Hi Jude

I’m sorry that you’ll be facing chemo after your recent results. At least you’ve done your reading and preparing for it and you have a tailor-made plan just for you. I felt much better (relieved even!) when I knew what was happening although i waited many weeks to hear what treatment path I would take. 

 

Hi Yorkshire Tyke

I’m wishing you lots of good luck today for your appointment! Whatever your road you’ll be in good hands and plenty of support on here.

 

Thinking of you both, lovely ladies,  and sending love and hugs from France to you.

 

Rosie xx

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude
Sorry your results mean chemo- how are you doing? I’m currently half way through chemo- it’s hard but doeable. The chemo monthly threads on here are a real support, place you can chat about how you’re doing, support others, make each other smile and laugh - been so valuable to me so far.
Write down all your questions before you see the oncologist- I had lots!
Let me know how you get on and your start date. Best piece of advice for me was to break chemo down - 1st in to cycles, then weeks and then days.
Take care big hugs xx
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Seen my consultant today for the results unfortunately still waiting on HER2 results but if negative my diagnosis will be triple negative breast cancer & the next treatment will be chemo.
However if HER2 positive they can offer Herceptin but can only give alongside chemo. So either way I am having chemo just different chemo cocktail depending on results.
So got appointment to see oncologist next Wednesday - will get HER2 results then (hopefully) & chemo will start the week after
The plan is 1 strong dose + 2days of steroids every 3 weeks - 6 times, a short break, then 3 weeks of radiotherapy. If I need Herceptin 1 dose every 3 weeks for a year
Other than the Herceptin (if required), might just be finished for Christmas
Can’t bear being cold so not going for the cold cap option, but will take them up on the option of a wig on the NHS from a really good wig shop - every cloud...x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi YorkshireTyke

Thanks for the link on the oncotype data - all quite interesting if I’m honest. I feel that I’ve entered a new world full of words I’ve vaguely heard of which are now mega important!
The waiting is a bit of a bind but obviously worth it if you get the best treatment for your diagnosis

I’ve been at work yesterday & today but am knackered again, had a lovely chat with my boss who had said I can basically come & go as I please if I’m tired & work from home if it helps! Obviously I don’t want to abuse it but it’s good to know it’s an option
Take care x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude,

 

I'm 52 and being treated in Harrogate at the moment. So far I've only seen the Surgeon and my BCN who are both lovely. My bruising has gone now although I did have a rather interesting blue, green, yellow design at one point! Not as good as the combined art work of Nuclear Medicine, Radiology and the Surgeon though :). Still a couple of lumps around the edges of the scar but they also appear to be going down.

 

My next appointment is scheduled for Friday 13th (provided the Oncotype DX results are back).

 

I've been reading up on the various tests done so far to try and understand the results I've been given to date.

 

You can find out more about the Oncotype DX test on the company web site (if your interested) and download an example of the report they produce. http://www.oncotypeiq.com/en-US

 

 

Whatever happens I'm sure the team at St Lukes will look after you.

 

 

 

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jen
I’m feeling ok about it all I think - on the surface I’m chilled underneath my little legs are going ten to the dozen!
I’m reading up on Herceptin in case I’m HER2+ & chemo in case I’m not! The forums on here are fantastic for giving information on the up & downs so I’m trying to see positives on either outcome
Will update on Wednesday - hope you are keeping well
Take care x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Jude
How are you feeling after your results? Please let me know how oncotype results go on Wednesday. It still all feels surreal to me but take 1 day at a time. As a few have posted we have so much to be thankful for with our NHS and the medical staff who look at us as individuals.
Take care
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi McGee
Hope you are ok, just wondered how you’d got on with the surgeon?
Jude x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi YorkshireTyke
I’m a Yorkshire girl as well (alright at 56, maybe not a girl!). I’ve been treated fantastically at St Luke’s breast screening service & BRI where I had the op.

Went back for my results this week - 2 small tumours grade 3 but only stage 1 & it hasn’t got to my lymph 🍀 me. I’m ER negative but having to go back next wed for rest of the results which depending on may mean chemo before radiotherapy if endocrine therapy is not suitable.
Scar is healing really well but still bruised & lumpy around the scar
I went back to work yesterday have to admit was knackered by the end of the day (luckily I don’t work Fridays)
Still don’t feel like I have cancer but just going with the flow x
Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi,

 

I'm new to the forum but my story is so similar.

 

I was diagnosed at the end of May. I'm very active and practically live at the gym when I'm not at work.

 

My surgery was on 20th June. WLE, Sentinel Lymph Node and re-construction.  I was told to take it easy and rest. The following day I had to have the drain checked and as it was so nice and sunny I decided to walk to the hospital a 4 mile round trip. Well they did say they wanted me up and moving... The following day I went back to get the drain removed and walked there and back again. I then had a week at home facing the challenges of washing your hair with one hand whilst trying not to get the surgical dressings too wet. I felt absolutely fine. After 5 days I had stopped taking the pain killers and was happily pottering round in the garden.

 

I'm now back at work and the mobility in my arm is improving rapidly.

 

I don't require anymore surgery!

 

My problem is the waiting for test results...... Tumour was Grade 3 ER+ HER2- Node Neg. So I'm now waiting for the results of an Oncotype DX test which will indicate how much benefit I would get from chemo.

 

On the plus side all the aches and pains from gym training have gone, but I so wish I could go back NOW!

 

Highlighted
Member

Re: Feel like a fraud

Hi Mcgee
Sounds like you have a tough decision to make, best wishes & I hope you make the right choice for you. I also hope they have given you lots of information to base your decion on
Good luck x