Feeling very sorry for myself

[Seagulls]

i don’t blame you for being fed up. You had been prepared for some pain but not this one. Cancer is not for wimps is it? It is scary, painful and uncertain. None of these things are a joy. So pat yourself on the back for not being even more sorry for yourself than you are. How would the nurses, doctors, surgeons cope with being looked after I wonder. I hear they are the worst patients of all. But maybe not!

Seagulls 

[Charys]

Here we go 🙂 I'm not sure where you are looking, but I suspect it is on the 'Connect to people like me' part of the forum - you can contact the team here (they are separate from the forum)....

https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/someone-me

[K8]

Hi Charys, How do I sign up for the someone like me scheme? I looked at the categories but don’t fit into any of them (late 40s, married, working woman) or I might just have missed something obvious?? 
many thanks K

[Charys]

I'm glad your seroma is drained and less painful - fingers crossed !

[Charys]

Yeah - thats the 'beauty' of specific cancer support, you do get to hear about very relevant situations and people truly understand the minor details of what is affecting you. You are right, there is support out there, and knowing which way to go on it can be a problem in itself - there is nothing to say that you can't try the local more general cancer support counselling AND sign up for 'someone like me' (which isn't counselling, but a buddy system). Remember also, the BCN can refer you for counselling also. So - why not make it a mission this week (whilst you are recovering and can only use one arm) to reach out with the phone to someone of your choice. Go with your gut instincts and who you feel most comfortable with, make some preliminary calls maybe firstly to your local charity 🙂 Now is definitely the time I think for signing up, before you start the more active treatment and at the point where you have gotten the surgery under your belt. You have an awareness now that you are struggling, and you have had a few weeks to start processing after diagnosis and get over the immediate shock, so knowing that there is a way to go yet means its the right time to get everything in place to help you through.

[K8]

So you were right - seroma! I had 2 syringes of fluid drained and can now put my arm against my side. Thankfully no sign of infection. Bit sore but very happy that the feeling of pressure has gone. Now just hope it doesn’t refill. 

[K8]

Hi Charys, thank you for your reply, I think I needed someone to say “now is the time” as I keep thinking I’ll wait! There is a maggie’s half an hr away but we have another charity nearer who also offers free counselling and support.  We also have Penny Brohn just under an hr away too and they seem to have a lot to offer. It’s hard to know who to approach.

I think ‘someone like me’ is a good shout, I’m pretty terrified of what lays ahead and sick of people quoting irrelevant stories of people who’ve come through totally different cancers. 

[Charys]

'A mind-bender of a journey' sums it up in a few words ! You can certainly request that your BCN/consultant refers you for specific nhs cancer counselling. I had it myself for 7 sessions, and it was certainly very useful in those early stages.

You also have the option of using some of the services on this very site - for example the 'someone like me' (do a quick search on BCNow) is a well received support mechanism. You are matched with someone with a very similar diagnosis and treatment plan to yourself, but much further along having completed active treatment, who can talk over things with you on the phone. MCMillan's do referalls for virtual cancer counselling also, as another route to get support. Another possibility - is there a 'Maggie's' centre near you ?

I will say this (I am currently supporting someone in real life with their cancer treatment), if you feel at this point that you would like/need some extra assistance then now is definitely the time to get the ball rolling on it. I'm not saying you will get to some sort of crisis point, but there will be times during the next few months of chemo where you really do want/need to hear from people who understand, and you might feel overwhelmed, and it can take a couple of weeks to get everything in place, so stick your hand in the air now 🙂

[K8]

Thank you for the supportive words.  I had a lumpectomy, will definitely be sure to get them to have a proper check.  I’m supposed to be going on hols next weekend (UK) so really hope it settles quickly. 
Cancer is certainly a mind bender of a journey-I’m all over the place and really struggling with the uncertainty of everything alongside parenting, working etc I have good support but am thinking I’m going to need some counselling or something at some point as it can feel overwhelming and the tiniest things tip me over the edge! 

[Charys]

Hiyer K8,

Down days are allowed - its really tough to keep hopeful cheer and positive vibes turned to high all the time. When you are facing the 'full set of treatments' something not going according to how you would hope can certainly tip your mental boat, it all becomes daunting doesn't it ?! Just because there are a few niggles that have arrived in response to the surgery it really doesn't mean that you won't/aren't recovering well, it is only a week after surgery and I know that I certainly had a seroma and cording appear at this time (though oddly not under the arm for either of them).

Do let us know how you get on with the nurse, I think they will certainly check (hopefully) that what is causing the pain under your arm isn't infection. Did you have lumpectomy or mastectomy ? I do know of someone, a few months ago, who had a pain and symptoms like yours develop after surgery, they started fairly quickly as yours have. Initially it was thought to be seroma, but it transpired to be an infection a few days further along, when it was more obvious with redness - so (and I'm not trying to worry you, as infection is easily resolved) do make sure the nurse takes a good and proper check.

Step by step K8, don't think too far in advance right now - view everything as small stages 🙂

[K8]

I’m usually upbeat, manage what’s thrown at me and keep positive but today I feel really fed up.  I had my surgery a week and a half ago and thought I was doing well but over the weekend I have developed a lump under my arm which is really painful and uncomfortable. Now my shoulder and arm are also stiff and sore.  Sleeping is off the cards.  I’m going to see the nurse later today to have it looked at and drained if needed. Assuming this is a seroma.  Ive also just noticed cording in my arm pit.  I was so sure I’d recover well yet I seem to be getting all the side effects 😩.  Im likely to have to have the full set of treatment from the oncologists  which is terrifying, I hadn’t expected this bit to be hard too. Just needed to share with people who will understand.
Moan over.