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Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Blimey I’m really sorry to hear that, like you say hopefully just a small setback and she will soon be ok and allowed to come home again.

 

Please send her my very best wishes, I’m so sorry that happened to her but onwards and upwards

 

Melanie xx

 

 

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Bit of a setback yesterday as she had to be whipped back into theatre due to some bleeding. All went ok and all much better this morning. 

New found admiration in the way both the doctors and nurses work and also the way my wife deals with it. 

Hopefully a bump in the road and we move forwards from here 

 

 

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

So pleased to hear this, once the op was over I felt so different knowing it was gone and it was now all about recovery I hope she feels the same.

Lots of opportunities now for you and your daughters to support and look after her. 

Please send her my love and best wishes for a good swift recovery. Take care and stay strong Melanie xx

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Hi Melanie 

 

Thanks for asking how the op went, a long stressful day but thankfully all went well and my wife is sitting up in bed and looks amazing. 

All positive now and looking forward 

 

Thank you again x

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Hi Ronmich 01, I know today was your wife’s surgery day. Hope it has all gone ok and you and your daughters were able to keep each other company. Send her my best wishes and tell her I hope she makes a full and swift recovery xx Melanie

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

I was only in hospital one night which suited me fine as I’m much better at home. I had two drains one from under my arm and one from the reconstruction. Both mine came out just above my belly button and it was really easy to change them everyday. I’m an odd one so my one drain was in for 4 weeks but the other for 9 weeks. Most surgeons remove them after a few days but mine likes to keep them in and they did draw in excess of 5L so clearly did do the job.

My op was 7 December I had my histology results on 12 December and started Tamoxifen the next day. I’d had a hysterectomy many years ago so didn’t know if I was pre or post menopausal they now think I’m post so I’ve swapped to Letrozole. On Tamoxifen I had no side effects at all ( I was on it for 8 weeks ) but Letrozole I’m getting loads of side effects and they started almost instantly after I started taking it. Blasting on with it in the hope I settle down with them. 

I think everyone’s different, I was very tearful between my recall and diagnosis but after my surgery I was fine I’ve treated my recovery like a task I have to deal with. Having support around you is vital. Don’t hesitate to ask if there is anything else I can help with.

Take care and stay strong xx Melanie 

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Thanks again Melanie

 

I hope you don’t mind me asking some more questions?

How long were you in hospital for? We have been advised 5-7 days 

How soon did you start taking the Tamoxifen, and how have you felt?

Is there support offered post-op with regards to how my my wife will feel post-op mentally?

 

Thank you again

 

 

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Definitely spend the time with your daughters, the reconstruction makes it quite a long op I went down at 8:30 and came back at 3:30 so you need to keep yourself occupied. Your wife will be fine, she’ll be oblivious to it all, but it will feel like a lifetime for you

 

Take care and stay strong xx Melanie 

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Hi Melanie,

 

Again thank you for the reply, I have managed to feel a lot better in the few hours since I posted than I could’ve imagined. 

You sound very similar to my wife re the fiercely independent part. In fact that’s one of the things that makes me so positive is my wife’s incredible attitude and resolve. 

 

Thanks for the advice regarding the operation I had toyed with taking a couple of books and waiting in her ward until the op is done but I’m unsure. We have 20 & 10 yr old girls who are planning the day together so I may join them. 

 

Thank you again the the fact that people take time out to make others feel better is amazing. 

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Hi RonMich01, first I’m really sorry you’ve found yourself on this site but it’s a huge source of support for both of you.

your wife’s situation doesn’t sound too dissimilar to mine. I was diagnosed in December, had three types of cancer in one breast but no lymph node involvement so had a mastectomy and reconstruction done on the same day. No chemo and no radiotherapy but now on letrozole after starting with Tamoxifen.

Before my surgery both me and my husband went through the full gammet of emotions but once the surgery was done we were both able to focus on my recovery and approached it together. He has always come to all my appointments and we made sure he saw my scar the same time I did. My scars were, and still are incredible so don’t be afraid of them you’ll be amazed how neat they will be. The drain was a bit of a bother as while it was in sleeping was tough and I couldn’t shower. Hubby helped as and when I needed him to but he knows I’m fiercely independent so he stood back when he knew it was important for me to do stuff myself. The fact that you’re on this forum says a lot about you so I’m sure you’ll be just as supportive of your wife as my husband has been for me. Keep yourself very busy while your wife is in surgery, my husband said those hours waiting were the toughest of the lot and stay strong. Any questions don’t hesitate to ask xx Melanie 

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Hi Jaybro

 

Thank you for taking the time to answer, it’s really appreciated and has helped tremendously. 

Totally understand what you’re referring to when talking about my wife picking up on my anxieties. It’s my wife who has to go through this I am just trying my best to help, so that’s a very valid point which I will try to keep reminding myself of. No criticism inferred at all it’s a great point.

It is definitely a help to read other people’s experiences and understandings. We have found it remarkable how we have missed/picked up things that the other has during the consultations, even when writing things down.

 

Again in thank you for taking the time to respond, it really has helped thank you.  

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Re: Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

I’ve no medical training, only my own experience to go by. It’s interesting how hard it is to ask the questions we need to ask the consultant at the time! When I got my first bit of bad news (unexpected by the consultant, let alone me) I just said f*** and nothing more. Went off for some more tests. In fact, I’ve asked as few questions as possible, knowing how I can tend to catastrophise. I’ve just gone with the flow and it’s helped my mental outlook tremendously. However, this may help ease your mind a bit:

1. The fact that your wife is not immediately being given chemotherapy before surgery is a very positive indication for her prognosis.

2. The fact that the lymph nodes are not affected is even better. Mine were so I had to have chemotherapy. However, halfway through my long treatment, I am officially cancer-free.

3. Reconstructions are affected by radiotherapy so that would suggest that she won’t even have that treatment and will move on to drug therapy alone. 

4. Early detection is great news. In many cases, surgery to remove the tumours, followed by drug therapy, is sufficient treatment. 

5. I’ve found the fear around breast cancer is very destructive and ‘a little knowledge is an dangerous thing.’ My advice is avoid googling, write down your and your wife’s questions and take or email them to your consultant and trust their judgment. If you get no reply, press for one. Make a pest of yourself if you have to but get your answers. It’s a very scary and unsettling time but you can do a lot to help with a positive outlook. You can only feel positive if you get your answers from the people treating your wife. 

6. Make sure your wife is assigned a named breast care nurse - there are so many little practicalities you just can’t predict and she will need someone to turn to for quick answers and advice.

7. My husband has been brilliant and I couldn’t have got this far without his unwavering support and care - but his anxiety is sometimes obvious and makes me feel I’ve got to protect him. I hope you don’t infer any criticism from this but do make sure you know how your wife feels about it all. It’s your wife’s breast cancer so try to let her take the lead and take your cues from her? She may be happy with what she’s been told already and rocking the boat may not help her. Supportive partners can make all the difference. On the other hand, partners need support too - I’m told it’s rather lonely so forums like this are a boon. Good luck to you both I hope it goes smoothly.

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Helpless Husband looking for help/advice

Hi all,

 

Hoping for some help/advice if at all possible. 

My wife has been diagnosed with BC two sites in her left breast. One is deemed stage 2 and the other stage 1 but the scan is saying the lymph nodes are clear. This was all just within the last month, she was told that she needs a mastectomy which is due this coming Tuesday 26th March. She was advised that there was no treatment required pre-op and is having the reconstruction done at the same time. Is this seen as a positive in the grander scheme of things? It seems that it has been detected early but I am all over the place and not sure what is front of us. She is under 40 and far too young for all this. Sorry for the ramble but any similar experiences anyone could share?