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Well, Kate
A very early Good Morning to you. Umph, sorry your room mate's keeping you awake.
Yeh, I knew "I" wouldn't be able to cope with being "flat", either. Knew how badly it would affect me, before it happened. Hence me wanting and asking for immediate recon from the off, and always "implant". Never wanted any of the other "new" self tissue recon procedures.
I've never been a "vain" person, but always kept my bod in good shape, so I'd call it "proud of", rather than vain. Also, I was 46 at the first mast, and still single. 47 at the second. It quite frankly destroyed so much of me. I've heard other women say how much, still having "one" of their own, makes a huge difference. It DID.
No, I don't mind you asking at all, darlin. The waiting wasn't a "choice". It was that my 2nd mast was followed by more other brown stuff of life, that can have a tendency to happen. My Mums death (totally floored me, as was very close to), followed two years later by my bruvs suicide. Moving house to a different area, mental probs due to all before, etc., etc.,. Then, since my initial expander op, I've had other stuff that's got in the way, still mental probs, and now need a minor knee repair op. I consider more important than my 2nd boob recon (to replace expanders with permanent silicons), as it's affecting my walking. Also have to have an eye lasered, following a failed cataract op, 2 yrs ago. Mmmm, yeh, that anno domini.
Other than that, I'm celebrating being 60 all YEAR, no seriously, I AM!! 
Sooo . . . . boobs are still having to wait. But they're affecting me looking for/pursuing a suitable partner. Which I'd still like to have!!
Hope you get some sleep. If not, I'm often up till all hours, if you want to chat further. Used to have a thread called "Night birds".
But I'm so pleased to hear you so "UP" beat, woman. I applaud you for it. Keep it up. But, if you're ever struggling, pop back on here, and we'll all help to boost you up again! I know.
Lotsa love, a big hug, and "strength" to you,
DoolallyDelly x x x x
Just to repeat some things I've said before, elsewhere on this wonderful Forum.
After my first mastectomy, I remember going to the ward bathroom, the morning after, and very sheepishly taking off my pyjama top to view myself. I literally dropped to my knees at the sight of. Didn't even want to look after my second mast, and "avoided" any future topless views in ANY mirror, thereafter!
But . . . After my initial recon op, with expanders, 2014, 7 years later, woke up, excited to already see some shallow "bumps" up front. At that time, a mere 100mls each, I think. Couldn't wait to get in front of the ward bathroom mirror, and take my top off!! This time loudly shouted "Whoohoo!!! Delly's got some of her old shape back"!!! Such an incredibly wonderful positive moment, that's obviously deeply and forever etched into my memory. Made such an enormous and instant difference to me, bodily confidence wise, and therefore otherwise. Coo what - Priceless 
Is another reason why, I'm always so glad to hear, of anyone having "immediate" recon.
Good for you's, I say.
Lots of love xxxxxxxxx
Kate - Corr what?!! See - all easy-peasy. Talk about "cool"! That's so good to hear. Cosset yourself, but get them there exercises done as soon as you're able, without bursting your stitches, that is. Evie and I shall be standing behind you holding a stick with lots of spikes on it
Evie - "My" mind's "great". Not so sure about yours, tho'! I'm teasing 
Nighty Night, girls x x x x
Hey Evie, you just pipped me to my post. You must have been picking up on my thought waves - spooky xxx
Sorry, forgot.
Distraction. Spend as much time with good friends, and/or loving family, as you can. And watch nothing but feel good stuff i.e. lots of comedy - do anything that will keep you away from your worrying head. Yeh, have a good sob when you feel the need to, it does you good to. But also try and have a good laugh too. That does you even more good! And . . . lots and lots of HUGS 
- the most perfect medicine. Even if it's with people you don't really know, that you may meet at the hospital on your appointments, have a shared diagnosis with.
xxxx
Hi LMC88 , and everyone else who's posted.
I had mastectomies 2006 and 2007, both with full node clearance (standard, before SNB) without reconstruction, though I'd wanted immediate recon, but for various reasons it didn't happen. So I'm sooo glad you opted to have immediate recon, although it has a lengthier recovery time, being a far more complicated op. I'd have coped far better with the mental effect that the "loss" of both boobs had on my personal confidence, had I had an immediate replacement.
Be "gentle" on yourself girl, and take it easy. You've not only just had a major op, which is a huge, massive trauma to your body, but as Evie (Hello again darlin' girl) quite rightly mentioned, the anaesthetic has its own effect on your body as well, can take a while to work out of your system. I've known big strong fellas in tears, following operations, not because they felt sorry for themselves, but due to weird effects anaesthetic can have.
So, naturally, your poor bod needs time to recover from this. And Yeh, its paramount you do your exercises. Be very disciplined with yourself, because the sooner you get full mobility back, the better you'll feel.
All of this is coupled with the horrible, nasty "shock" to your mental state, that of a diagnosis of cancer. So it isn't at all surprising to me, that you've been having "mini breakdowns". It's ALL a huge amount to deal and cope with, so you are entitled to feel sorry for yourself. For a bit, that is, but then you've got to get some "kick cancer in the butt" attitude, my darlin'. 
Some Grrrrr attitude
Sending lots of love, healing thoughts, and strength to you. Keep us informed of how you're doing. When do you have your drains removed? That'll be a good step forward, give you a bit more freedom and normality back.
Delly xxxxxx
