Hi Pinklily, I recognise you. I think you're angry because you don't know why you have cancer. I think you're angry because you don't like being out of control and having to have things done to you whether you like it or not. I think youre angry because you're frightened its spread . I think you're angry because you're unsure of the future, or it's not the one you envisaged. I get it. Throw something. Scream. Cry. You're entitled. Then get on the phone and get some help. Macmillan is out there, or a Maggies Centre, or a cancer psychologist, or those lovely alternative therapy staff. You are not alone. Sending hugs and hoping you are making it through. It's doable. Not easy, but doable. 🍀💋💐 X
Could we ask what teatments you are having?
I've been on Anastrozole (Aromatase Inhibitor) for 6 weeks now, so my Oestrogen level should be right down or out. Over the last week or so I've woken up feeling really bad tempered, and I mean REALLY as opposed to mildly irritated by the state of the World (about which I try not to think too hard or I do feel angry).
So far I haven't had a chance to discuss this with my my BCN or GP, but I suspect it is largely hormonal with me. Anastrozole does indicate 'mood swings' in its list of medium-common side effects. As a young woman I would get the most awful PMT and be in a reallly bad tempered state for several days, then it would suddenly clear.
HRT back in 2004 - 2005 also caused huge problems, so I had to come off it and cope with menopausal effects as being preferable, but quite bad enough. Hormonal imbalances certainly do seem to affect me.
As others have said, a certain amount of anger could easily be from the situation any one of us is in. Having to be nice and polite to people when we don't want to be! Just getting tired and frustrated.
I tend to wake up in the small hours feeling extremely frightened. This is after quite deep sleep. One of my cats, who likes to lie next to me, starts to purr softly and keeps it up for an hour or so. Then he, his furry friend and I all make a family trip to the bathroom where we wash our faces and clean our teeth, before trooping down to the kitchen together for breakfast.
As Delly says, the mind can take a long time to heal. A friend of mine who's a clinical psychologist has observed that a diagnosis and treatment for cancer is likely to open up issues from the past which we might feel are under control, but are still present in our subconscious. Feelings especially of vulnerability, and of being under threat. Childhood experiences can be of particular significance.
If I can't sleep, I tend to go downstairs, make a cup of tea and watch something engrossing on iPlayer; something I have to concentrate on so my mind is taken into a different realm. The Cats know no-one will have any breakfast undtil 6.00am, so they sit down like polite tea cosies beside me and we chill out.
Did all this start around BC? Are you saying it's the cause?
Am wondering how early on you are with diag, treatment etc.and what form of treatments you had, as to whether it may be symptoms of PTSD. Or whether it's something simple like low sugar. I'm not wishing that to sound condescending.
Either of you had any counselling? Might be an idea. Either via your doc, or it you have a Mac centre or such near you, that offers such sessions. It does make you angry though - the unfairness of it, the time taken out of your life,it's a bit like being "robbed" the way it upsets everything and "steals" from you. The inconvenience of it all, and most importantly, the impact on your body and mind. The body heals very quickly, but the mind can take a long time to xxx
I woke up this morning and for the third day running, all I could feal was anger.
It's hard to describe why, because I don't know. I'm not an angry person, so I don't recognise myself.
Do other people feel like this when they wake up?