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Clarity over everything

5 REPLIES 5
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Member

Re: Clarity over everything

Hello 

I know its late at night but I've woken up checked few forums and seen your post im 32 I've got breast cancer secondary to the bones anyway fortunately I don't have children and unfortunately won't because my treatment however as family we have learned my mum has cancer of thyroid and getting operated on Friday so dad decided best make our wills i msy not have much money and I live with parents but found tough more do after and thinking about it seems you are very brave for doing this xxx

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Member

Re: Clarity over everything

Hi Naomi40....I hope you are coping with your treatment...….I have recently been given the news that my little dimple is an invasive cancer and I totally understand your thinking on this matter......I think what I might after reading your post is to start a diary of sorts and write a few decisions into it that I don't want my husband and family to have to think about if the time comes sooner than we hope.

Sending you much hope x

 

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Member

Re: Clarity over everything

Hi Naomi

 

What you’ve done just sounds like good common sense to me. You said you took it upon yourself so I’m assuming this wasn't a joint venture? It’s hard when you feel you can’t share such things with your partner or family because this is the very time for openness. Are you protecting them a bit or have they specifically made this a no-go zone? My husband has a ‘tempting Providence’ approach to life and, when I suggested now was the time to update our wills, he was horrified. I ended up agreeing to leave seeing a solicitor until after all the treatment, which kind of obviates the point of the whole thing! I did write a detailed breakdown in my notebook of how I wanted my goods and chattels (love that term) distributed and made it very clear where it was and what I expected of him - a compromise? I also reorganised all the passwords carefully so he could access all the organisational things like paying energy bills and accessing online banking if necessary (yes, he’s that hopeless - but makes up for it in other ways) and I jotted down thoughts about a ‘funeral’ that could guide him (he already knows any hearse must drive at or 1 mile over the speed/safety limit, as I’ve spent decades driving home from work, cursing and gnashing teeth behind cortèges on their way to the local cemetery).

 

I’m sure we are just four of thousands of women with simple common sense and pragmatism - this is a possibility, however remote, therefore I will prepare for it (like saving for Christmas or stocking up in the sales) kind of attitude. However, I think it’s very important that it’s shared. There are too many aspects of the whole breast cancer thing from suspicion, through diagnosis and treatment, where we feel alone. If you can reconcile yourself to the possibility of worst case scenario, going through the mini-hell you’re going through right now, the least any partner/family can do is sit and talk about it with you even if they don't want to think about such things. They should take the lead from you, not leave you feeling your on our own with this. Time to present your partner with a fait accompli and stop feeling so alone or adopt my gentler tactics that still involve sharing the burden.

 

I wish you well as you go through your treatment and come out the other side smiling,

Jan x

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Member

Re: Clarity over everything

Hi Naomi, bless you sweetheart. Of course it's OK to post on here, the whole point of  the forum is support from other BC ladies. Although I don't have children, I did exactly the same as you, in that I made sure someone knew where my will is and I wrote out an 'essay' of who I bank with etc. I seriously considered appointing a power of attorney and even looked into purchasing a grave. I was petrified and panic stricken as my GP had told me to "prepare for the worst". I was too shocked to question exactly what she meant; I just bolted. Was it an OTT reaction?  Looking back now it looks that way, but at the time it seemed completely logical to me. So I fully understand, even though we have come from different perspectives. I hope your treatment is going well, and is not too hard on you. And you are having a lovely weekend with your kiddies. Wonky x

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Community Champion

Re: Clarity over everything

Hello Naomi, 

I do not meet the specific demographics for this section so hopefully someone more suitable, so to speak, will respond.   So sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  Hope your treatment is going as well as it can be.

 

It is a shame if you feel that you cannot talk to your partner and family about this.   Perhaps in time you may feel more able to do this.  You would need to let someone know that you have made formal arrangements.

 

 I just wanted to say that in my opinion,  this is a very responsible,  considerate and practical thing to do.  I did similar nearly 30 years ago after a health scare (not cancer).  I did not purchase a funeral plan but have always ensured the finances are available for any send off as well as writing a will.  I also informed my named executor where all current relevant information would be stored so that family did not have to search through things/work out or remember who to inform and what to cancel.  Mind you as I have gone on quite a bit longer than I originally thought (!!), I review my will every so often just to ensure no major changes are needed.  

 

Take care of yourself Naomi, 

Chick 🐣 x

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Member

Clarity over everything

Having recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and going through treatment I had a moment of clarity especially as I have a young family still. I know my cancer is curable but it kind of made me think about the practicalities that we never know what could happen in our lives. I took it upon myself to make sure after my diagnosis that I had a funeral plan in place and a will written not because I don’t think I won’t be cured but because I never wanted my family to ever feel burdened if unfortunately anything did ever happen to me and I wanted to make sure regarding my children that everything would be okay for them if the worst did ever happen. Has anyone else done anything similar to what I have been doing or feeling how I’ve been feeling. I don’t feel panicked or afraid. I hope it has been okay to write this post, I can’t talk to my family or my partner about this and I don’t exactly have any friends to turn to either