Feeling lonely

Is it normal for most family/friends to avoid you after surgery?

I’ve never felt so alone. I had my mastectomy on February 2020 then I was shielding. The shield is finish but I`m still alone with nobody to talk or go to walk in the park.

Is it that people feel awkward around you, don’t know how what to say or how to treat you?

Anybody else experienced this?

Lidi Think a lot of us have had beam me up Scottie friends who disappeared when you diagnosed and go through treatments. You just concentrate of yourself and your recovery, I don’t think anyone means to do it of be awkward around you they honestly sometimes don’t know what to say or do because they fear upsetting you or patronising you and they really don’t mean to do the just disappear. Then you can have not so close acquaintances really step up and treat you like you and are not awkward around you at all You are what’s important right now, so do what’s right for you, do use the number on here and maybe the someone like me option. Everyone is here for you and Breast Cancer Now is here for you. :two_women_holding_hands: :two_hearts: :two_hearts: :sparkles: :sparkles: Shi xx

Hi Lidi

The pandemic has created something else for people to worry about so, whereas in normal circumstances your friends would be around you and supporting you with the practicalities of treatment (like lifts, holding your hand in appointments etc), it’s not been possible. Add to that their worries about Covid-19 and you’ve possibly slipped off their radar unconsciously. Plus you’ve been shielding which made you physically unreachable.

Occasionally friendships do change under these circumstances. Some don’t know how to treat you and can’t see past the mastectomy, some are frightened of getting it wrong so don’t try at all. Although I’m way older, I found I had more friends than I thought, with mere acquaintances suddenly offering to help in any way. It was wonderful. But it was pre-pandemic

I would say it’s time for you to contact those you think will be responsive with invitations as open as possible and an honest explanation of how lonely and isolated you’re feeling. While it still won’t be possible to visit indoors as they will have formed their social bubbles already, walks, sitting in the garden, outdoor cafes etc are all possible. I remove my car from my garage and set up socially-distanced garden seats and upturned boxes to host 1-2 friends for a coffee and cake in my café when the weather is not great.

I too was shielded and found, unfortunately, people’s lives have moved on while we’ve been isolated and still stuck with the experience of breast cancer, so the initiative may have to come from you right now. 

Good luck x