Single parenting, unemployment through breast cancer

[Ms Merton]

Hello - the chemo drugs can give you terrible depression and anxiety.  It’s just another physical side effect they can cause, but I don’t think this is properly explained - at least it wasn’t to me.  Please do let your breast care nurse, consultant, chemo unit or GP know as they can prescribe something to improve your mood.  I found my mood suddenly lifted about 3 or 4 weeks after i stopped chemo.  I also know the frustration of people telling you to “be positive” or similar.  They have no clue.  Unfortunately you can’t really understand this until you have been through it yourself.  Does your hospital have a support unit (e.g. Maggies) where you could access a support group, counselling or complementary therapies?  Or could you get to a branch of The Haven?  They offer free therapies such as reflexology, aromatherapy massage, acupuncture etc which some people find helps them to cope better with treatment.  I was advised to take up yoga which i thought was a mad suggestion - but it really works!  When i was awake all night and anxious after chemo infusions (it’s the steroids ...), I sat up watching comedy box sets on All4 and iPlayer which distracted me a little from worrying. Or listening to audio books or podcasts can help send you off to sleep.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  No need to worry about the future today.  You will have plenty of time to plan the next stage of your life once you have finished all your treatment.  For now, just focus on coping with today. That’s enough. You are on benefits at the moment because you need to be and you are entitled to be. No need to feel bad about that at all.  It is what the benefits system is there for.  Call the BCC helpline or Macmillan if you need to speak to someone who understands.  Take care of yourself.  Xx

[Jobey68]

It can be the loneliest place going though a cancer diagnosis and treatment, inspite of who you may have around to help it's you that it is happening to which is why forums like this are so important. Our nearest and dearest mean well but it's something you can't fully understand unless it's happening to you. 

We all have different Personal circumstances here yet we all have the same thing in common and I think would all agree that this has to be a step at a time, the bigger picture just overwhelms you and it's not helpful in any way to keep going over the what ifs. 

Keep digging deep and get through the next 24 hrs, no need to look any further than that for now Xx Jo 

[Amazing lady78]

Thankyou !

[Amazing lady78]

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience.
Yes one thing at a time.
I feel guilty for being so negative but I guess that’s what depression and anxiety do to the mind.
Yes I am in receipt of all the benefits .
My boyfriend keeps trying to encourage me to look forward to new work and and rebuilding a new career. He was attempting to be helpful but it’s not at all.
It’s just pressure and I feel like a failure.
It really has to be one moment at a time .
People keep saying I am strong by actually I’m worryingly not strong at the moment .
Today I am alone with two children for the next 48 hours after having chemo on Friday and I am worried about that.
But that’s how it is.
Last night the emotional pain I was In was unreal.
I feel like I achieved something to get through that dark valley!
Thanks to this website for getting me through that dark moment.

[ann-m]

Hi AmazingLady,
A very apt username by the way!
As Jo & Jill have said & nothing more to add really, just sending hugs.
Come back & chat or vent whenever you need to & there is the helpline here if you need to talk things through 0800 800 6000.
ann x

[Jill1998]

Hello Amazing lady - I too am on benefits after 35 years in work - 2 cancers in the last 3 years have left me with health issues and I lost my job - it's depressing and a bit humiliating and I would rather not be in this situation but what choice have we got ?? Have you applied for PIP- if you are going through chemo it is definitely worth applying for - find a local Macmillan advisor they will fill it in with you and also give you advice about anything else you may be entitled to - they have advisors on the telephone also via their website.Jo is totally right - you need to take things one step at a time otherwise it gets overwhelming .Lots of advice and support here from people who understand - sending you a big hug through cyberspace .x

[Jobey68]

I do try to keep my cup half full, life will continue to throw stuff at us but there is always a way around it, it may not be the one we planned but hey there is always plan B! 

Deal with one thing at a time that's all you can do. 

[Amazing lady78]

Thanks I really appreciate your perspective
I feel like the stigma of being on benefits drives me crazy
I’m doing everything I can
I wish society was different
Or my luck
But it’s not
So there we go
You are very wise and I really appreciate your perspective

[Jobey68]

You have so much going on it's no wonder your raging,  You have had a huge shock being diagnosed with Breast cancer and you can't understimate what it does to you mentally but you have to try and slow down and take things a little slower, you can't fix everything today. 

You are bringing up 3 kids by yourself while dealing with cancer, that's no mean feat so you are clearly a strong lady but you have to get through treatment first before you make any big plans about the future, you can't do any of it without your health. 

Your kids are doing great, your getting through treatment and May is a long way off, there are always positives in life but we tend to dwell on the negatives and over look them! 

Don't give yourself such a hard time, you should be proud of what you are doing not beating yourself up about what you feel your not! XxJo 

[Amazing lady78]

I have three boys under 12. I have no active co parent. My kids have no contact with their father currently .
I am in receipt of benefits eesa.
I feel low and have put in weight due to steroids.
I am a graduate with a teaching qualification also. I was a professional actress before that.
I feel trapped on these benefits and don’t how I will ever get back into work that pays adequately enough to cover all the childcare I wouldn’t need to actually get there.
I’ve been served notice by landlady so have to move in May. But many landlords will not accept housing benefit and also rents have gone up in my area.
I can’t see a future . And this is crazy as I am an intelligent thoughtful curious woman.
My kids are doing great but it’s an impossible task.
I have a grade 3 breast rumour - caught early and treatable with chemo then lumpectomy and radiotherapy . I’ll be done end of November. I am so lucky it treatable i know. But what life awaits me?
I have put on weight and feel very self hating which saddens me and is very new.
Some close friends have fallen away.
And I feel isolated lonely and future less.
I am so angry.

[Jobey68]

Hi , talk away we are here ❤️

[Amazing lady78]

Help!!! So desperate and hopeless today. My morale is so low. I don’t know what to do