Breast Cancer Now Forum

Yes! you are sooo not alone. Called bc nurse cos was feeling grotty 8 months after treatment. She told me to leave off tamoxifen for 2 weeks and note symptoms and see surgeon. Well, energy and mood picked up immensely. But also was having the odd light headed unbalanced feeling. Usu when get out of a car, it looks as if the floor is moving. And accasionaly when walking.it was occasional enough not to mention, but has stopped for last two weeks. Am assuming it's tamox.  I have no answers I'm afraid, but I'm guessing it's a pretty intense wee pill. Even tho friends and fam seem to think it's akin to knocking back a aspirin. Good luck and well done for managing all that time!  ... View more

Oh thank goodness! I thought black thoughts and no energy were me and I was just being lazy/self indulgent. Thank u all for posting.x ... View more

Just reading threads for reassurance and it's lovely the love and support that comes across here. Even though I haven't joined in the chat, it feels like you are all there and stops me feeling quite so alone and confused. Thank you for sharing! And good luck to Pete!  ... View more

And yes, I do deserve it don't I? I do deserve to take time out to go swimming etc. I do deserve to paint. And it will get better, you are right. I know that logically, just don't believe it! Cancer sure does highlight things and pokes them till they hurt! thank you everyone. Reading this thread back is amazingly brilliant. ... View more

Thank you ladies. I feel like a sponge at the moment - desperately soaking up all your reassurance! its wierd to be so needy - and to admit it too. One of the things you learn, I think - to ask for help.    i finally called the bc nurse and she took me off tamoxifen to see if i should have diff drug. Well! Mood and energy improved immensely. Hurrah! So I wasn't going mad. Still horribly anxious about life..and now about letrazole they are talking about. Don't want weak bones! Do want to be on a beach in the sun!   now 8 months since treatment. Still can't get my head round it! ... View more

does anyone else need reassurance that this is normal.? now 9 months after treatment. Can I still be tired/ freaked out/ lost and confused/  very very guilty cos hubby tired at job he hates and I'm at home. Therefore feel guilty and anxious and don't stop. But it's endless. Just got in from Asda, looked at ironing and washing and it was when I realised I was scooping cold pasta out of the pan for lunch that I thought I'm doing something wrong. Need to not be doing this, help! ... View more

Good to hear that we are all in the same boat. I've been combing the internet for other people who are finding it hard post treatment. I'm finding it really tricky, and worse, keep thinking I should be better by now and feeling guilty and lazy because I still feel pants. But then I felt that way ever since treatment finished 5 ok 6 months ago and hubby looks so upset if I'm not bouncing around and being positive. This is harder than the medicine stuff. And I'm slowly realising that it's real, not a film and that if I don't start to do something for me, seriously, - I'll be no good to anyone. So hard to justify going for a swim when hubby at work in job he hates. ... View more

So nice to hear we are all going through a process and not going mad. I'm finding it very difficult managing mood swings and trying to stay positive for family when am exhausted and sore six months after treatment. Mac Milan put me in touch with a mindfulness course which does seem to help. Basically lots of deeep breathing to kid your body that you are calm and so stop it making adrenaline. When your mind wanders bring it back to concentrating on breathing. May well be more to it than that, but that seems to be basically it. A few deep breaths while the kettle boil works wonders! Mind you I still have days when I can't move for crying. This is horrible. When does it end! ... View more

Couldn't advise, but can tell you I had a gel implant. It's okay I guess but is smaller and I'm a bit lopsided. It doesn't wobble and feels a bit lumpy. That doesn't sound good! But it's ok. Though I wouldn't want to go to a topless beach! The thought of moving muscle around seemed too much at the time. Though have no idea how they compare. Maybe there's pictures somewhere! Good luck.  ... View more

Hi! I've noticed similar and I've been on tamoxifen for 5 months. I don't know if it's tamoxifen though as it eases when I do a bit of yoga and comes back when I fall into my old dissolute ways. Found yoga by Adrienne for absolute beginners on you tube pretty good - not all while leotards and blonde locks and pretzel poses on beaches- those girls are a bit daunting! Might be worth a try. It's certainly feels good and lifts mood - if you can get over initial inertia! If anyone else has any tips or recommendations would love to hear. ... View more

Embarrassed...you were all discussing treatment and pain and I seem to have barged in on entirely the wrong thread to go on a whinge fest. I am soooo sorry! Carry on! ... View more

Oh MM., just what I needed to hear! And you are up in the middle of the night too, it's a pain not sleeping! thank you very very much. How lovely to here you abandoned the ironing! I guess I just needed you to say, ' yes you are doing a lot, and it's OK to take it a bit easier' it's lovely to hear you say I'm doing a lot. Sure feels like it! where did I get such an ingrained work ethic? But it seems ladies do, in hospital I met someone who was finally let home for a weekend, and spent it scrubbing the kitchen cos hubby and married daughter hadn't done it properly. Thought she was mad, but I guess I'm doing the equivalent. and yes, I hear you if the rolls where reversed. One weekend between chemos he had to lie down all sat with a hangover ( which was fine, poor chap needs a night out) but yes, a certain irony there!   when I did do yoga and paint, I began to feel a lot more positive, as if there was possibilities in life. Now I'm telling myself there's no time/ I shouldn't/ don't deserve to while hubby works and am noticeably getting more anxious and less able to cope. Hmmmm.   ri think its because I've always felt guilty at being home with children, mind you was rather pushed into it. And it's not exactly easy! Hubby was also rather shouty. He's stopped that since diagnosis thank goodness, but think I'm still v nervous around him.  When did you finish treatment? ( I mean is it still OK to be going easy on yourself 6 months later!). I think that before I change his mind about recovery I need to justify it in my own mind!  Gosh this sounds a bit mad. Of course it must be OK to be doing that 6 moths later. I feel overwhelmed partly because people are running marathons during chemo and raising thousands and being amazing and I need to  collapse after a two mile walk. Sorry! I think the answer is, as everybody advises, to 'be nice to you' who'd have thought it's so hard to a) do, and b) justify! ....hang on though, I've been thru chemo etc. If that's not justification I don't know what is! I'm trying to treat it like I've had flu, and it's not going to let me and just quietly go away. It's going to bang on until I acknowledge it and treat myself with care because I've been thru yuk, and I need some tlc. agh! Time to make coffee, apologies for rambling. This should probably be in a private diary, but it's kinda nice to not feel alone. xxxxx anyone know of any blogs for post treatment? Everyone seems to do the treatment bit so well.  ... View more

Ps MM., I just read your reply over on the joint pain/ hormone thread. Maybe this mood stuff is related to tamoxifen and menopause, that would help explain things at least. Also you are Amazing - so supportive even with your own battles. I shall stop with The thrashing around. I think I am still not prioritising me, and trying to keep to the pre bc pace, except with added exhaustion.so I will listen to your wise words and take time to eat and rest and not worry if I haven't done much by the end of the day. And ignore hubby! ... View more

Thank you MM. Am really chuffed by your reply. The Peter Harvey thing is brilliant, and I am breathing and telling myself that it's ok at the moment. The spaces when I'm not in a blind panic may be getting longer. So here's hoping! Tho I just woke up in a panic. its so wierd to be post treatment. I didn't join any threads then and everyone thought I was being amazing, and now it's like, 'what was all that about?' Like a massive truck has hurtled past, horns blaring and now it's gone off down the hill, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it all. And I feel quite lonely. That's why it's sooo great to come on here and hear from people in the same boat. I would like to do some sort of cartoon/ picture,I love painting,  and find housework and stuff takes over. Especially with a hubby that seems to expect so much or am I just lazy? today I had An eye test, (2 hours! What were they doing?) and the medical atmosphere totally freaked me out!cleaned kitchen, felt guilty, Put washing out, put washing away, ironed, sanded and primed window frame, made dinner, did homework w kids, cleared dinner, bathed and got kids to bed, listened to hubby moan about work, escaped to bed. It's soooo boring and soooo relentless.  Gosh im moany! Sorry, just ...I dunno! think it's just about impossible to believe that I have courage and strength and survived and deserve to take time to recover when, it's as if nothing happened. I went through all that and the dinner STILL needs..etc etc etc. When do I get to wear pink and runs marathon in Kilimanjaro or whatever fabulous achievement so many ladies seem to do? for my birthday he'd gone to get a present from costco(? Really?) and forgotten his card. Dinner out became chips in front of the tv cos he was so tired. A little bit of me is a little bit fed up, a little bit of me is thinking, actually I'd have quite liked a bit of a fuss made. I did go thru chemo you know. He got daughter a £200 birthday party(!) cos she'd had a horrid year (!) and now of course we have to do same for the boy. Where's MY £ 200? Oh we've got no money. When I was ill it was all, 'get through this and you can go to art college' now it's ' get a job, a well paid job, so I can buy stuff and start my own company'. Not in those words, but I'm a bit cross actually.That sounds really awful. That can't be right! oh no anxiety turning into pissed off ness. That has to be better! Agh, thoughts of money and my future..anxiety again! sorry. Can't tell any one this so am venting! May not even post..oh sod it. Breathe! ... View more

Thanks! I am trying to be kinder to me. Maybe it's an attitude rather than taking time out?   i think anxiety compounded by having so much to do and not knowing where to begin, like a rabbit in the headlights! hubby hates job so brings that stress home evry night - I get anxious when he walks in the room, I just want him to be happy. Says we need to be ready to sell so I'm to do up house, tackle overgrown garden, look after two kids,  update my skills to get a job, earn a lot so he can start his own business, exhausted thinking about it! And then all the advice is to look after yourself. ' why not gat a massage?' Etc. Really, how? With what? Looking after myself means cooking a veggie dinner on top of something for the kids, so that's more work. Plus the exhaustion, and the weirdness of the treatment having stopped and what was all that about? Did it happen? Suspect it was just a bad joke leaving me tired and confused and free falling. Very scary. Worried about house repairs costing a fortune, daughter going to crap school, no savings or pension, mum in Spain and can't afford to see her...I used to be very positive and I think that's what is scaring me the most. It's like I've fallen through the looking glass into a horrible scary world. Yike! theres hubby asking for coffee. Got ta go!  Thanks for the rant. This has to get better. ... View more

Oh thanks Christine. Must say this is horrible! Talked to one of the ladies on the helpline here and they are wonderful and let you ramble on and offer kind and constructive advice. It really helps knowing Iis not just me. Am going to have a secret snooze now - tho getting scared of that because I wake up with such anxiety. And guilt! Right, cup of tea, leave the pots and let the kids get bored. After all, hubby watching football without worrying! ... View more

Thanks for link. Still trying to feel better after treatment ending in March. Any rational explanations of symptoms welcome- sometimes feel am going mad!   ... View more

So relieved to read this, thank you ladies! finished in March and am still struggling with anxiety and exhaustion and was struggling with feeling guilty cos I 'should' be better by now. Even tho healthcare people say it takes ages and to be nice to yourself, it's nice to read others experiences. I'm not being lazy! any tips for anxiety? And for coping with daily pressures? Everything seems overwhelming and no end or positive outcome in sight. Help! ... View more