Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi welsh girl Just glad that for once my computer skills have worked. Hope you enjoyed your trip out even if you do feel wiped out. I went out for a lunch time meal on Mon with my OH and really enjoyed myself. Felt human again although this week has been very quiet and lonely. My sister's daily visits after work have finished now and I suppose its up to me to be more active now. The weather doesn't help as I'm not inclined to go out for a walk if its cold, damp and wet.Must make a bigger effort. Take care. Annys x ... View more

Good luck with your coming results Janet. Our appts are on the same day! You seem pessimistic about your results so it makes me feel guilty about my minor worries, which after all are purely cosmetic. Thanks for taking the time to answer my concerns when you seem to have so much on your mind. Hopefully, your results won't be as bas as you are imagining. I'll be thinking of you. Annys x ... View more

Thanks for that Janet. I'm finding it difficult to do my exercises at the moment because of the implant. I wish my appt with surgeon was today and not next week. Annys x ... View more

Hi Janet Sorry to hear of the hard times you've had with your implants. Did you have your radiotherapy after the implant was fitted? I was told I didn't need rads because I had had the mx. Did your implants alwasy feel hard? Take care Annys x ... View more

Hi Sarah Thanks for replying, great to hear from you. The surgeon kept my original skin from the affected breast and put the implant in and covered it with the skin. It’s actually quite weird as when I’m putting the aqueous cream on there are no goose pimples on that part of my body but there is further up my chest! I’ve had no flaps taken from any part of my body so I presume the original muscle is still there. As for telling my surgeon, he’s not one to take criticism lightly, and he was so so admiring of his handiwork a few weeks ago. I’ve always been one to put up with bad service, poor workmanship or shoddy goods in the past because I hate confrontation so it will be hard for me to express myself. But I guess I’ll have to do it or be rather unhappy with myself for the rest of my life. I find it very difficult to turn and twist to the back part of my body on the affected side, the feeling is so uncomfortable. Even putting a cup down on my bedside table using my affected side is a ordeal. Does this go on for long? I wasn’t given a choice of implants. Were you? If the riding up of the implant happens often why do they use these type of implants? Take care. Annys xx PS Just realised you were kind enough to pm me a few weeks ago. I only discovered it yesterday when I happened to go into my profile for the first time since I joined the forums. I returned one pm but wasn’t sure it had gone through as my computer didn’t signal that it had been sent, like it does with an email. I’m still waiting to see if it has gone through by that person replying but as she hasn’t maybe it didn’t go. I’m having problems with submitting posts anyway, this is the second time I’ve written this. How do I pm other people and send them successfully? ... View more

Hi Sarah Thanks for replying, great to hear from you. The surgeon kept my original skin from the affected breast and put the implant in and covered it with the skin. It’s actually quite weird as when I’m putting the aqueous cream on there are no goose pimples on that part of my body but there is further up my chest! I’ve had no flaps taken from any part of my body so I presume the original muscle is still there. As for telling my surgeon, he’s not one to take criticism lightly, and he was so so admiring of his handiwork a few weeks ago. I’ve always been one to put up with bad service, poor workmanship or shoddy goods in the past because I hate confrontation so it will be hard for me to express myself. But I guess I’ll have to do it or be rather unhappy with myself for the rest of my life. I find it very difficult to turn and twist to the back part of my body on the affected side, the feeling is so uncomfortable. Even putting a cup down on my bedside table using my affected side is a ordeal. Does this go on for long? I wasn’t given a choice of implants. Were you? If the riding up of the implant happens often why do they use these type of implants? Take care. Annys xx PS Just realised you were kind enough to pm me a few weeks ago. I only discovered it yesterday when I happened to go into my profile for the first time since I joined the forums. I returned one pm but wasn’t sure it had gone through as my computer didn’t signal that it had been sent, like it does with an email. I’m still waiting to see if it has gone through by that person replying but as she hasn’t maybe it didn’t go. I’m having problems with submitting posts anyway, this is the second time I’ve written this. How do I pm other people and send them successfully? ... View more

Great to hear from you again Welsh girl. Sorry to hear about the seroma. Sounds nasty! I sent you a pm but I'm not sure if it has arrived because nothing flashed up on the computer to tell me it had gone. Apologies for not replying to your pm as I didn't know it was there, only discovered it yesterday. Hope you're still feeling good today. Take care. Annys x ... View more

Thank you Jo for recommending those leaflets. The second one was particularly helpful. Can my bcn send me these leaflets? She gave me a few at the beginning. I know I can download them but my printer is playing up. Annys x ... View more

Hi Luggy So sorry to hear how sad you’ve been feeling. You’ve been through a lot and for such a long period of time. No wonder you feel so down. Your comments about grieving for the person you were and for the loss of your breast struck a chord with me too. I had a mx one month ago and I have been in a grieving situation ever since. I long to be the person I was, with a figure I was proud of and no thoughts of illness and disease to cloud my life. I was healthy and well. Now, I have a recon I’m not happy with and which is presently very uncomfortable and my life has been changed forever. I look at everyone else and feel sad that I’m not like them too. The other day my OH said “but you are like everyone else now because the cancer has been taken away. You are cancer free just like the people you are envying.” I was momentarily taken aback because, yes, he’s right, my cancer has gone (hopefully – but can I really believe it?). But then I realised he’s missed the point. I still feel different, horribly touched by my own mortality, which he hasn’t had to face. My body will never be the same again and the fear of it recurring is always present. The feelings I am experiencing are like a bereavement. A few years ago I lost my brother and my father within 4 weeks of each other. My father had prostate cancer but his end was hastened by the sudden death of my brother. My present grief is further compounded by the fact that my father was a GP and I know that if he had still been alive he would have been so supportive and informative. My surgical team gave me the least amount of information possible with a minimum of compassion. I felt like an object under my surgeon and my bcn is the jolly hockey sticks type who spends most of consulting time rattling away about issues I have not brought up whilst not listening to my concerns. My father would have been shocked by my treatment and distressed that the only way I could learn about my condition was trawling through the internet and then writing my questions down on paper and forcing the issue with my surgeon to answer them. Going through this experience has brought the loss of my father back again and intensified my sadness. Mal, you are quite right that it’s pointless mourning for a past that can never come back. I’m so glad you’ve reached that point and seem to be happy. It gives me hope that I’ll get there too. Luggy, you need to give yourself time. Your course will open up an exciting future for you but don’t feel too disheartened if you can’t do it yet. I can’t bear the thought of returning to work. I’ll be expected to pick up the reins again, to worry about trifling work related issues, in short to be the person I was before this happened to me. I can’t do it yet. Hopefully, I will in the future. Look after yourself and don’t worry about not being strong. I’ll be thinking about you. Annys xx ... View more

Hi Brook Sorry to hear you had a sleepless night. Hoprribel things. I had two recently and was amzed to hear the dawn chorus strike in at 3.17 am both nights!! I was deperate to put the light on to read but didn't want to wake my OH who has been very pressurised in work and has me to contend with as well. Unfortunately, duaghter No 1's bed was free as she's away in uni but wasn't made up and my arm isn't up to making beds. I didn't think of coming on here but then again I'd have to prise daughter no 2's laptop off her sleeping body and would probably wake her too. So I just lay there. My new boob is very sore this week. It's started to clamplike a vice inside my chest so I rang my bcn who told there was probably inflammation present and to take anti-inflammatories for 5 days. The skin is so numb it really is not pleasant to touch. The tablets have worked as far as the clamping is concerned but the skin still feels very tender. I shall have to tell her on mon if she rings. I sleep on an amazing edifice of 7 pillows, arranged like a mini pyramid on the bed.This is not ideal as I like to lie on my tummy with nio pillows at all. I also wake in the morning with a tangled knot in the back of my hair. Not a pleasant sight!! I have to start thinking about going out soon, as I've been cocooned at home now for nearly three weeks. I'm due to go to Dublin for a rugby international half way through March and I'm not looking forward to going. Two years ago we had a marvellous time with our Irish friends, eating and drinking to excess etc but there was an awful lot of standing around and pushing through crowds and we even went to the hotel disco at the end of a hectic day.I just don't have the energy to even think about the weekend although not going is not an option as I can't let our friends down and the hotel and flight was booked last summer. Maybe I'll feel better by then. Hope you have a good night's sleep tonight and if not make a note of the time of the dawn chorus!! Annys xxxx ... View more

Just read these meassages - it's so annoying not having a computer anymore, having had to return my lap top to work. I can only borrow my duaghter's laptop when she's not using hers and that's not often. I persuaded her to do some GCSE revision and so have borrowed her computer. Thanks for your comments Brook - I know I'll be scared to return to work too. My colleagues want to visit me but I don't want to see them as I'll feel pressurised to return. I'm definitely nor ready yet but they might ask me when they think I will be ready. I'm a primary school teacher and don't feel I can cope with the level of work I have to do at home as well as in school. They probably think I'm really weird, I haven't even texted them yet. I shall have to start to make an effort soon though. I haven'ty been out properly yet. I went to a breast cancer support group but that's it. I have just started using aqueaous cream on my wound buy don't like touching it. I still feels very numb and tightens like a vice periodically on my chest. It doesn't feel like me yet - I hope it will soon. Does the numbness ever go because all the nerve cells have gone haven't they? Take care. Annys xxx ... View more

Hi Welsh girl Nice to hear from you again and that your surgery went well. I hope this catches you before you see your surgeon on fri. I had so many questions to ask my surgeon. I knew I'd never remember them or if I did I wouldn't remember the answers! I listed the 6 most important questions I wanted to know the answers to and wrote them down on two separate pieces of paper. I gave him one and as he answered each question I wrote down his answers on mine. I found this very helpful because even though I was much calmer this time round I still didn't remember everything and found it really useful to read his answers hours later. I asked questions about my original dx because if you remember he was quite horrible to me and I only had a hazy understanding of what was wrong with me. He then elaborated on what he found.I asked questions about my lymph nodes. I also had to ask questions about why my full results are still not back and he said it was to check up again but he was so up beat about the whole operation and how mx was absolutely right for me given the fact that 8mm turned out to be invasive. I'm due to go back in march for the rest of my results but he seemed to think it was only a case of dotting the i's and crossing the ts and that I don't need chemo.I also asked if my cancer was oestrogen positive and it was so I've now started on tamoxifen. I was determined he was going to answer my questions, given his previous treatment of me and I had rehearsed a few sentences if he was going to brush my question sheet aside. But he didn't and in fairness to him he did give me all the time I needed.In fact he was so admiring of his handiwork (and so far it looks good)he was very nice to me and spoke to me as a person rather than an object. Good luck with your results. I agree with your comment about the mental aspects during the waiting period and the lack of support. I went to a breast cancer support group in my area 2 weeks after my surgery and found it really helpful to speak to others like me. An ex pychiatric nurse gave a talk about depression and stress,and she was so sympathetic about anxiety attacks I felt really comforted. If only she had been around before my op! She made me realise that I have spent all my life dogged by anxiety, as I worry about everything. I even had a day of hysteria about taking tamoxifen because of the side effects. I have started it now , one week on and so far have had no side effects at all. I have had some inflammation in my implant site but am treating it with anit-imflammatories. Otherwise I'm recovering well. Hope you are too. Good luck and let us know how you got on. Annys xx ... View more

Hi Tina So sorry to read about your feelings. I have felt very similar feeligs myself and want you to know that you are not alone. I had a mx two weeks ago from a DCIS diagnosis. The diagnosis came out of the blue from my very first mammogram screening and it felt as if I had been cannon balled onto a wall. Then followed a long two months of waiitng for the op over xmas and the new year and I felt nothing was real. Why am I worrying about this xmas present when I have cancer? I had to smile and pretend everything was ok not to spoil the season for my family. I carried on working to distract myself but felt everything was totally superficial to what was going on inside of my head and more importantly my body. So when the moment came to go into hosp I experienced emotional breakdown. If you read any of my frantic posts leading up to my op you'll get a glimpse of what I was feeling at the time. I was told I needed a mx but I seemingly had nothing wrong with me - no lump, no pain, just am xray full of spangles. I had the op, despite experiencing the greatest fear I have ever known and have survived it. Two weeks on I'm sore and uncomfortable but my recon in doing well. I had my results last week from the op and they did find 8mm of invasive cancer amidst the 52 mm of abnormality but no lymph oinvolvment and so mx was the right option for me. I can accept this now but dark days still lurk around me, although today I feel fine. I'm lucky I don't have to have chemo, just tamoxifen, although I had hysterics about taking that too. I really feel for you at the moment. You are goinmg through such a dark time, and you're right it does seem surreal. Everybody says 'be strong' and amazingly, most of the time you are, especially when like me, you have children in tow. But don't be afraid when that strength seems to evaporate, just look after yourself, and you will pull through emotionally. I know I've been there. Good luck and lots of warm thoughts are winging their way towards you. ... View more

Hi Izzy Thinking of you all at this time. JUst to let you know I had invasive DCIS and had a mx two weeks ago. Lymph nodes were removed for sampling and seem to be clear. They are still checking the results but my surgeon is confident I don't need chemo just tamoxifen. I know an mx is not pleasant and I get really bad days but there is a chance that your sister may not need to face all the horrible treatments out there. Stay strong. Annys x ... View more

Thanks for your replies. I have decided to start it - just being slightly hysterical and looking at everything out of persepctive. Still not too sure when the best time is to take it. Early pm maybe? Annys x ... View more

Hi to all those on tamoxifen. After my good news yesterday about not having to have chemo I'v been looking at what I can expect from taking tamoxifen. And boy, I'm back to feeling blue again. I tossed and turned all night last night, guilty at feeling low again when I've had good news and angry becuase I want my life back the way it 4 months ago. I've always been a risk averse person and now I've looked at the side effects I'm not certain I want to take this drug. After all, my mx has got rid of the cancer and this drug is going to reduce the chnaces of it occuring in my other breast. My biggest worries are hair thinning - I have got incredibly thin hair which I masterfully try to rearrange over protruding ears, and cararacts - I have an absolute phobia about eyes and eye procedures, can't bear looking at pictures of eyes although having anything poking in them. Minor cosmetic worries I know considering the hell this disease causes women to suffer but my body image is incredibly low at the moment and having to worry about my hair as well would be too much. Also, concerned about cancers of endometrium and uterus, although the stats are low and the loss of libido won't go doen too well either. DVT and strokes seem like the icing on the cake!I'm perimenopausal anyway, but have only just started night sweats and irregular periods. I just don't want to take it now. Did anyone else have the same feelings? Is anybody else suffering from hair thinning? Aplogies to all you ladies suffereing from hair loss from chemo, I feel very insensitive, but this is a real concern for me. My lack of hair thickness has been the constant bane of my life to date and I just can't afford to lose any more. Wouldn't annual mammograms for my other breast be good enough? Annys x ... View more

Thanks to everyone's advice about my surgeon. I saw him today for my results and he was actually pleasant. I was so surprised. He called me by by name and chatted about my job. He made me feel like a person. He also gave me good news!!! I don't have to have chemo. The cancer was invasive grade 1 8mm in size but having the mastectomy means its all all all gone. He also says that the lymph nodes are probably clear - he'll be 100% certain when I see him next month. I was surprised that they've not got all the results in 15 days after the op but he said they are rechecking them again but he's more than certain it's ok.I have to take tamoxifen because the cancer cells were oestrogen positive. I'm also quite pleased with the reconstruction - he has done a good job. Its difficult to say for certain as I have all the staple marks across the top and its still swollen and bruised but looks good. It was also wonderful to put some make up on and wear heels and some smart clothes again. I truly felt I had rejoined the real world. Its been a terrible 3 months and I'm sure there'll be down times still to come - I haven't thought too much about that nasty little invasive tumour yet -but I'm savouring the feelings of relief I have tonight. Hope there's others on line tonight who are also feeling happy and if you're not, just re read some of my miserable past postings to realise that good times can lie ahead. Annys x ... View more

Hi Clare Thanks for you post. Today went well for me - at last some good news. My surgeon was actually quite pleasant. He told me that I did have invasive cancer, when previously he thought it was non-invasive so the decision to have the mx was the right one as the cancer has now all gone. It was 8mm grade 1. He is 90% certain there is no lymph node involvement so no chemo thank goodness. He'll know completely when I see him in one month as pathology are checking again. I handed him 6 written questions I wanted answering and he answered them all. He even called me by my name and made me feel human. He was also very admiring of his work, my new reconsruction, and I have to admit it's much better than I thought.So for the first time in 3 months I feel quiet light hearted!! I hope Welsh girl is coping well tonight. My thoughts are with her. Nice to her from you . Annys x ... View more