Breast Cancer Now Forum

It's three weeks since my simple mastectomy, n I've been doin well - I hated the "crater" at first, but as the bruising subsided it didnt look anywhere near as bad, n I don't have any problem looking at the scar. But this is the third evening I've been upset. I tend to get undressed after tea, as the mx site's quite painful by then n I'm glad to get my mastectomy bra n softie off! On Wednesday I'd bought a really pretty dress n tried it on when I got home. Then in the evening, I tried it on again as I was getting undressed - n that second time, I'd removed the softie. It didnt look as nice without the softie in, n it seemed to hit me then that I'm always going to look like that in the future. So, I can cope with looking at my scar n find it reassuring that the cancer's gone now, but I don't like seeing me in clothes without a left breast. I guess I'm going to go through periods like this as I come to terms with everything, but I just feel really overwhelmed n weepy right now. Guess I could pin my softie inside my nightwear. I dont want reconstruction, I just dont want a clothing gap when I look down. Am I making sense? I've got the BCC booklet about choosing mastectomy wear etc, and it talks about putting ribbon inside ordinary bras to hold a prosthesis, if u dont wear mastectomy bras. Well its a bit painful for me to wear a mastectomy bra by this time of day - maybe I could stitch ribbon inside my nightwear somehow to hold my softie, just until I've got over feeling like this. I've got some luvly new nightwear that friends have bought me recently - I know you can get the mastectomy night wear, but I want to wear the new stuff from my friends, not buy more. Can't believe I'm feeling this bad as I've been doin so well, n my friends think I'm really brave. My thoughts are all over the place at the moment - something else i'd like to say about pls. I spoke to my BCN the other day - she's lovely n she woz asking how I was doing. I told her about being really pleased with myself about my arm exercises, n she said "well you've only had a simple mastectomy" (meaning that with no lymph odes involved exercises wouldnt be as difficult for me etc). I knew what she meant n everything, but it was the word "only" that she used. Guess I'm just being over sensitive, but the way I feel is that I know I've been lucky that I've not had lymph node involvement etc, n that I dont need any further treatment such as chemo, tamoxifen or herceptin - but even though it's only simple mastectomy, I'm still without that boob, n if it was her that had lost her breast, wud she want it to be referred to as ONLY simple mastectomy? I've digressed though - the worst thing is thinking that say in the future I have to go into hospital for anything at all - well I'll be there in nightwear with only one "boob mound" not two, n everyone will know I've had a mastectomy. I just hate looking down at myself like now when I havent got the bra n softie in. How come I can look at my scar and look after it n apply cream etc, but I dont like looking at myself in clothing without a softie? I feel so low right now - I hope I've not written anything here that would upset anyone else, cos I dont intend to. Luv to you all! xxx ... View more

I had my mastectomy on Friday - no nodes etc, just simple mastectomy. My breast was 34B but looked a lot smaller than that. Then I developed a haematoma and they took me down and drained off 700mls and gave me 3pts blood. They were lovely on the ward and I've been discharged today. I've only one drain and hardly need any painkillers - and I've worn my mastectomy bra and softie today n am really pleased with what I can see of the scar. It's lovely having the softie and it's nice to look down and see the softie in place - I dont want reconstruction. The scar under the trellis dressing is really neat as much as I can see, but you should see the deep crater where my breast has been! It's huge, and it's like a square shape because its straight across at the top and down the inside where my cleavage would have been. There's people on these forums in pain, who can't wear there softies etc & some may not have the support I have around me. But I can't stop crying now it's bedtime. Been a bit weepy on and off, and friends would have stayed but I said no. I just can't believe it's such a big and very deep area left after removing my boob. It's all bruised and even on the remaining breast too, but I can cope with that - it's just the size and depth of the crater that's really upsetting me. I'm so sorry to be writing all of this. I asked at the hospital why I'd got a hole at the top of where my bra is, and they said they thought it might be with swelling, but they didnt sound very convincing - I dont mean anything wrong to them - tht was just the impression I got, and they've explained everything really well otherwise. I'm not writing it very well, but I thought the missing boob would be covered by my bra and softie but it's not. Whether I look down at it or in the mirror, when I have my bra on it looks like there's a cave at the top of my bra, and without it it's the huge crater. I know I'm swollen, but dont think its swollen that much. Has anyone else had this? Also my ankles are a bit swollen too, and my lower pelvis feels bruised and swollen although it doesnt look it. I feel embarrassed about the swelling at the bottom of my tummy because its in a personal area (just above the pubic bone) so didnt tell the hospital as there's nothing to see. If the district nurse is nice tomorrow, I might tell her about it. I love my softie and the bra, and am still glad I didnt have the reconstruction, but am I being silly or babyish in how I'm feeling about it looking like a crater or a cave. Has anyone else felt or experienced this please? ... View more

Hello, is there anyone else out there who has recently been diagnosed with Paget's Disease of the nipple? I got my diagnosis 10 days ago - it was a horrible shock obviously, but in another way I'd been prepared for it, 'cos my nipple had started to change about five or six weeks beforehand. I was originally diagnosed with 4cm lump of high grade DCIS in my left breast 9yrs ago and had lumpectomy and radiotherapy. They've kept following me up every year since then cos I was only 40 when I was diagnosed. My nipple has been red since the DCIS, but has recently started being a bit itchy and with little pinpricks of blood on my bras. The skin's also been drier and scaly, and the scaliness was extending into my aerola in different directions. Then I had my routine annual clinic follow-up 17 days ago, and they took one look at the nipple and said it looked abnormal. They biopsied it, and gave me an appt for the results clinic the following week. I spent parts of the waiting time looking up nipple eczema online, but there weren't any examples of eczema on only one nipple - all the signs were for Paget's disease, especially when I googled images and the photos were identical to my nipple! I'm waiting for surgery now - it's not desperate that I have it really quickly, but I need a simple mastectomy, with already having breast cancer history. I'm provisionally booked for the 15th October, but it's dependant on my blood pressure. I'm 49, very physically active, and have never had blood pressure problems! I think it's to do with how stressed I've been lately, with my diagnosis and also another close family member is having chemo for Non-Hodkins Lymphoma so I've spent a lot of this year supporting them in practical ways as well as emotionally. What's that phrase about if life throws you lemons.... make lemonade!? Wish I could have stayed as positive as that this week. Fraid I've been emotional, weepy, negative etc. Not helped by being told at pre-op assessment that there was a problem on my ecg and with my blood pressure being high, they suspected I had an enlarged heart on the left side. Anyway, ct scan shows it's ok. I've just started on medication for my blood pressure, and hopefully will have my surgery on the 15th Oct. I've been trying to keep on at work, but phoned in sick yesterday, and can't see myself going in on Monday, or perhaps even at all this next week. I'm feeling a lot better emotionally, but my job is very busy and I have responsibility for others, so might be better for my b/p not to be at work. I can't wait to get rid of this left breast - sorry if that upsets anyone who's going through having to decide between lumpectomy and mastectomy. Last time, I chose to keep my breast, but this time I want rid of it, cos it's let me down again. I'm not going for immediate reconstruction, but I know I can have it at a later date if I change my mind. I feel I'm being sucked into the hospital system with all the tests etc we have to have, but all the staff are lovely, especially my breast care nurse. This is only my second post, so if any of what I've written rings any bells with how you are, it'd be great to see your posts here! xx ... View more