Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi all Angiepops- hope you're feeling better today. I'm with sandy. we've been through so much physically,and the wierd effects seem to carry on and on. What did your dr say to do now it's not ablood clot? If you feel unwell, go to a&e, don't wait for the macmillan nurse. You could phone the helpline for advice? take care lovely xxx ... View more

Hi all not managing to post much but trying to keep up with you all. Feccinora- so sorry about your news and that you are facing more surgery. We'll all be there to support you sending   hugs xxx Diggywiggy- you're certainly not alone in not feeling better- It seems like a long haul doesn't it? Glad you're seeing a counsellor. I'm finding mine really useful. In fact I'm taking all help offered from anywhere! one day at a time seems to be helping me at the moment. I surprised myself yesterday by having an ok day- didn't last though, crap today! Angie- I'm seeing my onc in feb which is about 1 year on but I don't know if that's mammogram time or just a chat. I'm sure they've told me I just haven't absorbed it. I worry all the time about the lumps and bumps in boob( scar tissue) and the pain i've now developed under arm and down inti chest. I decided to bother the bcn about this and they've referred me for physio. Philomena- great news on your retirement. this is your time now! I'm really looking forward to meeting up on 4th and 5th. Is there anything I should be doing like paying? If partners are coming I may bring mine to the meal too. He's thinking of driving me up and staying with student son if there is space on his floor, so he can watch him play hockey. I spoke to my boss on the phone this week but can't honestly see me going back yet for a while. I'm working on not obssessing about worries which are completely out of my control; getting through the day without crying; seeing people lots and trying to do some simple activities like walking. I feel as if the unexpected arrival of cancer in my life has so shattered my sense of security that any catastrophe seems likely now - illness and death of loved ones,accidents, social breakdown, war, global warming, every bad news story seems to be something that could just as easily happen to me and mine. Because after all if cancer happened then why not the rest? I've lost my expectation that everything will be alright. Hoping these feelings fade in time! using cbt with psychologist to try to change my thinkingand of course all the drugs!!! hope this doesn't sound too depressing because despite everything i think i'm slowly improving. oh and i signed up for a ukelele for beginners class, because why not? love to all you amazing angels wherever you are in your journey. xxxxx   ... View more

happy new year angels!!! haven't posted for a while as struggling with anxiety and depression. Think I've missed lots. Judy- thinking of you and fingers crossed it turns out to be nothing important. hope everyone else is doing ok . i managed to get through xmas with lots of great support from friends and family. Glad the year is over and hoping 2014 will be better for all of us. I'm taking one day at a time and making no plans at the moment. Just trying to walk every day. The good thing about anxiety is i have no appetite, so the weight is dropping off at the mo! love to you all mel xx ... View more

Happy Christmas Angels! hope you all have a great day, families behave, no hot flushes and no tears. Love you all Mel xxx ... View more

just written post and lost it because I got logged out. Don't have energy to do it again. Sandy- congrats on finishing rads, another thing crossed off the list. how about 11ish on xmas morning? we're going out to friends for dinner after. love to you all xxxxx ... View more

yeh let's hear it for the tufty club! I wondered if this would mean it's going to be curly? was dead straight before. Caz-you're doing so well to work 3 days a week and paint for your exhibition. You deserve a rest over xmas! We should have an angels xmas party online if anyone has time on xmas day. We are angels after all! sandy- are you out there? love Mel xxx ... View more

Hi angels Philomena- glad you had such a lovely time. Judy- my hair is growing in all different directions too. My family have renamed me tufty! hope it settles down as it gets longer. my sister came to see me today. She brought her 2 dogs and we took them for a long walk and then decorated the tree, which has sat there undecorated all week. It was so good to see her. She got me through another day. OH is off tomorrow. I'm trying not to be alone! I have read the feelings after treatment section in the moving forward folder and am feeling better that the way I feel now is not unusual. I haven't cried yet today so that's good. love to you all xxx ... View more

Hi all Angie-sorry you're on a downward spiral too. I think we're bound to change going through what we've been through. I don't think there's a way back- just a new normal to find. Kim- sorry you're feeling emotional too- when is your 1 year check up? lynn- haven't found any exercise or talking groups locally yet, but I'm taking up any help that's offered. I'm having counselling at the hospital and I'm going to do the peer support through bcc. I would like to do some exercise in a support group, I just walk on my own at the moment. Can't find anywhere  offering massage or stuff like that in the area either- other than just private places. I'm lucky to have great support from family and friends though. Still feeling terrible and just trying not to be on my own too much. I've explained to the kids and they're being great. Eldest is doing all the cooking. At least everyone will be around at xmas. my xmas tree has now stood in the front window for 4 days with no decorations on it. the neighbours will be talking!! love to you all xxxx   ... View more

Hi Angie I'm not having  such quick mood swings but I have felt really down and depressed/anxious for a week, then better for a few days then suddenly really down again. This started 2 weeks into tamoxifen. I don't know what's going on !! love Mel xx ... View more

hi all you awesome angels Rozz- glad you're getting to grips with the lymphoedema. My son is in his 4th year doing physics. Angie- oh no not what you needed at all. You're right to take your time before making any drastic decisions- time to put yourself first? My arm and shoulder is definitely improving now I've stepped up the exercises. I'm using the dvd in the moving forward folder. That's the good bit now for the bad-- I am soooo depressed. I'm just weeping all over the place and have turned into one big knot of anxiety. I'm not worrying about me and the cancer coming back, i seem to have transferred it to oh and children, so I keep thinking what's the next awful thing that's going to happen? My mum died of cancer last year, I got cancer  this year- I'm so scared of what might be to come. I feel like I've got through all that crap and now I've just fallen off the edge of a cliff emotionally. i know you can be depressed at the end of treatment, plus this started 2 weeks into tamoxifen. I've been to GP who has increased anti depressants but they'll take a few weeks to kick in. I hope they work because I can't cope with feeling like this. I'm dreading xmas and I feel really bad that I'm not just full of joy having finished chemo. This is the worst I've felt through the whole thing- I could understand if I'd just been diagnosed.I'm 6 weeks post chemo, has anyone else felt like this? sorry to winge but I'm rock bottom just now. love Mel xxx ... View more

Hi all I phoned bcn about the shoulder arm pain and she thought it was probably caused by rads which can keep causing effects for months. she suggested doing the exercises 3 times a day and taking ibuprofen for a few days, and to call again if no better in 2 weeks and she'll refer me for physio. She thought it could be the beginning of a frozen shoulder which can happen too. Does it never end? Well done on your weight loss too, Amber- losing it slowly is supposed to be better. In the moving forward folder it suggests 1-2 lbs a week so you're doing fine. I'm trying for a 1lb a week! Mel- a huge well done for your first full working day. You must feel you're getting back to some sort of normality. I don't think people understand fatigue unless they've experienced it- take it as easy as you can and don't get sucked back into the madness!!!!! Buffet thing sounds great love to you all Mel xxx ... View more

Hi girls Kim- sounds like you had a great time- could do with a bit of sun. Amber- building AND xmas? hope it's all done in time. Enjoy the nativity. Sandy- it's good to know teenagers have their uses! my eldest will be back next week for the holiday. really looking forward to seeing him. Lori- You had a chemo book???? Angie- 2 dogs and 3 babies would send anyone into meltdown! It's hard to say NO to family but you have to look after yourself first. hope it's all resolved soon. sounds like it's haircut time for lots of you- mines not there yet but growing. Seems to be developing a sort of tufty look- am wondering if it's going curly. Haven't tried to do anything about the colour, it seems to be getting darker as it comes through but mostly grey. Wig is out a lot, good in cold weather. I managed to see my GP (like getting an appt with God) to get some help with ses of tamoxifen and general support. I was hoping to have less tablets to take but oh well! I've gone back on lansoprazole for indigestion for now, increased anti depressant i was already on as apparently it helps with hot flushes and have got sleeping tablets to take when I can't cope with lack of sleep any more! hopefully this will get me through the 3 mnth 'settling' time on tamoxifen. getting lots of arm/ shoulder  pain on surgery side, much worse than it was. Don't think there's any swelling, but not sure what's going on. Anyone else having this? maybe it's just using it more as I tryto do normal activities again. I'm trying to lose some weight- just by eating healthily- and I've lost about 5 lbs. It's very slow going and there's a long long way to go. i know some of you have asked but is there anything i'm supposed to be doing for our meet up? and what were the dates again........... ... View more

  Hi all Judy- it's so reassuring to hear your energy levels are back to normal! and Sandy- I'm trying taking tamoxifen at teatime at the moment and I have slept a bit better- that's WITH sleeping tablets, which I don't really want to be taking every night. Maybe I'll try morning next! My hair is short grey and tufty so I'm wearing wig at the moment, which is fine until i have a hot flush then I have to whip it off! I'm feeling less tearful today, which is a relief, but don't think it's gone. have a sleeping night all love Mel xx ... View more

philomena have a GREAT time! ... View more

Hi all I think it would be good to go for a meal where we can talk too. Rozz my son is at uni in Manchester too. He lives in Fallowfield. Is thaat near the hotel? what is oni thingy? does it help with the nails? Sandy - so sorry your blood count is low again and about sad loss of toe nails. It just goes on and on doesn't it. Last post I said it was all going well on Tamoxifen- well I'd like to change that to feeling crap on tamoxifen after 2 weeks now the side effects are kicking in! I feel nauseous, have hot flushes all night, and have felt increasingly depressed. Keep bursting into tears for no reason all very menopausal! I'm going to try taking it at teatime as well- have been taking it at night. Hope they settle down a bit or I think I'll be in the 30% that give up. BCC helpline suggested splitting the dose taking half morning and half at night but the tablets don't split. Have to ask for a different brand to try this.Onc said to give se's about 12 weeks to settle so looks like I'll be weeping my way through xmas. Has anyone tried a chillow pillow and do they help? Caz- well done for going back to work, don't over do it! love and hugs to you all and have a cool night! Mel xxx   ... View more

Thanks Angels for good advice as usual. I've decided to lower my expectations to get up before midday and go for a short walk. Sandy- curling up in a corner sounds quite enticing.....I would need to complete the picture with a blanket over my head. Mel A- take it easy if you can at work- hope you start to feel less tired soon. comedy club is fine for me or just a meal, whatever everyone else wants to do.cheaper is best for me! My finger nails have all peeled off very low now and are quite sore. I'm resorting to plasters on fingers- what must I look like!! Tamoxifen seems to be going ok so far- not having any more hot flushes than I did on chemo, but still having them. wondering if poor sleep and indigestion is a side effect of tamoxifen? have lost the info sheet. look after yourselves all, love Mel xxx   ... View more

Hi all premier inn sounds great to me and the spa package. I will be either driving or train on Friday. Looking forward to meeting you all soooo much! Rozz do we need to pay you, or pay when we arrive? Well done Angie for getting hair out. I've just had my new wig (six month freebie). My hair is very short and it's very cold so I'm wearing it a lot now. I decided to get a grey/white wig as I will have to get my now white hair out at some time. Actually I think it really suits me- always knew I was  an old lady at heart. will try to put a pic on, but haven't managed this yet. Saw onc last week. He said rash on breast was a chemo se, and was only affecting one breast because it was more susceptible due to rads.gave me hydrocortisone cream. Now the rash has gone but the itching is still there and driving me mad. Also still have indigestion/heartburn. i keep trying to give up the lansoprazole and having to take it again. Philomena- I seem to be having more pain and stiffness in my surgery arm now than I did for months after op. I do the exercises but it doesn't seem to make much difference. It feels like it's slowly seizing up! On the bright side surgeon has refered me to plastic surgeon to see what can be done about the hole I've been left with where the tumor was. And started counselling to help deal with my many issues! I went to a bcc meeting about signs and symptoms of recurrence. It was very informative and felt quite uplifted to begin with, then felt a bit down thinking about the possibility of the cancer spreading. Don't know if it was a good thing or not. onc said not to expect to start feeling better for about another 3 weeks and I definitely don't! follow up in 3 months if no problems- is this what everyone is having? Sorry to be glum, but feeling sorry for myself tbh love Mel xxx ... View more

Sandy- sending hugs and thinking of you. It will get better so hang on- it's too hard to think of new ways forward for work when you're in the middle of dealing with treatment crap- there's plenty time for that afterwards. i'm trying not to think about work atm and just get better. look after yourself - things will improve. love Mel xx ... View more

Hi angels Amber- so sorry you met a pillock. some people just don't know when to shut up. sending a big hug. Mel- I'm so in awe of you going back to teaching. I'm signed off til January when the money runs out, then I'll have to see. Have you checked if you can claim ESA while your pay is reduced? i get it while I'm on half pay. It is not dependant on any other income. you just have to have paid NI contributions for 2 years. On saturday I developed a sore lumpy itchy rash all over the cancer boob. It's not getting any better. Don't know if it's a side effect or something else. tried antihistamine, didn't help. Anyone else had this? seeing onc on wednesday so I can ask then. i'm starting counselling as well next week- think i've gone a bit generally mad!!!! i feel like everything is on hold as it takes me until dinnertime to get up, then I'm just knackered for the rest of the day. love to all you wonderful angels mel xxxx ... View more

Hi angels caz- I have no energy either, but it's early days after chemo for me. I keep thinking I'll do that tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and I just can't.  keep thinking i ought to be able to do more, but there we go. also sleeping badly. I'm 52 and onc said it's possible periods can restart on tamoxifen, although they stopped on chemo. I was still having them before dx. Hoping to never see them again! my eyelashes are growing back - yeh!!! I'm trying to follow the healthy eating plan fron the Haven, which someone gave me. Finding 8 fruit and veg a day a challenge, but hoping it will help me to feel generally better, if not thinner. Start tamoxifen tomorrow- not looking forward to it. I think you're all magnificent for getting through this. it isn't till the end that you look back and think OMG did I really do that? We are amazing awesome angels and don't forget it! love Mel xxx ... View more