Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi my fellow JJs Well unfortunately I'm no further on. Had vacuum biopsy on Thursday and get results this coming Friday. They are obviously expecting the calcification to be cancer, as surgery date has been delayed because of the possible requirement for sentinal node biopsy. I veer between panic, fury and sheer disbelief. Thank heavens the weather has been so good as I've spent hours in the garden (and endlessly playing CandyCrush on my ipod!)   Deb, hope your results are better than you're expecting. Guess you must know by now. Do let us know how you are. If the worse comes to the worse, definitely ask for a port or picc line. I had a picc line, it was brilliant and if chemo is in my future I shall be asking for it again.   Kat, only 3 more to go and then you'll be off the dreaded steroids. I expect it all seems a long way off, but it's surprising how quickly you get used to no hospital appointments. It's also surprising how quickly you get used to them again!   Nette, so good to find you so positive. I hope your op sorts out your recon problems and you'll finally be free of hospital and doctors.   Heaven knows how I'll face chemo again so soon after first lot, so I'm crossing everything for clear nodes.   How's everyone else doing? Masha, Bumblebee, Boxo?   I'll let you know what happens. Hope you all have a lovely weekend.   Lots of love, and thanks for your continuing support xxxx     ... View more

Hello my fellow JJs Well I'm no further forward after results of biopsy. They're not sure whether it's cancer or not. Apparently the scale is 1 = calcification to 5 = cancer and I'm 3. It would appear it's verging on the nasty but they're not completely certain. However, surgeon feels sure there's something lurking, therefore I'm facing a bigger and better(!) biopsy in two week's time so they've got more tissue to examine, then results a week later. Yet more waiting. I'm hoping against hope it turns out to be calcification in which case I'll have a mastectomy and that will be the end of it. Otherwise it's a mastectomy, sentinel node biopsy and more than likely off on the roller coaster again. I'm desperately hoping I won't have to have my other armpit interefered with because that's giving me the most gip (sp?) Hey ho, let's hope that the last of life's little jokes. Thanks for your good wishes. xx   ... View more

Good afternoon ladies Haven't posted for quite a while as life has moved into fast lane having to split my time between Wiltshire and Yorkshire, and I'm struggling to keep up with everything. Can't believe it's been six months since we started splitting our lives. I remember that I hardly had any hair and had to keep sleeping most of the afternoon after walking Daisy. Now I have enough energy to keep going for the entire day including doing all the usual domestic chores (twice over, not so good!). But at least there's no garden to worry about in the north. Nettew, sounds as though you're a long way down the recovery road, hurrah. I admire you for even going one mile on a bike. I've always had an appalling sense of balance so never mastered two weels. I dyed my hair bright pink for the IOW festival last week, (which was absolutely brilliant) but after a few days in the blazing sun it had all been bleached away. My hair has come back with a cotton wool texture and is a mousey grey colour. Luckily after 4+ days in the blazing sunshine it's reverted to my original ash blonde. The texture is still odd though. I did know about it, but decided against a cold cap because I wanted to make sure every single molecule in my body was zapped. Sakura, so very very sorry to hear you've found another lump, although if it's started growing in a matter of weeks isn't there a good chance it's not suspicious? I have everything crossed that's the case and that it's not what you're expecting. What with your poor bottom issues you really could do without any extra worry and stress. Do let us know how you are, 6st 7lbs sounds dreadfully low. Please jump up and down and demand they take it seriously, because it is. Bumblebee, so sorry you may have developed lymphoedema (sp?) It's something we all dread. Is there any chance you could get a private appointment if there's such a long waiting list? You need to know what you can do now to stop it developing any further. I must admit that when I'm gardening etc am always getting scratched and bitten. As I don't use any sprays or pesticides I'm hoping that makes it OK! I'm sure being back at work is a mixed blessing, but being busy does stop us dwelling on our many and varied continuing health problems. Boxofrogs, hope you're wound is now healing properly. How disconcerting it must have been. How very brave to have your remaining breast removed. Good news about the pathology though. I hope your holiday bucks you up like you hope. Where are you going? Sorry if you've said and I missed it. If you've had both breasts removed why are they seeing you in a year's time? Sorry, just I may be facing this myself (see below) and I've no idea what the follow up will be. Masha I hope you're well. I totally understand about not coming on here so often. It's something we all want to put behind us. However, I'm just beginning to realise that's never going to happen! I'm still seeing the psychologist, who doesn't know about the latest turn of events, and it does help so I hope the art therapy makes a difference for  you. I hope you find somewhere of your own to live soon. Orangecat, you get as deep as you want. Cancer is a life changing event, so it's not surprising that when the treatment is coming to an end you should assess what you want out of life, as well as who you want to do it with. I can't tell you how much this ordeal has made me value my friends, and the time I'm spending in Halifax is spent thinking about how I want to live the rest of my life, no matter how short. I hope you've finally got over your cold. Unfortunately my health news isn't brilliant. I was due to have expander replaced with silicone implant and an uplift and reduction on the remaining breast on 20 June. It did occur to me that I should probably have follow up mammo and ultrasound before surgery so that was arranged for 9 June. I honestly don't know why it didn't cross my mind that there could be a problem, but apparently there is. Radiographer spotted some microcalficiation which wasn't present the previous year, and it's started to clump. So surgery is cancelled and I get the results of the biopsy this Friday. Looks like I'm facing another mastectomy, because even if it isn't pre-cancerous some significant changes are going on. Pretty overwhelming frankly. So I'm back playing the cancer waiting game. However, I'm determined not to cancel our holiday in September. We had to cancel last year's and whatever the biopsy outcome I'm definitely going away! It's good to hear how we're all doing, we've been through a lot. Take care my fellow junkies. xxxx   ... View more

Hi skinnyminx Thanks for highlighting this problem. I've been taking Anastrazole since 1/1/2014 (last chemo 9 Nov 2013) and like you the cancer was ER+. I had never heard of vaginal atrophy and when I went to my GP a week ago with a very sore undercarriage she wasn't sure how to treat it. I'm on a hormonal applicator twice a week for 2 weeks as well as a twice dairly steroid cream. I was wondering what to do long term as the hormonal treatment is out of the question. Neither of the products she prescribed have made much difference but I think these Yes products might be the answer. I'm going back next week so I will mention them then. Once again, many thanks. x ... View more

Good afternoon ladies Been a while since my last post, so thought it time for an update. Energy levels still not marvellous but I think that's because I'm still coughing in spite of 2 lots of antibios and 1 lot of steroids. Had no idea coughing is so tiring lol! I'm not coughing nearly so often or for so long so don't think I'll bother my GP again.   Good news on the joint pain though. My hands were really stiff and hurting in the mornings, and my right hip was starting to ache at night as well (due to Anastrozole), so I doubled my glucosomine and green lipped mussel supplements and also started taking hylauronic acid. Much to my astonishment, result! Two weeks later and the stiffness in my hands is almost gone and I'm more or less pain free. Can't quite believe it, but long may it continue. My finger nails are still peeling, but I'm hoping that's SE of chemo to Anastrozole. Chemo nails are about 2/3 grown out, so another few weeks and I should know the cause. No idea what the solution is if it's Anaztrozole though. Having had lovely nails throughout chemo, it's a bit galling that they're really short and horrible now ha!   Bumblebee, what a relief. Fatty necrosis sounds horrible but seems to be fairly common. Phased return to work is obviously the best way, and although I'm newly-ish retired I can understand exactly how you feel. From being on top of the job and the systems you use it must now feel like starting at the bottom again. A bit demoralising I'm sure. Would it be worth telling a couple of people you trust that you are not fully recovered, and may never be like the person they remember. Then word will get around and people's expectations will be better managed. It seems to me life is all about managing other people's expectations!   Boxofrogs, sorry to hear you're having emotional problems with your return to work. It does sound as though you've worked out what the associations are, and hopefully by recognising them you can deal with them. Going back to work is a big step so don't underestimate the effect it may have on you. You're now having to be "normal", when actually I think we're still struggling to come to terms with what's happened to us. Physically as well as emotionally. I hope your skin has recovered from the bite. Sometimes Drs are incredibly insensitive!   Masha, how are you? Have you managed to find somewhere else to live yet? Something you could well do without I'm sure. Have you had the test / results of your lung scan yet?   Nette, I take a Vit D supplement and as I'm out walking Daisy for an hour each day I'm hoping my levels will be adequate. The swelling is in my armpit, not the arm itself. It got worse after the rads. I shall keep doing the exercises and as I've got an appointment with the Breast Care Sister in September (no idea why as they've never contacted me before) I'll mention it then. Gosh Nette, I hadn't realised you were diagnosed with 2nd lot just a year after first diagnosis. I know it's stupid to say I don't know how you cope with that, but really - I don't.   Orangekat, I had my picc line removed the same day as I had last chemo. Nurse told me to turn my head away and just pulled it out! Can't believe you've still got your port (was it hickman? do you need a GA, perhaps that's why the delay). I really can't wait to get this tissue expander out. The whole thing is just really uncomfortable and feels so heavy, so it's a constant reminder. Hoping and praying op on 20th June doesn't get cancelled.   Sakura/Debbie, welcome back. What a terrible time you've had. I guess the suspected lumps in liver and bowel turned out not to be, if you've just finished treatment. 6 stone weight loss, jeeze. How much have you got to put back on to get back to a "normal" weight? I had FEC-T, and have still got some numbness in toes and my finger tips aren't nearly as sensitive. No idea when, if, that will improve.   I've been thinking about lifestyle and cancer now that treatment is over and have decided that I shall continue to live as healthily as I can, but I'm not going to OCD about it. I have never been as healthy as I was when I developed breast cancer. That didn't stop it developing, although it probably did minimise the SEs. All it takes is one rogue cell out of all those billions. And so although I'm not going to make any major lifestyle changes to try and stop that happening, I shall continue to live as healthily as I can to minimise any further treatment SEs, if that's what's in my future.   Hope we all have a happy, relaxing, Easter. xxxxxx ... View more

Hello my dear JJs. Warning – long post follows! I’ve been really busy, splitting my life between Halifax and Wiltshire and somehow time has just passed. I had a meeting with onc in March at the end of which she said “I don’t need to see you for another year”. I mentioned the aches and pains and she said it’s too soon to be able to say whether it’s after effects of chemo or the Anastrazole. I know what I think! And basically once she’d had a bit of a prod she signed me off. I’ve been telling everyone either she thinks I’m doing really well or that I’ll be dead in a year! I’m due a mammogram and possibly ultrasound in June, although I haven’t had a letter yet. I’ve also got a date for reconstruction (silicone implant and uplift) on 20 June, just after IOW festival, so no going completely wild as will be having a GA about 4 days later. Blast. I’ve also arranged another meeting with PS as I want to be absolutely sure I’ve made the correct reconstruction decision. The rads have left my armpit really swollen so it’s a constant uncomfortable reminder. Anyone have any idea when it’s likely to go down? If at all?   Still seeing the psychologist, although had to cancel this week’s appointment because I’ve got a chest infection with the worst cough I’ve had since suffering bronchitis as a child. Can’t ever remember coughing until I’m sick, but that’s happened more than once in the last few days. I would have left it a bit longer before contacting GP but I thought about how pneumonia can kill you pretty quickly once it gets hold – how ironic would that be -  and how I’ve been systematically poisoned, so didn’t wait the statutory 3 weeks. Started antibios on Thursday, but they don’t seem to have had any effect yet. Apart from that, my energy levels are still rubbish, the aches and pains are not subsiding at all, and I’m struggling to cope. However, I do know I will feel better one day. We had the best news a week ago. My very clever 19 yr old stepdaughter, who has a terrible time at home with an unbalanced mother, has just been offered a job with Steiner working on the cruise ships. She did this all on her own initiative, as she’s desperate to have a legitimate reason to leave home, as she feels she can’t just come and live with us. She’s just finishing her second year massage/reflexology course, and she’ll be working in one of their spas. What a fantastic opportunity, we’re so proud of her. How are we all? Bumblebee, so sorry to hear you still haven’t had the results. 4 weeks does seem a bit much and I agree with Nette that your BCN may be able to help chase them. I had an appointment letter for September with the Breast Care Sisters. It made me laugh out loud as it sounds like some alternative rock band! I’m guessing it’s part of the protocol because I haven’t spoken to any of them since I started chemo last July, Is anyone else having trouble remembering what chemo was like? I know it wasn’t pleasant but I think because I extremely lucky anddidn’t have that many SEs I’ve forgotten how it made me feel. Nette, I’m also struggling to understand that it can take up to 2 (or perhaps 3, yikes) years to get back to where we were before treatment started. Although the way this wretched cough has knocked me for six is a pretty good indication that despite appearances to the contrary, things are not normal. Regarding your seroma and recon, only you can make that choice lovely. Personally if the surgeon is saying that he can make it better for you, then I’d go for it. Yes it may take you a year to recover, but it’s going to take you longer than that to get over the chemo so you can do all the recovery in one got – if you see what I mean. Masha, I’m so sorry you’re having to find somewhere new to live at a time when you could do without that extra stress. My OH has subscribed to Mindfulness which he tries to do every night. I keep meaning to have a go, but somehow I just haven’t found the time. Displacement activity perhaps, but I just can’t find the time at the moment. Before you ditch the Tamoxifen, do find out what a difference it will make to your long term survival. Juliemb, sorry you’re having trouble finding another job. Difficult enough in ordinary circumstances, let alone yours. Lordy, 10 more herceptin. What a marathon, but worth it. That’s what we’ve all got to keep telling ourselves. We’re alive, and although it may not be what we thought, it will get better. Orangecat, hope you’ve had a port out at long last. I can’t wait to get this tissue expander out of my chest as it’s becoming more and more uncomfortable, especially the bit where the top up port is. Which, ironically, has never been used. Hope you’re coping a bit better at work, and they’re treating you sympathetically. Chezza, hope your poor hand has improved. How are you coping with the jabs now? Hope you can see the light at the end of your tunnel. I’m struggling with food at the moment, trying to find things I actually want to eat. Regrettably the weight seems to be creeping on, so I’ll have to go back to the fasting regime which I haven’t really followed since about November. That should be a challenge. Sorry if I’ve forgotten anyone. I hope we can continue to keep on keeping on in the best way we know. We should all be proud of ourselves. Lottsaluv xxxx ... View more

Hi Annette Just wanted to say got fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes crossed for a good result for you tomorrow. Chin up sweets. At least is if it is anything unwelcome, which is unlikely, they've still got lots in their arsenal they can chuck at it. xxxx ... View more

Hello my lovelies. Long post coming up as it’s been a while. You have been warned! I have been contemplating saying cheerio because I wanted to feel this part of my life is now done and dusted, but don't feel I can do that quite yet, because it isn't. The pain and stiffness in my hands is now pretty constant (along with occasional numbness of my fingertips) and I also have a really stiff back if I sit on the sofa or in the car for more than an hour or so. I believe the stiffness is because the lack of oestrogen (thanks to Anastrazole) means that my collagen is starting to break down and consequently the mild arithitis I had has been accelerated (understatement!). Nette sounds as though you had a good time at Buddy, it’s a really good show. I saw it in Southampton years ago.  20 months to find a haematoma? As you haven’t had enough to put up with you’ve now got that to think about. Is there anything you can do to help stop it building it up again? As you say, double damn. You asked about tiredness. I was in Halifax last week and I'm still trying to find some open space nearby that isn't flooded to walk Daisy where she can chase a tennis ball, her favourite game. On Tuesday we walked on the moors, it was like walking on a very wet lumpy sponge which was very tiring and neither of us enjoyed ourselves. The next day I took her for a 5 mile walk along the cycle track (which I've done before) and I really didn't think I was going to make it back to the flat. We finally got inside the front door and I was almost crying because I was so tired. I barely managed to wash, dry and feed her and then slept on the sofa for over 2 hours! I found that very frightening, as well as the fact that it took me the rest of the week to recover. Honestly, and I know you'll find this hard to believe, but I'm really not a stupid woman lol. However, that scared me so much I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days and what I realised is that I've never truly understood or acknowledged the enormity of what has happened to me and what my body has had to deal with. I really thought once the last chemo was done on 8 November that by the time Christmas came along and the rads were finished it would have got over the worst of it. I now remember that at the last pre-chemo meeting with one of my oncs, she told me it can take 2 years for your body to recover from the ha ha "treatment". Talk about being in denial! My mother keeps asking me why I'm always pushing myself to the limit, and I've been telling her it's because I don't know what my new limits are. And although that's true up to a point, it's also because I've been refusing to acknowledge that I've had a life-threatening disease. And just writing that last sentence still doesn't make it real. Good job I'm still seeing the psychologist. Lots to talk about next time then lol! Anyway, the upshot is that I shan't be signing off just yet. Kat, sorry you're going to be on the steroids for such a long time. Jeeze, 5 different drugs! But it must be the best treatment or they wouldn't be persevering trying to help you tolerate it. Oh it's so hard isn't it, but at least when September comes you won't have to have any other treatment. Small comfort I know. You don't want to be wishing your life away, but equally you just want it to be over. I too have brown staining on my collarbone as well as in my armpit. Hopefully it will fade. My tattoos are not in the least discreet, except the one in my cleavage which doesn't show anyway. Glad you're feeling good and your meeting with Occ health went well. Bumble, you'll be pleased to know that doing jigsaws can help ward off mental deterioration, so pick the most fiendishly difficult ones you can! It sounds as though HR were quite helpful in the end, and they'll deal with your circumstances as they change. It seems as though for most of us the hair on top is growing more quickly than the hair on the sides as I too have a bit of mini-mohican going on. Still nowhere near long enough for a hairdresser, but just about long enough for me to stop wearing scarves.And I've actually got some eyelashes. Wore mascara for the first time in 6 months on Saturday. Took me a while to find where I'd put it though. And at long last I no longer look quite so odd. When do you get the results of the test on the lump? Soon I hope. Chezza, nearly done with rads hurrah. How's the herceptin going? Do you have that every day? Be good to hear how you’re doing in more detail, but realise that with small children your time online must be very limited! Masha, good to hear from you. I’m sure having not long had surgery it must be really difficult to keep your arm about your head for so long. I found it hard and my surgery was back in June. Regarding Tamoxifen, ask them what difference it will make to your survival rate? I really wasn’t sure about Anastrazole but my onc told me it could increase my survival chances by 30%. I’m seeing her again in a couple of weeks and am going to ask her to reiterate that. Having to find somewhere to live is such a big decision and it’s hard when you’ve got so many other things to think about. Everything usually works out in the end so do try not to worry, easy for me to say. I hope all the other JJs are doing well. Sorry if I’ve missed any recent posters. Well, I’m pooped so off to bed without OH. He’s just rung to say he’s back in Halifax so at least I know he’s safe. Sweet dreams one and all. xxxxxxx ... View more

Hi Rowan I'm a July Junkie and was on FEC-T, had last dose on 8 Nov. I must admit that I didn't ever take any special precautions against infection and I was fine. I went to a couple of gigs/concerts, one at Bristol Hippodrome and another an open air event with portaloos. I was fine. I was extremely lucky, the worst side effect I had was fatigue. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to do a festival with camping but really can't see a problem with gigs/concerts. OK so you don't know what germs people sitting around you may have, but you could say the same about walking down a crowded street. I chose to ignore the fact I had cancer and lived my life as normally as possible, and was able to do most things that I wanted. I had to dip out of a few evenings out with friends towards the end because I felt so tired, but that was about it. It is cumulative, so maybe try and fit gigs in during the first 4 cycles. The tiredness did carry on for about 5 weeks after last dose. Some people seem to be more prone to infection than others, but I was told that because I was fit at the start of the treatment I would probably be OK, and they were right, so fingers crossed you are too.   ... View more

Good evening my lovlies Came back from frozen north (which wasn't!) on Friday for a week. Yikes, the weather here has been far worse. The back road out of our little hamlet to "big" village is closed because our sleepy winter borne stream has turned into a torrent; the main A road to the next village along is badly flooded and so is the village itself as one of its lanes has turned into a fast flowing river; and in "big" village the little stream has got ideas above its station and is now a big one overflowing on to the main road. The wind has been pretty ferocious too. And it all starts again on Tuesday ...   I had some 24 hour bug last week which meant I spent a lot of time in the loo, then lying as weak as a kitten on the sofa. Thought I'd finished with all that. Don't know if my immune system is still depressed, but I certainly was!   Apart from that I went out for Sunday lunch with friends today au naturel hair wise for the first time. It's just about long enough that with a lot of stiff hair spray I can spike it up. I got a few looks but tbh most of the time I forgot about it. Probably because I never wear anything on my head at home now. Felt quite proud of myself, which is a bit ridiculous.   Oh Bumble, 25th Feb must seem like aeons away, but it will come round soon enough and at least they're taking it seriously.   Chezza, I had four tattoos and the one in my cleavage seems to have gone AWOL too. Pretty sure you can't wash them off though!   Nettew, hope you had a good time away. Good luck tomorrow with your app.   Hope everyone else is doing just fine.   Oh, and I've just booked tickets for OH, friend and myself to go to Isle of Wight festival. It's my birthday and as I had surgery two days before last year's, I'm going to make up for it this year by dancing my socks off and partying for three days solid! xxxxx     ... View more

Dear Bumble, so glad to hear you've calmed down a bit although it's perfectly understandable that you should be concerned (understatement!). I agree with the others it's unlikely to be anything sinister so soon after the end of treatment, but glad you're getting it checked. I still find it really strange to talk about the end of "treatment", when what I want to call it is "the poisoining" lol. I had an endoscopy years ago but luckily they knocked me out. Guess they didn't do the same to you. As if you hadn't already been through enough. Sometimes it all seems a bit much doesn't it. Sorry your blonde hair is coming back grey. Still, give it a few months and you can have it highlighted back to your old colour. No sign of any hair on my body so still not having to shave armpits or legs - result! Off to the frozen North on Sunday, will report back after that. Keep well my lovelies xx ... View more

3xFec done, 3xTax done, 15 rads sessions done. Be prepared, W&P big time follows! Hello my fellow JJs. Sorry I’ve been AWOL for so long but I wasn’t sure I was going to post after Christmas, because all treatment is finished and there didn’t seem much more to say. However, I have been checking in to see how you are all are doing, and as my absence has been noted I thought I’d tell you what’s been happening to me. OH is a freelance software tester and his last contract finished on 20 Dec. I finished rads as planned on 18 Dec. On 19 Dec we drove up to Halifax and back (9 hour round trip) as he had an interview and wouldn’t you know it, out of all the jobs he applied for this was the one he really wanted. And s**’s law being what it is, it’s the one he got, starting on 10 Jan. So, far from easing myself back into my old life, I’ve been plunged into something completely different. We talked long and hard about the practicalities of him only being able to come home at weekends, because moving really isn’t an option with my parents (both in their 80s) living with us. So I’ve spent an awful lot of the last three weeks online sorting out B&Bs for him and trying to find somewhere for us to rent for the next 6 months. I spent last week in Halifax with him, and we’re now renting a 2 bed furnished flat (sorry, apartment) in a small converted mill house in a semi-rural location about 3 miles outside town. And landlord is happy for Daisy (dog!) to visit with me. Neither of us have spent any time north of Watford Gap, so have no feel for the landscape and life in the North at all. My oh my, it’s different. So many of the houses have no garden front or back which is extremely odd to our southern eyes. And all those vertical cobbled streets, thought that was a cliché but it isn’t. And the mountains! But what really highlighted the difference for us is the fact that the centre of Halifax, which is roughly the same size as Salisbury, had hardly any restaurants whereas Salisbury has lots. It does have a couple of independent cafes though, and we were surprised at how much cheaper food is generally. Best of all though, just after we found the flat I realised the Tour de France will be passing through about 5 miles down the road. Really excited. I watched it when it came through Hampshire last time, never thought I’d see it twice. We’ve decided that Daisy and I will spend every other week ‘oop North to start with, but it all feels very odd. OH left here at 4.45 and rang at 9.50 to say he’s got there. Poor man, what a long way. With regard to my health, well my toes and the side of my right foot are numb more than they’re not and my finger tips seem to randomly go numb as well. I think I’m going to lose some of my finger nails. As they’re growing it’s becoming more apparent that most of them aren’t fully attached to the nail bed, so that’s something to look forward to. On the hair front: no eyebrows or eyelashes yet and no other body hair. However the hair on my head is growing (nearly half an inch on top) and seems to be the same colour it was ie blonde not white. There’s not enough for me to go out au naturel yet though, mainly because I have quite a deep widow’s peak and the hair on the peak and sides is much slower to grow. I do still look a bit odd. My skin was fine during and after rads, I used a combo of aqueous cream and aloe vera gel, but my armpit still feels really swollen despite continuing with the exercises. Guess that’s for life then! I also get all sorts of odd stabbing pains there and in the mastectomy site. Mood-wise, I am still quite teary, and I am trying very very hard not to wonder whether it will come back. I didn’t think like that last year, so I’m not going to think like that this. That way lies madness. Hormonally, I started Anastrazole on 1 Jan and within a week my hands hurt in the mornings, my right hip hurts and my back feels as though it may be about to go into spasm. I don’t think it’s all coincidence, so I’m going to up my glucosomine and hope that helps. I’m also going to make an appointment with my osteopath to ward off the back spasm which may be coincidence. I think the North/South split to my life, until at least July, will actually be good. I think it would have been very hard to reconcile myself to my old life when I’m not the same person. It gives me a completely different focus and that’s to be welcomed. It’s actually quite exciting. I’m not going to look too far into the future, because I may not have much of one. My parents seem to have coped with the first week away, and as I’m home this week I shall be able assess whether they can or not. And that’s me. How about all of you? Chezza, chemo finished hurrah for you. I found the whole rads thing unpleasant, I hated lying there bare to the waist and listening to the machine zapping me. It’s better than chemo though! Do bear in mind it carries on working for a few weeks after the last one so keep moisturising. How are you getting on with sub-cut. I saw you’d passed out, has that got any better? Orangecat, Know what you mean about the 2013 calendar. 2014 looks positively empty, thank heavens! Great news that you’re able to carry on with Herceptin. Hope the first one went well and not your usual drama! It’s really good to have a plan, even if it is a phased return to work. Your hair must be a lot longer than mine if it’s Judi Dench-ish. Lucky thing. I think you’re coping brilliantly considering this is your second round. Nettew, I’m so sorry I’d forgotten you’re a second timer as well as Kat. I know you both cope because what else are you going to do, but really I take my hat and any other article of clothing off. What a smack in the face it must be. Holidays are good. I’m hoping we might be able to reschedule the holiday we had to cancel last year and go to Menorca, but the thought of the increase in insurance really insenses me. If you’ve finished treatment, what the heck does the increase cover! Bumble, glad your sore has healed. I imagine it must feel quite scary to be discharged, I’m not sure when that happens for me. I’m sure the thought of going back to work is daunting, but slowly does it, don’t try and do too much. I’ve found my energy levels are pretty much back to pre-BC, and I expect yours will be too. I get over-emotional as well. It’s really annoying. When I was away last week I thought about going into a centre for a head, neck and shoulder massage. I started welling up at the thought of having to tell a stranger what has happened to me. Masha, Sorry to hear about your house. Having just been through it, it’s so stressful trying to find the right somewhere to live, so I hope you find something lovely really quickly. How exciting to have a trip to LA in your future. I think it’s easy to try and do too much. I find it hard to get my head round what my poor old body’s been through, and so keep pushing it to find the new limit. Which changes with monotonous regularity lol! Boxo, hope you’re rads are done and dusted and you didn’t have any major SEs. I was lucky I didn’t suffer from the tiredness that apparently can knock you when you’re down! Guess all you’re treatment is done now as well. Are you on any hormone treatment, when do you start? Sorry, can’t remember. Julie, how did your NYE go? Hope the herceptin didn’t ruin it for you and the cardio app on 22nd went OK. That’s enough from me. I did warn you it would be a long post. Well done if you got this far. Your energy levels must be back to normal! If I’ve left anyone out I’m sorry, but must go as waiting for OH to call to say he’s unpacked the contents of the car into the flat. I will keep checking on you all, and hope that our little band of survivors keeps on keeping on. Lots of love xxxxx ... View more

Chemo done, rads done Well last zap was on Wednesday and my feet haven't had a chance to touch the ground. It was most odd this morning taking Daisy out and not having to rush back because I had a hospital appointment. Amazing how quickly you get used to different routines. Hopefully I've got all the Christmas presents now as I really can'ty face going shopping again. OH's birthday tomorrow, as well as elderly neighbour's, so we've got our closest friends coming round to help us celebrate and we'll throw in the end of my treatment as well. Saw onc on Tuesday, don't see her again until March. When I asked in vague terms what my prognosis is, she just said they've given me everything they can. Not sure what to make of that! Still, it is what it is. She also said that it could take years before I feel as well as I did before the treatment started. Didn't need to hear that, although most of the chemo SEs have subsided, watery eyes and bleeding nose have more or less stopped. Aching legs still with me but stamina levels are finally improving. One thing I will pass on though, we were talking about when I should start the Anastrozole (sp?) and she recommended sooner rather than later as it can make a difference of as much as 30%. So 1st Jan it is! Masha, I'm sorry to hear the results are not as encouraging as you hoped. In terms of checking whether it's spread, as I understand it, unless the cancer has formed another tumour there isn't any test they can do that will tell them. So you push for CT and MRI. Chezza, not long until you're out the other end. Have you started the sub-cut yet? Nette, hmmn slugs or mice? I suppose if you can work out where they're coming in it's pretty easy to solve with salt, still unpleasant though. Boxo, sorry to hear you're suffering from mood swings. I still get very tearful for no good reason and seem to be going through an "I can't be bothered" phase. I've lived as normally as possible since diagnosis, doing more than I probably should have done, and now it's all over my strings have just snapped. So to all the other July Junkies, thank you so much for all your support over these difficult and challenging months. It's helped me more than you can know. I wish you and yours a very Merry Chrismas and a Happy New Year. It goes without saying, I hope we all have a healthy 2014 as well! Lots of love xxxx   ... View more

Chemo done, rads almost! Hard to believe this part of my journey is nearly over. Can't make up my mind whether it was really tough or not. I seem to have more SEs 5 weeks after last chemo than I did when I was in the middle of it. Anyway, all will be finished next Wednesday. Looking forward to sinking back into my nice quiet life, but as parents are becoming more challenging doubt that's coming my way any time soon. Kat, the sunflower cream was developed by Salisbury hospital. Needless to say I haven't been given any! I've been using aloe vera gel on my zapped areas and so far it seems to be working well. My hair is patchy and not growing very quickly. I seem to have a tremendous widow's peak which I wasn't aware of before. Mothers and daughters - impossible to get right! Nette, as department is manically busy it's hard to ask radiographers anything because you're always aware of the queue of people behind you. However, I did ask whether they'd been zapping my collar bone area as hadn't realised how high up they zap you, which explains why it's all been itching. Slapped some AV gel on and it's calmed down a lot. Radiographer also suggested doing the back of shoulder as that's getting zapped too. Hope you have a great time in Holland. B***er about travel insurance. We're hoping to go away next autumn and I'm dreading having to go into all the ins and outs, and paying through the nose! Julie, how are you getting on? How much more herceptin? Bumble, today is the first day I've been on time for nearly two weeks. It made a huge difference. I've been driving myself as well, so good not to feel guilty about friends having to hang around too. If your boob is on fire it makes sense to try and cool it down, especially as I understand the SEs continue for a bit after the rads are finished. Masha, fingers crossed for your results tomorrow. Sorry if I've left anyone out, but got to go and change beds. We've got friends arriving tonight for the weekend so everyone has a lovely relaxing time. We'll be decorating the house, drinking mulled wine and probably getting a bit squiffy. That's my plan anyway! Lots of love xxxx ... View more

Chemo - done. Rads - halfway through. Hope everyone up North escaped unscathed from the high winds and storm. It was very windy here yesterday, but no rain or snow. Had a full week of rads and every single appointment was delayed by a minimum of an hour. So I've been leaving home at least an hour an half before my appointment in order to find an elusive parking spot, and leaving hosp about an hour and a half after. Communication is crap. The notice today said delay was 30 minutes, which isn't too bad. After an hour I got called into another area to use a different machine. Breathed huge sigh of relief, only to be told there was a queue of people in front of me. Just sat down and indulged in some silent weeping. Trying to speak to anyone is nigh on impossible as they're all tucked away in a control room, but an unfortunate young woman emerged and I grabbed her (not literally!) and asked who I needed to speak to to find out how long the wait really was. She was very apologetic and sweet, as they all are, and went off to ask someone. She came back saying it would be 10-15 minutes and it was. So I finally left the hosp at 4.30 for a 2.30 appointment. I am going to write to Southampton and complain about the lack of communication. I know it's not the staff's fault that machines break down or they have emergencies, but the communication leaves a lot of be desired. Apart from that still got watery eyes. Also my legs ache, and energy levels still nowhere near normal. It's all really irritating. So far haven't felt any more tired but overheard a lady who had just had her last zap telling her friend she'd been told the tiredness gets worse after the treatment. Something else to possibly look forward to. Rant over. Anyway, that's enough negativity. I'm normally a relentlessly upbeat person, but this is really getting to me as I'm sure you can tell. Busy day tomorrow. Selling some pottery and bric-a-brac at our village Christmas fete tomorrow afternoon, then off to see a live band in Newbury with friends tomorrow night. Don't remember what the band's called but I'm sure it will be an enjoyable evening. Sunday got elderly neighbour in for lunch and then back to be zapped on Monday. But hurrah! Got Tuesday off as machines are being serviced, then only 6 more to go. Masha, hope you're home for the weekend. Bu**er about the LNs but at least as others have said it's all been removed now and you don't have to have any more chemo. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend, and those still enduring chemo have little or no SEs. Lots of love xxx   ... View more

3 x FEC done 3 x T done - Hurrah Good evening JJs. Well I've had 5 rads so far, 10 to go. 3 times out of five there have been delays of about an hour, today it was nearly 2 hours. It was 2 hours because when they compared the latest image with the planning CT scan part of a lung had crept into the zapping area. The radiographer, who took me out of the waiting area and into a separate room which scared me sh**less, explained they see it a lot in breast cancer patients. They think it's because the CT scan is usually done within a very short time after last chemo and we're probably more tense which keeps the lung out of the area. When we've had another couple of weeks to get over chemo and a couple of days to get used to the rads procedure, everything is more relaxed. But at Southampton the protocol is to get a doctor to look at the images and sign it off so they can continue with treatment. If a doctor won't sign it off then treatment stops immediately. Luckily my onc was at the hospital today and she signed it off, so rads continue, albeit most appointments are taking much longer than expected. So that's me. Oh and I've still got runny eyes and tingling fingertips and soles of feet. And I've got a light covering of fine hair, which as it's blonde (can't tell if it's turned white yet) is almost invisible. But it isn't like real hair, it's fuzzy. So I'll get OH to clipper it back once it's long enough, until real hair starts growing. Masha, good luck with the surgery my lovely. Hope they get clear margins first time round, and your LNs are clear. Bumblebee, my legs still ache like mad when I go up stairs and after I've walked Daisy. My arms ache by the end of the day too. How much longer is that going to go on for, do you think? Really getting on my nerves, although I think my general stamina is slowly improving each week. I've not felt any more tired from the rads so far, although a friend said it was after week 2 it hit her. Jeepers, half pay, I expect that's a bit worrying just before Christmas. Nearly over for you though, so hurrah! Nette, I think both Tamsin and Chezza continue after Christmas. Not sure about Whiskers. Haven't need a cold pack so far, or a nap. Just as well about the nap as I'm not getting home until late afternoon which is a bit late to flake out and have a good night's sleep. As regards taste, mine's mostly back except red wine still tastes odd and I did like the occasional glass in the week. This part of the journey's just about over for you too, hurrah! Orangecat, you made me laugh with your plague like symptoms, elegant Italian sister-in-law topped off with Elvis impersonator. What an interesting life you have! Boxo, I know exactly what you mean about no eyelashes making you look like an alien. I don't know if you've ever seen the David Bowie/Nic Roeg film The Man who fell to Earth, but I think I look like the aliens in that, only not nearly so attractive! I'm so sick of the watery eyes. Interesting how we're all so different when it comes to covering up the hair loss. I only wear scarves as I couldn't stand the wig. Funnily enough, it just felt like way too much hair because my hair is so fine. However, I tie them into a sort of turban because I think my face needs the height. I like to think I'm channelling my inner Edith Sitwell, although I don't think I look like a superior horse! Juliemb, so glad you had a lovely time in Whitby. Is this part all over once you get to 10th Dec? Sorry, I can't remember. Is it far to your hosp? Southampton is an hour away from home for me. I shall be so so glad to finish on 18th December and no longer be at the beck and call of either hospital! My plan for Christmas and early 2014 is to do absolutely nothing that I'm not obliged to. Famous last words ... Chezza, 5 weeks to go - yay! Have you started the sub-cut H yet? How's that going? That's it from me lovlies. Good luck to everyone for the rest of the week, for everyone of us still having treatment, fingers crossed for no major SEs. Lots of love xxxx ... View more

3 x FEC done 3 x T done D21 Hello girls. Well I can now say I'm officially done with chemo. Oh, if only that were true. Still got watery eyes, catarrh, knackered capillaries in my nose, aching legs, no energy BUT I don't have to do it again! Hurrah. Had first rads session yesterday. As predicted, one of the machines had broken down, there was a big backlog of people and so had to wait over an hour and a half to be zapped. It was fine, was given a gown so dignity preserved thank heavens. However, there's nothing like lying underneath a bit of buzzing equipment to ram it home that my condition is/was really serious. That's something I've been very good at ignoring since the first chemo session. Had a bit of a weep. I've also realised that emotionally I'm not as robust as I thought. Had a massive howling session on Sunday over something fairly trivial - OH being stupidly macho and consequently breaking freezer in shed! Had to go through a*se ache of ordering new one and trying to work out delivery date and time to fit in with rads. It's funny though how people assume you want company, when really you don't? A friend is taking me today and as I feel OK and she's signed up for 3 sessions I thought I'd drive myself. When I rang her she absolutely wouldn't hear of it. Said if I wanted to drive, that was fine but she'd keep me company anyway. Reached the point where, unless I said to her "I want to be alone" which would have really offended her, I had to give in. Grrrr, because if I don't need someone to drive me I'd rather be on my own. Then Mother chipped in saying she was glad friend would be with me because at least if anything happened (car crash, obviously) I wouldn't be on my own. And I just thought, once again I'm pleasing everyone else but myself. It wasn't supposed to be like this, was it? Anyway how's everyone else? Still no news from Tamsin or Whiskers. In fact this is probably the quietest of the chemo threads. But I can understand that people don't want to keep being reminded of BC, so stay off the site. Sakura/Deb hope the mri shows a big shrinkage, along with your pile! I've still got some SEs, and had the red Tax cheeks each time. Luckily they went after about day 6. Are you having rads, if so before surgery? Nette, miss your posts. Hope the rads are going OK and tiredness hasn't hit you, and the boredom has improved. Not long and you'll be finished with all the threatment. How lovely to get back to normal - whatever that is these days! Masha, good to hear from you. I can remember going to see the Christmas lights in London (I grew up in Wembley) when I was a child, and Father Christmas in Selfridges. It was always so exciting. Went to see them last year and Oxford Street was really disappointing - the lights were advertising Marmite! Regent Street was gorgeous though. I've got some numbness in my toes and on the outside of the soles of my feet, as well as tingling in my fingers. I hope you don't have to have LN clearance. The armpit surgery is the one that gives me most problems, which is what the surgeon warned me about. Some days it feels like I've got a tennis ball in there. I've found it's essential to do the exercises every day. I'd stopped as I got full range of movement in my arm within a week after MX and AC. I've started them again now, and they do help. Bumblebee, how nice that you're meeting up with Nette and Julie. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I'm struggling to see any real improvement in final Tax SEs. Getting up the stairs hasn't improved! I agree, toe and finger numbness seems to be pretty common on our regime. Now you've had a few more rads do you feel any more tired? Boxo, good that the worst of the SEs are subsiding. My taste buds have improved, but regrettably red wine still tastes ghastly. Still, it can only get better, and fleeting waves of contentment are a good sign. Orangecat, your son will be home by now, how lovely for you. How much more treatment have you got to have, sorry I've forgotten. Yes, 15 was a relief. All be done by Christmas. What a pain about the hosp dates. It's odd, they are so utterly brilliant at so many things, especially if you have a really serious disease like we've had, and really crap at the basic stuff, like admin. Which isn't rocket science! Chezza, I'm sure you were looking forward to having a week off but much better to get it over with as soon as you can, then life can go back to whatever the new normal is. Are you having to have rads as well? Juliemb, glad to hear all is going good for you, after the rollercoaster you were on in the beginning. Long may it continue! Well that's it from me. Got to get myself sorted out for my lift to hosp. Hope we hear from Tamsin and Whiskers, but if not let's be positive and assume they're just getting on with life. Lots of love xxxx ... View more

3 x FEC done 3 x T done D15 Hi Boxo, I had exactly that happen with the first dose of FEC. Mine went up to 38.5 but as I didn't feel "ill" I didn't do anything about it and by the morning it had gone down. I think it's the body's way of trying to get rid of the toxins which causes high temperatures. Glad it's gone down, try not to worry too much, just keep an eye on it. I also had really flushed face for about 5 days after each dose of Tax. I've still got minor SEs inc. runny eyes which are gradually subsiding, but the fatigue is still pretty severe. Overdid it when I walked Daisy this morning and am now completely wiped out and breathless 3 hours later. That's never really happened before, so something for you to be aware of maybe. Hope you have a better day / night today. xxx ... View more

3 x FEC done 3 x T done D14 Afternoon girls Had a call from Radiotherapy in Southampton yesterday afternoon saying that they were going to be able to do it in 15 sessions not 25, starting next Wednesday. This means that all things being equal I will be done (but not to a crisp I hope) by 18 December. How fantastic is that? Can't tell you how chuffed I am. It wasn't until they cancelled this week's appointments that I realised just how much I was dreading having to leave the house at 6.30 this morning and do it on my own. Such a relief. Apart from that, energy levels continue to be challenging, still got tingling lips and finger nails hurt. On the plus side, i don't have to do it again! Life is starting to look pretty good. Bumblebee, glad your first rads went OK and you managed to meet up with Nette and Julie. Keeping still could be a bit of a problem as I still have cough every time I lie down, although it's not nearly as bad as it was. Fingers crossed it will have completely disappeared by next week. Orangecat, you're not going to be able to blame chemo brain for much longer! but at least you're going to be tested. Yes we did ride the horses, it was such fun. Chezza, great that you're going to get a week off. Halfway is a proper milestone so fingers crossed for Monday. Boxo, final T - brilliant! And when the SEs hit you have the satisfaction of knowing it's for the last time. Such a great feeling. I've had to give in this last time as well, and why shouldn't we be kind to ourselves. We've been through a heck of a lot - massive understatement. Biggley, Fantastic, sorry it's MX but you've got a plan and you're having the absolute gold standard in reconstruction. Sorry you've lost some toenails. My tastebuds are almost back to normal, so you shouldn't have too long to wait. Hope Tamsin posts soon. She'll know we're concerned, so I'm sure she'll be back when she can. Hope Masha Senga Nette Julie and Whiskers are all OK. Sorry if I've forgotten anyone. Lots of love xxxxx ... View more