Breast Cancer Now Forum

3 x FEC done 3 x T done D11 Good evening JJs My we're a quiet bunch these days, which probably isn't so surprising as most of us are coming to the end of one phase and moving on to another, with less SEs. I continue to be low in energy, which I'm struggling with.OH walked Daisy Sat/Sun as we had a busy time, so I only walked her today, but it still took forever. We had a lovely lovely day in London on Saturday. The play (Much ado about nothing at the Old Vic) was OK, although the reason for going (Vanessa Redgrave) was indisposed so her understudy went on instead. I don't think VR would have brought more to the party as her understudy was excellent, but it was an odd production. We went to the matinee performance and afterwards, we wandered around the Christmas market along the Embankment and all had a ride on a Carousel. I know, you'd think we were 6 rather than in our 60s. Then we had an excellent dinner at Blanc's Brasserie and got home about 11. On Sunday OH and I went food shopping and had lunch out. Didn't get home until gone 3 by which time I was really tired. By 9 I was so tired my eyes were practically crossed so I gave in and went to bed. Slept until OH alarm went off at 6.15, which is the first time that's happened for weeks. Really busy week ahead, and right up until Christmas now. Today I had to go to hosp for bone density test, because I'm going to be on Astrozole (sp?) for 10 years - gulp! I'm really not sure about this part of the treatment, so may have to have it spelled out as to why it's essential. I'm wondering whether this new HRT drug Duavee that's just becoming available in the US may have some bearing on long term hormone treatment for BC as it's supposed to provide strong protection against BC. Questions for my onc. Got counselling session tomorrow then rads start on Thursday. Have to leave home at 6.30 a.m. this week and walk Daisy when get home, so good job we're not doing anything next weekend. Boxo, good to hear from you. Christmas in Suffolk sounds lovely. Good that you're relaxed about son spending time with his Dad, although concerns about trashed house not good! Good luck tomorrow. I must admit I haven't felt the relief I expected as the SEs have been more and varied this time. I've got about a mm of fuzz so far. Masha, I still get breathless if I talk for too long so at least friends and family can now get a word in edgways! Good that you've got your surgery plan sorted out but agree the injections and wire insertion do not sound pleasant. Fingers crossed for clear nodes. Sorry we didn't get together but I'm rarely in London these days. Nettew, that did make me laugh about Daisy. She's a very hairy 2 year old Tibetan Terrier, and has saved my sanity over the last few months. How nice that you're meeting up with some of the JJs, must make the time go by very quickly. Bumblebee, very glad to hear things are on the up. We all had plans this year that we had to postpone didn't we. We had to cancel a longed-for holiday to Menorca, luckily got most of the money back so like you planning to go next year instead. Good that your son will home for Christmas. Orangecat, hope OH gets over op quickly and it wasn't anything serious. You must be so excited son's nearly home, let alone daughter. Has he been away all the time you've been having treatment? That's going to be difficult for him if so. I know you've skyped, but it's not quite the same. Poor cat on steroids too, bad enough for us.  Biggley, glad to hear from you. Know what you mean about feeling p******d off. Usually feel like that when energy levels on the floor. Sorry, I've forgotten, do you have a surgery plan yet? Honestly, the surgery is a walk in the park compared to chemo. And if you're having an MX you will hardly have any pain because they remove all the nerves. My gums have receeded quite badly but I'm hoping they'll recover. I think you should have as many pre-Xmas's as you want! Chezza, glad you're feeling OK after No. 5. Do you think they'll let you have a week off? How did you get on with the counselling? I usually spend half my sessions crying! But, I do think it's making a difference. Sorry, too many questions! Concerned about Tamsin as wells as Whiskers. Hope they're both OK ... I'm absolutely pooped now so going to have something to eat and an early early night. Sweet dreams all. xxxxx   ... View more

3 x FEC done 3 x T done D8 Good afternoon JJs. Thought I ought to post or our thread will drop off the front page. Where is everyone? I know Nette said she wouldn't have wifi, but Tamsin, Orangecat and others have been quiet for days now. Hope you're all OK. Don't really have anything to say though. Aches and pains have subsided, thank heavens, but energy levels are upsettingly low. Managed to walk Daisy but had to bath her as she had rolled in something vile. By the time I got her back downstairs to dry her in her grooming area (worktop in utility area!) I was gasping for breath and could barely lift her up. So energy levels not coming back as quickly as usual, which is concerning. However, talking to friend last night she reminded me that all my cells have been totally destroyed every three weeks, any energy I have is being utilised by my body to repair itself and to stop being so bl***y impatient. That told me! Have a host of minor SEs which haven't had before, really dry skin; watery eyes; dripping nose; tingling face, particularly lips; itching undercarriage (which is psoriasis back, deep joy) and tastebuds still missing. However, have not felt weepy and yesterday felt positively cheerful, today just feel normal. Darling OH spent yesterday evening organising my lifts to Southampton for rads. We're assuming it will be 5 weeks as not heard any different. There are only vacant 2 slots which OH says he can cover so that's that out of the way. I'm very lucky to have such good friends. Off to London tomorrow to see Much ado about nothing at Old Vic. Not had good reviews but will be interesting to see Vanessa Redgrave in the flesh (oh please, not literally!). Hope to hear how we're all doing soon, in the meantime have a nice cosy weekend cos it sounds as though winter is arriving. Lots of love xxxx  ... View more

3 x FEC done T3 D6 Good afternoon ladies. Sorry not been about but Tax train ran me over Sunday night and I'm still reeling. Aches and pains are just about bearable but have no energy to do anything much. Have managed to walk Daisy, but only just and then spent the rest of the day on sofa. Very frustrating, and not me at all. But if I try to do anything else I get breathless which is a bit disconcerting. So for once I'm doing as OH instructed and not being so hard on myself. I keep telling myself that this is it, I don't have to go through this again in another 3 weeks, but somehow that's not making me feel any better! I still don't know whether I'm up for 3 or 5 weeks of rads but onc will be at Southampton today, hopefully talking to radiographer about my scan, so I should know by the end of the week. Senga, I do hope you're feeling a bit better now. and fingers crossed that you won't have to look for another job in the new year. You rant away, it is hard to deal with everything we're going through especially at this time of year. Like you, I love Christmas (apart from present wrapping!) but am all too aware that in all probability I'm not going to be able to do everything I usually do. But I'm determined to decorate the house, cook the festive food and invite friends round and know that they'll understand if they end up having to take over. I know it's not easy to delegate (I'm rubbish at it) but perhaps you could see this as an opportunity to create some new traditions by asking members of your family to help you with the things you always do, even though I'm sure a large part of the pleasure is in the doing.  Sorry, does that sound patronising? Not meant to be! We will get through this, and life will be good again. Pollyanne, hope you managed to taste the stew and dumplings. Sounds good to me. My taste buds are still AWOL but am hoping they'll be back by weekend. Senna - ha ha, blame the chemo! Chezza, I know it's not easy but try not to look too far ahead. That's what my oncs kept telling me and they were right. It's enough to try and get through each dunking without trying to second guess what might be next. They will do whatever is best for you and hard though it is you have to trust they know what they're doing. There are so many strings to their bows these days there will be options. Masha, I'm sorry you're suffering mentally. It is exhausting. Can't remember, are you seeing a counsellor? I was very sceptical but it is allowing me to re-package up all the old sh** which bubbled to the surface during this experience. There was an awful lot, but it's gradually going back in the cupboard. You've done it, got through it, be proud that you coped even if it wasn't as well as you hoped (not that I'm saying you didn't!) It's now in the past, which can't be changed, so no point in dwelling on it. Think of some nice things to do in the future instead. So glad you had a caring a nurse for the mri, fingers crossed indeed for clear margins. Juliemb, hope your busy day is flying by and the heart results mean you're good to go for another round of herceptin. Nettew, good luck with your rads. Love the idea of you in a caravan for them. It's a lovely sunny day here, although very frosty this morning. Bumblebee, good to hear from you although obviously sorry you're still feeling rubbish with numb fingers and weakness. Noticed yesterday that the skin has peeled off the balls of my feet. What's that all about lol? My eyebrows were sparse and blonde and are now non-existent. I use the flat edge of a brown khol pencil to lightly draw mine in, and then smooth out with an eyeshadow sponge. I'm also having rads to collarbone area although the tattoo is nowhere it so how does that work? Hope the cottonwool pie was delicious! Tamsin, Orangecat, Biggley, Boxofrogs where are you? Hope everything is ok in your world. Going to try some home made chicken soup and hope it tastes of something. Good luck to everyone with apps this week, especially the rads girls. Lots of love xxx     ... View more

3 x FEC done T3 D1 Hurrah. Final T whizzing round system along with steroids so got lovely flushed face and talking usual sh** just a lot faster! Went and got new mobile today so now got a*se ache of learning how to use it. It's very pretty though, so that's all right then. I had a look at the spanish cream, would cost £45 to buy online and i don't know anyone going to spain. Nettew, I will be given some acqueous (sp?) cream by rads team when I go for first burning. They do not recommend aloe vera gel because it's only 99.9% pure and they don't know what's in the missing percentage! As it works brilliantly for sunburn I shall use it anyway, along with their cream. Not sure when you're starting rads, but I'd start using it a few days before. I think it's going to be like all SEs, fatigue is a given but the rest is totally down to individuals. As I suffer from prickly heat and heat lumps I suspect I'll burn. But I might be lucky. Just hope it doesn't melt the implant! At meeting with onc yesterday she prescribed Anostrozole (post-meno) and said to start it after rads are finished. So intend starting it on 1 Jan 2014. Thanks for the story of your recon, very glad you're happy despite the problems. Still wavering, but will wait until I've talked to to PS again and met the ladies. Chezza, glad you've been missing because you're enjoying normal life.This new regime seems to suit you much better. And what brilliant news about the sub-cut Herceptin. Lights at the end of your tunnel too sweetie. Boxo, so sorry to hear about your rash. Itching is so debilitating, I think in it's own way as bad as pain. Just had my last Tax and frankly all I feel so far is relief. I know next week's going to be waves of unpleasantness and I've got 7 days of jabs, but then I can forgot about all this and come the new year get on with the rest of my life. I don't think you will feel like you until all the SEs have gone, emotional as well as physical, and that will only happen when the drugs have finally departed. I think that's going to be same for all of us. I'm sure the old you's waiting in the wings waiting to return, so give her a chance love. Masha, I think numbness in toes is neuropathic reaction. Mention it to onc team, they may be able to help. Hope the mri wasn't too awful, I found the noise the worse bit. Like having a roadside drill go off beside your ear. Love the quote. Personally I feel that once the treatment is done I shall be moving on and not thinking about cancer. To be honest I don't think about cancer per se at all. It's the treatments'  SEs that consume my thoughts at the moment. Benedictus, Lovely to read your post. Really hope the super duper machine will be available to you if it's needed. How luxurious to have a warm bathroom floor. Hmm, perhaps our bathroom needs updating ... Sore eyes, have you talked to the onc team about them? There's something called "eyebright" you can get from H&B which soothe my mum's sore eyes, and opticians possibly / probably sell soothing eye drops, but don't know if either'd be suitable for chemo eyes. Will the phlebitis stop the chemo? Sounds horrible. Perhaps you'll be able to have sub-cut herceptin like Chezza. That would be a result wouldn't it? Juliemb, sorry to hear you're still having trouble getting a heart scan. The last thing any of us want to be doing is chasing appointments and you're having to do more chasing than most. Hope your onc will kick some major a**e if nothing's sorted. We've got a quiet weekend ahead, elderly neighbour coming for sunday lunch. She's 87 and just booked another safari to Botswana at end of January. She's half french and during WWII was parachuted into France to join the resistance. As you can tell she's a real character and we're very fond of her. It's nice for my mum to have a female friend near her own age, although Nicola can be a bit too robust for her sometimes. She was an army nurse and so isn't necessarily the most sympathetic! She lives on her own so she and her dog are joining us for Christmas Day. Off to try and work out how to use pretty new red phone and swear a lot no doubt. Sorry I haven't mentioned everyone in our little group, but you're all in my thoughts. Hope we all have a lovely weekend with SEs going AWOL. Good luck anyone with appointments on Monday. Lots of love xxxx   ... View more

3 x FEC done T2 D19 Good evening fellow JJs Spent afternoon at Southampton hosp. It's enormous, and parking is an utter nightmare/ Luckily the parking fairy visited. My senior onc cons is going to look at the CT scan that was done this afternoon and see whether she thinks it possible I could have 3 weeks of rads instead of 5 weeks. So waiting yet again. Had the tats done, didn't hurt any more than the flu jab but felt really uncomfortable with 4 people looking at my naked torso. Mobile phone turned up, OH found it underneath car seat! Obviously battery was low which is why it didn't ring, which is why I couldn't hear it. Next time PT look as well as listen! Of course I'd cancelled the sim - grrrr. Benedictus, last chemo for me on Friday - huzzah! Are you having rads as well, or are you all done for ready new year? And how is your lovely new bathroom? So sorry to hear you're on yet more antibios. Have heard phlebitis is horrid. Guess you haven't got a portacath yet. Hope you're not feeling too down in the dumps, antibios always make me feel rubbish. Biggley, I'm planning on having a diep which doesn't involve muscle, although I must say I'm a bit nervous of having such a major op. I'm hoping my PS will put me in touch with someone who has had the op as well as someone with a silicone implant so I can make a proper informed decision. There is a whole thread about the diep op it's on page 7 or 8 of the Surgery section, and the subject is "Diep date 27th June - encouragement needed please". I found it really informative. In fact there's lots of useful info in that section if you haven't already had a look. Chezza, thanks for you good wishes. I hope you're doing OK on the weekly regime. Are you having rads as well? I've lost track of who's having what as we all start nearing the end of our treatment. What a roller coaster it's been so far. Can't believe it's the last one on Friday. I've no idea what the etiquette is, but I'm taking large box of chocs in for nurses on Friday and another one for the onc tomorrow. It doesn't seem adequate, but not sure what else to get that they'd all enjoy. Orangecat, really pleased to hear you're coping with H. Am really glad you mentioned steroids. I completely forgot I've got to start mine tomorrow morning! Are you aware of your implant? The expander's quite soft to touch but I'm constantly aware of it, and sometimes it really does seem to weigh a ton. I've never had to have it topped up and can't say I'm that aware of the port, but I'd like to know that a silicone implant doesn't feel like the expander. Please pm me if you'd prefer. I veer between wanting something that is my own tissue and not wanting to have another major op. I'm also due to have the other one reduced and lifted. Filled with admiration that you're having your pic taken for training purposes. Masha, sorry to hear the final T is making such an impression. Hopefully the pain will have subsided by the weekend and you'll be able to have the mri soon. Juliemb, oh dear so sorry to hear about the **bleep** up. You must be so disappointed, and I completely emphathise. This is your life they're potentially messing with. No wonder you sound so fed up. Fingers crossed someone got back to you today. Nettew, Salisbury no longer do the op you had, although stupidly I didn't ask why. Something to ask the PS when next I see him! I'm glad you're pleased with the result, but it doesn't sound as though it's been a walk in the park and it's experiences like yours that do put me off a bit. Does it feel wierd to realise that you're not going to have another cycle? My last T is on Friday and at the moment I can't wait to get it over and done with.  Pollyanne, what an absolute nightmare. Why don't the nurses listen! Why didn't she check your notes, it's not rocket science is it. I hope she felt thoroughly ashamed of herself and that she apologised to you. It's our lives they're playing with. Yes, they managed to sort out your reaction quickly enough, but supposing they hadn't? Well done for getting through it. I haven't been offered a fast track rad trial, so i don't think Salisbury/Southampton are participating. Good they'll be keeping a close eye on you for 10 years, worth taking part in the trial just for that. Sorry anyone I've missed, good luck anyone else having treatment this week. It's a cold, wet and blustery night here so hope everyone's snug and cosy at home and enjoying a relaxing, SE free evening. Lots of love xxxx PS War and peace returns!       ... View more

Good afternoon girlies Well I'm royally p****ed off. Somehow between leaving house with Daisy this morning and getting home I've lost my mobile. I only noticed when someone rang landline at lunchtime and said they couldn't get answer from my mobile. So I took my Ma's 'phone, and Daisy and I retraced our steps with me ringing my mobile constantly in case it had fallen out of my pocket. It would be today when we did a longer than normal walk! No joy, so have had a block put on the phone and am now waiting for new SIM card. Was going to meet OH and stepdaughter for dinner in Bristol but too pooped now. Grrrr! Biggley, I'm planning on having tummy tuck recon, probably next summer depending on PS's schedule. Originally I was thinking of an implant but can't bear the thought of spending the rest of my life with a brick in my chest, which is what the tissue expander feels like. Sounds like it will be the best Xmas present, and you'll be able to spend it at home with family. I've got my last T on Friday too, so will be thinking of you. Orangecat, so sorry to hear your sad news. Horrible to lose friends, especially when you shared your journeys. I'm sure they knew how you felt about them because I'm betting you made sure they did. Doesn't make it any easier to bear though. Virtual hugs winging their way to you. Hope today went well. Benedictus, so sorry to hear your mojo is still missing. It doesn't get any easier does it? I'm finding it difficult to make the effort to do anything, even though I've been really lucky with minimal SEs throughout the whole "journey" so far. How lovely to have evenings of family games. Funnily enough, a visit to Chatsworth is on my bucket list, so how fantastic that it's near enough for you to regularly go to a firework display. I'm always so relieved when I've done the last jab for a cycle. Although it doesn't hurt, I find it deeply unpleasant for some reason. Hope your bathroom is finished and is everything you wanted. Chezza, for some reason I'm dreading the final dose chemo. No idea why, because I know what to expect and the last cycle was fairly SE fee. Nevertheless, will be mightily relieved when it's over. Then it's the radiotherapy to endure. Unfortunately it looks as though it's going to finish on 30th Dec not 20th which is another royal pain. I shall be extremely pleased to see the back of 2013, as will we all I imagine. You've had a rough old time of it what with clots and double doses of D&V. Hope your new regime is kinder. Masha, I should think it will be time to treat yourself to a new super deluxe HWB for Christmas don't you? I think you've worn that one out! I found the MRI really uncomfortable as well. Unfortunately some nurses just aren't very caring, which makes one wonder why they chose the profession. I didn't have to make a decision between a lumpectomy or mastectomy as it was such a large tumour that a mastectomy was the only option. I don't envy you having to make such a decision. Nettew, hope your meeting with genetics went OK. You must be starting your rads soon, so hope the SEs from the tax have subsided. Boxofrogs, hope the tooth is behaving itself and SEs have left. Bumblee, looks like you'll be all done by Christmas. How fabulous. Good luck to anyone with appointments tomorrow. I'm off to Southampton for rads tats on Wednesday, bloods in Salisbury on Thursday and final Tax on Friday. Hard to believe my chemo journey is almost over. Have a lovely evening JJs xxx       ... View more

Hi Nikki and the rest of the Septemberists I got my gel nail polish from Boots. I've got a Collection Lasting Gel Colour and Maybelline Super Stay Gel Nail Colour.They both last much longer than ordinary nail polish. It's annoying that different units give different advice regarding nails. My unit advised that nail polish would help prevent discolouration and possibly also nails lifting, Sakura's advised the opposite. As with all these things, it seem it's up to the individual i.e. you and me! Good luck to anyone starting Tax, it's quite different to FEC but again there's no way of knowing which SE you'll get except fatigue seems to be across the board. xx ... View more

3 x FEC done T2 D15 Good evening girls Well that's another week gone. This time next week I'll be finished with chemo - hurrah. Don't really have much to report. SEs have gone as quickly as they arrived and although I get tired I'm managing to do all the domestic things I used to do as long as I have a little sit down between each chore. Got cousin, his wife and two dogs arriving tomorrow afternoon for weekend. Daisy is being shipped off to friends as cousin's dogs have never been socialised - they're 7. Jack Russells, so you don't want to mess with them! So house cleaning and tidying today and tomorrow morning. Then off to friends' Sunday late afternoon for tea and birthday cake. So busy weekend ahead. Had a bit of a chat with onc about rads appointments. She will spell it out for me next week when I go for tats, but it doesn't look as though I shall be done by 20th Dec after all. Massive disappointment. Hope everyone has a lovely relaxing SE free weekend. Lots of love xxx ... View more

Hi Nikki and the rest of you September gals I'm nearly at the end of second cycle of T and this has been so much better than the first. My unit advised me from day 1 of FEC to paint my nails a solid colour to prevent light discolouring them. So I have been. I already used a product called Nail Magic because my nails split and are ridged. It really strengthens them. So I start with almond oil which I paint on and rub in, at least a couple of times to make sure it soaks in. Then 2 coats of nail magic and then 2 coats of a gel nail varnish. It lasts much longer than ordinary polish. Although my nails have felt sore for the first 10 days of each T they haven't started lifting so far. I have noticed a faint horizontal brown line across my nails, 2 showing so far and I imagine there will eventually be 6 as this is the result of the chemo. Regarding hair, mine was gone by day 18 of first FEC but I did notice at the end of first cycle of T a bit of fuzz which has got a tiny bit longer/thicker in the last two weeks. I should say I have been lucky with very few or severe SEs but am happy to share if anyone wants to know anything else. Try not to worry too much, the fear of the unknown is far worse than the reality. xxx   ... View more

3 x FEC done T2 D12 Sorry been missing for a few days. Had a lovely weekend away at friends although it did hit home how much has changed since we last stayed, which was in April before diagnosis. Found that upsetting. Luckily we didn't have any storm damage although electricity went off for a few hours in the night. Apart from not having much energy due to cold which started last week I've been fine, no SE's to speak of and a bit of peach fuzz has appeared on top of head. Chezapp, so so glad to hear the clot has all but disappeared. what a relief. Can't believe you've got d and v again, but at least it didn't stop your chemo. Julie, glad your coping with herceptin, and you've got your rads sorted out. full steam ahead then. Boxo, hope T no. 2. was ok. I've found days 4 to 7 are the worst although energy levels don't seem to get back to normal. Didn't have the searing bone pain this time, so hopefully you won't either. At least the Se's don't last long. Whiskers, I think some of the may or April girls have used fast shampoo with good results. When I've actually got some hair to wash I was going to try it so be interested to hear how you get on. Nette, must feel odd being signed off from the chemo unit. I wish I had the courage to have a photo of me bald, but still hate looking in a mirror! How sad is that. Senga, how are you doing? Are you near the end of the chemo journey too? Pollyanne, hope it went well yesterday. My last one is next week and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Glad that I only have one left I guess. My finger nails have felt sore for about half of each T cycle. Just hoping they don't come off. Toe nails are ok so far. Orangecat, stags rutting are an impressive sight. Lucky you to be able to see nature that raw. Sorry to read that your chemo journey has been brought to an abrupt end, but as Julie has found they have so many options they're bound to have others for you. Hope you can carry on with herceptin. As you say a lot to get your head round. As if just having had cancer wasn't enough to deal with, there's all this other cr*** as well. Nette, poor you. I think you must hold the record for the most T SE's. But that's nearly all behind you now and soon your taste buds will be back and your energy levels will start rising. I'm sure we'll all be on an emotional even keel once the chemicals leve our bodies. That's what I'm counting on anyway. Know exactly what you mean about how quickly it hits and how fast the recovery. Masha, good to hear your doing ok. Last T on Thursday. At least you know what to expect and how long the SE's will last and pretty much what they'll be. I shall be glad to have some saliva in my mouth! I've found the constant dry mouth difficult to cope with. Benedictus, i'm guessing you're not having a portacath for herceptin, or did i miss that post? What a long time to have to hang around waiting for chemo, and then to add insult to injury you've got to rehouse all your linens. These things that we would have taken in our stride become major issues and I really resent that aspect of the treatment. Turns me into someone I don't recognise, physically and emotionally. I've got appointment next wednesday for ct and rads tats and they've completely ignored my onc's and my request about finishing on 20 dec, i finish on 31 dec according to the schedule they sent. Oh no i'm not! Had several conversations with radiology dept who keep telling me that the machine is fully booked but they'll email onc and see what they can do. Well either the machine is fully booked or it isn't! Apparently there's a note on my file that I'm going away on 31 dec, which is complete rubbish. So I'm one unhappy bunny. Anyway, time for bed. So sorry if I've missed anyone but you're all in my thoughts. Good luck anyone with apps in the next couple of days. Sweet dreams girlies. Lots of love xxxxx Anyway ... View more

Good morning ladies. Just a quick note to say I'm fine away at friends back tonight so will post catch up war and peace tomorrow. Something for you to look forward to then ha ha! Hope the weather doesn't affect any of us. Lots of love xxx ... View more

3 x FEC done, T2 day 6 - Petition signed. Tamsin you were absolutely right. This cycle has been much better than the first Tax. Bone pain is unpleasant but so far haven't cried buckets. Taking Co-dydramol (sp?) which I had for back muscle spasm and that does seem to be taking edge off. Had to resort to immodium this morning after being up about 4 times in the night but that also seems to be doing trick. Managed to walk Daisy and although it was a slow trudge, I did it. Waiting for appointment for radiotherapy tats and ct scan at Southampton and if haven't had a letter by Monday will call onc team as i think I'm supposed to be going next week. So all in all not doing too badly.  Chezza, a tv star will no doubt be born as I'm sure your sparky personality will come across. And you'll be assured of first class treatment as the hosp won't want to be seen to be failing you on telly. Result! Kat, I'm always singeing myself on woodburner, I've found aloe vera gel really works wonders. Agree, Frances was the worthy winner. What a talented young woman. The programme about last year's contestants was interesting too. Note to self, must get out more! Whiskers, hope that Abraxane is the answer for you. How brilliant if it is. What a b****r about the cold cap. Sometimes it beggars belief, but all may not be lost as i don't think Tax is as hard on the hair. Fingers crossed. I hope you seriously kicked some ar**! Hope the SEs are minimal but at least there's only one more to go. Nette, bright shining light at the end of the tunnel! Only a few more days of discomfort then it's all behind you and you'll be walking for 15 miles not just 5. Hope thrush stays away. Biggley, I'm sure none of it will be that bad and at the very least it will be something other than what we're expecting. That's been my experience so far anyway. Good that your mum is helping out with the youngsters. You must be looking at the light as well? Bumblebee, final T tomorrow. How exciting is that? Hope you manage to get your pampering session soon and that your rads will be done by Christmas as well. Good luck to everyone with appointments tomorrow. Lots of love to you all xxx   ... View more

3 x FEC done, T2 day 5 Good evening girlies. Pain tolerable so far, although know it will be at it's worst tomorrow and Thu. Slept most of afternoon, which i think i did last cycle. Managed to do all the ironing yesterday as well as Daisy walk, and managed to walk her this morning as well. Have just booked some shows for next year, Jack Whitehall, John Bishop and Flavia and Vincente (Strictly tango specialists). So got things to look forward to. Am also hoping Snow Patrol will be touring next year so keeping eyes open on twitter!  How's everyone else. Looks like we're all moving forward which is fantastic news. Nette, you're right, SE's are unavoidable and although I've now got the prescription filled for bone pain having looked at side effects I'm not going to take them! It's an anti-epileptic drug which can cause thoughts of suicide and a host of other horrible SEs and I just thought - Man up (or woman up lol), it's 2 days of pain but it's not going to kill you. My poor body's trying to deal with enough cr** as it is. Well done for all that walking. It's such a sense of achievement isn't it? I was given a shoulder bag when I came out with drains and it made a huge difference to how I felt. I think steroid high, lovely. And it's your last cocktail, hope you managed a happy happy dance. Masha, hope you're feeling a bit better today. At least we know the aches and pains will only last a few days. You've only got one more as well. Isn't it a great feeling. Still can't quite believe it myself. Tamsin, meltdowns are good and should be indulged whenever possible. Apart from anything else toxins are dispersed from the body in tears, so you have a good cry whenever you can. Your chemo regime does sound complicated, I do hope you're not suffering too many SEs. Once you've done one cycle at least you'll know what to expect. Chezza, wow, a weekly regime is tough, but hopefully you won't have much in the way of SEs as it's a reduced dose. Like all of us, once the first one's out the way it's easier to cope with. Julie, progress at last! Fingers, toes and eyes crossed that everything's OK and you can continue with herceptin. Biggley, so good that you managed a lovely weekend away and got some sleep. Top marks to the chef for being so thoughtful. Good luck with the mri scan on Thu. That's it from me. Not exactly my usual W&P, but I hope most of us can now see a light at the end of the tunnel, and for once it isn't the effing train! Ooh, final of British Bake Off tonight. Can life get any more exciting ha ha! Lots of love xxxxx ... View more

3 x FEC done, T2 day 3 Good evening my lovely JJs That's it, only one more to go on 8 Nov. Feel OK, but waiting for steamroller tomorrow. At least know what to expect. Mouth a bit ragged and taste buds mostly AWOL but that's it so far. Had long chat with onc on Thurs about rads planning. Because it's left side it will be 5 weeks, (don't really want a fried heart thanks love) but because I bounce back so quickly she'll start them a week early so that I'm done and dusted by 20th Dec. Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah. How fantastic will that be. Bit scary too I expect. She also prescribed something for bone pain. Regrettably she didn't actually write out prescription so haven't actually got it. The first time they've really let me down. Hopefully I'll be ok to pick it up tomorrow. They're going to call me. So that's me. Had an OK weekened, started jabs last night which I still hate doing but can see light at end of tunnel. Wierd feeling.   How's everyone else? Looks as though it's been a quiet weekend. Sorry bit pooped, been a long weekend with challenging parents. But it looks as though most of us are moving forward. Tamsin's down for a new ironing board, Whiskers is pioneering Abraxane, Julie's got rads sorted out and possibly herceptin too, Chezza's on for herceptin tomorrow, hopefully Kat will get some answers from onc. Downside, poor Masha's a few days ahead of me with bone pain, .   BOF, Nette, Lynda, Deb, Whiskers,  Biggley, Bumblebee, hope you are all having a quiet relaxing SE weekend, or a jolly old rave up - whichever floats your boat.   Hope everyone with appointments next week have good outcomes (grammar appalling but you know what I mean!). Lotsaluv xxxxx   ... View more

3 x FEC done, T1 day 20 Wow, what a lot of posts. I'm so sorry most of you seem to have been suffering mentally over the last couple of days and practically none of the Junkies has had a straightforward journey. 'fraid there's too many posts to reply at length, but glad to see most of you are feeling a bit more upbeat. Tamsin sorry you're getting conflicting advice on the portacath. Such a big decision, but if your veins will be knackered if you don't have one ... Whatever decision you make, just remember it's the right one for you. New ironing board cover - last of the big spenders! Chezza, do hope your clot has dispersed with the blood thinning jabs. TBH I thought all lines had to be flushed weekly but no idea where I got that from! As for why there's no standard info, it does rather beggar belief. That's one reason why I think this forum is so amazing. It gives us knowledge which we can then challenge our professionals with. Deb, my onc today confirmed my three day crying jag would be partly down to chemo and steroids so like you I know I'm not going mad. And I do bounce back to nauseatingly cheerful positive Piggsy quite quickly. Such a relief. Well done you for agreeing to students asking you questions. If it helps them understand us a bit better so much the better. Hope the reduced dose did the trick. Orangecat, my you're having a tortuous journey aren't you? I think if anyone's entitled to moan you are. At least you've managed some chemo and from all we know some is better than none, so hold that thought. Hopefully you'll be able to tolerate the Pax.  Masha, to answer earlier question I had a skin conserving left-hand MX with a tissue expander fitted ready for a final recon next year. It looks amazing, Fully clothed I can wear low cut and no-one can tell.  It's a lot more pert than my real one so we've dubbed them pinky and perky lol. I was desperate not to have to deal with a flat side as real boob is quite big (38D). Luckily I haven't had to have the tissue expander topped up. I was driving within 2 weeks and although it hurt for the first three days because of the weight of the TE, actually because there aren't any nerves left it's numb. Which is wierd, but absolutely livable with. If you have rads before surgery you might be able to go for permanent recon straightaway. Don't hesitate to ask any other questions. Nettew, at least with Tax you've got about 2 weeks of normality. The first week is difficult though. Sorry your OH can't cope with meltdowns, it's hard for them isn't it? Especially as this is round 2 for you. Don't know how you cope. I know, because you have to but can't imagine how hard it must be. Good friends are invaluable, especially ones who'll cook for you! Last chemo next week - what a fantastic feeling that must be. Whiskers, sorry you're also sensitive to Tax but it must be quite common or there wouldn't be alternatives for you to be given. That's what the cancer fund is for. What a shame you're being postponed though. Yes, rads over Christimas does suck. Bumblebee, you've only got one more to go as well. Hurrah for you. I'm so sorry you're having such a nasty time with your eyes and ears. I've had problems with blurry vision but like others I'm waiting until chemo is over before getting eyes tested.  Julie, isn't slow heart rate a good thing generally though? Hope you get some sort of decision next week and at least you know if Herceptin goes ahead they'll monitor you really closely. Had bloods done today, perfect, so full steam ahead tomorrow, Tax 2. Meeting with onc was very positive and I'm having 5 weeks of rads starting early so they can  get them all done and dusted for christmas.  Will have planning meeting and CT scan just before last ~ (can i really be typing those words?) chemo.They're also giving me something for the bone pain so fingers crossed it works. As onc said, at least I now know what to expect and how long the sh** will last. So that's a plus. Well, that's me JJs. So sorry if I've missed anyone out. Good luck to anyone else up tomorrow. Hope everyone who has  apps gets good news and all SEs subside for the weekend. Lots of love xxxx P.S. Despite what i said managed W&P yet again - sorry! ... View more

3 x FEC done, T1 day 18 Good afternoon ladies Well OH and I went to Marlborough Friday and it was shut! You couldn't make it up. Marlborough was expecting a fairground in the high street and so roads were closed, traffic diverted and parking was massively restricted. It was like a ghost town. We managed to squeeze into a 2 hour parking spot and just abandoned the car! Must say I was disappointed, I thought there'd be lots of unusual shops but it was the same old, same old. Mistral, Kew, Crew Clothing etc. etc. Nothing very interesting in the way of restaurants either so we ended up in Pizza Express (cos you always know where you are with PE lol). Then it started raining really hard so we cut our losses, bought some gorgeous cakes in Polly's Tea Rooms and came home. Lit the wood burner and sweltered because it wasn't really that cold, just grey and miserable. Sat evening went round to friends to celebrate the husband's birthday, there were 10 of us and Daisy, and we had a very pleasant evening with really good friends. Sun afternoon went to friends' grand-daughter's 2nd birthday party which was noisy, but lovely to see so many tinies having fun. And that was the weekend. Last week was a good week, no SEs and energy levels back to normal. I'm expecting this one to be just as good. Got bloods on Thurs and 2nd Tax on Fri, not expecting any problems and shall be asking onc for some pain relief. How's everyone else? Orangecat, sorry to hear you're on anti-bios. They have their own SEs don't they? But at least you managed to get through the service. Recognise the monkey mouth. It's horrid isn't it? How nice to have a virtual guided tour of HK harbour, at least you can visualise your boy in situ when you're thinking of him. Sorry you've had a delay with next dose, hope it all goes well today. Chezza, blo**y hell, what an awful scary time. Having jabs at home is really horrible, no matter who's doing them. I do hope the blood thinners do their job, but not half as much as you obviously. I suppose the only minor consolation is that at least they can use it to give you the chemo until the injectable herceptin is available. And more anti-bios. You have my every sympathy. It must seem as though everything that can go wrong, is going wrong. But this too will pass sweetie, even though it probably doesn't seem like it at the moment. Definitely the time to kick up a fuss. Benedictus, so sorry to hear you've been down in the dumps. But if your energy levels are through the floor that could well explain it. Not that it makes it any easier to deal with. Have you got much choice re portacath, as I think you said your veins are already knackered? I can understand why you wouldn't want another Hickman, even if they offered it. It seems to me my lovely you're facing Hobson's choice. And really, do you need to keep being told that CMF is a harsh regime? How are they proposing to get you fit as they're the ones who bugg**** up your Hickman so you needed anti-bios in the first place? You rant (or whine lol!) away. That's what we're here for. Pollyanne, if you want to rant, then rant. Sometimes hearing how others are faring can put things in perspective for the rest of us. And no matter how trivial it may seem to you, if it's making you feel angry/ sad/upset then get it out of your system on here. You don't have to contribute anything, just let us know how you are. Boxofrogs, yep day 4 is when it steamrollered me too. Took 5 days before I came out the other side, but once I did I didn't have any other SEs to speak of except for dry mouth. Mind you I expect if I looked back at my posts I'd remember just how awful it was. Hope you're feeling a bit better today. Masha, Brucie is so past his sell by date. I thought Julien should have gone, but guess the judges must have seen things I couldn't. Sorry, if I knew I've forgotten. Do you know what surgery you're having? When will you know about further Tax? This whole journey is one of delays and waiting, so frustrating. Bumblebee, glad you've come out the other side as well, but falling on knees in the car park, ouch ooch! I haven't got any eybrows or lashes which is a bit of wierd look. Hate my wig, what a waste of money. I shall donate it to the unit in the hope that someone can make use of it. Good luck on wednesday. You never know, he might surprise you with something constructive! Off to get some lunch. . Hope everyone has a good day and those joining me at the bar this week have an uneventful time. Lots of love xxxxx ... View more

3 x FEC done, T1 day 14 Hurrah! Cheerful Piggsy's back. She arrived on Tuesday evening and heaven knows I've missed her! I've even managed to remain cheerful although we're not now going away tonight for weekend as friends have colds and we don't want it! OH and I spent yesterday evening trying to find a pub/inn that welcomes dogs, found a couple, winced at the price and thought "it's only money". BC has turned me into a real spender haha! Decided we'd book today but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that actually I don't want to be on "display" the entire weekend, so have decided to leave it until next year. Still time wasn't wasted as we've found several gorgeous looking places ready to book for the spring. We've decided that we must try and get away just the two of us (and Daisy) every six weeks or so. For my sanity as much as anything. Elders are becoming quite challenging and although I don't do physical caring, I do do just about everything else. Bit like you mums with youngsters. Tiring isn't it? Pleased to report that energy levels are back to normal. Anyone reading this who's facing Tax should know that days 4-8 were the worst for me, with no energy and bone pain plus emotional meltdown. But I shall be badering onc for pain relief as I think I can cope with the rest. Hot bath did help a lot. I got off extremely lightly with FEC, no SEs to speak of. No idea whether that bit's relevant or not. How's everyone else? Looks as though it's been quiet for the last couple of days. Sakura1971, I'm not that clever, lol! I don't remember who said what at all. I open the thread in a separate window to the reply window, and flip between the two. My secret is out. I'm sorry to hear your hands have been so badly affected. Hopefully, they'll return to normal when this is all over. I think you're very brave to try a reduced dose, but your reasons for carrying on with it are the same as mine. It's supposed to give us the best chance of non-recurrence. And luckily the memory of pain is a short one. Wow, 4st since April. Was that deliberate or just a result of the BC cr**. I've only put on a couple of pounds so far, but a lot of carb podge which I'll have to work at in the new year. Bread is my downfall and I've been far too indulgent the last few weeks. But I think I've also got water retention from the Tax as the tennis ball in my armpit has returned despite continuing with the exercises. Happy days! Nettew, I had a sore mouth days 5-7 and cracked lips but so far have avoided thrush. I've been using mouthwash, brushing more often etc. etc. It's all such a bore. I used something called Lanolip (I think). It's a lipgloss that's really high in lanolin and certainly made a huge difference to me. Isn't it amazing how quickly we flip back to being normal after the emotional stuff? I'm having my flu jab next thurs, day before next Tax. I've never had one before but my onc recommended I had one because of possibly compromised immune system. She said to have it as close to chemo as possible. Hope the massage was lovely and relaxing. Juliemb, you made me laugh. Just think of the money we've saved on hair products! Masha, the only contact I had with my BCN was before and immediately after surgery so can't really comment. She seemed OK but can't say I felt we bonded. Have felt much closer to my onc, who does spend quite a bit of time talking to me each cycle, she's the one who gave me her mobile number. So why the hell didn't I call her last week? Still don't know the answer to that. I'd love to be on a warm, private, beach somewhere where no-one would stare at my bald head! I'd like a person to cuddle though. Yep, even fussy in my fantasy! Beneditcus/Tamsin sorry to hear you're sleeping badly. Do you take sleeping tablets? I don't (although i have got some for the steroid days) but I take night-time Kalms. I don't think I've had a full night's sleep for months. They really do seem to make a difference. I also count backwards from 300 when my mind won't still. Sometimes works, sometimes not. Lack of sleep is so debilitating. You've also got a family to care for so I'm not surprised you're de-motivated. I imagine you've only just got enough energy to deal with the necessities. How exciting that middle child's meeting an astronaut. Things were so different in the dark ages when I was at school. Good luck tomorrow, I do hope your worries over the new chemo are unfounded. OH and I are going to go to Marlborough tomorrow for lunch. Not been there for years and I know it's got a famous tea room so gluttony beckons. Btw, the Bake Off was really good, what talent. I reckon Ruby will win. And really enjoyed Strictly without Bruce last weekend. Let's hope he's not recovered this week, but I reckon his ego will win and he'll be there cracking jokes that aren't funny and generally being a bore. I do hope it's quiet on here because people are relaxing and doing normal things. Good luck to everyone with appointments, wrap up warmly and stay away from people with colds. Loadsluv xxxx       ... View more

Part 2 iPad got knickers in a twist. Boxo, big big virtual hugs heading your way. Of course this will pass, but it doesn't make it any easier to know that when you're having to,live through the bad times. I think we have to try and take each day as it comes and hope the next one will be better. Occasionally it is. Last week was my worst so far, but that was then and I feel better in every way this week. You will too sweets. It's hard getting your head round the nitty gritty of diagnosis, and I still don't fully understand everything that they found even though they've explained it more than once. I'm just trusting them to do their best, which isn't easy. day 4 seems to be when energy levels plummet together with emotional lows etc. so hope it's not like that for you. I think us junkies have been unlucky cos it's not been that bad for some ladies on other threads. You're not selfish, just trying to deal with some really big life changing events. Masha, I feel your pain! It's the most hideous thing I've experienced and I'm still getting flashes of nerve pain all over the place, especially the scars. Can't wait for round 2! Is it as bad as round 1? Sounds to me as though you and Boxofrogs could support one another. How lovely would that be. Bumblebee, it's horrible, but at least we know it will pass. Have you been given any effective pain relief? That's what I'm hoping for to get me through. I also live in a village and I have found people do rally round when they know you need help. As you say, good job you've a comfy sofa. Nettew, just seen your later post. I spent most of last week crying, it's another unwanted SE but doesn't make it any easielr to cope with. Big hugs. Please post no matter how low you feel. I found it does help to get things into perspective and you know we of all people do understand. Juliemb, at least you've got some confirmed dates so you've got time to write down all your questions. It's really hard to take in what they tell you. Is someone going with you to each app? Masha, you made me laugh. Wish I looked half as attractive as a baby monkey. Off to bed now. we're off to friends thurs eve for the weekend and I can't wait. Got another busy day tomorrow, dog walking, parents to elderly keep fit, psych meeting, then a lie down in a darkened room I think! Sweet dreams to all, sorry if I've missed anyone out but you're all inmy thoughts. Lots of love xx ... View more

3 x FEC done, T1 day 12 Good evening ladies. Sorry to hear so many of us have been suffering. Tax really does knock the physical and emotional stuffing out of us. I 'm back to what passes for normal these days. Met OH and step daughter for dinner yesterday evening, she is nearly 19 and never stops talking. She is so funny we keep telling her she turn her tales into a journal. I know, we're biased! Today was really busy, dear doggie rolled in something vile so had to bath her which took most of my energy, although did manage a bit of ironing. So energy levels quite high ha ha! Got app with psych tomorrow afternoon so am expecting emotional meltdown. How's everyone else? Suffering one way and another by the sounds of it. Sakura/deb sorry to hear you had one of the more horrible se's, but hopefully they'll have an alternative so you can finish the treatment. Or is this the end of your chemo road? In awe that you managed to go to work. Nettw, glad to hear you're out of the other side of round 2. Only one more to go, hurrah! I've had to wear cap in bed too. Isn't it hateful. Luckily we can laugh. Orangecat, Hope the bloods are ok. Are you nearly at the end too? What type of reconstruction have you had? It's started to turn quite chilly here in wilts so guess summer is well and truly over. No more runner beans or tomatoes from the garden for us. Chezapp, wow you made it to Zumba. Well done that girl, especially with infection. Yes, I wonder why you are not shy in front of women but are with husband. Is a gender thing? Something to explore with counsellor. How's that going? I'm finding it more useful than I ever imagined. Benedictus, sorry to hear you're stuck in a rut. I think it's because we haven't always got the energy to go out, we feel trapped in our own homes. I've also made the same mistake and had to end up washing the contents of the linen cupboards. Still it did force me to chuck out some old towels and bed linen. Posting this unfinished as iPad is playing up ... View more

3 x Fec finished. T cycle 1, day 10 Good evening JJs. Feeling so much better today, can't believe how cr** I felt last week. Saturday OH took Daisy for walk then he and I went into Salisbury for shopping and lunch. We had a lovely day, it was warm and sunny and the aches had subsided to a manageable level. Just so nice to be the two of us. I was pooped by the time we got home though. Today again he took Daisy for a long walk and we took parents to M&S superstore the other side of Southampton. I acted as personal shopper and was walking around the store for the best part of 2 hours which I don't think I could even have done yesterday. Managed to get quite a few things for them and mother spent about 2 years worth of gift vouchers! It was another lovely warm day. Think it's supposed to last until at least Tuesday. Nettew, no I have asked about gel as had no idea such a thing existed. I'll bear it in mind when I see onc. Sorry to hear you're not feeling any better, but I guess it's early days in the cycle. At least we know what to expect now, and thrush is not a problem for you so far. Bumblebee, every day without the squits is a good one as far as I'm concerned. At least you'll have finished the steroids so shaky fingers should have stopped for this cycle. Biggley, good to hear from you. Such great news about the shrinking tumour, you must be overjoyed. I'm in awe of all of you coping with small ones as I find dealing with young dog more than enough! I've got mouth ulcers that come and go but they're not too bad and my taste buds seem to have returned as well. Itchy lumps sound like an allergic reaction. I was really flushed for the first two days. Benedictus, at least the sooner they get started the sooner they'll be finished and you'll have a lovely new bathroom to show off. Hope you managed to have a good lie-in this morning and a peaceful day. Masha, what fantastic news about the genetic testing. Something less for you to worry about. I've also had the hot flushes with Tax, don't they last for ages? Good idea to be proactive about meeting people. Using the local website sounds like an excellent plan. Hope your bone pain isn't too bad and doesn't last long. It's the worst thing I've had to deal with since DX. Hope everyone else has had a lovely weekend. Good luck anyone with apps tomorrow. Sweet dreams lovelies. xx ... View more