Thanks Jan. Really appreciate you taking the time to respond and your advice. It's really interesting that it's made you so calm, I was like that initially, but now it's been going on for about 9 months I think it's all just gone out of the window. I don't know if I've read/followed too much social media and am reacting to people having negative experiences on there, there has been a slew of bad news from the people I follow and I don't think that helps. I just seem to go around in circles about - self care, what I should be doing, self advocacy etc. I'm really sorry to hear that you have panic disorder and GAD, I know it's really hard, I have a friend who suffers and we've spent a lot of time talking about it. When my panic rose badly a while ago, I got myself back into counselling, which has helped a bit as it helps me recognise that I'm dealing with a lot instead of just beating myself over the head over and over again for not doing enough/the right things. Do you have any techniques that have worked for you with your anxiety that you could share? No worries if not. Re your advice: I did speak to my GP (who I find quite patronising, and if I'm honest am still not happy with as part of the reason I'm so bad is that getting an appointment about my initial symptoms and then getting them checked out took so long) and he was happy with me trying trying therapy first. Re the oncologist, when I came out of hospital the first time, I did ask my oncologist my prognosis, this was my initial oncologist who has since changed. She said she couldn't tell me a timescale as they just didn't know. I was in a place where I wanted to be positive and asked whether it could be a while and she said yes, everyone is different and it depends on how I responded to treatment. As I've really improved from where I was this made sense. My new oncologist is more difficult to talk to, so when I ask things like "I'm walking so much better now, is that the bone injections or is it an indication of the treatment working?" he says things like "Ah that's because you're seeing me, hahah, and then waffles a bit about a combination. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to say, it's a good sign and not to worry. I keep seeing people saying things like "trust your body" "you know your body best" - but I feel so different since I've had bone mets I can't tell what is ok and what isn't - when I walk more it hurts more but I think its bound too, especially after being unable to for so long, so how to I work out if I feel its getting worse? Anyway, that's another brain dump and I'm really sorry for that, very grateful for the forum to allow me the space to do it though. xx
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