Hello all ladies
Just a quick hello as I am packing. Me and partner are off to Edinburgh for the weekend. I am struggling to be exited by it as feels like a huge effort.
I am bit worried about my hair, I was supposed to have a friend around to help with some scarves, but I cancelled her. I don't feel I have made any proper plans as i am not wearing a wig. but I have lots of scarves and bands etc.
The hair only comes out if I pull it, but I am sure 1 or 2 days and it will be out.
I am a bit fed up to be honest, My son failed to show for lunch (18yrs). I am a bit shocked at his selfishness, he is barely able to talk to me. He has always been a very difficult, challenging, and stubborn personality. He was very, very hard work for me. The doc said he thought he was OCD. I know he is young but I cannot help be disappointed by his distancing. I also asked him to thank my Mum before he banked his birthday cheque. He promised he would and the cheque is in and nothing to my Mum.
He is my son, and I do love him, but I can't help but feel hurt. I brought him up for many years on my own, and now he is with his Dad.
Well, that's me, sorry am bit glum. xx
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Hello to all ladies:
just a quick note to:
Chascat: have pm'd you again!
Patchit: Yes B'ham was fab very cosmopolitan, we are aiming to book a weekend break there and have a look around. spots?? what do you think the are? I have one next to my mouth now! are yours sore?
Chocciemuffin, I do hope (medically speaking) you are clearer as to why you fainted and that the medics are trying to get to the bottom of it?
I had to tell the docs what was wrong with me after a 10 year battle with them. I have Coeliac disease (gluten-allergy) and ended up really sick. I have a bit of a mistrust of them in general..
Peanut1955 - I do hope the extreme nausea is under control? It's such an awful thing to have. I lived with it for 10 years day in and out: see above. So I really do sympathise. I never ever want nausea again..never
Jamesy; Hello and welcome to March chemo! Re stammer: My eldest boy (18 now) developed quite a pronounced stammer when he was about 3. I asked for a ref to sp therapist as my younger brother had a perm stammer. The therapist and me worked with my son for about 6mths and as I recall it disappeared quite soon after. I understand that temporary stammers in little ones aren't unusual. I would ask for a referral.
i do hope you are feeling ok, and finding some support for yourself?
Rae, - It took me a long time to get my results for my CT, as I couldn't ask. I saw the onc and then had the scan. I finally asked the bc nurse and she said was ok. I felt better after getting it. Like a temporary reprieve from the rollercoaster. Good luck.
Amylou - What a treat! sofa and no kids, make the most of it - they will be back! My youngest is at his Dad's tonight. So I have glass of red and Sky TV.
My sister, has finally gone home (She up from London). I did find it a bit of a strain, and felt the visit to be too long. Physically, I am up to it, but emotionally I just don't want to talk much. I kept catching her looking at me in that 'tilty' kind of way. However, she is a PA at the Marsden, so better not shout at her as she may come in useful!
I keep wondering when the hair is going to come out (day 15), so I tugged at it a bit tonight and a tuft came out! so feel it is on it's way! Just want it to be out now, so can get it over with. I think my scalp feels weird too.
My breast has been painful today (I am chemo 1st), when I felt the lumpyness I thought it had gone down a bit, although that might be my imagination?? - Well, they are trying to shrink it 1st....
Well, that's it. I am taking my eldest boy to lunch tomorrow, and I do think my purse might be a bit lighter in general afterwards.
I do feel exhausted with this bc.... want my old life back.
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Count me in! you helped me so very much in those early dark days, I remember thinking 'She's laughing' and she's got cancer! It's not possible.
Now I am laughing ( Well some days, just a smile):)but that's good enough at the moment for me.
Keep up your advice, It really does help!
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me too, i have had my first chemo, and when I am done with that I will go on to have a mx.
My tumour is also large and they do want to try to shrink it 1st.
Revcat, I like your response to chemo, gives me hope! seems it worked very well for you. I'm pleased.
My onc has said she wants to see me after 3 chemo sessions to see if it is working, if not she will change to another drug/s.
Is this the only reason to do chemo 1st? - anyone?
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Sorry, not been able to post but have been busy, busy! Yesterday we had our barge lunch on the canals of Birmingham for my OH mum's 80th - a 3 hour trip. I was very impressed with B'ham, it's amazing I will have to arrange a stay for a weekend.
The food was lovely, and weather glorious too. I took my youngest (14) and he has never met them before, I was amazed at how lovely he was with everyone, esp the Mum, kind, polite, interesting, chatty, funny - i must have done something right. I think it's a great idea if anyone is looking to celebrate anything.
Me - well when I last posted I was heading for Huddersfield hospital on account of a very sore throat. I had to have the blood tests to check for infection etc, but all was fine and I was sent on my way with a day-glo bottle of mouthwash and the reason for my sore throat was because of the fast turn-over of cells in the mouth. It has lasted a week, but is better now. My neck was also very tender too - anyone else had this?
Another list of 'anyones had?'
Spots (I have them on my neck, face, and scalp - they are sore)
Massive appetite anyone?? or am I just greedy? - want to eat, eat, eat!!
Weired dreams??? - horrible!
I went for a blood test today, (liver function, calcium,) and she really stabbed me. usually I am ok, but this one really hurt!!
Tomorrow I have to see the GP, I have a massive list, not all of it bc. I aslo have my sister coming up from St Albans (She is a PA at the Marsden).
the trouble with all these people coming to see me is I have to clean, cook, etc. - It's very tiring.
I have skimmed other posts but just want to say to:
Beryl- aw what a cute pick!! - Beryl I think it is you with a friend with MS? - I also have a neighbour, she is a good friend with it. She fell recently, broke her hip and was in hospital for a long time. She has deteriorated massively and she looks very frail. It is such a horrid disease (another one.)
Ceej - Wow, what a very tough time you are having, so much to bear in such a short time. I do hope better times are on the way for you - and us all.
Poppyd - I do think of you often, and how hard it must be for all your family. My sis' who's is coming up tomorrow her husband has recently lost his twin sister with a brain cancer. I do know he is very much struggling emotionally it. I do hope that the years ahead see you and your family have a break from this s***e cancer. and fun and happy times on the horizon.
Chascat (Lydia) - Pm you.
Choccie muffin - are you without sniffles now? If not you are sipping a lovely hot lemon drink with your feet up? I do think a meet-up for all of us March ladies, in the future is such a good idea! although logistically How that would be managed as there are so many of us, scattered UK wide is a major feat!!
Yesterday, I felt 'normalish' emotionally speaking, but I feel if I don't constantly 'acknowledge' the cancer, it will as it were 'get' me in a 'I'll show you kind of way'.
In other words I feel like it is constantly there, and I must not forget it? Does this make sense? It's a 'anyone else question'.
Whoops! I better stop now as I will be going over to April's chemo!
Love to all.
Winter (yes, it's cold) Socks. XXX
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Am typing this from my bed! I will get up in a bit and make a fish pie for my OH and his friend who are going to MY concert tonight in Mancs (was my b'day pres) but post chemo decided not to go as might get something!
I had a message from the nurse to tell me the CT is clear! Thank-God. I was very worried about that.
I still have a sore throat, and last night had the most surreal dreams, I wonder if that is a side effect?
My boy finishes school today for 2 weeks! He will probably get bored and be a nuisance....to me.
Well, I hope everyone is reasnobly ok, and that 1st chemo ladies are coping.
I do worry that with minimal s/e it is not doin it's job (for me). but then there is always something to worry about - with this. I suppose.
great weekend to all.
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Being just diagnosed is such a horrid place to be. But I promise you it does slowly improve as the weeks go on. I Know. I was diagnosed Feb 20th and it was utterly, truly horrendous...
I now more or less have my treatment plan and feel a bit more in control. I would advise if you can try not to look to far into the future (bite-size pieces) are what worked for me. I have only just been able to look at my pathology report - and still not in full.
Don't expect too much of yourself in these early days. You are most likely to be in a great deal of shock. I know I was.
Take help and support (where you can, this site is wonderful, the other women here have so helped me). Drop those people (you can always pick them up at a later date) If they are causing too much stress for you. People's reactions can be vey odd and upsetting for you.
There are those women who have gone before us and will come after us on this terrible journey and one day we may be able to help them too.
I am and others will be sending you much love (me who is a little ahead of you, but still a long way to go). Hold onto that!!
Hugs to you xxxxx
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You should (if you can) hold on to the fact that most breast lumps are NOT cancer.
I think it is as high as 9 - 10 are benign.
So....keep sense of proportion if you can!
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Wintersocks, or rather Spring socks! Isn't it lovely. I have not been on for a few days as my Mum has been here. Just a few comments to others as I have not had time to look through all posts.
Beryl, Many thanks for your very much needed moral support, I really did need it especially after the other nights.
I hope you enjoyed your spag bol? My home-made is a firm favourite with the 14yr old. He would eat it everynight if I let him!
Patchit - Thanks too, for your kind and lovely words! - much needed. I will have to organise my meds better next time. Off all now. I do not like those steroids, they make me feel really jittery. My organiser (Mum) has gone home now.
Poppy, - I do hope your son is doing well, and I do wonder if you are able to talk with him about both of your dx's. It must feel very odd and surreal at times for both of you?
Peanut - I know you have gone for your 1st chemo, and do hope you are feeling ok?
Carolyn - I do feel that working is not good for me. Mentally, I think we all need to feel useful, plus it takes the focus off the bc. Do you work? I might ask mine if I could do some freelance sessions (health permitting)
Raechi - You will be stick - thin unless you can eat a bit more, what have the nurses said to you? do they know chemo is disrupting your appetite?
Marie67 - Ex is holidaying in Morroco now, oh well I'm just having 'moderate discomfort' from chemo, so no worries eh? (tee hee)
Eb Hippo, -what is the origin of that mad name you have? - Are your bloods sorted yet?
Choccie - Hello lovely lady, I do hope you are ok and please remember we are here for you too, even though not as seasoned as you! - Meds advice will take!
Franoli - hello there new lady (to the club where no one wants to be). I agree with you it can be hard to be allowed a platform from friends and family to be able to talk freely about our hopes and fears. I just think it frightens them, but they need to listen if they can.
Joan - yummy pussy-cats, mine is called Socks and he sleeps on my bed. at the moment he has a rather large bald patch! I will have to take him to the vets if it doesn't improve. What's your little one called?
Well, here is an update for myself: minimum se (just bit h'burn) but today ( day 6) I have a bit of a sore throat. I did mention it to bc nurse and she said would check with chemo nurses and get back to me - but she hasn't.
I have had another look at my path report (well peeked really), do know is grade 2 ER 8/8, and my chemo is neo -adjuvant (thinks..)
I do not know what my Ct says, I couldn't ask and that is scaring me a little. Do they tell you (the onc)or do you have to ask?
I have to have mx, rads and hormone therapy.
The nurse said my recent meltdown - is part triggered by the steroids. She also went over my treatment plan too, what the onc has planned for me. Will tell if anyone interested, otherwise might be boring.
Well, I have just cooked for my son and his friend (all packets, no guilt!) that's a step in the right direction surely?
Also, my hair has been cut and is horrid, but I thought I may as well get it done. The thought of it falling by itself is just too traumatic. Will post pic soon.
I am sorry have not mentioned all, but there feels to be so many of us. I wonder how many? someone should count! Maybe March is a peak, could be research?
Night to all special ladies, and just one last thought: if chemo is inside us to do good, why are we always trying to 'wash it out of our system?' - Hpmh!
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Thank-you for stopping buy to send me a hug, That's so sweet of you. I am still awake but ok.
I know what you mean about family, it was amazing that my Mum came over today. It is such a sadness to me to see others rallying and my family barely bothers, although they do seem to be helping a bit now.
It is a shame that you feel not allowed to do stuff in your 'good week'. I think we all need to have a bit of fun to remind us of life before bc, and what has been taken from us. I am intending to have a day out on Sunday, just a small lunch on a canal boat for someone's birthday. I have forgone the concert on Fri (The Waterboy's in Mancs)cos bit too much germy crowdy. Perhaps you and hubby could go for lunch or something? Just to do something enjoyable. If you don't will come and take you out myself. On another note. I gave my ex a 'ladyslap' tonight as he is going away for a week in a the middle of my chemo cycle, so I am a bit worried that I might get ill whilst he is on hols with his new woman, leaving me with little support for our 14 yr old. He said he knew someone who had had this chemo and all they had was a 'little discomfort'. Shoulda gotten a punch I reckon! - at least. Now I have turned into a rant too! Twinky, I know it is horrid on your own at night, feeling so awful, and that your hubby is probably stressed too. Nothing can at times make it better (as I know from last night - when was alone. But when I posted and you had replied I felt a whole lot better and not so alone. So am sending you same if you still upset. XXXXX Gillian XXXX
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I am so sorry I have not posted or read other people's posts too. I have had a major meltdown. Last night I couldn't sleep and all sorts of horrid things were going through my head, I woke up this morning in a blind panic thinking 'I just cannot do this any more'. I felt really ill and panicky. I just did not know what to do with myself, also I had messed all my meds up and think I was taking the wrong thing at the wrong time. possibly the steroids.
I just sat for hours in the end I asked my Mum to come over, and we have just sat emptying out drawers, and sorting out my med cabinet and now I feel a bit more relaxed now.
I have also had my hair cut, and I don't like it but it is a start. I think I need to do something everyday do stop thinking 'cancer'.
I wouldn't mind but following the 1st chemo, I feel quite well, my next one is Fri the 13th.
I simply cannot have another day like that, so I will have to find something to do since I have stopped working for the moment.
I know other people that I have met are having enough of a tough time too, and I am apologising for being a bit selfish, but it all feels still quite new to me.
I will attempt to read tomorrow more, and I will go out to the market too. Thanks for your patience everyone.
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What a source of info you are. I do yes, feel a bit jittery at times and I think that is the steroids. I have checked on other posts and others have described this feeling.
I have just checked my posting and it is indeed dem (wotisit) I am on, so i will indentify it in my pill box and take it earlier.
My OH sorted out meds for me so that explAins my dis-organisation. Although he says I am anyway, and that 's probably true.
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can't post have literally been sleeping the whole time. I can't believe how wrecked i feel. how are others able to work thru this I don't know.
have mixed my meds up so don't know wot taking when. OH well.
Will do longer post when more energy.
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