Breast Cancer Now Forum

Thanks EAM, Nellie and Wildpurl.   I have woken up still feeling upset about yesterday.  These past few weeks have seemed much harder trying to deal with all this, a small child and running a house etc.  I can't wait for my sister to arrive next Saturday.   I've been googling and thinking about the LICAP and am quite comfortable with it I think.  There will be a large scar running round to my back but it should be well concealed and it seems there will be minimal scarring on the actual breast which will hopefully retain a good shape.  I just hope she has enough "side fat" to work with!  I am more concerned about the node clearance.  The thought of lymphoedema has always been scary.  We all have to learn to live with the fear of cancer coming back and having to worry about lymphoedema too just seems too much.  When the onc said I would not necessarily need a clearance perhaps I got a bit too optimistic.    I'm getting so many well meaning comments from friends about chemo nearly being over and "you'll be back to your old self in no time".  If only they realised that breast cancer doesn't just get "fixed" like that.  There is still surgery, rads, 5 years of Tamoxifen with the possibility of a whole load of new side effects, possible early menopause, threat of lymphoedema, fear of cancer returning.  I know they mean well but.....!!!!!   Anyway, whinge over for this morning.  I have to get myself together for my daughter coming back from her dad's later.  I think we'll have a quiet day and go to the cinema later on.  Tomorrow is our annual street party so fingers crossed for a bit of sunshine.   I hope you all have good weekends - sounds as if you will be busy.   x ... View more

Evening everyone   Well that was a day and a half.  This morning sat in an already warm waiting room at GPs having hot flushes for an hour and a half.  Yes, I have oral thrush.  Also woke this morning with a cystitis-y feeling so have some antibiotics at hand.  I then had to trudge around in 30 degrees having more hot flushes trying to find a pharmacy that actually had all the meds on the list - had to go to three in the end.  I was exhausted when i got home.   My surgeon's appointment didn't go as well as I'd hoped.  Last i'd heard from my onc was that, yes, lumpectomy and partial node clearance.  However, surgeon has said she will do a LICAP procedure as the area she wants to take is quite large (in addition to the lump they found a few tiny patches further down).  This is when they take tissue from your side just round from your breast and pop it in.  Trouble is I'm quite slim so don't really have much to spare (I've kept to a "lean and healthy weight" as recommended and now it seems I don't have enough fat!)  She wants to do it in two ops, two weeks apart which was the first I'd heard of it.  I was disappointed as my sister (coming from NZ) has based her dates on one op only.  She then said node clearance was standard and that's what she would advise (contrary to what the head of oncology told me).  Most annoying of all was that she didn't even have the results of my MRI so there is still so much uncertainty and it looks like I shall be in limbo for the next three weeks.  She can't say anything for sure until she's seen if anything is left and where the markers are in relation to each other.  Sadly my partner couldn't make it at the last minute so I was on my own, got upset and now can't remember some of the details.  Has anyone here had or will anyone be having a LICAP?   EAM and Wildpurl - hurray for your last chemo!   Lisa - have a fab holiday in Cornwall.   Jackie - no, you are not being selfish - you have to do what is right for you.  I do my injections in the morning but I've luckily not had any side effects from them (unless I am mistaking them for chemo ones!).    Rosie - oh gosh, waking up in the theatre!  Glad you have got it sorted though and out of the way.   Sleep well all and hope you have lovely weekends if you can.   x       ... View more

Hello All   Sorry not to have posted for so long - it's been a very up and down week.    I'm on day 11 of Tax 2.  As I've mentioned before, the only consistent thing I've had with every cycle is a very low mood after coming off the Dex steroid.  Last week I had the worst emotional crash yet.  I was very down and teary all day and could barely string two sentences together.  Telling myself it is only a side effect (I am usually very upbeat and positive) made no difference and it was all a bit scary really.  Fortunately it was a short sharp shock as it didn't last as long as usual so by Friday I was feeling better.  Then at the weekend an incredible tiredness and lethargy struck - more so than I've felt before through all this.  I just stayed on the bed all day Saturday watching back to back episodes of Breaking Bad.  At least the aches and pains were better this time but I have had trouble with my mouth.  It usually goes a bit dry but this time I have a really horrible taste and all food and drink is just digusting.  The chemo unit gave me some mouthwash but I am going to the GP tomorrow morning to see if it's oral thrush or something as it's not going away.  It was my birthday on Tuesday and attempted the local "dessert parlour" with my daughter after school and then dinner out with my boyfriend and everything just tasted awful and I couldn't finish either.    Other than that have been busy with end of term school stuff - sports day, fair etc and medical appointments.  Had an MRI on Tuesday and have my first surgeon's appointment tomorrow which I'm getting a bit nervous about.   I've had so many pages of posts to catch up on that I don't think I can reply to all individually (falling asleep here already!) but...   Rosie - I've read all your posts about your surgery.  So sorry that you have more to contend with tomorrow and wishing you all the very best.  It must just seem neverending for you.   Lovewine - how disappointing and frustrating.  Thoughts with you.  I think that's exactly why I am nervous about my appointment tomorrow - finding out things aren't what I'm hoping for at this stage.   Joan - sorry to hear about the confusing report.  So frustrating for you and waiting for these things is always stressful and upsetting.   Cassie - so many ops, my goodness you have been through the mill.   Tlj - well done on the tennis.  I play tennis too but have suspended my club membership and will have to wait to see what kind of op I'm getting and how quick the recovery is.  It's great to hear of someone who has got back on the court - very encouraging.   A bit of an old discussion, but re dairy - I read a lot about this when diagnosed and have substantially cut down.  I've got a reasonably healthy diet but I do eat a lot of vegetarian food (I do also eat fish and chicken) and have gone pretty heavy on the dairy in the past.  I went quite hardline on it initially but have eased up a bit as I think it's more about an overall shift in habits rather than beating yourself up over individual indulgences.   Sorry not to reply individually to everyone else but hoping that you are all doing ok and wishing you lots of luck and positive vibes wherever you are with procedures/cycles.   x ... View more

Hi Jackie   Good luck with round 5.  I can say that it really is a great feeling to say only one more to go!   I'm glad the counselling went well when you finally got there.   I'm still waiting for SEs to kick in.  It was at this point in the last cycle when they started.  I was very tired this afternoon and as soon as I dozed off I could hear hammering somewhere in the vicinity which then went on for pretty much the next two hours so drifted in and out of sleep.  I'm hoping the aches and pains aren't too bad as both codeine and tramadol make me sick so need to manage on just paracetamol and ibuprofen.   x ... View more

Hi Lovewine   Yes, it will be great having my sister around.  I'm really excited about her visit.  She lives in NZ so I don't see her that often as it is.  I did an online mindfulness meditation course late last year and learnt a few useful techniques.  I've done a bit of reading around different approaches too.  I find it really helps.  I generally do around 20 minutes a day although went to a meditation evening with a friend last week and did 45 minutes no problem.  It's good to just take that time to be still and calm.  I highly recommend it!   x  ... View more

Oh no Jackie.  Hope your day improves and hope the counselling goes well. ... View more

Goodness, what a lot of posts!  I've only been missing a day and so much to catch up on.   Day 3 post Tax here and all well.  Had a full day yesterday of friends visiting, school fair and return of boyfriend.  Dry mouth and a bit tired this morning and feels like I'm kind of waiting for SEs to start but of course every cycle is different so maybe they won't!  (Wishful thinking!).   Rosie - glad to hear you have settled on your decision for a double and hope the next few days go well for you recovering from the chemo and mentally preparing for the op.  All I can add re mastectomy is that a friend of mine had one and said the recovery was very fast for her with nothing but paracetamol for a few days.  I know that everyone is different but crossing fingers that yours will go smoothly.   Nellie - glad you're feeling ok.  A six monthly check up sounds like it's just routine but maybe worth checking in advance?  My mood lifted on Sunday night thanks and have been back to being upbeat since then.  There are going to be bad days I guess, at all points in the cycle.   Cassie - what a nightmare at the hospital.  All added stress you don't need.  My district nurse does my bloods through the picc but I've been told that they won't do this at the hospital.  Well done to your daughter reminding the chemo staff - shouldn't be necessary though, they must do so many of these I can't see how they can forget.   Joan - thanks for the watermelon reminder.  My favourite drink in the first few cycles was freshly juiced watermelon and strawberries but it seems to have dropped off my list.  Will stick it back on.   Wildpurl - no "week 3" as such.  Hurray.  I've thought about how that will feel and I'm thinking it'll be great.   Jackie - good luck with no. 5.  My little girl is doing fine thanks.  So busy with all the end of term activities - they've taken them to Bournemouth for the day today (from Oxford - so quite an excursion for them and I'm hoping she doesn't turn out to be as coach sick as I am!).  She will be with her dad this weekend and most of the week following my final chemo and my sister will be around by then so will have another pair of hands when my daughter comes back.  Good luck sorting out babysitting for your little boy.   Lisa - glad you had a good day, sounds busy, and glad to hear the SEs have not been so bad.  Great news you've booked a holiday too.   EAM - I totally understand your frustration waiting for the nurse.  That's my Thursday mornings!  Last week for the first time i got a text to ask which time I preferred out of two  and then a completely different nurse turned up at a completely different time.  i give up!   Lovewine - sorry to hear about your sister's dog.  I too have a fuzzy head - well, part stubble, part fluff.  My eyelashes are very thin now but my eyebrows are really holding up!  They are quite thick anyway and i have never really done anything with them other than pluck a couple of strays once in a blue moon so maybe that's stood them in good stead.  (Now I've written that, my next post will probably be saying they've all come out overnight!).  Nails all fine at the moment too.  (I'm really tempting fate now).   Tlj - glad you're out of the grumps.  Having had some seriously grumpy patches I do sympathise.   Have a good day all.  I've had my morning walk and am going to do some pilates and meditation before getting on with some jobs around the house and trying to pull together a suggested return to work plan.  Seems I will be going back to a new boss so want to try and sort it all out with the existing one who is ultra-flexible and used to all my changes of hours (there have been lots due to the changing demands of childcare following marriage break up).   x     ... View more

Hello All   I've now joined the "one more to go club" and feel very happy about that.  Tax went fine this morning and so far just very tired and mouth starting to dry up.  Bye bye tastebuds, hello cardboard tasting meals!   Rosie - so pleased to hear you had a good time away, that you've had your last chemo and your surgery is now properly sorted.  Sorry to hear of your husband's melanoma but as you say it could have been worse.   Cassie - hope hospital visit went ok and picc line is feeling better.  Cant's wait for mine to come out in three weeks time.  it's been in since the beginning and I want shot of it now.   Joan - glad you had a lovely time with the grandchildren and hope you have a good afternoon at the support centre.   EAM and Lovewine - glad you are feeling better.   Very tired here so signing off.   Sleep well all.   x ... View more

Oh and one more thing, I'm not sure if I'm getting hot flushes or not!    Every now and then I seem to feel a bit warm for about a minute and then back to normal.  There's no sweating and I just carry on doing what I'm doing at the time.  Because this has coincided with warmer weather and because the temperature in my house is quite variable, i haven't thought too much of it.  At night, I often get too hot in the summer and kick the duvet off anyway only to grab it back later on.   Do these sound like everyone elses's hot flushes?!   x     ... View more

Good morning!   I'm up and ready to roll.  Even managed a cooked breakfast.  Round 5, here i come.  Feeling much more positive after a rather difficult weekend.    Louise - food roulette making me laugh.  My daughter would love the idea of that.   On a couple of topics raised:   I haven't heard of anyone saying radio is worse than chemo and I'm holding on to that thought.  Tiredness and sore, red skin is all I've heard and after the numerous ups and downs of chemo, I'll take that.   As for lumpectomy vs mastectomy, i have read some interesting (and reputable) research to say that rates of recurrence are very similar for lumpectomy with radiotherapy and mastectomy which I found encouraging so I am very happy to go for the lump/rads route with the feeling that I am doing the right thing at this stage in my life.  Of course, everyone needs to feel happy with their own decision and everyone has different factors to consider.   Good luck with your days everyone, whatever you're doing and wherever you are.   x ... View more

Hello all   I hope you have had as good weekends as possible.   Cassie, I'm glad you got some sleep.  How's the PICC?  Good luck on Tuesday.   After a week or so of being reasonably energetic and on an emotional high, I completely crashed on Friday afternoon.  Felt very tired and very down so the weekend has been a bit of a struggle, mainly on an emotional level  I was a bit confused because i was feeling like I feel the week after chemo and yet I'm right at the end of the cycle.  Cumulative effect I suppose and maybe I overdid things a bit when I was feeling "up".   I have Tax tomorrow morning so have had a day of Dexamethasone but, silly me, i completely f.orgot to check how many I had left.  I seemed to recall having lots of packets but find I have now run out!  Apparently they can just give me some to take straight away when I turn up tomorrow so i'll go a bit early.   I hope all of you currently with SEs are seeing an improvement and good luck to all who are in  hospital this week.  I will be relieved when this one is over and then I'll be able to say only one more to go!   Sleep well everyone.   x     ... View more

Hi Cassie   Sorry that this picc line has been so difficult for you but I'm pleased to hear that you have the flushing and dressing sorted out now.  How annoying that they gave you incorrect info though - you'd have thought they deal with enough of these for that not to happen.   I hope the swelling and bruising go down soon.   x ... View more

Hello everyone   Cassie - so sorry that your picc insertion wasn't straightforward.  A district nurse comes to flush mine and change dressing every week.  I would be nervous about doing it myself as you do have to be careful and it would be a bit fiddly to do it yourself one-handed.  The first week or so after mine there was a bit of bruising further down and some dried blood around the line but I was told that was normal.  The bruising went quite quickly and after the blood was cleaned up, it didn't happen again.  Well done for making a cuff for it - glad I'm not the only one discarding the regulation hospital bandage!   Rosie - have a lovely time in Kyrenia, I hope you get some sleep and good luck on Monday for the final chemo.   Nellie - good luck today.  Interesting re side effects list.  My onc said the muscle/bone pain is the most usual one with Tax and it seems that all of us have had it to some degree so odd that it wasn't on there.   Wildpurl - interesting that you've found Tax 2 SEs a bit less than Tax 1.  I will hold that thought and cross my fingers for next week.   Joan/Lovewine - I hope your colds/sniffles improve.    I didn't see the programme last night (was enjoying a cheeky glass of Prosecco with a couple of colleagues!) but it sounds like I didn't miss much.  Not being overweight, breastfeeding and being under 50 - well I can tick all those boxes and I still ended up with breast cancer!  Oh were it all that simple.   x   ... View more

Good morning!   Booksandwine - sorry you haven't been feeling too good and hope that improves soon.  Your helicopter and spa plans sound great.  Good idea to have something to look forward to and aim for.   Nellie - sorry the clinic was a shambles.  It's nice to have some continuity with staff.  This journey is hard enough and I find myself getting very irritated when things aren't as they should be!   Rosie - sorry you had a bad night with all the interruptions. I hope you manage to catch up a bit with rest today.   Cassie - good luck with the picc this afternoon.  it will be over before you know it.   Wildpurl - have a good day with pilates and walking.  I shall be doing a bit of both of those later.   Welcome Kels and good luck with the FEC.  As others have said everyone is different.  I had heard bad things about it and expected the worst but actually it was ok for me.  I was always sick on the day of treatment itself but was up and about the following day and was pretty active throughout.  I felt more tired, had a few headaches and one cycle had a couple of ulcers but that was about it.  The anti-sickness meds should hopefully keep the sickness at bay.  I lost my hair at the end of the second week but was well prepared for that - had wig and scarves sorted out and had my boyfriend shave it off when it got to the point it was looking a bit patchy.  I do find I have a really horrible low mood for a couple of days in the first week when I come off the steroids (Dexamethasone).  That is the only thing that has consistently happened on every cycle, FEC or Tax.  It's horrible at the time but I can tell myself that it's a side effect and it will pass.  I have found that more difficult to deal with than any of the physical side effects.  As for the treatment itself, FEC doesn't take long (at least not in Oxford).  30 - 45 mins for the actual drugs.   As for appointments, I see an oncologist (not always the same one) every three weeks, the week before the chemo and the district nurse takes my bloods a few days before via the picc line (they can take things out as well as put things in!).   Have a good day everyone.    x ... View more

Good morning all   Cassie - hats off to you for working but it does sounds like rather a lot if you are doing full days.  Good luck with your PICC line on Thursday.  I was dreading that at the beginning but the procedure was quite straightforward, didn't hurt at all and it does make a huge difference when they just "plug you in" for your chemo.  I've had mine in for something like 12 weeks now and hardly think about it any more.  Having said that, I'm looking forward to having it out in a few weeks and will celebrate by having a very deep bath without having to drape my arm over the side!   Rosie - good luck speaking with your oncologist today.  So much for you to sort out and think about but it's all taking you a step closer to getting through it and off to the wedding.   Lisa - glad you're feeling better and how lovely to have booked Cornwall.  My final chemo is 28th July so am enjoying thinking "I finish this month"!   As for themometers, I have an ear one and am constantly confused.  I can take my temp in the same ear in the same position just seconds apart and get different readings.  Luckily they have never been over 37.5 although it has been close and then the next one says 36.8 or something.  I tend not to do it too often - just when I feel a bit borderline and am wanting to take paracetamol.   Have a good day everyone.  I am continuing with my grand "home and garden clear out" and have my daughter back with me after school (she has been with her dad for a couple of days) - can't wait for that cuddle!   x       ... View more

Thanks Wildpurl, Lovewine, Rosie and Joan.  I have to say I have been feeling pretty upbeat now the end (of this part at least) is in sight.    Rosie - that's great that the chemo has been so effective and if you can get it all finished a bit earlier that has to be a good thing.   Joan - go for the chocolate.  Apparently dark chocolate contains polyphenols and I think there has been some research which has shown these can help slow the growth of cancer cells.  Enjoy!   x ... View more

Hello All   Good luck with your appointment Nellie.   Joan - your break sounds lovely, great to have something to look forward to.   I'm back from my pre-chemo oncologist appointment.  She said she thought I had "fared a lot better than average" on the Tax.  After a quick feel she said I did indeed have a "clinically complete response" - ie they can't feel anything any more, which I knew from my last appointment but I love hearing it!  As for the painkillers, all she could recommend was taking an anti-sickness pill before the Tramadol.  Codeine makes me sick too and there didn't seem to be a third option.  I think I'll just take my chances with Paracetamol again.  So all set for penultimate Tax on Monday as long as bloods are ok.   She sorted out an MRI for me before my final Tax and also a surgeon's appointment a few days after that.  Still looking at a lumpectomy/breast conserving surgery which I'm very happy about.   She also gave me the go ahead for a few days holiday in Pembrokeshire the week before my final chemo.  Hurray!  Seems i can skip the blood test that week and just go in to chemo an hour earlier for them to do it then.  I'm so pleased as it is the only window of opportunity all summer for me and my partner to escape together with our respective children for a few days.  I will be so excited that week (week of 21st July) - a holiday, my sister arriving from NZ for the summer AND my final chemo.   x ... View more

Rosie - good luck talking to the docs.  So sorry you are having to deal with all this happening so fast.  It seems relentless doesn't it?  Just when you think you know what you're facing, something else happens.   Lovewine - glad you're feeling better.   Wishing you all as good a day as possible.   x ... View more

Hello All   I've just been catching up with several days of posts.  So many that I can't reply to all individually but hope you are all getting on ok.   Jackie  - glad that you are home.   Rolicarpit - congrats on your last chemo!    Tlj63 - good luck for tomorrow.   Rosie - so sorry that you had a surprise and your goal posts have been moved.  So difficult to deal with.  I will be having a lumpectomy so haven't done much reading up on mastectomy and reconstruction.   I've been off the board for a few days, fortunately not with side effects, but just being busy and having a, gasp!, bit of a social life!  I have got my energy back (now in 3rd week after Tax) so have tried to make the most of it.  My next Tax (penultimate) is next Monday and tomorrow I'm seeing the oncologist.    Have been feeling ok, except for a couple of headaches.  Eyelashes finally thinning and eyes feel a bit sticky.  Eyebrows still intact.  Fuzz starting to appear on my head!  Food just about tasting like food again rather than cardboard!   I hope you all manage some decent sleep tonight.   x ... View more

Morning All   Well, my surge of energy yesterday was great and I'm not knocking it but at 2am I was still wide awake and willing myself to get sleepy!!  i can't even say it was the steroids as have been off those for over a week.  So, not much sleep but pleased to say still feeling ok this morning.   booksandwine, you have been busy and great to find good support and lovely people.  I hope your SEs are minimal this time round.   Lisa - last one!  Good luck!   Lovewine - your garden is benefitting from the steroids!  Sadly I have given up on mine this year.  If i'd had some regular help I could have done it but too big a task on my own.  I've had a very productive veg garden for the past few years but this year just settling for my old belfast sink planted with herbs.   Hello Sheba.  I can't comment on the sore veins as I have a PICC line.  It has felt a bit more tender there this past week which I should probably ask about.  Yes, I do understand your comments about the chemo.  Like you, I felt absolutely fine before I detected my lump.  In fact, I was the fittest I had been for a while and remember thinking I hadn't even had a cold all winter so my immune system must be in good shape.  I still have times when I just sit and think how unreal all this seems.    Well I'm off to wait for the district nurse to come and do her weekly PICC line clean.  This morning I will not get frustrated by the wait.  I'm going to crack on with some pilates and housework and if she arrives in the middle then so be it.  I usually can't settle to anything and get frustrated but i've had enough of that!  All being well, in just over 4 weeks this thing will be coming out of my arm.  I shall celebrate my fully immersing myself in a very deep bath for a very long time, probably with a glass of wine next to me!   Good luck with today everyone, whether it's chemo, SEs or making the most of the bits in between.   x ... View more