Breast Cancer Now Forum

Lexxy I'm using an iPad  ... View more

I've clicked on add friend on your Facebook page Susan. Sorry I am so thick about things like this. I want to avoid putting my full name on here if possible. I will explain my worries about fb when I'm in the private group ... View more

Ah Strudel just read your post. Should have used a false name from the start. Oh well as long as can be kept just within this group that's ok. I know I sound paranoid too! ... View more

I've set up a Facebook account but haven't the first idea what to do now! I can't seem to change my name on it . It's got my full name on the top which I don't mind for this group but I need it to be completely private other than that. Lexxy thank you for your offer of help. I think I may need it! I just want to join this group but be sure no one else can access me through Facebook  ... View more

Just read four pages of posts to catch up on just one day!  Ali that sounds unbelievable, I am so impressed with your calmness! I would have probably been beside myself! Hope it sorts itself out. Emily I'm sorry to hear you're having a down day today hope things feel better tomorrow. I'm not on Facebook but don't want to miss out on the group. I'll see if I can work out what to do tomorrow. I have always avoided it because of my job. If I can keep anonymous and private I'll do it. Had a slightly better day today. Have done a bit less and rested more which seems to have done me some good. I spoke to my BCN who said my pathology results would be likely to be ready and discussed at multidisciplinary meeting on Wednesday. I will then get an appointment for a few days after. Need to try to put it to the back of my mind until then - easier said than done! Interesting to read all the stuff about wigs and scarves. One of the good things about being behind everyone else is that I can learn so much from you beforehand. By the time I get to the chemo I will know where to get every kind of wig, scarf and hat from - brilliant! will try and sort the FB thing in the morning goodnight all xxx       ... View more

What an amazing bunch you are! I'm so encouraged reading all your posts as you embark on the next phase of treatment. You are all such an inspiration and source of comfort. I can see when you get past the pathology results and have a plan that you can get to a different place psychologically. I'm finding it quite tough to get past this and cope with the wait for results. Everything still hurts and looks such a mess. I keep worrying that I'm going to get an infection or that something is wrong with the tissue expanders. I know it is only two weeks but it is still so sore. I guess this is normal.    Thank you you for keeping on asking after me. I know I make an appearance then disappear again but I am reading your news and laughing and crying with you and will get back on it soon xx ... View more

Thought I'd better make an appearance. The last few days have been a bit of a struggle and whilst I've read the posts, it's been kind of difficult to put anything into words. I've had my dressings off and look such a mess. I have tissue expanders that haven't got anything much in them yet (they inject saline a bit at a time over a few weeks so the skin stretches ready for proper reconstruction at a later date). They look lop sided and all puckered with all sorts of dents and of course there are the scars right across. Looks like a bit of a battle ground. Then there's the fear of the lymph nodes and the histology in general. The reconstruction nurse who took my dressings off confirmed that they went further into my armpit on the right side which is the side that had the small ductal cancer not the one with the big lobular cancer which seems a bit strange. My right side is more swollen and painful than the left. Anyway just the talk of it made me feel panicked.   Basically my body looks and feels like a war zone, I stink and I keep bursting into tears.    I can't can't imagine more of a contrast with the way I look and your lovely photo 3 days post op Alex! You look amazing. And your comment made me laugh Susan! Can relate to that. Alex you seem to be doing amazingly well.    And talking of lovely photos, your glamorous granny with beautiful boy and super stylish headscarf bobbed up through the morphine haze when I was in hospital Ali and I don't think I commented! Fabulous!   I will get a grip today I'm sure. My daughter's coming round which will be lovely. She will help me get back on track I know and won't let me wallow too much.    Lexxy and Sarah I hope you are feeling ok this morning. I can see the chemo is a shock but hope that now you know everything you can start looking forward to ticking things off and making progress. It sounds as though you are taking a very practical and positive approach to it. I am glad for you that there is so much amazing support, knowledge and experience from ladies on here who have been through the same.    Emily I am so happy for you that you have avoided it and yes it does seem odd the be offered mx at this stage and can see why you wouldn't want that!   Strudel I'm afraid I'm with you on the weight loss thing. As if we don't have enough to worry about! I need to shift a couple of stone if I'm honest and thinking about how I can change my diet to have more cancer busting stuff and fewer calories. Doesn't sound like too much fun - and then there's the drinking too aggghhh!! I'm sure  there's a big opportunity here for a better, healthier life after all this is over but sometimes it's hard to keep that vision and resolve.   Elizabeth, it sounds as though they were lovely in the hospital which makes such a difference. It can feel a bit of a shock when you get home so be kind to yourself and take it slow.   i am going to make sure I keep up with this thread today and try to re-engage with the world a bit xxx ... View more

Thank you Jane that has made me feel so much better. Your point about the cup of tea says it all! I just need to chill and let things settle xx ... View more

Oh Emily I'm sorry just came on for a grumpy rant and hadn't seen it was your birthday! have a great day 🎉🍾🌟🍸 xxx ... View more

Good morning ladies I'm home!! came home last night in the end. Drains whipped out and I was on my way lovely to be home but takes a bit of adjustment. Just realising how much I can't do but I know that will change quickly. OH was with me at the hospital when they told me I could go (having said it would be Friday) so he just waited and brought me back. Problem was he hadn't tidied up and go it ready as he wanted! I think he felt cheated out of yesterday evening and is crashing around this morning making sure I know how hard it is for him! It all feels a bit chaotic and surprisingly stressful! All these extra battles are so tiring! My daughter is coming over after work so I think I might encourage him to pop out for a drink to give us both some space!! i feel a bit disloyal as he has been pretty amazing but I thought I could have a little whinge amongst friends!   i think I may have shared before that I am a control freak so this relying on everyone does test me somewhat!! I know I just need to relax into it and let everyone help. I've got some good books and some good books and some good telly to catch up on so not all bad talk to you later xx ... View more

Well done Alex it's so good to hear from you and that it went well! I think you may go home before me as they have now said Friday. The drains are still draining at too fast a rate 🙁. Do you not have drains? I hope you manage to stay comfortable and get some sleep. Watch out for the mad morphine dreams!   how strange all the appointments are coming through for Monday and how unbelievably frustrating still for you Strudel. You must hear something tomorrow. I feel very lucky in one way as my team here seem to really get the impact that good and bad communication have on us. They are really good. I am expecting my pathology results appointment to be on Wednesday 15th so we'll see if they are as good as I say they are then.   I agree your knitted boob doesn't look too healthy Emily! My mother in law brought her knitting with her when she came to visit me earlier and I thought of asking her to knit me a new pair of tits but she already looks at me as if I'm half mad at the moment! Hee hee! Maybe I'm getting my sense of humour back - thought they might have removed it with the other bits at one stage😉 ... View more

Sorry 'thoughts' not 'that's' ... View more

My post crossed with yours Strudel but I was having exactly the same that's myself today. I don't see how I can ever go back to exactly how I was before and am a bit scared to (lived a pretty manic and driven existence with work) but scared not to (same). Things can't be the same again, I feel  this has changed me already but can't completely articulate how or what the significant is/ will be. Does that make sense? ... View more

Oh ladies the wait just goes on and on doesn't it. I feel for those of you waiting for onc results and other treatments still and of course for you Alex. Hope you are tucked up ready for a good nights sleep. It will all be over before you know it. for me - the cancer's almost taken a back seat. I've got clean pits (heaven!) and hoping for some morphine free sleep! That's about it 😂 I know I will wake later and worry about these nodes but there's nothing I can do for at least two weeks except concentrate on recovering.  2 more sleeps and I'll be home. - yay 😄   ... View more

Good morning ladies im still in hospital (2 drains still going strong) and now won't be coming out until Thursday. it is a relief to have had the surgery done. Alex I think you will feel better afterwards but I know this lead up to it is horrible. Not long to go now though. Are you having a sentinel node biopsy and an injection today for that?  I have felt so relieved to have the op out of the way. It is much better being on this side of it although I will be glad when I can go home. Looks like Thursday now. I saw the surgeon this morning (plastics) who said that the breast surgeon had remove nodes that looked involved, including into armpit but not full node clearance so I am hoping that means that not all nodes looked bad. I know I won't really know until pathology results (2weeks on Wednesday) but really wanted to hear about what happened in the op as a bit of an indication.  Im being a good girl and doing my exercises and have been pacing up and down the corridor to keep moving and to stop myself going out of my mind with boredom. I even got into a conversation with a work colleague this morning about work! Won't be doing that again for a while! Too stressful! But I felt encouraged that I could think about it and use my brain. Decisions so far have just been about filling in my menu choices and whether I want a wash!  They've promised me someone will will help with washing my armpits today so that is the big news! And will be quite a relief for my visitors I think! I thought I might go all out and ask for a clean pair of the surgical socks as I've been in them since Friday! Do feel a bit disgusting but everyday is a bit better so onwards and upwards!!   loving reading your posts, sad to hear some of you are struggling and sorry not to be offering much to you individually. Hopefully that will change quite soon as I get a bit more on the ball. lots of love and hugs to all. Em xxxx     ... View more

Just catching up on all the posts and sifting through some pretty incredible pictures!!  When I said I was back, I meant in the land of the living, not home! I'll be in hospital until at least Tuesday. I've got 4 drains and am pretty uncomfortable. Morphine helping though. Have walked up and down the ward today as I know moving about is good for the drains (ie getting rid of them quicker). They won't send me home until drains are out. The nurses are fab and I've got a room of my own which is lovely. I've looked at my non- boobs already and the thing that struck me most was how big my tummy is!! Now there's nothing above it, it looks out of balance. I'll have to do something about that! Quite shocking!  I havent really  taken in what everyone else has been up to so I'll go back and read the posts again. Finding it a bit hard to concentrate but as always it's lovely to know you are all there xxxx ... View more

Hello everyone I'm back and officially boobless! Came round and started talking rubbish at about 5.00ish! No mention of elephant willies though I hope Em!! Felt pretty out of it all evening and have slept a lot but have been awake and quite lucid for the last hour or so. Had a morphine pump (amazing) but the handheld thing stopped working so have gone over to Oramorph now. I was first on the list this morning so not too much of a wait - just as well I was in such a panic by the time I got here! Am worn out again now so back for done more sleep I think. Just wanted to update you as I knew you'd be wondering. Thank you for lovely messages 💕💕 ... View more

Hi all I am sooo nervous I feel sick. I know it has just got to be done now and I have to hand myself over to the experts. It has been such a long wait and now I am here I am terrified. the nipple injections were fine and I felt better when I was actually in the hospital which is weird. I know they know what they are doing but can't settle to anything. Trying to tidy up but just keep walking round aimlessly.    Strudel I am so pleased your scan is back on. It must have been so annoying to have the cancellation.   Emily I do hope you are ok. It's so strange without you on here. We miss you!   Thank you all for such reassuring messages.  Will probably come on again later when I can't sleep but going to try and g some things done now xx ... View more

Sorry Lexxy was replying to Susan when you wrote your post thanks for the reply. I'm not sure now what the plan is. I've got BC in both sides so will need nodes on both highlighted. My appointment is at 10.30 so I'll be clearer then I guess just getting really nervous about the op and panicking about every little thing!  ... View more

I'm going to learn from the experts and do the same 😂  This is not the time to be worrying about doing the right thing I'll do what I want and take what I need  need to be more BC warrior and less BC victim 💪 😂😂 So good to pick the brains of those who have been there 💕 ... View more