Hello Crackers I've been trying for three weeks to get on here but the Forum woudn't accept my user name or password and athough I made 4 requests for a new password and was told an email had been sent to me I never got one. So the long and the short of it I've started a new account under a new email addy and I'm now "Collies" instead of Border Collies. Cybele I can understand your anxiety and fear even though I have just had an ultrasound scan, and one of the new 3D mammograms read by two separate radiologists and am lucky enough to be still NED. I find that on a daily basis I can live my life as before bc and not even think about it but when it comes to big things like booking things months in advance and for instance when my husband wanted to buy a new motorhome for my dog shows I wouldn't let him do it until I'd had my scan and mammo for that year. I always feel not "if it comes back" but "when it comes back" and my tumour was Triple Negative so not so many options for treatment. I feel well in myself and live life to the full but that fear is always there - nibbling away at the back of my mind. Anxiety itself is a strange thing. My anxiety is always worse when I'm alone with time to think but I can be in a real black hole and the doorbell will ring and my brother or friends have popped round unexpectedly and I become a different person - the person who never had cancer - the person who doesn't have to llive in fear of it's return. I am carefree but as soon as I am alone again all the old fears and anxieties rise to the surface. That said I'm more fortunate than some. I was devastated to hear of the loss of QD. She seemed such a vital person - life is so unfair. Lisalouw so happy to hear that you have finished your treatment now and I really hope that life will get better for you now. The same for you Spo. It takes courage to deal with this awful disease the way you have. Maire, so sorry to hear about your mother. What a horrible way to start the year. I hope all went well for your annual checkup. You know I so rarely come on this Forum now and yet at this time of the year I'm drawn to it like a bee to honey, with a real need to know how everyone is. I will never forget the comfort the forum and the Crackers in particular gave me during 2012/13. Good luck to you all. B.
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