Thanks for replying Helena, yeah it’s was quite a hectic year and def not what I had planned for 2017. I really just want to be back to normal whatever normal is! I guess what I really want is to not be the one in my friendship groups to be the worry wart, not that I would want any one else to have gone through this either. I just want to be carefree not constantly this what if etc I know this will get easier with time but I’ve learnt I’m quite impatient and things need to happen at a quick pace for me! I’ve been seeing a psychologist throughout my treatment as I was really struggling at the beginning of my diagnosis and he has taught me to use mindfulness which does help but then other times I just what to scream so loudly about all the crap. I then feel guilt because I know that people are in worse positions than me and I should embrace how lucky I’ve been to catch it early and stop dwelling on the what ifs and starting living again it’s just so damn hard. People keep telling me how well I’m doing and how good I look but that’s just the surface inside I don’t feel like me anymore x
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Hey ladies, this is my 1st post, I was diagnosed May 2017 I found my lump, gp sent me to clinic screening carried out etc. I went from carefree to total anxiety meltdown in less then 3wks. Lump found 7 May WLE 26 May. Results confirmed TNBC grade 2 no nodes stage 1 20mm. I’ve completed 6 chemo FEC T and 20 rads. It feels like I’ve never stopped since finding my lump and now it’s all done and dusted I just don’t know what I should now be doing. Prior to my diagnosis I’d just recovered from back surgery so my health at the time was not the best I’d had a year of back pain, just taken my redundancy at work where I’d been for nearly 20yrs. Now I’m not working I don’t have that normality to go back I just feel lost. I have three children under 10 so they keep me busy but I feel like I should be doing something else. I know I need time to recover from treatment but I hear of women who continue to work throughout and I just feel like a failure as I know I couldn’t have done that but now I don’t even have a job to go back to and I’ve no idea what I actually want to do. I know I don’t want to waste time if anything this has taught me life is too short equally I want to spend as much time with my kids and husband as possible!
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