Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi Thanks for replying its good to be able to put your fears out there without feeling judged, the bcn at the hospitsl are fantastic but some of the consultants can be a bit matter of fact which is great in its place but when you've been through it once its obvious that you will worry when there is a physical symptom ie lump. the ultrasound showed dense tissue and the biopsy just fatty tissue, but the lump that appeared a week later was much bigger it does seem a little smaller now but very hard and the area around it feels bruised but the actual bruise is gone. sorry for going on but i did call the nurse she said try not to keep checking as this will irritate it and to try and rest if still there next week then call back and they will check though i might go to the gp as i have a bit of a temperature so maybe theres an infection. thanks again for the advice and i hope you are feeling better soon take care Amanda ... View more

Hi Thank you for replying. I had a biopsy on both the areas and an ultrasound all clear it was fatty tissue but as you say it doesn't stop me worrying. I did call my bcn today and she has called back and told me that my imaging and biopsy results were all clear and that naturally i am going to worry but the lump from trauma can take weeks to subside and that unfortunately checking it all the time will constantly irritate it so basically leave it alone and if its still there next monday call again. She stressed that i should never be afraid to call her if i am concerned about anything so i feel better. Thanks again x ... View more

hi just thought i would pitch in i had 6 rounds of chemo from aug 17 to dec 17 and persevered with the cold cap all through my hair was short though had it cut a little shorter when i found i had to have chemo. long story short though i lost some hair and had tiny patches that i could cover by styling it worked for me I think you know after the second round of chemo if its going to work or not . Now its growing thick and strong and curly which is weird anyway hope it helps. Amanda ... View more

Hi Thank you for your kind words and advice, i appreciate it. I have been to the citizens advice they say i need to get proper legal advice but as i have no spare cash thats a little difficult though they did tell me whilst my ex is legally liable he cant be forced to pay his half, and if i don't pay then i loose everything i have paid so far and be homeless into the bargin which is my biggest fear. My children are legally adults but in education and still need a home my youngest has mental health problems and this is impacting on her as, try as i might i'm not strong enough at the moment to hide this from her. I know i should be grateful just to be here and for all the hard work of the medical team but right now i am just feel so tired so scared and so alone. I come here when i am at my lowest just to have someone to talk to and connect I have found a chemist that stocks the original brand of tamoxifen i was given from the hospital when i had my radiotherapy, and so am taking that and touch wood am not feeling quite as bad i am taking it at midday as originally i was taking it at night, i have medication to help me sleep which is beginning to work so maybe with sleep and rest i will feel more rational and able to cope. I think i need to do what you said and just look at one day at a time not stress about the future. i have called the mental health team and self referred myself for counselling and any other services they think would help so thats a start i just want my life back actually i think i want it a little better than before if thats not too much to ask a life without all the struggle i mean maybe one crisis at a time instead of all of them. Anyway i just wanted to thank everyone it really is such a help to be able to put down exactly what you feel and not have someone say pull yourself together you  need to be positive or you should be greatful to be here you've been lucky and i have i know but I also have a lot of normal problems on top of the cancer and though i know money cant buy happiness or health it can ease the worry and stress and allow you time to heal oh i'm decending into self pity again so i will go grab another coffee and try to get going got to be in hull for 10 so another long 150 mile round trip for me ... View more

I feel like people must think i am an awful person but i don't have any close friends as i have worked on my own for most of the last 8 years traveling around the country teaching beauty and nail courses if you can believe it. before  that i worked in a college but not in home town so though we said we would keep in touch it never really happened. when marriage fell apart in 2011 my mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia and as she progressed into the ilness the family splintered i am her youngest daughter and she made me promise i wouldn't let her be put in a home and thats what they wanted i fought against it and i was kind of put out of the family so to speak they said some pretty awful stuff but then so did i, i haven't told any of them about my diagnosis when i think about it now i think it was so that i wouldn't have to deal with them not caring its one thing to think they wont another to know and i was trying to stay so positive, so now i only have one brother and though he is there it doesnt seem fair to keep leaning on him. oh i sometimes think if i didn't have bad luck i'd have none at all if i could just get a break some help in practical terms. i got in touch with the mortgage company and they said they would contact my ex as he is legally responsible for half the mortgage but he ignored the call they left a voice message and said basically thats all they can do it just seems so unfair that he can just choose not pay while i have to or loose my home credit rating self respect i'll stop now you must have better things to do than listen to me moan i am trying to help myself i make myself get up make up and get out there i do some self healing reiki and breathing exercises i get out and try to exercise either run or walk more walking as my joints begining to hurt since been on the meds and i should probably say the work i have means driving 300 miles a week in 2 days as thats the only job i can find. i am qualified teacher in post 16 i have written my own courses and had them acredited but dont have the start up funds the job i had in a salon went after having 7 months off plus i did a lot of deep tissue massage and don't have the strength in my arms for that now. i want to train in oncology massage and treatments and have looked into getting funding but its really not there for this kind of thing i am applying to charity organisations to see if they can help because there is a massive gap in provision here i mean there is an organisation but it can only do so much. Any i just wanted to say thank you for being there for me today you don't know how much it means to know someone is listening ... View more

I rang dwp this morning and they will take a look at it but cant promise anything but have to wait so long to start a new claim. I don't like to bother the bc nurse as she has so much to do and all i can do at moment when i try to talk is cry. i went back to docs he gave me something to help me sleep so will see how it goes, counselling is a waiting game you have to self refer. I am sorry to take up your time i just have no one at all this is the only outlet i am so angry with myself for letting my life end up like this i feel like i failed my kids ive spent the last 7 years just working to pay a mortgage for a house it now looks certain i will loose i feel so ashamed i should have sorted life insurance i should have sorted critical injury but money was so tight i had to live for the now rather than the future and now well... my children are 18 and 19 the youngest has mental health issues and was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder Asperger's and my ilness has had a real impact on her, she is having to repeat a year at college my elder daughter is at university near home as i couldn't afford to pay for lodgings and her dad wouldn't help. but she is going to live nearer her uni for the last year as travel is expensive and time consuming. I am so exhausted mentally and physically i don't know how much longer i can hold on i should be grateful just to be here and i am but i look at all this and think how will i get through im sorry i have been so negative its not what anyone wants or needs but i just needed it out of my head i wish i could be stronger i hate being this weak     ... View more

hi thank you for the quick reply i have applied for pip got a letter back yesterday saying they cant award it as i didn't get the form in on time i think that on top of everything else just pushed me over the edge. i got citalopram from the doctor to help with side effects of the tamoxifen but after 2 weeks i felt almost suicidal in fact at one point i woke with such horrendous migraine after weeks of little sleep and changing sheets 3 times a night due to sweats and i just took a handful i didn't want to die but i just wanted the pain and anxiety to stop i cant tell anyone that or they will think i'm such an awful coward. i have tried everywhere citizens advice a free solicitor hospice welfare advice macmillans but i have no money left after months of no income which came after years of just holding on. i am so sorry to put this on here but its the only place i have everyone else thinks i'm so brave I just want me back i just want a little light in all the darkness.     ... View more

Hi not too bad today though it has been a rough few weeks. I got through the diagnosis surgery chemo and radiotherapy without falling apart but since I started taking the tamoxifen I have felt worse and worse. I spent 3 days in bed last week literally didn't even do that when having treatment. Not sure why this is happening now, but seen nurse practitioner at GPS and she has referred me for some counselling and therapy and spoken to bc nurse who has helped re the meds because had 2 different brands and I think second lot made me unwell we're going to keep an eye on it for next month see how I go. I didn't join this forum till I'd gone through everything wish i had dontbfeel so alone now. Thank you for the reply x ... View more

been a while but wish i could say things better but i seem to take one step forward and two back. i did talk to macmillan but theres little practical help. i am in a constant state of anxiety about my home financial situation not to mention going through it all on my own and now begining to realise just how hard it is. Everyone thought i was so brave inspirational but the truth is i had no choice i had two kids depending on me for the roof over their heads and right now that is all i can think about whats going to happen if i falll apart. i'm self employed if i don't work i don't get paid, i started out so positive i would be back in full swing by now but one job just wasnt there after so long off and my self employment i have to drive 300 a week two days 150 round trip and god i'm so tired but i cant stop. I teach adults vocational subjects massage aromatherapy etc, i go in to the class and put on a show of how well i am and to be honest i'm crumbling oh am sorry for this i just need to let it out as i have no one else and no where to turn I just look at my life and think of what a failure i am to be on the point of losing everything after working so hard like i say sorry depressing i know but i just needed to let go a little ... View more

As rediculous as it sounds the thought of losing my hair when they told me i had to have chemo was the first time i broke down in the consultants office, i wouldn't say i'm a vain person but it made the reality of the situation sink in and it would be something i couldn't hide from people. so I persevered with the cold cap through all sessions and kept good head of hair a few thin patches but nothing my hairdresser couldn't hide it is hard when you wash your hair or comb and see all the strands coming away my advice is don't wash too often and keep combing to minimum. its not pleasant but it gets easier with time or did for me.  wish you luck   ... View more

Hi They usually advise no tints or hair dye for around 6 months after chemotherapy due to the effect of chemo on the skin sensitivity etc. I had cold cap and was lucky kept most of my hair (scalp) but lost eyebrows etc i used eyebow pencil and powder with a stencil it made me feel a little more like me and after 7 months have become quite the expert. I found a hair colour that is suitable for people going through chemo or after called Naturigin which is a permanent colour rather than semi so covers grey well which is good in my case. Had to order it from the web as not available everywhere but not too expensive anyway hope that helps ... View more

hi sue yep my bcn said as much but i just wasn't prepared for the dip its been a rough few weeks but i have taken some steps to adress some of the issues seeing my doc for one to get something to help me sleep then i may be able to think more rationally. talked to a couple of friends and family and finally admiting i'm not doing quite as well as i/they thought, been looking for support group in my area and theres one meeting tomorrow so am going to get myself there and just try to connect thank you for replying its good to know there's someone there x ... View more

Thanks Sue I don't understand why i seem to be crumbling now or why one day i feel like i could climb a mountain and the next i have trouble just getting out of bed. I got through the surgery chemo and radiotherapy by just taking it day by day with the support of the breast care nurses and chemo/radiotherapy staff. Now i just seem to be in limbo don't have family or friends i can talk to. i had to go back to work half way through treatment and i think that has had an impact but i didn't have a choice got a mortgage to pay. i just wish i could have one crisis at time.  i just want a little happiness back i want to connect. i am a qualified beauty/holistic therapist and i  have been thinking maybe i could do some volunteer work at the local hospice/hospital it sounds kind of selfish but i think it may help give me some purpose something positive to focus on and stop feeling sorry for myself. anyway thanks for taking time to reply x amanda ... View more

sorry for delay its been a rollercoaster lately emotions all over i just feel alone i can't talk to anyone without sounding depressing everyone says you need to be positive i tried and got through the surgery chemo and radiotherapy i expected to get my life back to some extent but the job i had is no longer there its been taken by somebody else. i was in the middle of radio therapy and not able to go back as quickly as i thought now i only have my selft employed work which involves driving 300 miles a week and is really tiring. see there i go again on a downer i don't want to be this person.   I feel like i'm letting down all the nurses and surgen etc who helped because i just am scared for the future   i just meant to say thank you for taking timeto reply sorry for the moan   ... View more

hi sorry for delay in replying not been having such a good time and feeling guilty for being so negative. I am trying to get through to someone at macmillan so will mention the utility help you mentioned. At mo i feel like i'm just holding on I can't really talk to anyone about the situation as i feel so ashamed to be in this position at my age. I teach in the post 16 sector i have the skill the quals just not start up money or money to retrain   but thanks for replying its just good to know there's someone out there   ... View more

Hi I went through the same procedure in july 2017 from scan to biopsy to surgery 3 weeks Numb at first and then just taking day by day.  I found talking to the other women who were waiting along side helped keep my anxiety in check if only the need to put on my brave face. i had the wire too from my own experience  it wasn't that  painful though my nerves kicked in and i don't think i drew breath through the whole of the insertion so maybe talking 10 to the dozen helped distract me.. I arrived at hospital around 7 and surgery in  the afternoon and home by around 6.30 to 7. I know everyone is different but believe me it won;t be as bad as you expect and the staff at least in my case were fantastic. I don't know whether this will help but either way i hope things go well for you ... View more