Hi Thank you for your kind words and advice, i appreciate it. I have been to the citizens advice they say i need to get proper legal advice but as i have no spare cash thats a little difficult though they did tell me whilst my ex is legally liable he cant be forced to pay his half, and if i don't pay then i loose everything i have paid so far and be homeless into the bargin which is my biggest fear. My children are legally adults but in education and still need a home my youngest has mental health problems and this is impacting on her as, try as i might i'm not strong enough at the moment to hide this from her. I know i should be grateful just to be here and for all the hard work of the medical team but right now i am just feel so tired so scared and so alone. I come here when i am at my lowest just to have someone to talk to and connect I have found a chemist that stocks the original brand of tamoxifen i was given from the hospital when i had my radiotherapy, and so am taking that and touch wood am not feeling quite as bad i am taking it at midday as originally i was taking it at night, i have medication to help me sleep which is beginning to work so maybe with sleep and rest i will feel more rational and able to cope. I think i need to do what you said and just look at one day at a time not stress about the future. i have called the mental health team and self referred myself for counselling and any other services they think would help so thats a start i just want my life back actually i think i want it a little better than before if thats not too much to ask a life without all the struggle i mean maybe one crisis at a time instead of all of them. Anyway i just wanted to thank everyone it really is such a help to be able to put down exactly what you feel and not have someone say pull yourself together you need to be positive or you should be greatful to be here you've been lucky and i have i know but I also have a lot of normal problems on top of the cancer and though i know money cant buy happiness or health it can ease the worry and stress and allow you time to heal oh i'm decending into self pity again so i will go grab another coffee and try to get going got to be in hull for 10 so another long 150 mile round trip for me
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