Breast Cancer Now Forum

Sending you the biggest hug dear Linda. You must be in a complete state of shock, what with diagnosis and surgery in such a short window - which is good, but your head will need to catch up with yourself. There are lots of lovely ladies who I am sure will come and help you with all your questions and anxieties, and if it is quiet at the moment I am guessing it is because of a bank holiday weekend  -  and bank holidays and weekends are the times when we can feel really lost and alone. It will end, but I am sure others have already said that it is truly a day at a time.  It may not feel like it right now, but you have been diagnosed and had answers and surgery quickly, and that is a bonus, rather than to be left waiting and waiting - especially at the moment.  So hold on to the positives of the bad situation.  You are now in a place where you have had some answers and you can move forward.  And you will, with your lovely family around you. I had a diagnosis 2 years ago, and had lump removal and lymph node removal (1 positive lymph node) followed by 4 weeks of radiotherapy.  So nowhere near as drastic as your situation, but I remember how it dominates every thinking moment.   Wish you better days - and there will be xx  Paulus ... View more

Hi there, I'm sorry you feel so compromised  . . . . I think moderation in all things.  Blimey, you're healthy and fit enough, and you're not saying that you want to get rip-roaring drunk regularly!!  And yes, there has to be some pleasure/s in,life, otherwise what is it really all about.   I'm much older, at 64 now, had lumpectomy last year in May, Grade 3, hormone positive, lumpectomy but not the best of margins but no more tissue to take, 4 weeks radiotherapy last summer. . . . should be on letrozole, but decide after a few months of it that my bones couldn't afford the risk ( I walk everywhere every day and my life would not be worth living if I could not get out of the house every day) - I refused bisphosphonates because I don't have great teeth and was not prepared to risk jaw problems - and I refused neoadjuvant chemo, because . . . . that's me, I guess.   I'm older, I can 'afford' to see life this way maybe - but I have always been of this sort of mindset, all my life.  I guess I've been lucky not to have had those opinions tested until now?  My quality of life has always, always been the priority over my length of life.  My kids are grown ups and they understand me.   I don't know if this is of any help . . . . but I mean well.  (My mum lived to be very old, into her 90's, and her last 8 years were spent in a care home - no mobility, dementia, no quality of life - and I know 'my mum' would never have wanted that in a million years.)   Life's for a-living, as well as for looking after our bodies the best we can . . . . truly wish you well.  Hugs aplenty. ... View more

Wolvesgirl - you are still absorbing the shock, that's enough in itself, but then the new words and numbers come into play, and it's a lot to take on board.  I think many of us, before we trod into the BC world, just thought BC is BC and that's that?   I was diagnosed March 2018 after finding a very obvious lump ( I'm 64 now ), and self-referred to my GP and was quickly in the system. . . . I can replay the day at the hospital with the physical examination, the mammos, the biopsy . . . .and then back to the consultant to hear those words.  Up to that point I hoped to be one of the 9 out of 10 who just have 'a lump'.   I eventually left with my 'Folder' after spontaneously bursting into tears, much to my surprise  actually, and left the hospital in a daze . . . . . . I didn't tell a soul. No-one. I wanted to take it in and think about it, and be the same person.     Like you it's a Grade 3, hormone positive, 11 nodes removed and 1 affected.  That put me in the 'recommended chemo' box, but speaking 100% personally here, I have been lucky to have good health up to this age, and I have always regarded chemo with trepidation, and knew I would refuse it.  I had 20 R/T zaps.   So I bumble through the days as usual, and only those who need to know are in the know.  As you say, chemo throws a curve ball in the sense of visibility . . . . .but you do have time to think about it, and take this journey as it comes.  Don't rush into sharing your health with others if you don't see the need, that would be my advice. Wish you all the very best. x ... View more

Sending you hugs aplenty - and yes, I'm a very private person on all sorts of levels, and literally a handful of people 'know about me' - and they are people I trust.  There are even members of the extended family who don't know about my last year's diagnosis and procedures/treatment ( I didn't have chemo ), because I need to have that control?  And once you share what is either a secret, or just private business, you lose control over where the information might end up? And I don't want my life discussed and debated by possibly complete strangers . . . . . but we're all different, and no one size fits all, so go with what feels right for you.  You can always change your mind in time, can't you?   Welcome to the forum - you'll find the posts and threads you need as you go along - and don't forget,  the forum never closes!  x ... View more

Sorry you have to join our friendly forum . . . . but  for me, a mixture of disbelief and shock  -  the shock made me burst into tears in the consulting room, and I don't do that kind of thing?     You may want to write more when you are ready, and then find that we all have a story to tell about how we came here -  but everyone tries to help each other, and there are many 'headings' and 'threads' as you gradually network here.  I was diagnosed March 2018, and I tend to dip in and out these days  -  but you will find some fantastic ladies here, always ready to help.   I wish you well  -  and remember, we never close here, chances are, there's always someone up and about at any time of day or night. Hugs. ... View more

Really feel for you, you must be reeling from the shock of it all.   I would only echo what Ann has said, to look in on the ' living with secondary breast cancer ' threads, because there are some fabulous ladies there who will help you, help to hold you up on the down days, and who have a wide range of experience. . . . I, as far as I know, don't have secondaries, but I see their posts and their positiveness and humour and wisdom, and they really are the go-to ladies.   Sending you hugs aplenty. ... View more

I relate to this very much.   I'm 64, but always always been active, walking everywhere, I don't drive, out every day . . . . and sleep was always an inconvenience to me? Something that had to be done, when I felt that there must be far more interesting things to be getting on with . . .but these days, I am like a dormouse every evening.  Now to some people this may sound late, but to me, to fall asleep at 10 or 11 pm is just the pits !!  But I also wake up tired very often, having had the most dramatic and eventful dreams !!  Maybe it's old age - and that's what I'm finding hard to accept - or maybe still the 'hangover' from 20 zaps of radiotherapy last August.  I guess it must have some residual effect upon the rest of our bodies.  I hope you find an answer that works for you x ... View more

I am really sorry that you've had a week of worry . . . . please ask questions when you go again, or take someone with you if you can to support you?  It can be difficult to get straight answers from anyone other than the consultant, and I too have misinterpreted body language from a lovely BC Nurse  -  but that wasn't anything she did wrong, I asked her a question that she was not in a professional position to answer, and it is easy to read 'evasiveness' as 'bad news'.  Good luck, and let's hope it's a recall that is ensuring all is well for you. ... View more

Hello dear MrsM   You are amongst friends on here who will understand just how you are feeling - shock being the exact word, that takes a while to assimilate.  You go over it in your head, one moment you feel no different to any other day - most of us seem to say " but I feel so well "  -  and then there is this feeling that the rest of the world is carrying on as normal, and doesn't realise what is happening in our world?  And that's how we react to any shock isn't it . . . .    The forum never closes - day and night, weekends and bank holidays, maybe not straight away, but someone will always have an answer to your worry or fear or anxiety.     I've just popped in because I saw your post, but I have to tootle off now - but it's a day at a time.  If you've got a fab supportive husband, you are one very lucky lady.  See you again. x ... View more

Sorry for your turmoil.   I am in my 60's and don't work - but I am wondering from all you write if you actually need more time off.  When you can step away from thinking about BC, and go back to how you were feeling anyway?  That you were already questioning if you wanted to continue in teaching?  I am sure counselling will help you, but again, it will help you look at what you actually want - and what you don't want?   I think we all go through times of knowing exactly what we don't want, what makes us unhappy, what we want a change from - I certainly do, in fact in my personal life that is a permanent turmoil!  But the hard bit always seems to be how to go about finding what it is that we actually do want, and how to practically and sensibly achieve it?  The devil and the deep blue sea syndrome?   I don't think I've been any help - but I just wanted to say that I ' get it ' . . . . and wish you well.  ... View more

Just to hopefully ease your mind about the anaesthetic - I'm 64 now, and in May 2018 I had my lumpectomy/lymph removal surgery.  My first ever experience of general anaesthetic, I was a bundle of nerves and ready to leg it in my gown and pressure socks  right up to the last moment!!  I came round from it feeling like I'd had the best sleep, and what were all these bright lights about, waking me up from a pleasant dream, haha. So fingers and paws crossed for you that you have a positive experience ( most unpleasant part from coming round was the dry mouth and then the sore throat for about half a day but that was nothing to make a fuss about ).  Hugs aplenty x ... View more

Hello Dana, sorry you've arrived amongst us, but a warm welcome is always here  -  if you don't get a reply immediately, sooner or later someone will pop in !  Once you find you way around here, you will find different headings and 'threads' where you will find the support and the answers you are looking for.   This Forum never closes  so weekends, middle of the night, just write away if you need to.   We all know that shock, the emotions, the panic, the 'what ifs', the 'it's all moving too fast', the 'results are taking too long' - we'll be with you on this journey.  I tend to dip in and out, as my diagnosis was over a year ago and I had surgery May 2018 ( Grade 3 like you, I had WLE and 1 positive lymph node ) - you'll gradually get used to the words and the terms so please always ask anything you need to know and someone will have the answer for you.   Hugs aplenty x ... View more

Hello! Waiting for results  -  aaagh, one of the absolutely awful tests we have to go through.  I always say that we our head goes on a journey that one minute seems too fast, and we get bombarded with information - then we have to wait and it goes sooo slow  -  so we all have to find our ways of coping and staying sane?  Lovely ladies will come here with much better ideas than myself, but I walk. A lot.  I never learned to drive anyway, and being an older lady (64) I find that getting out of the house, going to the park, feeding the wildlife, meeting regular dog walkers and getting on first name terms with the dogs more than their owners, carrying on to a coffee shop, with a book, but often there's someone to chat with . . . .    I just find that stepping out of the 'house environment' takes my head to a different  space and place, and I love meeting people - I never talk about my health (BC anyway), just the usual aches and pains grumbles, but I learn so much about people.   In fact, I only recently discovered that an elderly neighbour down the road (he's 98) is a D Day veteran, and he was kind enough to tell me and my son about some of it before he went off to Normandy this week.   So I recommend exploring, not even that far away, and seeing what's outside of the waiting time?  If any of that makes sense for you.  Wish you all the best. ... View more

Hello . . . .and please give yourself time to absorb that shock, you are among folk who know that gut-wrenching feeling so well, and it sends you reeling.   There will be lots of ladies who can help and advise you on here, all with different experiences, different ages, and I think one of the things we learn is that there is so much that goes with the diagnosis, such as type of breast cancer, grade etc - but that will come.  Yes I found things moved very fast, where I went from the shock of diagnosis and leaving the hospital with The Folder, and then phones calls coming through with appointments?  In one way, of course that's exactly right, and how it should be - but your head sometimes has trouble keeping up with this whole new routine and terminology.  Then there are other times when it goes too slow, like when you wait for results and answers. . . . .times when you need others around to support you, and suggest ways to get through.   I wish you well - it's the weekend, when helplines and information points seem to go quiet - but you have come to the Forum, which never closes, and if someone doesn't get back to you right away, you won't be forgotten.  Once you get used to coming here, you will maybe find the 'headings' and 'threads' that are most helpful, and then you will gradually network and find what a community there is here.   I dip in and out from time to time, but I am glad that you found this place. ... View more

Sorry to hear that Mel.  Fingers crossed for speedy return to theatre to get you hunkydory - not what you wanted to have to happen, but positive news that they know what they are about.  When I had my lumpectomy my margin was infinitesimally small and there was no further tissue to take, so I live in hope and on a wing and a prayer.  All the best, hugs x ... View more

Yes Mel, that's far too long to wait in these situations - I think I would be phoning or emailing a BC Nurse to ask if there's a problem in the system, and why so long, as you are, quite understandably, climbing the walls.   If you can get an email addie for a BCN I would recommend - I had a lovely one, for who nothing was too much trouble - but, sadly, like all the best staff, she has left the hospital now.  The one I have been seen into the consultant's room by on the last 2 follow-up appointments recently was a right bat ( not an old bat, I'm 64 anyway, just a bat ) and behaved as if she was the consultant's personal aide and I was a mere non-entity, haha.  My daughter works in the NHS and said that I ought to complain - without us, the patients, where would they be ?!!! ... View more

Marla I think it's fabulous that letrozole has done its' good work for you, as you are the only person I know on here who has taken/was recommended this course of action.  You and I go back to last year, and I remember your early days of confusion and decision-making, and then this became your chosen path.  It will be terrific for you if it can shrink it enough for you to have lumpectomy with clear margins ( if you so wish ) and I will be so happy for you if that comes to be.   Most of us seem to be offered the letrozole as follow-up, keep-it-at-bay treatment, after we have had surgery, so I guess that's why so many of us weigh up the side-effects.  For me, it's about my age (64), DEXA scan and latest bone scan showing ostopoenia (I get back problems anyway!) and into the mix, my refusal to take bisphosphonates.  As my consultant quietly agreed, it's all a 'trade-off' in the end, and we have to factor in our own feelings and way of life along with medical recommendations.   Good to see you here x ... View more

Hello, just to echo . . . you will be amazed what you can get your head round - but you need time to absorb/get over the shock of your discovery.  I remember it myself, and that double checking, triple checking, trying to convince ourselves that it's not real, and maybe we dreamt it  -  and the shock of it still being there.  Fingers and paws crossed that all will be well, but you have been pro-active, and that's great, and much better for you than spending days and weeks worrying? You are having a bit of a wait, so maybe it might be worth a phone call to the Breast Clinic/Nurses to see if your results are back yet, and if there is an earlier appointment available.  I guess it depends on hospitals and areas. Waiting is just the worst, we know.  Come back and talk when you need to, don't struggle with worry on your own. Wishing you the best outcome, hugs x ... View more

Hello.  You are in shock, we all remember it, and when someone new comes on to the Forum, and we can 'feel' their shock and panic we all remember exactly what it is like.   Too much information, not enough information, appointments coming in from different directions, things moving too slowly, things moving too fast . . . . . please let yourself have some time for that shock, and then day by day things will fall into place, and you will start to feel more in control.   You need never be alone with your worries  -  we're all here for each other, sometimes we drift away for awhile, but it's a safety net for all of us who have ever been given a breast cancer diagnosis.  Hugs aplenty x ... View more

Hi, and sorry that you find yourself here  -  yes you must be reeling at the moment, the shock too much take on board.   Any time of day or night, come on to the Forum, and let your feelings out - there is nearly always someone around, or someone who will get back to you . . . . somewhere to touch base with others who 'get it'.  Don't be isolated over the weekend either  -  have a look in at various threads. Sending you hugs aplenty x ... View more