Hi ladies, I feel like I'm going mad so hoping someone, somewhere can help. I have just gone back to work 3 months after mx (diep recon). My work have been really supportive and I couldn't ask for more. I'm a teacher and they have got me on a phased return - I don't start properly teaching until next Monday. For a year or so (since before dx) I have felt like I'd lost all passion for the job and started looking to move out of teaching. I tried to use my time off recovering from op to figure out what I want from life or what I could try to retrain to do. I tried to think of the time on sick leave as a positive to get my life in order and thought I would come out of it all a success story - like these women who set up charities or start businesses after cancer (you know - the kind of inspirational stories you read in nice magazines?!) I went round in circles and suddenly it was time to go back to work and nothing (and everything) had changed. I am now back at work and feel so inadequate all the time. I'm starting to realise that I've maybe been fixating on changing career and hoping that will solve all my problems. But I feel so completely lost and depressed all the time, I drove home in tears today even though nothing bad had happened. I can't now even imagine getting any new job, let alone having the energy to do something well. On top of that, I now am terrified of actually teaching again, and feel convinced more than ever that I can't do the job I have and will never be able to get back to how I was. I don't know how I'm going to stand in front of hoards of teenagers again. Everything just feels like so much pressure and I feel sick inside emotionally. I just want to cry all the time. It occurred to me on the way home that I have been taking Taxoxifen for about 6 weeks with no side effects that I've noticed. Could that be making me feel like this? I don't know whether to believe my feelings now? How do I know if it's really my feelings or just the tablets? I feel so, so lost and like I've lost control of my life and my emotions. I have booked a counselling appointment for Friday but I feel like I need some sanity before then. Please help xxx
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