Sigh!!!! I keep finding I need to retreat for a day or 2, and when I get back on here, there's so much to read that I never get through it all and feel like I'm missing important tips etc. Some days are ok, but today has been hard with my hair just coming out in handfuls. I now have a very wide, bald line, with thin patches either side, rather than a parting. I've had very long, very thick red hair since childhood so, at 41, it's been like killing a huge part of my identity having it cut before Christmas, although fonating it felt good, but I really felt like I needed to get used to seeing less in the mirror. Part of me thought today that I should just get on and shave it off, rather than prolong the inevitable, but my mum cried and said no, it was too soon and unfair on my boys (4 and 7), and my mother-in-law said I need to sit it out for a couple of months or, even better, wait until after chemo has ended. I have no wig, no idea where to get one, no idea where I get the 'voucher' I overheard reference to at FEC1. Should I have that sorted first to soften the blow? And, with snow forecast, my loose-knit hat isn't going to help a bald head stay warm for long. Should I be fetting something lightweight to wear underneath? Can you get soft, stretchy hats anywhere, which coold be worn indoors of out? I've only done the first FEC out if 3 (then 3 x Docetaxyl), with the 2nd on Thursday if bloods are ok tomorrow. I cold capped and now wonder, with this much loss in the last 48hrs after just 1 treatment, if I shoulc still have it on Thursday or not bother. I just don't understand the benefits enough and I've found my head is a mess since treatment started. I'm forgetful, disorganised and easily confused. Will it help it to grow back at thend of chemo if I continue with it? I have radiotherapy after chemo, and 10 years of hormone treatment, and I know I'm HER2- and ER+, but had no idea there was a scale for measuring the degree of responsivity. Is it out of 8? Can I find out tomorrow when I get blood results? And what are the implications of an 8/8 score, compared to a 2/8 for e.g? Does the score dictate or link to the chances of reoccurrance? I want to see my scans to see the beast I'm facing, although I had a mastectomy and axillary clearance, so presumably I'm just on damage limitation and cleaning out now, but it's never been offered. I had a CT, which highlighted 2 tumours in my liver. I had an MRI, which suggested one is almost certainly a haemangioma, but that the 2nd is less characteristic of one. I asked if it will be monitored when I saw he Onc at FEC 1, and he just "yes, probably", which didn't alleviate my fears at all. I also have some off symptoms, which can be linked to a brain tumour (amongst other things), so I should be having a head CT at some point to check. There's also been talk of genetic testing due to a very strong paternal history of prostate cancer, but I've just been tomd it will be done routinely 'in due course'. I know I have to focus on getting througb treatment at this stage, but that answer just leaves me hanging, not least of all because I just want my second breast removed. I have a brother and a sister, and 2 little boys, and I need to understand what this means for them. Can I ask why people are having heart scans? Maybe there's a very clear answer on herd that I've missed but I can't always come on here and open up. And when will I ever be seen for a proper prosthetic? I wore my comfies on and off after surgery (3 months ago), but they irritated when they moved and, while I'm not phased going out without my "boob disguise" (my 2 sons' term for it), and breast loss hasn't bothered me at all - least of my worries right now, tbh - I just wonder when that bit happens normally. FEC 2 looms on Thursday, with PICC assessment on Friday and, potentially insertion on Monday. I've tried and tried to move the latter 2 as FEC1 wiped me out, but to no avail. I'm so sorry for such a long message, I feel so overwhelmed by my thoughts and what's happening with my hair, but also by how much there is to take in on here.
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