Hello Walsh, It is good to hear that you feel inspired by the thread on here. I am inspired too, and I can see that I'm not alone; that there are a growing number of people aiming to live with this disease as I continue to do. I experienced many difficult spoken words after my diagnosis. Things like: "palliative" (which I think only means treating symptoms so isn't so bad is it?), "terminal" (it's not terminal till you're dead - Prof from the Royal Marsden said that to me about 7 1/2 years ago and he was so right), and lots more things but I won't recount them now. I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. My life was suddenly defined by something that I could not escape from. Nobody could rescue me. It was unimaginably horrible (unless you've been there), like my childhood worst nightmares. But, nearly 8 years on, I am gradually learning to live again. The cancer is a part of my life, but I refuse to allow it to take a big part - it deserves no such attention. I have developed ways to deal with the trauma now. For instance, when I have my monthly tummy injection it hurts, and it reminds me that I have metastatic cancer, and all of that is terribly painful. So I have learnt to make my appointment as early as I can in the day to get it over with and put it aside. I am now so good at blocking the "I've got cancer" thoughts out that I miss my appointment if it's later in the day! I don't "forget", not really, but I have got better at recognising the panic, and gently letting those thoughts go. I would recommend "mindfulness" courses. I have been to the basic ones twice, and to one with CBD for recurrent depression. It all helps. As I type I am sending you big hugs, sometimes I find that "dark side" can be helped just by looking up at the sky for a bit and thinking "I'm here today, and it's not going to get me today", and then getting on with my plans, even if they have to be adapted to the limits I have right now. Take care of yourself, accept help and demand it. And be kind to yourself because you are valuable just as you are xxx
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