Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi  Please don’t think you’re thick, no one knows this stuff until you go through it. I was given a description at diagnosis of the cancer I had but it was confirmed after my op when everything had been tested. I was sent a letter from the oncologist confirming everything as well.  Hopefully on your follow up you’ll be told but be sure to ask as it’s important to know what you’ve actually had.  I hope it’s all good news when you go back, take care xx  ... View more

Hi unfortunately it is very common and as Pawsome has said quite likely because your friend doesn’t know what else to say. It’s hard because what you really need is someone to listen and understand. Having a mastectomy is a huge thing what ever age you are and her comments belittle what you’ve been through.  I had a mastectomy, my recon couldn’t be completed and a reduction on my good side which was very difficult but made worse by the reduction being smaller than I was expecting. I felt like I’d lost everything and a few weeks later whilst trying to open up and tell my good friend, I was told welcome to my world I’ve never had very much. That really hurt. It made everything I was feeling and thinking seem trivial and that I was making too much of it. It was very early on and I really didn’t comprehend what I was going through.  My friend is still my friend, in lots of ways she’s been fantastic and I think she’s learned along the way how hard this is although I’ve never mentioned how that comment made me feel.  Youll soon discover who you can talk to and who you can’t. As pawsome said some friends disappear completely and others you don’t know that well suddenly step up and you find the support from someone you least expected it from. I have an amazing friend who completely understands and why even a year on things are still very difficult.  If it’s really hurt you you could try to tell her how you’re feeling and that it upset you or just let it go and mark it up to thoughtlessness.  Its early days and emotions are pretty high right now so I hope you’re ok and you recover quickly. Take good care of yourself, that’s the most important thing xx  ... View more

i found it very strange just after I had mine but even then it was brushed off. Some of the pain was really strange and it would’ve been much more helpful if someone just explained it to me then I wouldn’t have worried so much.    As the months went on new pains and sensations started which just got worse so I did go back and was given some desensitisation massage to do. It’s way to early for you to do that yet. If it’s worrying  you tho give your BCN a call. I hope you’re ok xx  ... View more

Hi  im sorry you’ve got some pain post op. I had a mastectomy, no implant, a year ago and still have a lot of pain. 2 weeks is very early so not surprising you have some discomfort but during the op the surgeon has to go through a lot of nerves so may continue for some time. Nerve pain is very common and if it increases contact your BCN for help in dealing with that.  I hope your recovery continues well take care xx  ... View more

Hi MoDo I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time, you’ve been through a huge amount. A cancer diagnosis and losing a parent are 2 massive life changing events which are going to take time and care to come to terms with. I’m glad you recognise you have depression and you’re seeing your GP.    You haven’t said when you started the antidepressants but I hope they start to help soon. Have you got any support from family around you?  I can sympathise so much with how you’re feeling and I would say I’m very depressed. I haven’t coped with any of it and as I’m coming up to a year since my mastectomy things are very difficult. I’ve spent most of today crying and feeling very distraught. I was supposed to have reconstruction but it failed and am still waiting to see what I can do next. I, like you struggle to understand why I’m not back to normal and find it hard seeing friends because they’ve all moved on, after all I’m better aren’t I? Side effects from treatment can be debilitating which isn’t going to help how you feel either. Would you benefit from some counselling?   I recently was referred to the Someone Like Me service by one of the nurses on the support line. I’ve been matched with a lovely lady who has been through a similar experience as me. She calls at a pre arranged time, as often as I would like. We’ve talked about how I’m coping and a few times she’s said what she felt at the same time and I’ve felt the same but hadn’t told anyone, mainly as I thought I was the only one.    Im in no way better and at times things feel harder than ever but just knowing that I’m not alone, someone understands really helps.  I wish I could help you but just to say I understand and you’re not alone  xx    ... View more

Hi Helly,  at the moment I’m doing exactly as you describe sitting on the settee reading the forum instead of other stuff! Like you I get up get on with jobs etc but if I sit for a min I grind to a holt. I focus on the important stuff, jobs etc but anything else I don’t have the motivation to do. I didn’t have chemo or rads so I can’t put it down to that but am on Letrozole.    I don’t sleep a lot so am probably a bit tired but I’m pretty depressed so its likely to be that. I have days when I don’t feel very down but don’t want to do very much, socialise, don’t have any energy and I struggle to concentrate on anything. I really have to force myself to do things so I’ve started yoga, volunteering and learning how to quilt but i could just do nothing!   I think from the outside people think I’m ok but inside I’m still trying to deal with everything that happened and am still waiting on recon so not all over yet. My treatment finished last May. You say you’re only 3 months on from rads which really isn’t very long at all. You’re probably still struggling with fatigue etc so perhaps rest is what your body is telling you you need.  If I could give you any advice set yourself just small things at first and see how it goes, sending you lots of love xx  ... View more

Hi Evie-S & Jubelu    Evie, thank you for your reply, I will definitely keep you in mind going forward.    I saw my GP this morning about some side effects from the hormone therapy and told her how I’m feeling. Again she’s reassured me it’s all normal (I seem to need constant reassurance). After, I saw my friend that came with me last week just to talk over some of what had been discussed. Sometimes when you’re going over stuff on your own things multiply and I needed someone else’s perspective. We had a really good talk including what she thought about how i look now, what would she do etc and it really helped. So for a while I feel better but unfortunately that doesn’t last for long!  I hope you’re both having a good day  and thank you again xx  ... View more

Hi Jubelu,  im crying again!! Been a very tearful day but reading your reply made my cry as I recognise so much of how you’re feeling.  I too was a DD and now an A and yes the loss of sensation is devastating.  Ive has some counselling with a charity but I don’t think it has helped that much. I felt a bit ‘talked out’ when that finished so don’t feel ready to start again but will do at some point.  The best description I can give to how I feel is consumed by grief and all the things I’ve coped with in the past have come back at me. Some days I find the smallest things so difficult to do.  I’ve got good friends & family around me but everyone wants to tell me how to fix me. I wish I had the friend who just listens and is just with me.  I would love to know how you get on and just want to send you a huge hug xx  ... View more

Hi  I’m still bogged down in the grief of post treatment and hope for recon at the moment but on a small scale I can empathise. im not going back to my job, they’ve given me no support whatsoever and slowly I’m learning I don’t have to do what I don’t want to any more. I know I’m very lucky that for now I can stop working and not worry (I will worry I’ve never not worked!).  Ive lived my life always doing what I ‘should’ do, being reliable, dependable, being there for everyone etc but not always doing what has made me happy. For now my priority is getting myself better emotionally and then I’ll be working out what I want to do that makes me happy. I hope that’s with my husband but if he’s not interested I’ll go ahead anyway.    Rockstarchick, don’t sit and wait, book the trip, find the opportunity and if hubby wants to join in, brilliant and if not make sure you send him a postcard. Look forward to hearing about it  xx  ... View more

Hi Jubelu, thank you so much for replying, I’m so grateful to read someone else’s perspective.  Ive thought about nothing else for a week and as I haven’t got anyone to talk it over with (who knows what all this is like) I’ve got myself very upset about it all.  I cant believe what that surgeon has put you through, that must be malpractice surely? To do a reduction with little to no discussion is just terrible. My surgeon did discuss it thoroughly but I’ve ended up smaller than I thought. I know its ridiculous but I’ve struggled as much with that as I have everything else. I can’t complain, he’s done a very good job, everything is very neat and only looking closely can you tell but going from a large chest to how I am now is very hard.  Since finding out I needed surgery etc all I’ve heard is bad news about implants and if I’m honest I really don’t want one.  I have thought exactly the same as you regarding another surgery. I’ve had 3 others non cancer related and always coped but haven’t said it to anyone as I know they think I’m mad. I really felt I was being pushed to do nothing and accept how I am. I don’t know whether that’s because at my age and just being pretty ordinary they’re wondering why I’m bothering, which I’ve questioned too. I think I’m very realistic and realise they won’t match and I won’t be the same but I won’t have what I have now which I find very hard to deal with.  I was offered the Diep as immediate recon but was warned that it may not be offered for delayed. Shortly after the funding was cut so only offered on immediate recon. With the TUG flap there maybe a problem but if I decide on that I’ll see what happens.  I really hope you get the Diep even if you have to travel so far for it. I ended up with the tummy tuck & huge scar but the recovery really wasn’t bad. My advice would be to do very little for at least 2 weeks after to really give it time to heal.    Thank you again for replying, it’s really helped me, bless you xx  ... View more

Hi Curlylocks,  it isn’t for everyone. How are you feeling now? Hope things have improved for you  xx ... View more

Hi curlylocks, the last thing you are is a loser so please don’t think that. You’ve been through a very difficult traumatic experience which you’re still dealing with. Now having this hanging over you, you’re right back where you were.  Yes there’s people who ‘seem’ to breeze through it but I doubt they do.   I’m one year since diagnosis tomorrow and I haven’t coped with any of it at all. I’ve felt like you do, haven’t understood why I couldn’t cope and am still really hard on myself because of it but it doesn’t help. I really believe that at some point dealing with what you’ve been through catches up with you and I’m sure those who appear to cope will have it all to deal with at some point.    Did you have any counselling after treatment ended? It’s not too late to see someone now as it sounds like you need someone to talk to who understands. I hope you’re ok hun, happy to chat if you need to xx  ... View more

Hi curlylocks,  im really sorry they’ve left you hanging in limbo. I can imagine what that does to your head, waiting and wondering. Unfortunately I think it’s hard to avoid the what ifs so well done for doing so.  Could you talk to your BCN about the waiting and what it’s doing to you? By the sound of it you need some help. I hope you’ve got people around you at home who are supporting you xx  ... View more

Hi Seabreeze,  thank you for your reply.  Move mentioned it to my GP (I’ve been discharged from oncology) but they wasn’t quite so bad then. I’ll have to see her again but probably only the option of taking or not taking them. I’m trying to persist but it’s getting harder.    I havent coped well during all this and beginning to despair at myself a little! I’ve taken up yoga, I’ve started a patchwork class and I try to keep busy. It all helps a bit but I’m still pretty consumed by it all still. I had some counselling which helped a bit but it’s just taking time.  I’m glad that the side effects settled for you and long may that last.   Today was just a rubbish day that got on top of me, start again tomorrow! xx  ... View more

Hi Kip,  sorry to hear you’ve had a few rough weeks, I have exactly the same. Some weeks it’s almost like it never happened and I feel pretty immune to everything and then bang everything comes back with a thud. All the worry/fear, sadness and grief which just feel awful.  My diagnosis wasn’t explained at all and I had to ask for a copy of it. I’m glad I did because it gave me some understanding of why I had to have the treatment I did.    At times not being able to cope has been very difficult (I feel a failure for feeling like this) but I have a friend who’s  said you’ve had breast cancer every time I see her and I’m saying I don’t know why I still feel like this. I don’t (still don’t)think I understood the enormity of that. Like you, I do say it out loud to myself when I feel at my worst to make me understand that it’s normal to go through how I’m feeling.  Take care of yourself xx  ... View more

Hi Thurnefi,  i hope you don’t mind me replying. You state the impact of BC has been huge and I can relate to what you say. While I worry about reoccurrence and whether it has actually gone, for me it’s dealing with what’s happened that’s the hardest.   I go over everything a lot and little things remind me of moments throughout the last year and I can feel how scared/worried I felt at that time. I saw a friend today who I realised was consciously trying to get me to think about things I’m looking forward to. At the moment my mind is stuck in the last 10 months. I’ve had some counselling but since that ended things have slipped backwards again. It’s really hard, harder than I ever thought it would be.  Take care of yourself x  ... View more

Hi Wonky,  only just seen your post, I’m sorry you were having a tough day, I hope things are a little better today.  I think eventually things will improve but it isn’t going to be a quick process. I don’t have anything useful to add to what has been said, (if I did I’d fix myself!) but didn’t want to ignore your post xx  ... View more

I hope you’ve got some help with the pain because that doesn’t help as you can’t put it out of your mind for a minute, take care wonky xx  ... View more