Hi, I’m Shelley and am struggling with my recent biopsy results. I’m going to try and shrink my breast cancer journey so I can fit it all in here - last January I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer which had spread to my lymphnodes and vertebrae. I had 7 cycles of chemo and 15 sessions of radiotherapy and was put on tamoxifen and goserelin injections. January of this year I was given the good news that my scans were clear and I was in remission, however my mid-year scans last month showed nodules on my lungs on my CT so I was sent for a biopsy and was told the results yesterday, that the lymphnodes alongside my airway inbetween my lungs have cancerous cells and I also have a tiny nodule on my left lung. I am about to start chemo again in tablet form, Palbociclib, alongside a new hormone suppressive tablet that begins with L which I can’t remember the name. I start taking them on Monday. My initial thoughts and feelings didn’t really hit me until I got home yesterday and honestly? I feel angry. And lost. I thought maybe they had got my scans mixed up with someone else because this can’t be happening right now, I feel great, I don’t feel sick, I have no symptoms. I went through the harshest treatment last year with chemo almost killing me, but I got through it. Then the beginning of this year up until yesterday, I worked really hard on myself; building myself back up again from scratch. Meditating, praying, putting on weight, eating right, rebuilding my strength to begin to work-out again, looking after my hair helping it to grow back... I was finally starting to recognize myself in the mirror again. I looked like Me. And I worked so hard. So I’m angry and I’m confused and I’m afraid - I tried chemo and radiotherapy, I tried working on myself and taking care of my mindset, I’m even trying to get back to work... I have tried my best but it doesn’t feel good enough. Inbetween January to July this year cancerous cells have showed up, what’s to say this new medication will work? I don’t know what to believe in anymore. I feel like I am prolonging the inevitable. I don’t want to die, but I can’t have my hopes built up again for them to be stripped away. Is there anyone who has felt this way? I have my Mother and two Sisters, but there is nothing they can say or do to change my situation. I don’t have anyone I can really talk to who truly understands.
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