I found an indentation three weeks ago and saw a consultant last Monday. He's very experienced which felt good at first but I then felt he was trying to prepare me for bad news in the words he used. I had a mammogram then was asked to go back so they could repeat it. I also had an ultrasound. Neither he nor I could feel a lump and nothing showed on the ultrasound. He described the mammograms as inconclusive. Not sure what to make of that. I'm having a tomosynthesis this week and have been told they might do a biopsy and maybe an mri. At first I thought if nothing big had shown up the worst case would be it's early and small but having read more I now realise that may not be the case at all. My original optimism and sense of relative calm has been replaced by the worst anxiety I've ever known. I feel totally consumed by worry and have hardly slept in days. I'm finding myself irrational and irritable with my partner and children who are doing their best to be positive and optimistic. I've just got this gut wrenching feeling it's going to be bad news. I am trying to keep busy but failing miserably to keep the fear at bay for long. Not knowing feels harder than knowing because at least I would know what it was....I realise I may be totally wrong about this and a diagnosis might actually feel so much worse. Has anyone any advice on how to get through the waiting and how to not be impossible to be around for those we love who are going through this with us?
... View more
