Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi Louise I've just come on here to find some support and found your message.    I can relate to how you feel.   I finished my treatment in February too and since then my mental health has spiraled out of control!  I was diagnosed stage 3 triple positive in August 2019.  7 round of chemo,  mastectomy, Radiotherapy and 18 lots of herceptin and pertuzamab.  Since finishing my mental health has dramatically dropped.  I've become something I never thought was possible.   I totally loathe myself right now.   I don't recognise myself at all.   Mentally and physically.   I have an amazing wife who I adore and I KNOW she adores me too and yet I've got into self destruct mode and I'm pushing her away.    It's like I feel she could be happier elsewhere.  There is no way she deserves the treatment I'm giving her right now.   We have 4 beautiful children and yet I'm not here for them.  My mind is elsewhere,  all the time..  I have stupid thoughts all day long that just become overwhelming.   I'm pretty sure it all comes down to having a low self esteem and anxiety but I have no control.    My gp has put me on Sertraline but I'm only on day 3.  I'm on the list for talking therapies too.  I just want to feel well again.   How are you getting on?  Have you found any help?  ... View more

Hi Kath I'm so so pleased to hear you are well and it turned out to be ok.  It's so tiring being afraid of my own shadow!  Congratulations on your daughters wedding!  What an awful time for us all in one way or another but missing your daughters wedding must have been very hard.   I too have a teen, he is 19 but he is a home boy and loves his gaming so he's been in his element! He has ASD so doesn't really socialise outside of the house so it's been quite easy for us with him.  It's when he's out in the big wide world that I will start to worry.   Homeschooling my middle man has been kind of ok too.  He's quite sensible and likes to get things done and out of the way so he can get on with his day.  He is a very sensible 6 year old! Then we have the 4 year old twins who have just been bouncing off the walls!!  I didn't send then to pre school as I was shielding but since having my vaccine last month I've sent them back and they are much happier! We really have been given extra on top of going through what we have and I'm super grateful that my treatment has continued throughout apart from when I had covid! 🙄  My wife has been furloughed quite a bit throughout but thankfully we have managed to get through stronger than ever! It's actually been fun in our crazy, chaotic, loving bubble!  I'm just looking forward to squeezing my lovely Mum out of shape!!  Well done to your son for finding work within the NHS.  I think I may look into somewhere within the NHS once my twins are at school in Sept.   Big changes for everyone this year so I just hope that things can return to some kind of normality as they say it will?!  Lovely to hear back from you.  I often think of everyone and how you are all doing on this crazy roller coaster!  It really is nice to hear from you xx Much love xx ... View more

Hi purpletrunks.  I finished my treatment last month too.  Herceptin and pertuzamab.  It has been a long slog but we are here and that is the main thing!  When I cut my chemo curls off it has grown back less curly.  It still has a wave but definitely not as curly as it was.  Its really thick at the moment too.  I'm hoping the tamoxifen doesn't alter that for me.  The tamoxifen is definitely making it harder to lose the extra weight I've gained.  And I certainly notice a difference between the brands.  They are all so different!  Other than that, it's been a really crap year with covid but I've had my first vaccination and feeling a little less worried about it.  I just can't wait until I can give my mum a cuddle.  I've really missed Mum hugs going through all of this.. Well done on your raising awareness and your blog.  I also try and raise awareness as much as I can.  It's so important!  I'm now just keeping everything crossed that life can slowly return to some sort of normality and we can be with those who we love and actually attempt to get out and enjoy the life we have!  Although, it's starting to feel a little daunting being back out there in the world.  I've quite enjoyed being in a bubble with my family!  Much love xx ... View more

Hello everyone, how are you all doing?  Kathcurtis - I do hope all was OK with the enlarged lymph node on your chest?  Leaw - How are you coping with Tamoxifen?  Have things eased for you? Fingers crossed lockdown ends as is planned!  Emma xx ... View more

Hi everyone.  How are you all?  I've just had my first haircut.  I couldn't bare the chemo curls any longer.  I've never had curly hair before and it was growing curlier around the back and sides than it was in the top.   It looked like a mullet!  They were a constant reminder too so I've gone really short again to get rid of them!  Feeling much more like myself again 😊 I'm doing OK most days.   I have the fear take over my emotions occasionally but I won't let it consume me.    I think the worst thing at the moment for me is the Tamoxifen.  I'm really struggling with the side effects and I'm going to message the breast care team tomorrow for some help.  I'm pretty good at accepting that this is what needs to be done but I'm just hoping there is something that can be done to help.   Is anyone else taking tamoxifen?  How are you finding it?  I hope this message finds you all well in this very strange world we are living in?! X😘 ... View more

Hi everyone!  I hope you are all keeping safe.  It's hard with hospital trips during these strange times not to feel extra vulnerable!  Thankfully my surgery went ahead on the 16th march.  I had a skin sparing mastectomy with temporary implant and full lymph node extraction.  All went well with the surgery but after the first week I then developed skin necrosis.  Absolutely disgusting!  Unfortunately with the hospitals the way they are at the moment I was too afraid to ring as I knew what they were going to say.. but by 13 days after surgery I then developed an extra infection I had no choice but to ring.  I was admitted at 8pm Sunday night and in emergency surgery by 11am Monday morning.  They had to remove the entire breast as it was in such a mess.  I am over the moon that they have removed it and I feel so much better mentally!!  I was in such turmoil with watching myself literally rot and with the threat of covid I got myself in such a state..  The hospital were amazing and I'm now 6 days post second surgery and feeling so much better already!   They have also told me that they will be reducing the number of days of radiotherapy but that won't be for a while yet.  I have an appointment on Tuesday to check my wound so I'm keeping everything crossed that I'm healing properly this time.   It's all been quite traumatic but I'm so happy to have had it done!  I was told they removed 15 nodes and 4 were positive.  Also the margins were clear around the main tumor but it was very close to the front.  After having a full mastectomy of that side now that should have got rid of everything, hopefully!   They are sending the rest of what they removed to pathology so hopefully that will confirm everything has gone?!  I'm finding this whole isolation really hard but not because I don't like being stuck in.  I'm actually loving being at home with my babies, I'm just frustrated with my recovery and not being able to get stuck in with them.  I'm feeling super tired and sore so I can't do as much as I'd like to be doing.  I know it will come but it's just frustrating!  I hate the trips to hospital too.  I think I was more anxious about going in because of covid, not surgery!  I did the stripping at the door and straight into the shower and washed everything when I came home.  I just hope I've done enough to protect my family. 🤞 What are you all looking forward to when all of this crazy time is over?  Meaning our treatments and isolation?   I'm planning on arranging a big ol'knees up with friends and family!  I love a party!  How are you all doing? xxx❤️xxx  ... View more

Hi!    Yes, I had my last T on the 7th.  Still feeling a bit ropey but was so pleased to finish my injections last night.  They always make me feel worse.  Have awful taste, my mouth feels like it's been sat in a bath for hours and give wrinkly.  My nostrils are bleeding most of the time and my fingers are so so sore!! But it's the last one hopefully so fingers crossed things ease soon. I have an appointment with a breast nurse on Thursday to discuss my options re surgery as I'm still so unsure?!  My surgery is penciled in for the 16th march.   I'm planning on making the most of the next couple of weeks without any treatment.   Going away next weekend with the smalls and then the following weekend I'm going away with my wife.  Just trying to keep busy in the coming few weeks pre surgery.   My fitness has dropped dramatically so I'm hoping to get back out there and gain a bit back before I'm out of action again.  I hate how all this has made me feel.  But I'm determined not to let it consume me.  It's so bloody hard and although I hated chemo I'm now scared I'm not on it...  It's all such a mind game.    But just remember, it's ok to not smile.  It's ok to not feel positive.  It's ok to have down days.  Just be kind to yourself.  You have every right to feel any feeling you are feeling.  Just don't let it take over..  You've got this!  We've got this!  We are doing this! 💪❤️🥊 xXx   ... View more

Jasmine..   I am so so sorry to hear of your devastating news.  Sending you so much love and strength at this ridiculously difficult time xx❤️xx ... View more

Hi Purpletrunks   How's your week been after new Meds?    Meeting up sounds like a great idea. It would be nice to have a cuppa and a chat with someone who knows... You know?!    I'm struggling a bit this week.  The sickness has been great this time, nothing at all!  I did end up in A&E on Monday and after his and an x-ray I turns out I have a chest infection so I'm on antibiotics now.  Fingers crossed I will feel better soon!  I am however struggling today with my tummy.  Horrible tummy pains and cramps and diarrhoea 🙈. Again, I'm guessing it's all part of this wonderful journey but because I've "been"a few times today I might have to go in again 😭  Feeling quite down still..  which is getting me down 😔    Hopefully a better day tomorrow?!    How is everyone else? xx ... View more

Hey everyone.    Feeling pretty good so far after my first T/P/H even with no sleep last night.  It must be the steroids but I've been up and down like a yo yo..    Interesting on the hair thing.  My hair is so bizarre.  I've been left with a fuzz that looks like it's growing (seems too be only the grey unfortunately 🙄). I'm expecting it to fall out now this one has started.  I do have a wig but I haven't worn it yet. I'm trying to embrace my baldness 🤣 My eyebrows are thinner and my eyelashes are few and far between.   I've bought myself some of those magnetic eyelashes and I have to say I LOVE them!!  I've got some c- lash ones to try too.  I'm going to try today.  I will let you know.    Feeling frumpy where I'm putting on weight.  I CANNOT STOP EATING!!  I never had morning sickness with any of my pregnancies, even with the twins but I'm guessing it's what is like if you do suffer?  When you feel queezy so you eat to get rid of the feeling.  Well, I must be queezy all the time as I'm grazing all day!! I'm not complaining as I know some can't eat which is more worrying and distressing and I'm sorry to offend anyone but I seem to be out of control!  I will get this battle out of the way before I worry about it!!    On the topic of monthlies...  I haven't had one since I started chemo?  I was reasonably regular before, maybe missed one or two occasionally as I believe I was perimenapausal but since this, I've had nothing!!   I was told it would push me through the menopause I'm certainly flushing enough for it to be!! 🙄🥵. Every few minutes it seems?! I live in a place called Mortimer and my treatment is at the Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading.  The staff have been amazing since the first day.  My oncologist seems a little blunt and to the point but as long as he does what he had to do I don't mind that at all!!  I did manage a smile from him last week.  I am going to make it my mission to get a giggle from him!! 😁   Have a good day everyone x❤️x   Ooh, kids are on the up so hopefully some normality can resume next week when they go back to school and pre school?! 🤞🥰 ... View more

Hello lovelies.   Thank you so much for replying and being very kind. ❤️  I know we all have up and down days and that was a particularly down day!   I had Herceptin Yesterday and stayed in for an extra 4 hours and had Pertuzumab today and only stayed for an extra hour.  All has gone well so far.  I have T tomorrow.  I do feel a little nervous about it but they seem to think it's not as bad as the FEC.  I was sat next to a lady on my last round who had docetaxol and she had no side effects at all!!  Fingers crossed we will be the same! 🤞🤞   My children are all still poorly.  All 3 little ones have an awful cough with one on antibiotics.   I'm still coughing a bit and I've developed a sore throat tonight. 🙄  I will keep an eye on temperature but will mention it in the morning.    Are you now half way purple trunks?  Maybe this is how it goes with emotions at the halfway point?  I've been very emotional lately?!  But yes, let's hope after this week it's an easy home run!!    Thank you so much everyone.  This is such a crap time so it's nice to speak to others who know how I feel.. I need to go to a social group or something I think?!  It would be nice to meet people going through the same.  All the best to you all on this ridiculously difficult and yet empowering journey!! 🥊💪   x❤️x ... View more

Absolutely Shi!! ❤️   Kath, you started this in October, regardless of what's happened since.  We are all in this together!!    Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing? x❤️x   I'm starting the T part off FEC-T this week.  I'm meant to be going in tomorrow, Thurs and Fri.  Will they do the Docetaxel part first do you think?  I'm also having Herceptin and Pertuzumab.  Does anyone have any experience of these yet?  I know everyone reacts differently but just wondering what you have found with them?     My little ones have all had a nasty cough/cold and have shared it with me!! 🙄  I'm poking myself with a thermometer every couple of hours and I seem to be doing ok so far... I had my bloods yesterday.  Do you think the fact I have a cold will affect the results?  Will it matter that I have a cold when I go for treatment?  I wouldn't normally worry too much if treatment was delayed for a few days but when it's 3 days is have to rearrange including childcare for my 3 year old twins, school pick up for 5 year old and my autistic teen-ager is a bit of a pain!!  It's just typical it's happening this week when it's the awkward one!! 🙄  Sorry to have a moan..  feeling sorry for myself today and ridiculously emotional..... Aaaargh!!!! 🙈😭😱😒   I hope your are all doing as well as you can be?! xxx❤️xxx   ... View more

Fantastic news Kath!   Keep fighting 🥊🥊💪💪    Sending lots of healing thoughts your way..    Emma x❤️x ... View more

Hello lovely ladies How are we all doing?  Had round three FEC yesterday.  Feeling wiped out but no sickness whoop whoop!  The hot flushes are just ridiculous.  My wife went out and got me a chillow yesterday which was lovely to start with until it ended up like a hot water bottle!  I need a second one I think to swap around through the night! Indigestion has started too.  Other than that, just tired today.  Roll on tomorrow to see what other delights appear?!  Take care everyone X💗X ... View more

Oh Kath...  How terrifying and positive at the same time?!?! This really is a rollercoaster!!    I love that you are super positive and I'm so pleased it's been found early!  It's definitely a good thing to be positive.  Like the saying "smile and the world smiles with you".  I find this with positivity too.     Keep it going lovely.  The rest of us riding this crazy train are sat beside you!  Sending love and positivity your way xx❤️xx ... View more

Hi Leaw I bought a wig for any bad "no hair" days I might have 🤣  I haven't worn it yet and I'm wearing beanies less and less when I'm and about too. If people don't like it then they don't have to look! It's not our fault 😒 My kids love stroking my head 🤣 It's very strange that all my dark hair has gone and I'm left with an even, all over, almost transparent fuzz?! 🥚👨🏻‍🦲   Have felt better this time around.  No sickness, just super tired for the first week.  Went back to my boxfit group on Monday and managed a good 40 mins of exercise.  It felt great!!   Round three next week.  Bring it on, let's do this! 👍💪🥊   Thinking of you today Kath and sending lots of love, luck and strength your way xx❤️xx   ... View more

Thinking of you Kath xx❤️xx ... View more

Thanks Shi.  I have messaged my breast cancer team and I'm waiting for a response 😘  x @Shi wrote: Please check with your teams about microblading during chemo, not worth risking infection ❤️Please keep safe 😘💕💕✨✨shi xx   ... View more

Hello again.. Can you have microblading once you've started chemo or have I missed the boat for that one?? x ... View more

Hello lovely ladies ❤️   Had my second round of FEC yesterday, happy to report no sickness this time for me either...so far. 💪   Rubyblue..  Once you get started you will feel better.  The whole wait and build up is the worst part!  You will feel better knowing you have started the treatment to evict the A****OLE that decided to join you uninvited!!  You've got this!! 💪🥊    ClaireL   I felt so much better when I shave my hair.  I spent 2 days fretting about my hair and that I had things to do before I was ready to lose it... The day before I was so scared to have a shower as I knew it needed washing but I didn't want it falling out whilst I was home alone with the children.  I need to wait until my wife was home..  I just got fed up with feeling so worried about it.  Sunday I washed it and it matted into a dreadlock instantly.  I could feel it happening as I washed it?  It was so bizarre.  There was nothing to do other than brave the shave! I had all my children with me when I did it and my wife filmed it so I could send it to family and close friends.  At least it's less of a shock for them when they do see me in all my bald glory!! It felt so liberating to do it!!  I've been wearing beanies on the school run but I've been braving shops and hospital appointments without any cover.  It's not our fault we are in this position!! If people don't like it then bloody look away!!  We are warriors 💪❤️🥊🥚👨🏻‍🦲   I've been thinking of you Kath everyday and hoping for a good result.  You cry as much as you need to!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️   xxx❤️xxx   ... View more