Hello Azura, I was diagnosed this autumn after just getting a winter work contract that I had been after for years, and starting a Phd at a late stage in life and was all set with all systems go to prove myself to deserve a permanent contract with the University of Portsmouth. When I was recalled for further screening after a routine screening I was not annoyed, I was enraged. And right until the diagnosis and beyond, I was fuming: 'Why now! of all the ****ing times in my life, why now? And yes, other emotions will follow. In my case not fear, but depression. My father died two days before my lumpectomy, and I am trying not to tell my mother, as it turned out that my lymph nodes were not clear and I now need to have them removed. And chemo, and radiotherapy. How do you tell a woman after losing her husband of sixty two years that her daughter has cancer? On top of all this,it is my partner's 'big Christmas' as his son is home from abroad for the first time in five years, and its all a big get together with his daughter, her new partner, the ex-wife and her third husband, cos the precious son lives in Japan and they don't see the grandchildren. I am seeing my mother for the whole of Christmas eve and tempted to stay and not come back for Christmas day. Coping? I don't know how to do this. good luck, and whether you are still annoyed or your emotion has moved on remember we are all in a state of annoyed, or angry, or scared, or depressed, or desperate, or finally acceptance. Any emotion is acceptable. I wish you any easy journey through this.
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