Hello, My name is Tara and I was diagnosed with Grade 3 stage 1c triple negative breast cancer in March last year at the age of 36. I had my diagnosis on the 20th March just as the country went into lock down on the 23rd, so I was given surgery first to remove a 1.9mm tumour and 2 lymph nodes. Both were clear of cancer. I then had 6 rounds of fec-t chemo and 9 sessions of radiotherapy. When I was told I had cancer everyone around me was crying and upset and I just remember thinking, do they all think I’m going to die? In my head I was screaming get this out now! I have 2 children to take care of and I have not seen enough of life yet. There was so much more I wanted to do. In fact I used to talk to my lump and tell it to do one. I remember thinking don’t get too comfy, because you have to go. In fact I think if someone had given me a knife there and then I would have cut it out myself. In terms of the treatment, I did not find it too bad at all. I took all of the anti sickness meds given and although I bloated and put on 2 stone, I was never sick and was still able to get up to make the boys drinks flask for school and go for a walk to the end of the road each day. I had chemo 3 weekly and on week 3 I felt strong enough to watch my 10year old play football too. Now in terms of support for your wife I found that my husband struggled and still does now. We never really spoke about how I was feeling, as he just kept telling me I was doing a lot better than he expected and he would often tell me that things would get much worse with my next round of chemo, because that was what other people that had, had cancer said happened to them, so it would definitely be the same for me. Yeah right! Can I just say that every person is unique and we all react differently to illness and treatment. Statistics are just numbers. Who are they actually comparing me to when they say you have this percentage of survival? For all I know it could be women in a totally different age range to me that had my type of cancer 20 years ago. Like I said above no two people are the same, so no one will ever be 100 percent accurate. I think 🤔 , but bear in mind this is just my opinion if you believe you can do it and have hope and optimism you float on through. I could have throttled my husband then and still could now sometimes. It’s nice to be told you are doing well and just to have someone sit with you, give you a hug and not talk at times, but just know you are there for her. I don’t blame my husband as he was brought up like this and also in my head I knew if I tried to get up out of bed and carry on the disease would not beat me. So perhaps I made it look as though I had control of the situation when at times I felt a little sad. Not because I didn’t believe I could get through the journey, but because I felt tired, like nothing fit me and I looked like a man with my bald head. Please do try not to look at google as it will stress you out as well as your wife. Don’t give it the satisfaction of adding extra worries to you at this time. As I write this post I am realising that perhaps my husband may have done this, and this is the reason for his reactions. Be there for her and know that if you or your wife need support there are always people on this site to share your worries with and get reassurance from. In addition your wife medical team should be able to answer any concerns or worries. They are much more experienced than Dr Google! What other members have said about looking at their life and making changes has certainly been true for me too. I don’t tend to let people treat me bad anymore, I have the confidence to say my opinion to people now rather than tell them what they want to here to make them happy or to keep the peace and I have just started an access course to go onto a nursing degree next year. If you or your wife realise things need to change from this experience, support one another through it, don’t take it personally embrace the change, as perhaps this situation needed to happen to ensure better things and for you both to realise how strong and capable you are. I had my first mammogram since diagnosis last month and it came back as no evidence of malignancy. I have not survived 20 years like some of the members on the site yet, but I have survived 14 months since diagnosis and I fully intend to survive many more, to see my grandchildren have children! I hope what I have said has helped a little. Tara
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