Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi Rubytodd I often check in on here, I feel like ive invested so much time with help needed and getting to know other ladies going through the same emotional pain.  I hadn't realised yours was calfications too.  Im so pleased for you that they have come back benign 💗   ... View more

You have me to a T Jan 💗 the lizard brain definitely takes over and I think.a course would definitely help me so im going to look at that 💗 xx ... View more

Hi,  Whoever you are, you are truly a beautiful friend and they are lucky to have you 💗 ... View more

Bless you Evie, no offence caused at all 💗 i knew what you meant! I love reading your replies  along with Jan, you both really are amazing what you do and the support is fantastic that you provide.  but half of it is getting yourself to the position you need to be in and facing those fears, im not quite ready, but im getting there slowly!  I know i will ponder over the envelope and obsess over that when it finally arrives!! Nothing is ever simple but I would rather that than be in a room full of people plus a mac millan nurse....no way, cannot do that.  Im so fearful of anything like that....it really has to be be on my terms.... Well, think you can safely say, at least im honest on here, emotions are raw and this is what its like for anyone experiencing mental torture of not knowing results from previous threads or not wanting to know and rather live in denial.   Im sure I will go through an acceptance phase once I know.   My husband said to me that they do not enjoy telling people everyday that they have cancer, they just are doing their job and getting on with it snd thst im not anything special so just go  get treatment and deal with it, easier said than done from the person who hadn't had a triple biopsy!!  Even though, I can openly talk about my feelings on here, it does feel strange talking about something you dont know if you have or not.  Its like being in a parallel universe...what journey will I be on, where it will take me etc... I will keep you posted anyway xx ... View more

Thanks Evie, yes its not the first time someone has said to me im quite open about my life and what goes on lol... I can understand the chair escape completely...like you say we all have our own way and our own path of being told, i know ive kicked up a fuss, but i wouldn't have it any other way!!  I think trying to get my head around idea of being told I have shingles, next minute possibly cancer just doesn't compute, its not quite what I had in mind!! But then no one does.  In a way i feel cheated because you cannot feel calcifications, there is no other symptom at all other than a weird prickly sensation when you touch it or clothes or bed linen touches it, it feels like a thorn which is in a completely different place to the calfications! Basically im trying to say I know my boobs well enough to know there is no lump snd the clinician couldnt feel anything either and her touch was far lighter...i use alot of tanning lotion and i knew if something wasn't right... If it turns out to be cancer, then im glad my body was giving me some kind of indication.. If it isn't and totally unrelated, it hasn't solved the prickling thorn feeling... It will be interesting what comes through the post...its a shame as I would have picked it up personally from the hospital!! No one ever thinks outside the box... but then my hubby thinks no one is as weird as me either lol...my hubby does give me a reality check as does regularly say the world does not revolve around Bluecat every day 🤣 ...  Xx ... View more

My son is sitting his 11 plus right now!! Plus i grew a pair to ring up and and apparently they did try to call me, but I didn't get any calls, my phone was stuck to me like glue!!  so not sure what happened, so the consultants secretary is putting biopsy results in writing.  I am so much happier now it will be in the post.  Just knowing I may need treatments in writing is so much easier for me to deal with rather than a person ive never met potentially saying I will need treatment... I know its not for everyone getting results this way... but for me its a huge difference to my well being. i had a cry on phone to one of the ladies i spoke too and said i truly cannot deal with this anymore, but they were already going to respond by writing i think anyway, I obviously have my file stamped red!!  I know i will be obsessing with the post but its made me feel so much calmer and better.  I know i won't be able to open the envelope straight away and I will be looking at it for ages  analysing the size and content....They had better not put any leaflets in the envelope as they will be going in the bin!!  If I am privileged to live life to the full I feel sorry for my son having to chose my nursing home!! Needless to say thats a long way off hopefully!  I am going to try and enjoy the rest of the day xx ... View more

morning Jan, thanks for the reply, I think ironically being told will be the hardest part, yes im in denial right now.   I suspect they will send me a new appointment letter.  But equally i don't care about nhs policies or procedures, this is my body, my feelings and how I receive information is up to me and i will fight back if they tell me otherwise!! My hubby thinks im blowing this out of proportion, but then he knows what im like...i will need to be sedated! but if this is how i deal with it  then so be it....If im being honest I felt like they were hounding me with all the letters and appointments and I was taking it personally, I will only play along so far.  Unless im darted with an elephant tranquilliser I really do not know how they are going to deal with me.  All I really want is just something in writing and thats it.  Im not having someone get to tell me and actually have it at the same time, thats not happening, because I will fall out with people very easily.  My hubby thinks im mad, he said im just a number they don't care and I just need the treatment and get it sorted.  Im even happy if they say its early stages and need just radiotherapy but I don't think that's going to happen, I have an awful feeling its been festering for years and its invassive, I think the prickling sensation is just a seperate issue and this is just found on the off chance.  There is no right or wrong answer about this...i am the worst patient in the world, I am one of those that will need a red sticker " please treat with caution"!!  I dont like being controlled, i know they are trying to help and could be saving my life but thst still does not help me.  Nothing helps.  Counselling, nothing will help....its how i am and always will be.  Its my sons important day and thats all that matters, he is so much braver than me.  Xx ... View more

Thanks 💗 horse and bolt sprigs to mind at the moment 😬 xx ... View more

Hey, so glad for you that is a brilliant relief for you, you can now breath a sigh of relief 💗   ... View more

Just another note to add to the worry diary 😄 ... I didn't have the best night in the world, worrying again, caved in and Dr googling which I really desperately wanted to do and wished I hadn't!!  Hopefully work will keep me occupied...I still have another 2 days before I find out my journey.  I'm trying to prepare for the worst because then it wont hit me so hard.  I'm trying to prepare for the fact that I will have chemo treatment, trying to prepare for the worst case scenario... The following day after knowing what my fait is, I will have to keep it all in as my son is taking his 11 plus...and that's been a journey in itself, we are going to our friend who also has a boy taking the 11plus and because it's been such a journey we have decided to have a bonfire and burn any revision work in the garden and say good bye to it all! Not quite sure how I will keep it all in  but for my Son's sake I will have too.   It will also be the same day as my birthday they do the test, but quite frankly that's irrelevant, but the best present I could have in this world would be to have the results come back benign...I'm praying and praying... One thing I know is that if I am diagnosed with this journey I will fight it to the end of the world as the thought of my mother in law who I detest mostly in the world having her hands on my son just will not happen 😂 I know I may laugh but on a serious note it's really is true.   I'm still not sure how I will deal with the face to face appointment...it really is flight or flight, I have visions of running away and losing my slot and delays occurring.  I've never been the best patient with having been everything stone related and having emergency operations, so this doesnt help.  Xx   ... View more

💗 thank you Shi 💗 xx ... View more

Immersing yourself into a book sounds like a good idea, sleep well as much as you can and fingers crossed for tomorrow.  Xx ... View more

I know exactly what you mean about the husbands!! Yes definitely keep yourself busy until tomorrow, gardening is meant to be very therapeutic and great for well being.   Fingers crossed and all the best, let us know how you get on.  I will definitely be up and down emotionally on here between now and Wednesday.  I think.im better off without my husband there to be honest on Wednesday, again more worried about what he thinks than me!!  Xx ... View more

Hi,  I know exactly how you feel...other than keeping yourself distracted until you are told what your results are, easier said than done!   So I do understand completely as im am feeling so sick to the stomach too.  It really is the worst emotional pain.  Sometimes I wonder if too much information can be harmful as we have all been googling im sure, but equally i was talking to my hubby this morning and in a way I wished all the team dealing with my scenario would tell me whats going on at the time and show me the calcifications on the screen, and talk me through it all...but i guess they cannot have that kind of relationship as you are in and out then the next person.   There just seems to be no right or wrong way of dealing with emotions other than eventually you will know what the results are which is inevitable.  I read some good advice on here that you dont have cancer until they tell you.  Us ladies keep punishing ourselves for something that's out of our control 💗 we think the worst, we prepare for the worst. Yes i agree Sundays are the worst for over thinking things....fears are irrational behaviour, but at least you will tomorrow exactly what the results are.  Just try to keep yoursrlf occupied as much as possible, ive just come back talking about it in Costa Coffee and chewing over worst case scenario and how I will need to shield.  My husband thinks I'm over reacting, ignorance us bliss!!  I truly have everything crossed and hope your results come back OK, am here to chat anytime 💗 xx               ... View more

Hi,  Thought i would pop by, as you can see from my posts we are all on this roller coast ride...emotions will be up and down like a constant yo yo... I'm no expert at all other than im hear to chat any time and try to keep yourself occupied with other distractions,  Im sure this is easy with 2 kids.  My only son makes up for a football team so he does keep me busy!  I'm watching a load of bubble gum TV and I cook alot to help pass time until I hear what card ive been dealt with on Wednesday which is the day before my birthday and ghe day my son sits the 11plus test 😬 so all added pressure and I will have to park my issues until my son has done his test... But try your best to occupy yourself until you definitely know what the results are.  💗 xx   ... View more

Thsnks so much Evie 💗 always kind words.  No doubt I will be on here occasionally with ups and downs but I will definitely let you know whst will happen on Wednesday.  Im booking the day off work as I won't be able to handle working plus the results on the same day. The amount of leave I've taken already...  Im.just so shocked how quick it all is happening, i guess I shouldn't be complaining because if I need surgery to save my life under current covid circumstances I should be  so grateful thst NHS sre still operating.  This is what I need to remember and remind myself.  I need to stop worrying how others feel ( as in how they will take the news) if I have been diagnosed for example and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, mortality has always been a gremlin on my shoulder since I was young for some odd reason.   My sister is the worst as she panics and I've had to be her 2nd mum.  I know my 10 year old son and hubby will be ok.  They are used to me going to hospital with stones that are stuck lol..but i will have to tell my son this is a slightly different one that will need a punch in the face 👊 😂 .  All your kind words are making me feel strong again 💗 , i feel like ive been put back to reality and hugged 😘 until next time 😂 xx   ... View more

Hi Jan, thanks for your help 💗 So I have had my biopsy and 2nd mamo, they then specifically said I would get the results within a week and get my result letter which apparently is in the post.  I rang the breast clinic on the off chance to find out what time and day they were expecting me and confirmed 4pm on the 14th.  So im shocked this has happened so quickly? I only had the biopsy Tuesday afternoon.  So im assuming they turn things around quicker with covid maybe The breast clinic was really busy on Tuesday and I couldn't believe the amount of patients in and out.   But yes I am on this ride....certainly didn't think I would be with my doctor saying its non rash shingles, im glad I pushed for a mammogram ( well glad in a twisted way!!) My gp said i was too young for a mamo!  how can you be too young!! Im assuming breast tissue being far more dense its hard to see any abnormalities on the xray perhaps ... Xx ... View more