Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi Linda and everyone I agree so much. I am back to "normal" too. I have got used to my flat chest and the cording in my arm seems to have gone. I need an eye operation next week, got a blocked tear duct after chemo. But more than anything i am just grateful to be here. Generally i have been doing fine, am back to my usual self. To be honest the idea of the cancer coming back scares me so much. I am cheerful and energetic and get on with life and work and the kids. But sometimes my knees just go to jelly when I remember this time last year when i needed a brain scan. I have joined a gym group and go twice a week and still do yoga. I think it is necessary to deal with tamoxifen side effects, also to stay strong mentally.  Is lovely to hear your news, glad to hear everyone is doing well.  Hugs Emma ... View more

Hi Carmen Thanks for your news. I feel the same, when I look back to last year with my bum thrush for Xmas and my bald head... feel normal again now. Enjoying Xmas in Spain with my family.  I definitely feel globally the cancer experience has made me stronger and i appreciate life more. I had my last her 2 positive treatment a week ago, glad to have that behind me!  I have a blocked tear duct as a side effect of docetaxel, so will need to have a scan and an operation in the new year, because my eye constantly gets all gungy and teary. But at least hopefully it will get sorted out.  Wishing everyone a merry Xmas!!! Hugs. Hope everyone is doing well.  Emma ... View more

Hi kazza I am on my last herceptins too. I am really glad to finish them. They make me feel sluggish and I am started to have minor heart damage (apparently it makes a mistake and attacks heart cells instead of cancer cells sometimes) so i am taking a little pill everyday to protect my heart. Feel like a right old granny. Sometimes i feel really fed up and all the covid psychosis doesn't help. My hospital offered regular exercise classes all through treatment and i am sure that is what kept me sane and also helped with weight. I am on tamoxifen too and was worried about weight gain but have been lucky so far. I need my exercise fixes they are addictive. I never used to exercise before the cancer just go on long walks. Do you know what kind of pills you will be on after herceptin? My oncologist is supposed to tell me next week what i will take after herceptin. She mentioned some new drugs that have digestive side effects. I used to never even take a paracetamol and had three kids without medical drugs....as long as the cancer doesn't come back fingers crossed.  My breast doesn't hurt since i had a masectomy, no reconstruction. I still have cording in my arm and armpitt but it doesn't bother me too much.  I hope you feel better when you get off the herceptin. It must be demoralising not to fit into your clothes... its tough having short unstlyable hair and low energy levels. Be kind to yourself, we've been through a lot and i find this (almost) end of treatment harder than the actual chemo.  Hugs and try to get out as much as you can, see friends....  Emma ... View more

Hello everyone! So glad your mammogram was ok York 75!!!!! Was thinking about you. And Chesterbrownbear yes we all moving on from our chemo experience... I am still having three weekly kadcyla (herceptin + targeted chemo). My last heart scan showed borderline heart damage so am on heart medication now to finish treatment.  Yay. But they say heart thing is reversible and will go back to normal. Have three more cycles to go. It makes me feel tired and a my fingers are starting to tingle. Will be glad when it is over. Don't feel abandoned though!!!  Work is ok am enjoying it. Will be able to stay working part time for as long as I want this academic year so that is good. No need to push myself.   I was upset by the anniversary of starting chemo... made me feel a bit traumatised- more than the diagnosis anniversary.  Last year i lost my hair exactly on haloween and i thought it was funny. This year we celebrated haloween with the kids and some inlaws and the memory made me feel queasy.  I think we had to act all tough to get through it all, then when its over you feel drained.... I'm ok most of the time. But then it hits me how serious it was. I still find it hard to believe i had cancer. I am so healthy, energetic and positive most of the time.  Got used to chopped off breast. Hair needs a cut!!! Has zero style at the moment.  Hugs to everyone.  Hope you all well!!! ... View more

Hello York Sorry to hear you have had pain and discomfort in breast before your first check up. Sending hugs and hope the days pass quickly and you get it seen to as soon as possible. You seemed to be doing great. So glad you managed to travel and see your family. After all we went through last year it is so important to see loved ones.  I am back to work part time. Its going ok, I'm happy to see my students and don't feel tired at all. But everyone says take it easy, don't push yourself etc so I feel really ok about going back.  Still trying to keep all my keep fit stuff going, can't go to the hospital group as often but manage from time to time. It boosts my mood no end!  Had my hair cut even though it was short, so now i can style it and with make up and ear rings i get lots of compliments.  That is nice to feel feminine again, after my cancer make over My tendon in my operated arm still hurts if i stretch my arm out. Its quite unpleasant.  I thought it would get better but no amount of stretching or swimming makes any difference.  Something i will just have to put up with I suppose.   Hugs to everyone, especially York. Let us know how it goes. xxxx   ... View more

Hello Carmen, so glad you are settling i  your new house by the sea, lucky you! I suppose its normal to get emotional when you realise a whole year has gone past and you remember traumatic moments. I was diagnosed late August. The aspirin trial sounds good, i hope it works, would make a change for cheap drugs to help us instead of the extortionate medicines that we luckily get thanks to our social security systems.  I am having an amazing summer to be honest.... went up to Perpignan for HER2 treatment and made the most of it by staying a couple of days each time. Chemo tourism! I even managed to go and protest against the segregation according to vaccine status that is shockingly being put into place in France. So chemo activism too.  Had a brilliant time in Naples, I really felt i deserved to indulge and enjoy myself!! The kids stayed with granny... i would never have done that before the cancer but now i have changed into a selfish mum ha ha ha. Put myself first a bit more 🙂 And its great.  I had an awful haircut in Naples though, its short on the sides and spiky on top. If i can be bothered to put make up and wear nice ear rings its not too bad. Avoiding looking in the mirror...  Hugs to everyone.  Hope you are all well and having a lovely summer.    ... View more

Hello Linda, that's great news, i hope we have no more scares for a while now. The emotional roller coaster is exhausting. At least the nurses were nice and sympathetic to you. It's obvious we can't go around with unchecked lumps in our bodies. Now you can enjoy the rest of the summer, definitely earnt it.  Chesterbrownbear hope this new medicine will be kinder to you, hopefully no side effects at all... do you try to walk or exercise to help with the tiredness?  I have cystitis, haven't had it for years, not even under chemo. So having to rest and let the antibiotics kick in, which is the last thing i want to be doing ha ha. Luckily the kids are with my mum so i can rest properly and so can my partner, who never really gets a mention, he is really great he looked after the kids and did everything in the house so he deserves a break too. I suppose it is like a marathon this whole treatment/experience. I usually spend summer here in Spain and i am so glad to be able to do kadcyla treatment near the border i don't mind the 300 km drive. I just hope my cystitis clears up fast because i am supposed to go up soon. I like the heat i wait for this weather all year.  York75 so sorry you couldn't visit your mum. That just isn't fair. Plus you all had your covid injections ages ago. I don't understand it. It's really tough having close family you are not allowed to see. I saw my sister for the first time in two years, her 1 year old baby, was so happy!!! I feel upset for you. Its great you have a little place by the sea though!!! Sounds lovely.   I still don't feel comfortable letting people see my short hair, unless i wear lots of make up to compensate for the masculine effect.  Hugs everyone     ... View more

Hi Linda! That does sound like a palaver to get an appointment.  You would think it would be more straightforward once you are in the system and have been through all the treatment.  Its tough having to wait when you are worried and you need to get it seen to. Will you have a mammogram on Wednesday? I had a six hour return journey for treatment today. I am staying in Spain and my oncologist arranged for me to have Heceptin in the south of France, near the border. Was amazingly nice of my oncologist. I had to drive up just to see the new oncologist before treatment, but where I live in France is so far it would have taken me all day to drive there!! In the new centre in the south of France they told me they almost never accept "chemo turism" !.  I'm just so happy to see my family and chill and go to the beach.  With my lovely masectomy bikini.  Lydia is my little girl and Um or Im means "mother of" in arabic. I'm not arab but i lived in the middle east years ago. I like arabic culture.   I can understand my friends being tired of hearing about cancer. I am tired of talking about cancer. Its true we have the chance it will come back hanging over our heads. Luckily the oncologists do everything they can to prevent that. Which is why i am driving hundreds of km today so i can get my targeted therapy injections....  Hugs for Wednesday.    ... View more

Hello Naj Did you manage to get an appointment for a mammogram? I hope they will get it looked at as soon as possible.  The waiting is very hard. Since we already had a period of waiting and it turned out to be bad news at the beginning nobody can say anything that will take away the worry until you get it seen to.  I found friends had run out of sympathy and support when i was  finishing treatment but kept having false alarms. Plus its not novel anymore. You just want to turn the page and get on with your life.  I hope you will get that dog. Do whatever makes you feel good. You deserve it and the dog will have a lovely home.  Carmen your neighbours sound so lovely!! Its great you are back to work. What do you do at the wedding? Sounds glamorous.  I'm really happy i am seeing my sister for the first time in two years. Hugs to everyone.  Emma ... View more

Naj i don't think we can be like before.  We still have physical side effects from treatment and psychological effects from all we have been through. I think it changes us and you are amazing you are booking all the camping holidays and living life to the full despite the fear the cancer will come back and the tiredness. Maybe it can help us live an even fuller life. We have been living in the present so much taking each day as it came during treatment. I feel emotionally fragile, up and down, somtimes full of energy even a bit manic after the relief of not having secondary cancer, sometimes really drained and empty. I get aches in my legs and a dull tiredness that is very unpleasant, must be tamoxifen side effects kicking in...I'm worried about going back to work, especially in one music school where i teach the director is not supportive and he is trying to give my job to someone else (his wife!!!) . Its hard coping with extra stuff. I'm fine as long as i can do my own thing and exercise. But being in the real world and running around, being in charge of other people seems too much. I feel i will just start crying! Which is so not like me... at first i will go back part time, in France there is this gradual back to work scheme after a long illness. I don't think i could cope going back full time anyway.  Luckily have the whole summer to look forward to before all that.   I bought myself a special swimming prothesis, then i can go to the beach in my bikini with fake booby, and put other prothesis in a special top so i can change on the beach without swapping prosthesis! The beach logistics of breast cancer survivors. Spending so much money on special bras and swimwear but I think its worth it to feel confident. Also will have to give up my headscarfs and accept my hair is very very short! Not easy accepting new image in public. At least i can wear make up now, my eye doesn't systematically get all gungy every time. And all the keep fit classes are paying off, in some ways i feel fitter than before having cancer which is ironic.  Chesterbrownbear hope the meeting with oncologist went well. Hope he can help you with side effects. Its such a pain having to put up with them.  Good luck for your mammogram Naj.  Enjoy the summer everyone ... View more

Hello everyone  Carmen your new home looks so lovely. So happy for you. Will you take part in the aspirin trial?  Chesterbrownbear i hope your oncologist can help with the Letrozole side effects. I am on Tamoxifen. I felt fine for the first six weeks. Suddenly i have been feeling tired and achy in my legs. Seemed too good to be true to have no side effects... will try to keep up with regular exercise i am sure that will help.  I am so happy next week the kids and my partner will be on holiday and we will spend summer in Spain, which is where i grew up. I booked a week away with just my partner, leaving the children with my mum. Indulgence i feel is well deserved. We are going to Naples!! Exciting.  I had to have a mammogram last Thursday because i felt a small bump on my right breast. Was worried it was going to mess up my summer plans. Luckily just a cyst.  Hope everyone has plans for a great summer after a very strange covid/cancer year. We deserve to indulge as much as we possibly can!!! I am still wearing my headscarves i don't like how i look with very short hair. Will give it  a few more weeks.... ar least it is growing nice and thick.  I find it harder adapting to new short hair reality than i did actually losing my hair.  Will go back to work part time in September.  Hugs to eveyone.  ... View more

Thanks Evie. That is so helpful to know it is possible to have a successful reconstruction. I worry a lot about the possible things that could go wrong and even feel a bit guilty to think of putting myself through more surgery etc when I could just accept my body as it is.  But my surgeon is lovely and he made me feel that if I do want to have a symmetrical body again it is possible. He also said to think about the positive side, not just the negative.  I am small breasted too. I will ask to see photos of reconstructions.  Thanks a lot.  Emma   ... View more

Thanks so much Evie. Do you feel like you have a foreign object in your body? Like if you lie on your stomach can you feel it?  Does your skin around the implant feel tight or uncomfortable sometimes?   My implant would have to go under the pectoral muscle, is yours like that?  It is such a difficult decision thanks so much for your support.  Emma ... View more

Thanks DJD for sharing your experience. My first reaction was exactly the same as yours. I can accept my body and just wear a prothesis. My surgeon told me to focus on getting better, I still have months of targeted therapy ahead. But he made me feel it might be possible to have a reconstruction and a new symmetrical body again. Until then I had only seen all the risks and extra trauma.  I feel really confused, luckily I don't have any decisions to make for a while. But i thought it would be good to hear other reconstruction experiences, especially the dorsal flap.  Am going to see prothesist this week and also get a bikini and special bra. It's all still very new.      ... View more

Hi NAJ you made me smile with your card. Good to hear you feeling better. Sounds like great fun with the bikers and the camping.  You know all the water carrying and weeding is improving your chances of survival. The more active we are the less chances of it coming back. They say that anyway.  Had a busy day. Saw my oncologist. She said when I finish targeted therapy in November  for HER2 they might put me on  a newly approved drug to continue HER 2 treatment (a pill a day on top of Tamoxifen). I asked if she knew what chances I had of recurrence. She said between 10 and 20%. She said VERY brightly that if I have any worrying symptoms they will do a PET scan.  Then I saw my surgeon. Chuffed because I have a prescription for a silicone prothesis. See how it goes on the beach this summer. At least I will get to a beach. I need to get a masectomy bikini when I go to get the prothesis.  I can't believe my brain is capable of feeling pleased to replace a foam breast with a silicone breast prothesis.  We already had half term here but it coincided with radiotherapy so I didn't do anything. Looking forward to summer holidays now!!  Chesterbrownbear I agree people think we are fine because we look ok. The doctors know it is tough for us and we put brave faces on. It takes time to get back to how we were. If we ever do. Not sure for me. Going to try and enjoy the summer cos I'm supposed to start work in September.  ... View more

Hi NAJ Hormone therapy has so many side effects maybe feeling out of breath is one of them. Could you check with your oncologist?  Your GP sounds lovely. Hope you have your blood test and x-ray soon.  You are already doing breathing exercises, keep doing that. Can you ask for any kind of counselling to help process what you have been through? In my cancer hospital I had a few consultations with a psychologist which were very helpful (mainly to deal with the masectomy but I ended up talking about other things). I know I can get in touch and see her if I need to again.  Also had free sophrology lessons that helped when times were tough.  I felt I had psychological support not just the cancer treatment and it was very helpful.  In the UK there are associations to support cancer patients, maybe would be good to get in touch... going through all of this with covid on top has been harder than we realise, probably.  I hope you have a great time away camping!! See how you feel there.  The other day I needed a gynaecological exam at the cancer hospital(to check everything ok before starting tamoxifen). The doctor said my heart beat was irregular (he could hear on the Dopler scan thing like for a baby heart). So I got sent to nurse for quick cardiograph. Then they called down the anaesthetist to check the results. I was supposed to go to one my keep fit group walks, and was like: please can you get a move on?? I'm going to be late for my walk (very politely!). I must say I was very impressed how careful they were, but apparently the HER2 positive injections I still have every three weeks are cardiotoxic. I forgot about it and went on my walk but yesterday got a phone call from a cardiologist to talk about the irregular beat. Arghhhhh. They already do a heart scan every three months to check heart and I feel fine so I am not worried. Still enjoying my keep fit classes. They are group classes so have got to know other cancer patients and that has been SOOOO helpful. I definetely feel more tired, like the spark has gone out of me, and a bit sad. The keep fit classes have been a life line for me.  I would definetely say try to reach out and get some support for cancer patients NAJ if there is some in your area. We can't handle all of this alone no matter how tough we are. I know you are tough but sometimes we fall harder.  Hugs     ... View more

Carmen That sounds incredible!! So happy for you! My mum's family is from Bexhill on Sea I have never been there but she always talks about how beautiful it is. I agree with NAJ- what could be better?. Brilliant news ... View more

York 75 Ahhhh your hair looks great! Very modern and stylish and young! Can see you finished chemo before us. Hope I look ok in time for swimming.  I gave up alcohol when I had my diagnosis in August. I used to love a drink, to be honest i drank too much especially during the first lockdown. After all my body has been through I think it's better not to add more toxins... . Also the fact we need the tamoxifen makes me really feel I should stay away from it, apparently our bodies produce estrogen or something like that to metabolise alcohol. I feel a bit like an ex-alcoholic with this all or nothing approach. My partner drinks wine at every single meal so there is a lot of temptation!! I got used to all my keep fit classes, I won't be able to go so often now I have finished radiotherapy. Will have to find an alternative because they made me feel great!. Apparently exercise is good for the side effects of tamoxifen... Will see how it goes tomorrow Hugs ... View more

Hello Carmen That sounds absolutely amazing and inspiring !!! You must be over the moon. If there is just one good thing to come out of our breast cancer let it be living our lives by our hearts as much as possible!! Wow a beautiful house by the sea after living in London for years. Sounds idyllic. How tough can life be to have to face cancer going through a divorce... then come through and make your dreams come true. I admire you!!!. I hope you get the house!!!!  York 75 would have loved to see the photo of you and your daughter. Sounds like you are doing good. I have my three weekly herceptin with a bit of chemotherapy thrown in (called Kadcycla or TDM1) because I still had residual cancer after neoadjuvant chemo.  I should have started Tamoxifen yesterday but decided to give myself a weekend between end of radiotherapy (Friday last one)  and beginning hormone treatment. I won't grumble about possible side effects since I am still feeling in a state of grace to actually have 5 years to take it.  Lovely to hear your news.   photo is me in a crowd yesterday, at a protest against the cultural lockdown in France, there is a song that has become kind of the resistance anthem in France  and the singer came to perform live which coincided with the end of my treatment so I was chuffed to be there and dance.  ... View more