@Guest user , @Bellis Coldwine , @Susanmanchester , @delly Hello all Your messages touched a cord with me. Totally understand all the comments. At my last check up and first check since the ending of my treatment, I felt I relived part of that beginning journey....the anxiety of cancer returning when I didn't feel mentally ready to cope with it again. Thankfully all was good. I'm sure, however calm I think and try to be, my next appointment (looming) will make the same anxieties/worries resurface. I do sometimes wonder why......why were we so unlucky..... but something keeps me going on. I had a long 'numb' period which sounds pretty much where you are both at Poppy and susanmanchester. It takes time. I try to focus on doing something nice for myself or making sure I am doing things that I enjoy. Ultimately I have taken the approach, the only person who can help me is myself and if I make myself feel good, whether it be reading an engrossing story, watching a film,doing something that makes me laugh, doing yoga or sport or walking and enjoying the nature, then I make something inside me much stronger and this helps to keep carrying me along. There are many wonderful things around us but sometimes we get a bit lost in ourselves and find it hard to see these wonders. I am trying hard to convince myself that the six monthly checks are a positive thing because they ensure cancer is kept away and ensure I stay healthy and therefore I should welcome them rather than fear them. Let's see how much I have managed to convince/brainwash myself when I have my next check. big hugs to all....... it's good to share - Poppy you said you are unable to with friends and family.....use your. Breastcancernow family instead to share - we are here for you as you are also here for us! Eglis
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