Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hello everyone, just wanted to come on here and say happy new year to you all! Still think of you all so often. How is everyone? @Rainbow70 Sorry to hear that you’ve had the shock of the gene test results to deal with. I can relate completely as I also tested positive for a genetic mutation - not BRCA2 but a lesser known one, PALB2. I haven’t yet told my daughters but realise that I will have to do so soon as my oldest is now 16. It was a big shock and still something I find difficult but also - as you said - good to know so that you can address it. I have also been referred for ovary removal but - and I know this sounds ridiculous - just haven’t been able to get hold of the secretary to make an appointment. That said, I stopped trying in the middle of the year as I was referred for some kidney investigations after blood test results. I figure I can only really worry about one thing at a time! Kidney scan was all fine thankfully so maybe now I’ll get back on the case with the gynaecologist. Have you scheduled a date for surgery? @Kaz11 I think you were also thinking of future surgery. How are you getting on? To your question about tiredness - yes yes and yes. How much of this would be normal (age/menopause etc) I don’t know, but I definitely feel wearier than before treatment. Still anxious about every little twinge/cough/niggle though have generally felt pretty good as the year went on. More energy and able to run a bit further (still very very slow). I realise looking back that this time last year I threw myself back into work a bit too heavily - a great distraction and it was lovely to be back in the thick of it, people were very kind and welcoming. I think this year I need to try and find better balance.  @Gelbel how are you doing? How has retirement been so far? I hope you’re doing ok after losing your mum.  Anyway, lovelies, sending hugs out to you all and hope everyone is doing as well as possible.  TG xxx  ... View more

Hello lovely ladies, Have been thinking of you all a lot and wondering how everyone is. @Gelbel I’m so so sorry to hear about your mum. Words always fail me in these sorts of situations - nothing anyone can say makes it any better. But I’m sending you a big virtual hug. Good news re your husband’s appointment and 👏👏 for getting that sorted, as well as being such an attentive ex! 😂 Hope you got the work issues sorted and CONGRATULATIONS on finishing!! What next? Just got back from a big holiday. My older daughter was on a music trip with school in Spain so we travelled out to go to a couple of the concerts and then spent some time in Madrid, on the coast and in South of France. Felt completely surreal to be away after so long - what with covid, cancer etc we haven’t been out of the country for three years. It was amazing, and I keep catching myself and thinking “but this time last year..” and can’t quite get my head round it all. I just went through the anniversary of my surgery and life is so very different now. I feel mostly really well although every niggle/cough/ache/pain/twinge sends me spiralling. I’m seeing my oncologist next week, that six months has rolled round really quick. Not sure what he’ll do, maybe blood tests. Saw my lovely surgeon in June - I pulled forward my check up just because I felt it was such a long time between visits. I think I’m also meant to see the dermatologist to follow up after the melanoma but figured I better wait until my suntan has faded … ! Found the news about Olivia Newton John so upsetting and also Dame Debs, both such amazing strong inspiring ladies - very humbling. Apple news has definitely worked out I’m a hypochondriac and keeps promoting stories about people who thought they had a cold then found out they had terminal cancer - I really have to be careful on social media and so on.  Hair is completely out of control - still quite curly, just below my ears now. Mostly I love it and think I’ll keep it short now. Been trying to keep fit - I did the couch to 5k but tbh still find running hard and can’t get beyond 30mins / 4K (yes very very slow). But gym is good and still loving yoga, I found a great class locally which is brilliant. Also been swimming a bit and whenever I get in the pool I think of you @Gelbel and @CrazyCatLady because you talked a lot about swimming last summer when it was hot. Also trying to be careful with diet / alcohol (though holiday made that hard!) - but I guess mostly I just want to do whatever I can to stay well. How are you all getting on with this kind of thing? Anyway really just wanted to say hello and let you know @Gelbel that I was thinking of you. Hope everyone is well and happy and sending big hugs to you all. TG xxx  ... View more

Morning lovely ladies, Can’t believe it’s March already. This time last year I think I was about five weeks into chemo and had just had my first really bad tangle with side effects. Sometimes I have to stop what I’m doing and think “yes that did actually happen” - not just cancer but covid - because in most ways life feels very normal. It was lovely catching up with all your news below and so happy that everyone is moving along the path albeit all the aches/pains/anxieties described are very familiar so I send you all a huge hug. I too am hobbling around like a 90 year old every time I get up from a chair! I seem to go through phases of worrying (“is that a headache?” “Am I breathless” etc) but I keep remembering what my lovely oncologist said to be on the lookout for anything persistent and worsening not every little twinge and to be honest being very busy at work is a good distraction albeit still very tiring. @hopeful1974 I really hope you’re feeling better after your op. I too am headed towards ovary removal because of the genetic thing. I haven’t yet booked the appointment but have been referred to a gynae to start the process. I probably need to get on with it but wanted to wait until after Easter - hoping to get down to Cornwall (finally!!), really can’t wait to see the sea. @CrazyCatLady it’s good to hear that your daughter now has an official diagnosis and I wonder how your return to work is going? I do hope you’re taking it easy. @Gelbel sorry to hear about the cording, it’s so frustrating isn’t it when you’ve put all that effort into recovering fitness and strength only to be walloped by something new. I had that with my foot though thankfully it’s healed up ok, and I’m running again but still nowhere near pre-cancer fitness levels. @Leftygurl fingers crossed your op date comes through soon if not already and so glad to hear this will get sorted out. What an ordeal you went through - on top of everything else! @Kaz11 I’m with you on the hair! Mine went full on Barbara Cartland bouffant curls. Had a trim last week and it’s neater but almost identical style to my fifteen year old nephew 😂. Still, delighted to have hair of any kind. I was interested in what you said about hybrid working. I’m averaging two days in and the rest from home and it works ok. I’m not meant to be full time but I kind of am. I do like the days in town seeing colleagues though I definitely get less done. I guess it will keep changing anyhow. Speaking of work, I better get going or I’ll be late. What glorious weather - it reminded me of one of you last year referring to a “strange yellow thing in the sky” which made me laugh. Sunshine does make all the difference. Big hugs to you all and would love to hear how you are. Tg xxx  ... View more

Morning ladies, Been thinking about you all - how are you? Hope everyone had a good Christmas - I was pleased to see 2022 arrive and fingers crossed it brings better times for us all. I’m back at work 3/4 days a week now mostly still from home but will be going into the office more as time goes on. The first couple of weeks were completely exhausting - I literally felt like I’d been hit over the head! But it’s getting better and so nice to be doing something as “normal” as being at work. I had another chunk of skin removed from my foot last week so I’m hobbling around in a bandage - weirdly this has been way more painful than my double mastectomy! It’s frustrating not to be able to get out for a run or a walk but hopefully it will heal up ok. Anyway I just wanted to say hello and see how everyone is. I hope you’re all ok and that the year has got off to a good start for all. Big hugs Tg xxx ... View more

Hello lovely ladies. Well here we are, Xmas eve, I almost can’t believe it. And just to top off this dramatic year I got the results back yesterday from my mole removal and it was “melanoma in situ”, I almost fell off my chair and then the lovely doctor explained that it was “pre cancerous” (the name is a bit misleading then I guess!) and non invasive. I have to go back and have a wider margin of skin removed in the new year but she said that hopefully should be it in terms of treatment. Can’t really process it. But thank god I got it removed. Still no results from my dexa scan or blood tests so I’m putting my anxiety about those in a box over Christmas and I’ll contact Dr Oncology in the new year. Perhaps he would have called if anything especially bad showed up. In other news, been building up work and quite a nice time to do it in the run up to Xmas as everyone else was winding down! I’m actually quite looking forward to working more in the new year. I hope I can keep some balance though, want to have time for walking/running and time to breathe. @Gelbel you did make me laugh with the Barack Obama reference. My hair is getting quite bushy and stands up on end in a way that reminds me of Freddie Mercury! But a couple of kind colleagues said it was more Olivia Coleman (on a good day). Either way, it’s just nice to have hair again so I’m not complaining. Anyway ladies, really I just wanted to say an enormous thank you to you all for your lovely friendship and support this year. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you and the support from this forum. I wish you all a merry, peaceful, stress-free, anxiety-free, cozy and calm Christmas filled only with people who make you feel fabulous and lots of lovely grub (and maybe a few glasses of something chilled and sparkling). Big hugs to you all. Tg xxx  ... View more

Lovely ladies, Reading your posts today is just what I need!! I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps - older daughter has got covid and been quite poorly with it, and the timing is so rotten as she was due to be in a school play this week which she’s been working so hard on and was really excited about, also (very selfishly) I couldn’t wait to see her perform because I thought it would be a lovely thing at the end of a pretty grotty year. And I TOTALLY agree with what you said @Gelbel about celebs, in fact I think it can be quite dangerous for any one person to promote a “this is what ladies with breast cancer do and don’t want” view because if we’ve learned anything it’s that we are all different and react differently to each step of this journey so it’s not helpful to have anyone making assumptions. Ggggrrrr. And @Kaz11 I’m afraid I’ve been feeling a bit the same lately about those who seem to be sailing through life without a bump - I know I shouldn’t, and I know that things aren’t always what they seem and everyone has cr*p to deal with but I’m having to really steer clear of certain people and social media etc so I don’t get too triggered otherwise I’ll turn into a nasty person with no friends!! So I don’t think you need to shake yourself out of a slump, or at least - if you do then so do I!! So once again, this forum is a lifeline - reassuring me that I’m not alone and I’m not going mad. Wish we lived closer so we could all go out for a coffee or glass of wine together and put the world to rights!! In other news, I had my appointment with Dr Oncology. He didn’t try to ditch me but threatened to dump me after next appointment in three months. Also I’ve got to have a bone scan (dexa scan?? Has anyone had one?) and full blood tests - I think this is all about menopause as I asked him about bisphosphonates. And he has also referred me to get the dodgy mole removed. He didn’t seem too alarmed but just said better to get it removed rather than worry about it, and thankfully means I didn’t have to negotiate a GP appointment. So I’m a bit anxious about the scan and getting all these results back etc. But anxiety seems somewhat normal now and I’m not dwelling on it too much. @CrazyCatLady I really love the washing line analogy! That really works for me. Good luck with heart MRI and good to hear that the tamoxifen so far isn’t too problematic. I hope your dad is better and that your daughter is doing ok - is Alicia your daughters name? It’s a beautiful name. @Gelbel glad to hear you’ve had the infusion with hopefully no side effects, that’s great. Interesting about the moving on course, again just shows how different everyone’s experience is. Heart attack during rads!! Crikey, I think I got off pretty lightly with rads - didn’t get sore skin and certainly nothing as dramatic as that! Whilst I’m not glad to hear that everyone is still feeling tired, I am reassured that we’re all in the same boat. I mentioned it to Dr Onc, he said six months after treatment ends is probably when you start to turn a corner. I struck up a chat with another of his patients in the waiting room, on a similar sort of timeline to me though looks as though she may not have had chemo as has lovely bobbed hair (not a wig) and we were both agreeing how knackered we felt. I’ve started seeing an acupuncturist, hoping it will help with all the joint aches and so on. I’m doing a bit more work wise now - probably averaging 3-4 hours each day most days. It’s been good actually, just getting back up to speed slowly with my team, nothing too stressful yet. Haven’t quite worked out how to manage things in Jan. Covid situation makes me anxious about being in office loads and anyway I haven’t the energy to go in full five days a week yet.  Anyway I hope everyone’s various appointments and milestones/anniversaries go as smoothly as possible. @Kaz11 it sounds v sensible to put off any decisions about further surgery for a few months - I’m sure things will feel very different for us all come the spring once all the anniversaries are in the rear view mirror and the weather is getting better etc. For now, I mainly just want to hunker down with a cuppa and a chocolate digestive (or 3). Same thing on the waistline, but December isn’t a good time to worry too much about it. We all deserve a merry Christmas and will resolve to keep all the new healthy habits going in Jan. @Leftygurl @Rainbow70 @hopeful1974 I hope you all doing ok. Sending big hugs to you all. Tg xxx    ... View more

Hi lovelies @Rainbow70 I’m so so sorry to hear about your step dad. Sounds like it must have been a huge shock. And after the year you’ve had too. Big big hugs to you. Xxx Thanks ladies for all the kind words re my tests and so on. Good news - the biopsy was clear. It was fat necrosis and some mild inflammation so the advice I’ve been given is just to let it be and it should clear up. I saw my radiotherapy consultant this week and he was happy with my progress so far, in fact he said he didn’t need to see me again but I accused him of trying to break up with me 😂 so he relented and said he’d check me again in three months. It’s just that he does a proper clinical examination - feels all my glands etc - and I find it really reassuring. Next stop is my oncologist on Monday. I’m anxious about this one as not sure what happens next in terms of tests/scans and of course I’m going to mention this mole and am sure that it will trigger a whole new wave of appointments/tests/investigations. I’m absolutely braced for it. Anyway, I guess I’ve dealt with everything else that’s been thrown my way this year, like we all have, so only way forward is one day at a time! Oh and I had to be referred to the physio for a lymphedema assessment - I’m getting a compression sleeve and have to do manual drainage. It’s not too bad just a bit of an achey arm from time to time but wanted to get it checked out and hopefully nip it in the bud/stop it from getting any worse. @Leftygurl I’ve been thinking the same about hair growth! Mine seemed to grow really fast (and bushy!) to begin with but now seems to have stalled. And same re eyebrows/eyelashes - I’d noticed that they seemed thinner again. Useful to know re cycles. I keep hearing amazing things about Revitalash and haven’t tried it yet so perhaps should give it a go. Good luck with your plastic surgeon appointment and keep your eyes on that holiday - it sounds amazing, such a well deserved treat to look forward to. @CrazyCatLady sorry to hear about your dad, hope he’s well and truly on the mend from covid and that his treatment is going smoothly. It sounds like you’re finding the CBT helpful? I’ve also been a massive worrier all my life and finding it hard to figure out how to move forward without constantly stressing about recurrence. I’m seeing my counsellor in a couple of weeks. I can feel myself building up for a massive download when I see her!! But I think it’s what I need - going through treatment I think I kind of bottled everything up and didn’t give myself too much time to think. I’ve been doing more work over the last couple of weeks, easing back in with some team meetings and 1:1s etc and it’s good, distracting, though I get really really tired. Is that still normal? I keep thinking I’m nearly five months post chemo, three and a half since surgery and two months since rads finished, I should be feeling more like my old self but I’m still shattered!!! I just finished week 5 of the couch to 5k today, then went for a walk with a friend and now I’m shuffling round like an old lady with a stiff hip and a sore foot - what a mess 😂! Anyway, 👏 on keeping going with the swimming - so much harder at this time of year, and I’m sorry to hear about your hubby’s hypertension but the cross trainer sounds like a great idea. I’d definitely get one if we had room for it.  @Kaz11 your appointment sounds like it was reassuring and great news re clear mammogram. Well done for getting through that and your anniversary. Good luck for your next appointment too. Unbelievable that you’re getting gripes from people at work - it’s quite staggering how some people react to this whole situation isn’t it? Are you finding work a bit easier energy-wise now or still tough? I reckon I’m doing about 50% of a normal week at the moment but it’s exhausting, and I’m slower than I was. Almost like having to learn how to do normal things all over again. Anyway, big hugs to you and hope you’re doing ok. @Gelbel great news about your follow up letter and how great that your consultant is sensitive to the impact the meds were having on your lifestyle. I hope you’re feeling a lot better now off the tablets. So glad it’s the weekend and can put my feet up this evening. I hope you all have as restful or as energetic a weekend as you need/want - I’ll be mainly on the sofa, but perhaps a bit of mincemeat making as it’s “stir up” Sunday. Not quite feeling festive but maybe once I get through my next doc appointment 🤞. big hugs to you all Tg xxx  ... View more

Hello ladies @Rainbow70 thanks for your very lovely words - and also good to know I’m not the only one tumbling over and amusing the family 😉. How did you find yesterday’s anniversary? Another milestone, and look how far you’ve come, how far we’ve all come. I totally agree with what you said about being a different person. @Kaz11 how did you get on at your appointment? Hoping all ok and that you’ve had a good week. Back to the doc yesterday for my follow up and this time ended up having a biopsy of this little lump on top of my implant. The needle biopsy didn’t show anything nasty so now waiting for the core results next week but hoping hoping hoping that it is what they seem to think - some sort of scarring or fat necrosis. Same doctors, same scan room and exactly nine months to the day since my very first appointment and diagnosis so I felt I was reliving the whole thing too. Except that I know them all now and the place feels familiar rather than terrifying. I feel a bit more reassured now and also glad that the needle didn’t puncture my new boob!! However, seems to be that we skip from one worry to the next. Having my lovely reflexology appointment last week and the lady who does it commented that a mole on my foot was very dry so suggested I get it checked out. She said her husband (who had chemotherapy) also had dry moles and sunspots after treatment and went to get them all checked when he finished and all fine but obviously this sent me off on a bit of a tailspin. Has anyone had anything similar? It’s so flipping difficult to get a GP appointment these days I’m wondering whether best to mention it to my onc when I see him in two weeks as he also is a skin specialist. Anyway although I didn’t really want anything else to worry about, I’m trying not to obsess too much as I’ve had the mole for ages. Went into work on Tuesday for first time and was really lovely to see everyone - tired after a full day of chatting but enjoyed it. Everyone being v supportive about not racing back/taking time to ease in etc. Im starting to pick up a few more regular bits of work now which I thought might be better than a cliff edge in January but doing it as and when and a bit below the radar so as not to get overwhelmed. @CrazyCatLady are you still signed off for now too? Went to a fireworks display last night - so lovely to do something so normal and fab to see the kids having fun. Luckily while I was in hospital yesterday I managed to get my third covid jab so that’s a bit of extra reassurance too. I hope everyone is fine and that you’ve all had good weeks, and here’s to a lovely peaceful (worry-free 🤞🤞🤞) weekend. Tg xxx ... View more

Hello lovely ladies  Wow so much to catch up on here and it’s really fab to hear from you @Leftygurl - so glad that your wound has mended and just amazing to hear about your epic climb. @hopeful1974 YOU DID IT!!! 👏👏👏 well done and massive hugs to you. What a lovely photo too - big beaming smile. So happy to hear they have reassured you re need for scan/stage etc that all sounds so positive. Hope the sfx aren’t too bad after the last round. @Gelbel your holiday sounds brilliant, just what you needed I’ll bet - sun, rest, nice grub etc. And great news re infusions, so happy for you not to have to keep on with the tablets. @CrazyCatLady really sorry to hear that you had difficulties with the first rads sessions - is all done now? And how have you been feeling? Also hope your daughter is doing ok. @Kaz11 sending you big hugs for your appointment on 2nd. Let us know how you get on. I’m twitching too this week as I go back on Friday to have this lump looked at again. I’ve been trying hard not to fiddle with it but from what I can tell it hasn’t got any smaller so I’m anxious that it’ll need a biopsy then more worried waiting and I can easily spiral and imagine being told “bad news”. Doesn’t help that it will be exactly nine months since my original diagnosis - also a Friday, also the 5th of the month, I know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything but it will add to my worry. As I said before, trying to take some comfort from the fact that three doctors said they weren’t particularly worried about me but I was sort of hoping it might just vanish! By the way, I was nodding my head reading what you said about nurses not being as attentive - when I went in last time I could see them all rushing about being busy and wanted to stop and chat to them as came to feel really close to some of them during chemo so it did feel strange to see them looking after other people!! And I think maybe they didn’t recognise me with new (curly!) hair. It made me realise how much they really go out of their way to care for chemo patients who need a lot of reassurance. @Rainbow70 - totally with you on the friends thing. Some of my friends have been amazing and some of my colleagues (relatively new job) have come to be really good friends through this process. But one of my oldest friends (25+ years) has just been absolutely absent throughout this. I’ve had three texts from her since Feb when I told her about my diagnosis. And all along the “hope you’re doing ok” lines rather than actually acknowledging that no I’m not ok I feel pretty rubbish actually. I don’t want to sever ties but I honestly feel like I don’t want to see her or that seeing her would be really awkward. This particular friend is very active on social media (I’m not) and I wonder whether she thinks that because I’m not all over Facebook with my updates etc then I must just want to be left alone. But what I have really appreciated this year is those messages from people here and there just saying - hey, thinking of you, do you need anything, here’s something you might enjoy watching on Netflix, no need to reply, sending hugs etc etc. And not taking my lack of response as a sign that I didn’t want to hear from them, texting again even if they hadn’t heard back from me. Just knowing people hadn’t forgotten about me was really touching. Anyway, I know all of us have had various interactions with friends/colleagues etc that have been hurtful in one way or another and it comforts me to read your updates on this topic - once again, good to know I’m not alone. In other news, the holiday was fab. We were right on the coast near the new forest - did day trip to Isle of Wight (gorgeous), lots of walks, breadmaking course. And I managed to fall in a stream (up to my neck!) on first day in the forest, haven’t seen the kids laugh so much all year. I’m still going with the C25K, one more run of week 3 to do but I also manage a couple of longer runs whilst away. It’s tough going but I think the aches and pains are easing a bit and sea air definitely helped me sleep better. On the subject of questions for doctors - I've got three appointments in Nov so need to get prepared. Reading all your messages I definitely need to ask about follow up scans and bone medication as nobody has said anything to me about that. Anyway, just lovely to read all your posts and see everyone doing so well. Big hugs to you all. I would say “have a relaxing weekend” but what with all the C25K-ing and mountain climbing, doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of relaxing going on these days 😉. Tg xxx  ... View more

Hello lovelies, So nice to catch up with everyone’s posts this morning. Where to start?! @Gelbel brilliant that you’ve finally got that appointment sorted and I really hope that your holiday is/has been amazing (if you’re reading this afterwards). I was also encouraged by the wine story - I had one small glass of red wine last Friday and yuck. A beer went down reasonably well last night. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to dive back into the kind of drinking I was used to before cancer and my oncologist has said “consider alcohol a TREAT!” - but the thought of not being able to enjoy a nice glass of wine again was a bit depressing so hopefully the taste will come back. @CrazyCatLady how are you getting on with rads? My mum suggested I use cabbage leaves too as a friend of hers had done it - I did try it a few times but then got a bit worried thinking would it still do any good as I don’t really have breast tissue any more so I asked the rads team and this lovely young girl looked at me like I was bonkers - said she’d never heard of the cabbage leaf thing! I was really surprised because it was all the rage when I was breastfeeding many centuries ago… anyway, I didn’t know that about the enzymes. I hope your skin is holding up ok. And it’s great news about your daughters appointments and your CBT - well done for sorting that out. I’m glad to hear you are taking time off work for longer - I think now is when we really need to try and focus on catching our breath, so to speak, so anything we can do to help that has to be a good thing. @Kaz11 - first of all, I literally want you to name and shame the person who said that to you about your hair so that I can come up there and give them a piece of my mind. It’s astonishing what crap people let come out of their mouths. Can only hope they went home afterwards and felt mortified by it. I admire you so much for staying composed - there’s probably nothing to be gained from trying to address it directly with somebody so thoughtless. Can completely understand how exhausted you must feel working FT now - especially events; I don’t work in events directly but my team runs events and client hospitality and it’s completely full on. Are you still seeing your reflexologist or have any other kind of pampering stuff to help with relaxing? Also, big hugs as you approach the anniversary of your diagnosis. Lately I find I’ve been reliving the day of my diagnosis and find it more upsetting and terrifying that it seemed it actually was at the time - I think it’s just another sign of how much shock I was in - so I can imagine that as the day approaches you’ll be turning over the events in your mind. Do you have anything nice or distracting planned around the time? That can sometimes be helpful. I can completely understand you wanting to think about surgery for symmetry but being so anxious. Are you going to talk to your doc about it? Did they say it was something they could do? I had bilateral mx - thought it would be traumatic seeing my new boobs but I think having them look like “a pair” really helped and now I love them. Oh - and finally - NEVER apologise as you’re not moaning - ok??! @Rainbow70 it was lovely to hear about your holiday and sunrise swim - go you!! Windermere is so lovely, I grew up quite close to the Lakes but haven’t been for years. Would love to go and take my girls to see it, maybe next year. I’m still going with the C25K - it got a bit derailed with having covid in the house but I’m on week 3 now and also loving the Sarah Millican voiceover. So, anxious times for me as I mentioned I’d a little lump on one of my implants that I thought I should get checked out. Went back last Friday - they think it’s fat necrosis/oil cyst (same thing?) but the process of having it felt, then the scan, and all the same places and people as my original diagnosis, just completely battered me. I was shaking like a leaf on the scan couch. The lovely scan doctor said the only way to be 100% sure was to biopsy - I couldn’t believe I was being told about biopsies again so soon. My surgeon then came in and looked at the screen and said let’s leave it four weeks - go home and stop fiddling with it (yes I have been fiddling with it a bit) and we’ll rescan in a month. Didn’t want needles being stuck in me so soon after radiotherapy. She said she wasn’t especially worried and I’ve seen my radiotherapy doc since and he said the same. But of course there’s a piece of my mind that can very easily spiral thinking it might turn out to be something more serious. I’ve been trying very hard to tell myself that if they aren’t particularly worried then I shouldn’t be either. Aside from that I’ve been trying to stay busy and active, lots of long walks but really notice the aches and pains in back and hips - and I’m not taking any meds at the moment so nothing to blame it on! Like you said @CrazyCatLady I’ve been told it will take a good year to feel like my normal self. I’m very impatient and get frustrated when I can’t do things I used to do, or get tired, or feel achey - I catch myself sometimes shuffling like an old woman and think what the hell has happened to me! Then I remind myself that I’m 11 weeks post surgery and three weeks post rads and in the grand scheme of things it’s still really early days. And maybe I have been pushing it a bit on the walks - last Monday I did about 20km, not intentionally, but certainly felt it the next day! Anyway, by some miracle it looks like we actually will get away for our holiday - today! Only off to the south coast for a week nothing too glamorous but I just can’t wait as we haven’t been away all year. It looked a bit dicey once the covid hit us and we were on tenterhooks hoping nobody else in the house got it as that would have scuppered our plans but thankfully everyone seems ok so now I have to remember where we keep the suitcases and start packing! Don’t care that it’s going to rain all week - just can’t wait to see the sea. Big hugs to you all and I hope your weekends are relaxing, enjoyable and only include thoughtful people who make us all feel better about ourselves. Tg xxx ... View more

Hi everyone, just came back to this post because I remember how much it helped me earlier this year. I just finished my radiotherapy treatment last week - I honestly can’t believe that I got through seven months of treatment: 16 chemos, a bilateral mastectomy and 15 zaps of radiotherapy! I had a complete response to chemo which feels to me like a complete miracle as I started with a 7cm tumour and it was picked up also in one lymph node. The doctors and nurses who have looked after me have been amazing and what’s been especially brilliant is that none of them have been dramatic over the TNBC aspect - for them, it’s all in a day’s work to treat it and I’ve found that very calming and helpful. I’m loving my new implants and my hair is growing back, and just starting to look a bit curly. I’m tired and trying to get my energy back, feel like the emotion and shock around my diagnosis (in Feb) is really just starting to come out now as throughout treatment I had my head down and just focused on taking each day at a time. Not sure what happens next - I guess now I just have to do everything I can to stay well!! Anyway just wanted to send some major hugs out to everyone on this tnbc thread. @Jampot79 I hope your wife is doing ok? Tg xxx  ... View more

Hello lovelies So lovely catching up on all your news, in fact I got so distracted I forgot to get out of bed and make breakfast for my poorly 12-year-old (Covid 😱 - I’m just hoping my vaccine holds up!!). Anyway she’s managed to fend for herself and now dialled into online school so I can indulge in a few more minutes of forum time! @Rainbow70 it’s so good to hear from you but I’m so sorry that you’ve been having a rough time. I really hope the therapy is helping and that you are feeling on more of an even keel. As so many of our posts reflect, the psychological impact of all this is starting to hit home and we deserve and need every ounce of support we can find. Big hugs to you xx @CrazyCatLady - crikey what a time you’ve been having! Are you fully recovered now from the reaction? And still don’t know exactly what it was? I’m glad to hear you’ve been able to reschedule the Maggie’s session and brilliant that you have been able to take some steps to get more help for your daughter. I’m hoping life settles down a bit for you now and that you can get through your 📻-therapy smoothly. Kudos on the swimming - I’ve never managed to swim that far and I’m really impressed. @Gelbel sorry to hear about the flu jab reaction and hope it’s calming down now. What you said about tiredness following rads really reassured me. I’m back at that point where every ache/pain/twinge/weary spell makes me think “oh christ it’s back” - I’ll talk to my oncologist about this next time I see him. I think that in a bid to prove to myself that I’m ok I’ve possibly been doing a bit too much physically - lots of long walks, been to the gym, started the C25K - and maybe that’s why I feel quite achey especially legs and shuffling round like an old lady when I first get out of bed in the morning! Also, major cheer for you standing up to the ruffling-hair guy. I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to say anything at the time and then would’ve gone home and stewed on it. I need to channel some of your forthrightness tbh. Where are you off to on holiday? I hope you have a fantastic time. @Kaz11 how are you doing? I’m like you in that I’m quite sensitive about what friends say/don’t say so I’ve been keeping quite a tight circle around me over the last little while. In all honesty I’ve gone out of my way to avoid some people who I know will just upset me albeit unintentionally. It’s hard now things are “opening up” again so we’ve had events at the kids’ school where we’ve bumped into more people and of course with my new super short hairdo it must be fairly obvious what’s been going on even to those who don’t know. I’m also wary of people thinking everything’s all right now because it SO isn’t, I think the closest friends do get that this roller coaster will continue for quite a while but I’m going to fix a time to talk to my counsellor because I also don’t want to overburden them. Anyway, as always, didn’t want to make this all about me but just to say you’re not alone in this. Do you know anyone else who has been through this? I’ve been meeting up with someone locally also going through treatment who I didn’t know all that well beforehand but has become a good friend. We can rant and laugh about the whole thing, it’s been a tonic. Had my last 📻 ⚡️ on Friday. Burst into tears on the bench as soon as it had finished, just couldn’t help myself. Of course they all said that’s completely normal etc and one of the girls gave me a hug bless her. They were so lovely and friendly that I’ve felt like I miss them this week and the routine of appointments kept me going. Now I’m having to avoid temptation to spend my time cleaning the house. I’m not due back at work until the new year but I’m doing bits and pieces, keeping in touch, the odd meeting etc. I think it’s useful and don’t want to rush into doing too much. Sam, you take the time you need, it sounds really sensible to have another month after all you’ve been through. And I really appreciated your wise words @Gelbel about phasing and standing strong, I can see how easy it would be for me to over compensate for time off by throwing myself in at the deep end when I go back, but if I tire myself out I’m no good to anybody after all. Anyway better go and check on the invalid and see how she’s getting on with virtual school - poor little scrap! big hugs to you all and have a fab holiday Gel. Tg xxx ... View more

Aw @Kaz11  I’m so glad that the surgeon was able to reassure you. Not at all surprised that you had a big weep afterwards after that additional anxiety. I feel like I’m on “high alert” most of the time and really struggling to relax. Tired but still not sleeping great, and jittery. I think all the stress must be catching up with us. Also sounds positive that there might be an alternative meds solution for you - 🤞 they can get that sorted. Hope you’re feeling better today. @CrazyCatLady great news about the heart MRI! And glad you’re ok and rocking those blue dot tattoos 😂. @hopeful1974 I’ve downloaded the Couch to 5k app and did the first run with Sarah Millican this morning - loved it! Surprisingly tough as I’ve been walking a lot and doing a bit of running over past week, but actually really like the structure of it so will try to keep going. Thanks for the reco. Rads #13 today, skin still holding up but finding that I feel very tired after I get back from the hospital each afternoon. Just weary and achey. Hope that’s normal! Wondering whether and when I’ll start to feel a bit more like the old me. @Gelbel I hope you’ve been able to get that appointment through? Hope you’re all doing ok. Gorgeous weather today (here in London), last days of summer for sure but making the most of the sunshine. Hugs to you all Tg xxx  ... View more

Hi ladies, @CrazyCatLady I’m so sorry to read your news and what you’ve been through over last few weeks. But as @hopeful1974 @says you’ve been amazing and done all the right things to move yourself forward - actually I’m really inspired by you and want to check out whether there’s a Maggie’s near me or any of these programmes because I hadn’t thought of it before but the courses you mention sound just the ticket. I hope you had a cracking night out yesterday, comedy gig sounds brilliant. I’m so sorry to hear how much your daughter has been struggling and hope she is on a more even keel now. Like you say, we need to fit our oxygen masks before we can help others especially since we are feeling depleted after having all these treatments chucked at us but it’s so hard isn’t it. I find it very tough when one of my girls is struggling emotionally, as first instincts are always to protect them and make them feel better, but I’m very aware of how wobbly and exhausted I am myself so feel I don’t have the energy to be of much use to them at the moment. Good though that you’ve now started on the rads path and that doc was able to reassure you re tender boob. @Kaz11 will be thinking of you on Tues, please let us know how you get on. I too have got a couple of little bruised lumps which I’ve assumed are scarring but actually reading your post I thought I’d better get someone to take a look at them. I’ve tended to be a doctor-avoider in the past, being an ostrich and waiting for things to resolve themselves but can’t help thinking I probably should have gone to the doc sooner about my boob in the first place and I need to shake myself out of this tendency and be a bit more proactive and grown up about the whole thing! I’m so sorry that you’re still having the bone pain but perhaps the anti-inflams will kick in after a little while longer? It’s a bugger that your work haven’t been more supportive and not at all surprised that you’re tired now back to FT, are you keeping up the reflexology or any kind of nice massage/treat for yourself? If you’re still looking for online yoga recommendations I can thoroughly recommend Yoga With Adriene - there’s a whole channel with hundreds of videos, some long, some short, yoga for all types of issue and all levels and it’s not “scary” yoga but just very gentle. I also find her voice very calming. I’ve become slightly addicted and try to do a video most days even if just a gentle stretch for 15 mins because I’ve also been quite achey, especially my legs after a walk, and I think the stretching helps. @Gelbel hope your follow up appointment has come through by now and the MF course. Totally with you re Sarah Harding news, had been thinking about her and then when the news hit it was a real jolt. I wondered about reading her book - not sure I’m quite up to it yet though. I’m currently reading (well, audiobook - good for long walks!) The Cancer Ladies Running Club by Josie Lloyd. It’s fiction but the writer has had breast cancer, I heard her on Postcards from Midlife podcast talking about it and everything she said sort of hit the nail on the head about her experience. Well worth a listen if anyone likes podcasts. I’m enjoying the book - it’s laugh out loud one minute and tears the next, but actually tear jerking things are quite useful at the moment as I know it’s all buried away somewhere and needs to come out. Reading about the little group of ladies supporting each other through BC has made me think a lot about our little virtual gang and how much you’ve all helped me ❤️. @hopeful1974 I was thinking about a Couch to 5k, I’m walking a lot and the doc said don’t run whilst on rads due to risk of skin friction etc but once I’m able to I’d like to get back into it. Are you doing it through an app?  I’m two thirds through radiotherapy and it’s been ok. Skin seems to be ok so far but I know the worst is yet to come! Only thing I’ve really noticed is that I seem to be ok in the mornings and can get out for a walk, meet a friend etc, but then after my rads appointment (all at lunchtime) I feel weary and heavy and practically crawl home and can’t wait to get on the sofa. Is that normal? Hope you all have the loveliest weekends possible. I’ve got two boxes of bulbs and a new bulb planting thingy (like Monty Don!) and I’m determined that this year I’m actually going to plant some in our postage stamp of a garden - have always meant to but never got round to it - so hopefully will have some lovely daffs and tulips to look forward to in the spring. Big hugs to you all (and one to your daughter too Sam) Tg xxx  ... View more

Hi ladies @Gelbel thx for tip re swimming, I will be good and stay out of the water for a bit longer. Gentle gym sessions and walks are all good for the moment. Online yoga on YouTube also helping - nothing too strenuous, just feels good to move my old bones. Have had first two rads sessions - it’s like a whole new world in the radiotherapy wing, very chatty patients, the staff are all lovely, a more relaxed feel. Nice not to be surrounded by IV machines beeping and clicking like on chemo ward. Feeling ok so far, a bit knackered last night but then the mini heatwave might have clobbered me (don’t get me wrong I love it but it makes getting around more tiring!). @Gelbel sorry you’re having such hassle with this appointment? Any luck this week trying to get it sorted? How’s the heartburn/nausea? Seems bloody unfair that you got through all that chemo and now suffering with this. Really hope you can get the tablets switched and things calm down. @Kaz11 hurrah for your hairdresser and for all the people who are just lovely and human to us when we need it most. Did you get the pay issue sorted? So not what you need having to deal with that kind of stress. I feel just like you re people expecting me to “bounce back” now treatment is nearly over. I honestly don’t think the whole psychological side has remotely kicked in yet. I don’t even feel ready to finish treatment - I know that sounds weird and really don’t want any more treatment! But it’s just a case of mind catching up to body, so to speak. I hope you’re doing ok and taking it easy on yourself, as you always tell us to do. @hopeful1974 fantastic to be 2/3 through and fingers crossed the remaining cycles are still kinder than you were finding them before. Did you have a lovely break? I’ve really missed getting away this summer but can’t wait for a few days’ break in October fingers crossed. @CrazyCatLady I hope everything is going ok with you. When do you start rads? Big hugs to you all Tg xxx  ... View more

Hi ladies, @Kaz11 - absolutely NOT moaning or being a misery!! I have found - and I think you have too - that this forum is the one place you can say what you’re really thinking and feeling when the whole rest of the world wants you to say “I’m fine” “I’m ok” (actually I used your “I’m bearing up” quite a lot @Gelbel ) … You’re actually just being honest about how you feel and it’s all completely normal given that - as your onc says - you’ve been hit by a truck, we all have. There’s a lot of blurb out there about “healing” and how long it takes, I’m trying to do a bit of reading up on it now - diet, exercise but also just how to get your head around it all. It will take time, and that’s hard as we are all impatient to get on with normal life and not feel tired/achey/different etc. I think this is why I found that article you sent last month so helpful to read and will keep going back to it. And it’s good that you’re managing the phased return and have a supportive boss, but you have had work-related issues to deal with throughout the past few months as well as everything else. I can completely understand not wanting to take any more meds, but it may be worth a conversation in a month or two if you’re still feeling like this. When’s your next follow up appointment? On the hair front, I had my first trim last week. The lady I went to see for reflexology (OMG - amazing) also happened to be a trained hairdresser though doesn’t do it much now except for old ladies who can’t get out to the hairdresser. So she offered to trim off all my crazy-old-man long fluffy bits left from cold capping. I haven’t had my hair cut for nearly two years so it felt like a treat, and pleased to have it all neat and one length (about one inch long all over), so now hopefully it can just grow. That evening, I went to a concert my daughter was playing in and just cried cried cried all the way through - combination of the music, being v proud of her, being back in a concert after nearly two years thinking about everything we’ve all been through since. Luckily mask-wearing meant not too obvious I was weeping profusely but frankly don’t care if anyone noticed and thinks I’m a nutcase. This may be one of the positive effects of this whole sorry business, that I no longer care quite so much (if at all) about what people may think of me especially if they are people I don’t even know! The reflexology was phenomenal and could really feel it at certain points on my feet; the lady who does it was just lovely, her husband has had cancer so had surgery-chemo-rads in the past so she understands cancer treatment and how it rocks the body and she talked a lot about the time it takes to heal. She said her husband was completely fine now and back to normal - 4 years on - but it took a good year for the after effects of treatment to wear off. Obvs a different kind of cancer and treatment etc but I thought that was interesting to know. Like you @Kaz11 I’d sort of thought a few weeks and I’ll bounce back but now realising it just won’t be like that. I think the walking is helping - and yesterday I went to the gym, feeling v naughty, but I just went on the bike and did legs/tummy stuff no arms or chest. I came away feeling great - endorphins, no pain. I’ve been told not to do anything much during rads as can’t get too sweaty and irritate the skin, also been told no swimming during rads, so I thought I might try and do one or two more very gentle sessions this week then pause again. I’m four and a bit weeks post surgery now. Tbh I think I probably exert myself more (upper body wise) doing household stuff like lifting pots and pans or cleaning a surface/sweeping a floor etc! @CrazyCatLady I’m so happy to hear that you had a successful and reassuring chat with your doc and that the treatment plan is now clear and as you originally expected. And I love your whole attitude to future and cancer can do one - hear hear! The Cyprus plan sounds brilliant. I hope the holistic care plan comes through and is helpful. @Gelbel any luck chasing up that appointment? I hope you get seen soon and can get your biophosphonates switched. Congrats on the parting! I’m going to try the revitalash product, eyelashes are coming in but still pretty short and need a boost! I think you’re all phenomenal being back at work now. I’m still off. Been doing the usual - one or two calls a week, the odd email, lots of keeping in touch with my team and other colleagues over WhatsApp etc. Next week one or two meetings. That’s all manageable but I feel like any more than that for now would be too much. Still not sleeping brilliantly but still feeling pretty wiped and hard to concentrate. My rads starts next Monday for three weeks so I guess I’ll need a bit of time after that to pick up again. Anyway - sorry, another very long and rambly post from me. Hope everyone else is doing ok and big hugs to you all. Enjoy the bank holiday. Tg xxx  ... View more

Oops sorry - was writing a lovely long post on my phone and then got a call in the middle of it and must have somehow posted this by mistake, perhaps with my ear!! @Gelbel and @CrazyCatLady I’ve got images of you both serenely swimming along with big smiles on your faces, lovely! I’m so envious - would love to go for a swim but still under doc’s orders to do no exercise for 6 was and no upper body exercise for 3 mths. Have been out walking and sneaked in a bit of yoga - it didn’t hurt (and nothing fell off!!) so assume that’s ok. Otherwise, feeling pretty good - not too sore at all, bit tight here and there so trying to do more stretching. Just been feeling a bit zonked really - some days feel almost as though I’ve been hit over the head! Not sleeping brilliantly or at least not as well as usual, so that might be it, or maybe it’s because I’m doing so little and not tiring myself out. Got my pre-rads appointment tomorrow so looking forward to getting on with that, probably starting in a couple of weeks. @hopeful1974 great that you’re halfway through and that it’s been less rough so far 🤞 - hope you have a lovely week away. @Kaz11 how is the RTW going? Hope all ok and not too knackering, it’s good that you can build up gradually and also that the pressure of travelling around is off for a while. You’ve prompted me to make a reflexology appointment - a friend gave me a voucher for my birthday which I didn’t feel like using whilst having chemo but I read your post and thought yep, that sounds fab so hopefully going this week or next. That is, if the poor lady will touch my feet - the toenail situation is pretty disastrous so she might take one look and run a mile 😂. @Rainbow70  how are you doing? Hope all ok. 🤗 @Gelbel sorry to hear that the tablets kicked off tummy issues again and hope you’re able to get that sorted at next appointment. @CrazyCatLady how did your onc appointment go? Did you get clear answers to all those questions? Hope everything is settling down and no more curve balls, also sorry to hear about the driving test mix up and hope your daughter is ok. Have finally booked a little holiday - not until late October (half term) but just can’t wait to see the sea. Feels very odd to book something in the future, something I wouldn’t have thought twice about once upon a time but now feels like such a leap of faith but at the same time good to do it and have something to look forward to as we haven’t been away at all since last year. Hope everyone is having a good day/week and sending big hugs to you all. Tg xxx ... View more

Hi everyone, @CrazyCatLady it’s lovely to hear from you, so sorry to hear that your daughter has been having such a tough time and really hope that her arms are healing up and that she will now get the right attention and support. Good luck for the driving test! Also glad to hear you have an appointment lined up next week and can get some clarity over dates etc. As with any part of this process, the uncertainty makes everything much more difficult doesn’t it. I’m impressed at how fast you healed up from surgery, I certainly couldn’t do any cleaning at the moment (light or otherwise!) - I can just about wipe the kitchen surfaces 😂. I had one drain out on Monday but the other is still following me round - I’d say “like a little puppy” but I can think of nothing less like a puppy, it’s not cute, it’s not loveable and I’ll be glad to see the back of it! Friday, hopefully 🤞. I’m not feeling too bad though, less stiff and sore now and have been out for a few short walks though my surgeon is still very strict about going too far or doing too much. I’m feeling a bit restless, in fact hearing you and @Gelbel talk about swimming made me think ooh yes I’d love a swim, but appreciate that will have to wait a while. Very VERY relieved to find out that the 3 lymph nodes they took out were negative so I don’t need more surgery. I’m seeing my oncologist and radiotherapist next week to find out what happens next, so just now enjoying these few days of sunshine and trying not to think too far ahead. @Gelbel sorry to hear you’ve still got some tummy trouble and hope they can sort this out for you soon. Also the toenail thing - OMG, mine are horrendous, I hadn’t even realised how bad until I removed the flaking black nail varnish - so I’m starting to think I’ll need to go and see someone too. My optician is badgering me for my next appointment and I’m overdue at the dentist too - all these things I’ve put off during treatment, will have to get back on it at some point but not quite up to it yet. Still getting used to the “perky boobs” - have a strange sensation if I go out walking that they might fall off!! But I hope that will ease off. As you say, it’s amazing what’s possible with reconstruction - my surgeon was telling me about the nipple reconstruction/tattooing they can do further down the line and said lots of her patients will come back many times over the years for tweaks and changes, all part of the “journey” and thank god for these fab doctors who make it their life’s work to help women going through this. @Kaz11 how did you get on with your back to work chat? I read the article you sent round last week. It’s so spot on I feel like sending it to a select group of friends and family to read too. I probably won’t, but I just think it explains how I’m feeling way better than I ever could - and like you Sam I’m still on the rollercoaster so it’s a good reminder of how we still just need to be kind to ourselves and take things one step at a time. I’ve realised what an impatient person I had become - always living my life in the future and planning for things yet to come rather than really enjoying the moment. Already I can feel my mind racing ahead and fretting a bit about going back to work, and I haven’t even got my radiotherapy treatment plan yet. Anyway, it was a really helpful read and I have a feeling I’ll keep referring back to it so thanks for sharing and I hope you’re doing ok. @Rainbow70 Sorry to hear you’ve been wobbly - those moments are so tough when they come and often unpredictable I know, I hope you’re feeling better and am sending a big hug your way. Hope everyone else is well and enjoying some sunshine/swimming/strolling, whatever brings a smile. Big hugs Tg. Xxx  ... View more

Aw @bee1234 - sounds like such a difficult day for you. You’re so brave. There’s no way I’d have been able to go to a family event a few days after getting my initial diagnosis. Well done for getting through that. I really hope that when you do tell your family you get all the love and support you need from them. I can completely appreciate how you must feel having just fallen in love and wanting to make future plans. I felt like my entire future had disappeared and couldn’t get out of my head that I wasn’t going to be around for my husband and kids. I still have a lot of uncertainty and anxiety if I think too far into the future which is why I’m trying hard to be a bit more “in the moment” - it goes against a lot of my natural instincts so it’s hard but the good days are all the sweeter when they come, and there have been good days even throughout treatment. Take it easy on yourself and be a bit selfish if you can - of course we don’t want people to worry about us but they’re going to anyway so if there’s something they can do to make this easier on you, take it. The most important thing now is how you feel and getting through your treatment. I’m happy to answer any questions you have about treatment either on this thread or in the private inbox (little envelope at top of screen). Big hug Tg xxx    ... View more