Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hello everyone Thank you for your messages, and sorry for not being very 'active' in replying. It's been a funny few weeks, but at long last starting to feel better from Covid, thank goodness.   I've read all your posts and am sending lots of hugs, support and positive thoughts to you all. I'm sorry not to be able to respond more to each post, but my brain / heart not able to do that yet. But know that I think of you all. Tomorrow is one year since my surgery and 2 months since my husband died. Both dates I would rather not have etched in my mind... Today, I confess, I have given myself over to a good bottle of wine!  Without a doubt, my husband would approve 😂 A good friend sent me a mug today (see photo) and it made me laugh - sums up how there are days of days!! Today is definitely a "no" day for me!!  But if cancer has taught me anything, it's not to feel guilty about "no" days.  Sending strength, light, and love to you all xx   ... View more

Hello lovely ladies Thank you for all your caring thoughts - even though I am only reading your messages now, I knew you were 'there' for me and it definitely helped.  Hard to believe the funeral was already a week ago... how is it possible that time moves on when my heart stands still? It was a beautiful ceremony, with lots of music (my husband wrote songs), photos, and messages from friends and family.  Fortunately, there were no restrictions as to number of attendees, so many good friends were able to be there, too.  It was comforting to share stories and memories with our friends and to feel 'held' by them.   The (inevitable?) post-funeral crash and burn has been exacerbated by me getting Covid... so instead of having the company of some dear friends this week I have been on my own. I didn't even have my dogs with me as I felt too unwell at first so they stayed in the kennels where they had been for the funeral and just after.  But perhaps in a way it was ok - a forced period of just me with my grief, and a chance to be more introspective. A chance also to start reflecting about how my cancer diagnosis and treatment has impacted my life - something I have not really been able to even think about before now with everything that has happened to me since end September when I finished chemo.  I took up the offer from NHS of the antiviral treatment for Covid (a "plus point" of having had chemo??) and do think that these have helped me feel better since yesterday. Today, at long last, I can breathe through my nose and am not coughing every other minute!  My energy levels, however, are on the floor and I suspect the fitness i had started to build up with my very-beginner's-start-to-running, has gone right back to zero (or minus). Oh well, I will just have to start again. I finally heard that i will have my first annual mammogram check-up in mid-April.  A date already etched in my mind as I try very hard not to think about it... Emotionally I am all over the place. I continue to take each day as it comes.  I think of you all often - your trials, tribulations, the jokes, the adventures, your fears, the advice and tips you share, and the courage, compassion and beautiful resilience that shines through all your messages.  You are amazing 🌟   ... View more

Dear lovely ladies, thank you so much for all your messages, kind words, and caring thoughts.  This forum has been a 'saving grace' for me through diagnosis, treatment and end of treatment, and now you are also lifting me up with your strength, compassion and humour.  As we all know, life deals us some truly sh*%! blows, and often there is little we can do but roll with the sh*! (while trying not to roll in it! 😂), but along the way we find incredible people who just by their words, the time they take to reach out and let you know that you are held in their thoughts, can help ease some of our anguish.  You have done that for me time and again, and even now when you are all dealing with the rollercoaster of cancer and your own fears and troubles, you continue to be there for me.  Thank you! My husband's funeral is on Thursday - it has taken much longer than usual due to covid backlog... Many good friends and my family will be there to support me and to join me in remembering my wonderful husband. I can hear his voice telling me to take care of myself, to focus on my recovery, and to ensure I have my check-ups.  I will do this, although I worry about how the emotional stress of my grief will impact on my cancer recovery... But in his honour and in thanks to you amazing ladies, I get myself up and out each morning to walk and/or run!   It is lovely to read how you are all taking stronger and longer strides beyond cancer.  Keep striding out! Xx ... View more

Hello everyone I haven't written on this forum for some time because my husband's condition became much worse and sadly he died just over 2 weeks' ago.  It has been incredibly hard... I have good support from family & friends, which is helping me to get through these very dark times. I find being outdoors is where I feel best, and have started running most mornings. This helps to keep me sane! I think of you often, and take strength from your funny, thoughtful and brave approaches to life and cancer. Xx   ... View more

Hello everyone I haven't written for ages - in my head I'm writing and sharing and cheering for you all, but then what's in my head never makes it to an actual message. It's been good to hear the steps some of you are taking with more confidence and 'bounce' and for those who are still wrestling with treatment I hope the days move forward steadily and with minimum kick back from side effects. I had my port-a-cath removed this week. Happy to see it gone as it means the end of treatment, but also find myself more anxious now it's gone... I really don't have a clue where I am on terms of "new me" but agree that it's a very annoying phrase. I think I haven't had any time to reflect or digest what I've been through because my husband has been so unwell. We found out his first line treatment hasn't worked so are now in uncertain waters while they figure out what next. I would love to join you in running somewhere (preferably far away from here!) but for now it's more self-isolation with my husband. Hopefully I can start running on my own soon, once I've recovered from the port removal (can't wear a bra over the wound yet and running without a bra is not for me 😂) So glad you got your camper van @Michelle21 and have fun planning your trips Am celebrating for you @Love running your last appt with Oncologist. Keep running and I have no doubt you will find answers to your questions! @TicTok hope radiotherapy goes well and that as Michelle says, you can feel less anxious as the days go by. I guess the worry of relapse will never leave us, but perhaps we can learn to live "around" the worry, with our life and all that we do steadily growing bigger and more persistent that the worry? I hope today is a good day for you all xx ... View more

Glad you are home @TicTok and the operation is done. One less thing to deal with! Hard to have to wait so long for results but hopefully Christmas will provide some much needed distraction. Take care and hope you're not feeling too sore - @amy46 advice about painkillers is spot on! Take care xx ... View more

@TicTok every year I say I will make a Christmas cake, but it never happens! I suspect not really liking Christmas cake doesn't help 😂😂 Thinking of you today for your surgery. Hope it all goes well and you are soon home x ... View more

That's wonderful news @Michelle21 - so happy for you and absolutely do revel in the 'brightness' of this result! I feel lighter just reading this news ☀️🌝 Your plans for travels sound fun and long may the endorphin blast last! I'm going to a Xmas crafting weekend down the road from where I live. My lovely sister in law and my niece invited me. I'm hopeless at arts and crafts, and with my wrist still sub-par, I suspect the outcome will be some seriously wonky Xmas decorations, 😂 but lots of laughs for sure and that, as we all know, is very much what's needed! I hope everyone finds some laughter this weekend xx ... View more

@amy46 sorry you're not feeling good. It's so hard when emotions and physical symptoms collide, and it can all feel overwhelming. I admire your strength to call it out and name how you are feeling, although I suspect it may not feel like strength to you. If it's any comfort, my first round of EC was tough, but I did start to feel better after the mid point. I also found the steroids made me very emotional in the days immediately after i had finished taking them. Horrid things! Like you I struggled to rest - I need to feel like I have achieved something in a day, and resting just doesn't tick that box for me. Weirdly I found baking helped - following a recipe was just right for my flighty chemo brain, and having something to show for my efforts at the end helped me feel productive. I didn't always feel like eating the bake, but the neighbours were happy with the baked goodies! These are things that helped me and of course you may just feel too rotten for any of that (or simply hate baking!) I hope you start to feel better soon and that some good days are just around the corner for you. Sending positive energy, sunshine, and hugs x  ... View more

@gardengirl200 those skiing plans sound fantastic. I am definitely a fan of seizing the moment and I think BC has taught me that more than ever. Good for you booking those trips and looking forward! @Love running sorry you've been having a difficult time. Feeling physically unwell may have chipped away at your emotional strength. I know that when I am in pain or discomfort, especially when it's not expected, or I don't realise I'm not well, then my emotions tend to go 'sideways' or even upside down 😂 I'm glad you were able to keep going with the radiotherapy and I hope you feel better soon. I think learning to 'let go' of what we can't control is one of the hardest things... But you are right that it's an important lesson to try to learn. At least if I can't let go, I can try not to fret or focus so much on the uncontrollable. At least that's what I tell myself! 😂 I had my last appt with my oncologist yesterday. It went OK and was surprisingly reassuring. One thing that stood out was that he said in terms of diet and supplements there is no definitive evidence of the benefits - beyond following what we already know to be a healthy, balanced diet. However he did say there is 'overwhelming' evidence to recommend physical exercise after BC as extremely beneficial. He clarified that this should be exercise that raises the heart rate and makes you feel out of breath. So if going for a walk, he suggested doing stages of power walking to increase heart rate etc. and not just ambling along. I thought this was interesting advice and something I will follow. With my wrist surgery it hasn't been easy to do much exercise but I'm feeling stronger and a bit more confident now, so will ease back into some energetic walks! Also interesting and thought I'd share was that I still have some pain / tenderness in the breast that received radiotherapy. This wasn't there before RT. When I mentioned this to my oncologist, he said that evidence shows this kind of pain / discomfort post RT is rarely a sign of anything 'sinister' (his word!), which I found reassuring. I know we all have different scenarios and diagnoses, but I thought I'd share those snippets from my appt yesterday. My husband also had appt with his consultant yesterday and had good news that the doctor couldn't feel his tumour anymore! He'll have a scan in about a month and then we will see for sure how much the chemo is working is far, but for the tumour not to be palpable is already good news. Phew!  Take care everyone and your day is a good one x   ... View more

HI everyone It's good to read about how we are all moving forward with treatment, and for the most part managing to give the BC demons a good slapping! @amy46 I also had EC and like others mentioned the first cycle hit me quite hard with sickness, but that was as much because i didn't get clear advice about when to take my anti-sickness meds, as anything else. My consultant then upped my anti-sickness as well, and gave me Aprepitant (think this is another name for the one @Love running was given?) and after that no more sickness. I had underlying nausea all thru EC - nibbling carrots and breadsticks really helped; in fact altho not much appetite i found that once i actually ate something i felt better for it - and 2 or 3 days of feeling 'bleurghh' with no energy.  But it was manageable, and after the first week, things definitely got better and final week i felt good. The pattern was the same each time so i was able to plan things easily.  I hope your EC goes well for you. @Sammy73 that's brilliant that you've finished radiotherapy!  I know what you mean about the 'void' afterwards - so much activity every day for radiotherapy and then suddenly, nothing.  Weird.  I hope you can enjoy the 2 weeks before hormone injections start and celebrate having achieved another milestone in your treatment! @gardengirl200 your search for travel insurance sounds hugely frustrating and unfair!  Hopefully you've been able to find something that doesn't involve an eye-watering cost, but which provides good cover.  I work for a children's cancer charity and parents often ask us about travel insurance. We can't recommend any companies, obviously, but have put together info from what parents have told us about their efforts to buy travel insurance.  Here's the link - you've probably thought of all this and done much more research, but in case it's helpful: https://www.younglivesvscancer.org.uk/life-with-cancer/my-child-has-cancer/money/finding-travel-insurance-when-your-child-has-cancer/  Good luck with it - a skiing holiday sounds wonderful. Whereabouts are you hoping to go?  I used to ski when i was a child but haven't done any since then.  Such a glorious feeling to be wooshing down a snowy mountain.  Hope your holiday plans can help distract from stress and worry of work! @delly thank you for the pic of those gorgeous flowers - wow, a real pick-me-up to brighten the day ❤️ @Love running how wonderful you were able to enjoy your time in south of France and had a chance to spend time on yourself, and think things through. Precious time after the past months of dealing with treatment. And i loved your Halloween costume - inspired 😂 I reckon the more we can laugh in the face of cancer, the better. I know I celebrate the humour, however bleak it can be at times, because it is always a relief from the tears and fear that are lurking. How is radiotherapy going for you - another 8 days is that right? I hope it's been a smooth ride for you and not left you too tired for your running. @Michelle21 how are you?  Are you enjoying being in the running club?  I was in a running club before and really liked it - found it helped keep me motivated esp when running up hills of which there are many round here 😂 When my wrist has healed, i plan to use my running shoes for running (instead of just walking, which is what they are used for now) and to work my way up to a 5k again.  I also can't wait to ride my bicycle again - no chance of that for now but hopefully one day! Hope things are going well for you. @TicTok how are you?  I think you're going thru your last chemo cycle, is that right?  I hope it hasn't been too rough and you're gaining in energy day by day. I have end of treatment appointment with my oncologist on Monday. Can't decide how i feel about this - on the one hand as I've been in a 'limbo / nothing land' since chemo & radiotherapy finished, it seems a bit surreal to be seeing my oncologist again - almost like 'what's the point' since I've been sailing alone for several weeks now.  But on the other hand, I'm left thinking, well if they plan these appointments it must be important and then i get in a bit of a lather about it all 😂 Good job our dogs came back home today from kennels and I have lots to distract me with their wonderful positive approach to life, no matter what.   Take care everyone and wishing you the best weekend possible for you all xx   ... View more

Hi everyone, I haven't written for a while as one-handed typing is not my forte 😂 I had surgery on my wrist last week, now a bit more "bionic" LOL but still several weeks of plaster cast & being a one armed bandit! It has been an excellent distraction from all things BC - not that I'm recommending breaking a wrist, @amy46!! I hear you about the brain not switching off. Like Michelle I try and stay in the moment and when I wake up at night worrying I promise myself I will allow myself 20 minutes of dedicated worry the next day, and then I try and remember all the names of characters in a TV series / film / book, to try and get my mind yo switch tracks. Easier said than done. Aromatherapy also works well for me to help distract my thoughts or calm my mind. I don't follow any specific 'recipes', just any aromas I like. And being physically active & tired really helps me too. But even then the worries creep up, so then I try to give them dedicated but "contained" time, 15 - 30 minutes. If that makes sense. In the meantime, waiting for my end of treatment appt with my oncologist - not for another 2 weeks... My hubby's treatment has been rough, so it's felt like I've been reliving chemo mayhem all over again. But I'm using every ounce of my knowledge and experience of it all to support him thru. Hope today is a good day for you all. Sending strength and peace of mind to you all xx ... View more

@Sammy73 great to hear you're feeling stronger and ready for RT. I had 5 sessions and compared to chemo found it like a walk in the park. I had RT to my left breast only (not to lymph nodes). As this covers heart, I did deep breath holding. They will tell you if you need to do this. I found it easy to hold my breath, but if it is difficult / not possible there are other things they can do to make sure the heart is not affected by RT rays. And this is only if having RT to left breast. There's a website https://www.respire.org.uk/ where you can find more info about the deep breath hold for left breast RT The actual RT was quick & painless. I experienced some tenderness in my left breast & twinges to the surgical scar from day 1 of RT and still have a bit of soreness. The radiotherapist said this was to be expected as RT "undoes" some of the healing process from surgery.  My skin also went a bit pink and was quite itchy - this is getting better now - and the whole breast felt hot and a bit swollen for the first 2 days after the first session, but then this went away. The radiotherapist said effects of RT continue up to 2 weeks after. I feel things are definitely better now and nothing was too awful or affected daily living. I used unscented moisturiser twice a day on the RT breast and this really helped. Good luck with your RT. How many sessions are you having? Xx ... View more

@amy46 oh I like that idea of INASAISBC - it might be a mouthful of an acronym but I'll take that 😂 ... View more

@amy46 i found mid-chemo hard, like my positive energy ran dry and all the lurking anxiety leapt out at me. I think there is something about being neither at the start nor near the end of treatment that can punch low.  I also have TNBC and just the name scares me! But Shi is right, definitely stay clear of Dr Google - definitely not a doctor who cares! Big hugs and extra strength to you. @Michelle21 so glad your appt was positive and that you have been able to enjoy getting out to the theatre and spending time with good friends. Pub lunch? The best! @gardengirl200 how lovely to hear that you have been listened to, and even better to hear that the various scans and tests have been able to set your worries to rest.  I think you're right about stress, how it builds up and undermines our strength without us even realising.  I tend to see myself as very pragmatic and just getting on with things, but then found myself weeping here, there and everywhere! My motto is steadily becoming "better out than in" and I'm trying to stop apologising when the tears do flow!  .@TikTok how are you? I hope things are going well for you with your treatment and you've been able to enjoy days in between without too many side effects .@Love running how did it go with your mother and sister? I hope they understood and that you were able to enjoy your time with them.  When do you start your radiotherapy? I am now nearly 2 weeks since end of radiotherapy, and almost 6 weeks since end of chemo. i'm just starting to get some fuzzy regrowth of hair on my head and a slight 'insinuation' of eyelashes and eyebrows.  I still feel very tired, but definitely have more appetite & finally am sleeping better.  My husband is at long last out of hospital. He's started his treatment which is a relief for us both, even if my heart sinks that we are back in 'chemo land' again.  Stupidly, I managed to break my wrist the day before my husband was discharged, so that has complicated things for us both!!  On the plus side it has forced me to rest and not rush my post-treatment recovery. Hope all you amazing ladies are doing well and blasting through the side effects xx ... View more

Thank you everyone for all your messages of support about my husband - it has really helped me, reading your words, to stay strong and take things one day at a time. It feels like I have this gentle cushion behind me, keeping me steady. You are such an amazing group 🌟   ... View more

@Michelle21 those dark holes appear in our path without warning or care... But what the dark holes don't realise is that within each of us is a bright flame that keeps on shining. For now your flame is flickering a bit, and this means the shadows are longer and denser. But your flame is strong like you and in time it will brighten and those shadows will shrink. As you say, the shadows may never disappear altogether, but they will diminish and allow you to have more peace of mind. And, of course, you can always call on us to shine our flames your way! 🔥🔥🔥 I'm so sorry about your friend. That is very sad, and coming so soon after losing your mother I imagine must make it harder.  The Rain text that @amy46 posted also really resonated with me, and I think that it's ok to not be ok, to be worried and scared, to feel like crying. We may not be with you in person but we are with you all the same, and we will keep you company until the days brighten for you.  A big hug x   ... View more

@Love running so happy for you that you have completed the marathon of your chemotherapy, and congratulations on your interview - if you spoke like you write then you will have been totally inspiring! And I have always thought that everything sounds better in a French accent 😉 And, hey, guess what I am also Barbara! @Michelle21 the poem you shared was such a spot-on depiction for me of my chemo days - the narrowing down of the days to the minutiae of moving from sofa to armchair etc.  But the last line really rings true - I think BC has shown me there are many "gifts" that surround me, even on the hardest days of treatment and side effects: this forum is one of those gifts. I have now completed my radiotherapy - I only had 5 sessions and compared to chemo it felt like a "drive in".  I have some tenderness in the breast that was treated and it gets itchy. The radiotherapist explained that side effects will continue for 2 weeks after treatment, possibly a bit more. She also explained that the RT tends to "undo" a bit the healing that has taken place after surgery, which is why my surgery scar feels tender again.  I was advised to use unscented moisturising cream on the treated area twice a day - e.g. E45, Aveeno, Cetraben - and I found it has definitely helped, especially with the itchiness that I have experienced. All that's left now for me is biophosphonate once every 6 months for 3 years - again a breeze compared to chemo. Although, I will have it administered on the chemo ward, which will undoubtedly put dread in my stomach, but I will listen to some upbeat music to drown out the dread!  On my last day of radiotherapy, the nurse asked me how i was going to celebrate.  I found this question so hard to answer, and in the end just smiled and said something non-descript becuase in the cruel world that is cancer, as I am barely finishing my treatment, my husband has just been diagnosed... (he is in hospital having multiple tests to confirm type and stage of his cancer. On the plus side, at least I know my way round the hospital like the back of my hand and can guide him about different tests and some of the medical language etc). I still find it hard to believe this is happening, and feel as though I have been kicked to the ground. It has made me realise how much easier i find it to manage my own pain and anxiety, compared to supporting a loved one through this. Where I felt strong during my cancer, I now feel weak. Where my emotions were relatively stable during my cancer, the floods of tears now well up at any moment. It's weird because when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I didn't find it so hard to support her, and I wonder if it is harder now because I have experienced the S%#t of cancer myself, and can therefore 'see' ahead to what my husband will face... Whatever the case, it just feels like we have been dealt a very raw hand.  All the post-treatment plans we spoke of and which kept me going when chemo was dragging me down, have had to be shoved back on hold.  We are back to the 'smallness of life' and the fear. Sorry for such a downbeat post - I will get back to my pragmatic self soon, no doubt.  But for now I just want to 😱 😤 😢   ... View more

@Michelle21 so glad to hear your op went well. Without a doubt you are as beautiful and strong as we all are - boobs do not maketh the woman 😉 Xx ... View more

@Michelle21 all the very best for your op tomorrow - will be sending strength, energy and healing vibes through the air waves! xx ... View more