I’ve been mulling over this precise decision for far too long now. I have PTSD which makes any/all medical contact/intervention deeply traumatic, and sadly this has very much complicated my journey to date. The predict tool wasn’t terribly encouraging at all in my situation. It was initially presented that chemotherapy was a “must do” for me. Having ripped myself to pieces for months, I’ve today finally decided that chemotherapy isn’t for me. Was this an easy decision? Absolutely not, its one of the hardest I’ve ever made. Is it the right decision? I guess time will tell. Is it the right decision for me and my family at this time? Yes. Do I feel guilty already? Yes but I also know that there is no practical scenario whereby I could sit through chemotherapy and retain the essence of me 😭 . I realise that by opting out of chemotherapy which was scheduled for 4 x EC then 12 x Pac I’m travelling a road less travelled, and this may well affect my overall life expectancy. Due to some random and total fluke I was seen by a very eminent oncologist last week. I’m following their advice i.e. just because the treatment plan says xyz doesn’t mean that’s right for you - the treatment plan has to match the patient. His strong advice was that IF I decided to reject chemotherapy I MUST do radiotherapy, tamoxifen, ovarian suppression and biophosphonates which together and combined should massively boost my life chances. All of these were, he felt, more realistically achievable for me. There are no other (sensible) opt outs for me, but he has helped me to appreciate that there was another path, which in my particular circumstances is equally valid. I wish I could have taken a more regular route, but since you can’t treat the trauma of PTSD whilst you’re in it, I have to do what I can, and not what others think I should do. To chemo or not, is not an easy decision for anyone. All any of us can do is try our best and do what we can do, and move on from that we can’t. With love and respect to you all whatever you decide.
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