Hi there I started a new relationship between my primary and secondary diagnosis in 2017. I told him that I had "had" BC in 2012/13 on our first date. I felt it mattered to me that I was straight with him from the outset. Some of that came out of the fact that I had ongoing monthly implants so wellness and "treatment" was a priority. If you want to keep seeing this man as a friend or partner my instinct is that it's better to honest sooner rather than later. Its obviously a huge thing to explain to anyone but to someone who has already lost his wife. It may be too much. I think it's early days and it's only reasonable to hold your diagnosis short term. In all good consciance though, wondering if you should tell him suggests that you are not comfortable building a relationship on partial honesty. You can never predict how someone might react. He may think he's supported someone before so he can do it again. If he can't handle being in a relationship with someone who is living with Secondary Cancer its better to know. If your feelings develop too far without him knowing, he may feel he can't trust you when you have to tell him or a situation brings the truth to light. My partner and I have had 4 happy years, 3 of which are post secondary diagnosis. I also have a network of friends who support me and he knows my coping mechanisms involve them and him. He's the most consistently present person through the roller coaster. We don't live together but we live life together. I think that I would have wanted more if I had my health, marriage probably. I am sad that Cancer is stealing the vision of us enjoying a long retirement together. We are both glad we have now. He says at our age he could be walking about thinking all well and anything could be wrong on the inside. There is rarely a day that he doesn't make me laugh and I feel very lucky to have such love in my 50s. I hope you find a way to open up to him and that he appreciates we only have what's here and now
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