Thank you so much for the links, I’ve requested to join. However, using the 3 dots I can’t seem to edit, hide or delete the post? Unless mute means hide? Not sure what to do, like you say, the last thing I need are unwarranted people sniffing around my personal life. I feel bad for writing it now.
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Does anyone have experience of being on the brink of Divorce, please? I've been living with secondary breast cancer for the last 3 years, in the bone. I seem to dip in and out of remission, but it's only going one way, we all know that. The thing is, I still feel like I have a lot to offer, there are projects that I want to start & see-through (with a contingency plan, of course). The terrible thing about our situation is the uncertainty - will we be alive in 5-10-15 years' time. Personally, I'd like to see my children grow up into young adults, if I could hope for just one thing, that would be it. My husband, however, who I was with for 14 months before I was diagnosed the first time, see's my life 'as over'. He's gone from verbally telling all his friends and family that he'll do anything to support me (summer 2018 secondary diagnosis) , to tapping out of our relationship (+6 months) to being utterly abusive behind closed doors 2020-21. Screaming, yelling, punching walls, blasting through locked doors, and shoving me against a wall (bruises for the record), all of which he denies's. Covid has been miserable, and unhelpful at best. It was so revolting that I booked myself into the Priory in Feb 2021 for a month, just to get away from him - I didn't want to move into rented accommodation, as it would look like I was leaving the children. And, I never want them to feel that. I'm so torn. Stay and put up with it? Or go through marriage guidance counseling and consider what a divorce would look like, practically and discuss. There's no talking to him, that's for sure. It's like living with Jekyll and HydeHe - the kindness and empathy chip are missing. My thoughts are- If we divorce I'll break the children's hearts, (and I can't do that especially when I feel like they're already going to face enough unwarranted adversity). And yet, if I stay, I need to assign myself to a loveless marriage and deny myself of the physical healing that a loving relationship could provide. The chances, however, of someone wanting to be involved with someone who has stage 4 cancer seems not impossible, but extremely unlikely. I'm terrified of being and managing my illness plus the children alone. That's not to say I couldn't, it just feels like an incredibly lonely and hard task. I'm looking at my life not quite knowing how I got here - but I know that I need to move forward. If anyone has any wisdom that they're willing to share, I'd be most grateful. Life feels hard enough, without adding on a divorce, despite it being in my (personal) best interests. Is he right, is my life over, am I just dreaming? I'm a romantic but also a realist, perhaps it's not possible to be both? Perhaps stoicism is the key in this instance and focussing on the children will bring the greatest pleasure. My heart and mind constantly pull in the direction of regret - regret of not leaving (on my death bed). And yet if I do leave, and my life unravels, even more, I'll feel like a stupid b'tch. That's the pinch point - which way does a person jump when they're unhappy in their marriage and have stage 4? It's so much more complicated than, should I stay or should I go? Please tell me your thoughts, I'm so curious, thank you so much!!
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