Breast Cancer Now Forum

Hi ladies, hope you are all well, proud of every single one of you reading your updates these past few weeks, such a mixed bag but a challenging time in so many different ways. You are all amazing & doing so well xx I've been missing in action as I'm just struggling a lot right now with this process mentally. Friday will see my 4th and last EC but the past month has been hard, my hair has all but gone but I can't bring myself to shave it still. I wear headscarves with the small amount that remains poking out the side to resemble something of 'normal' whatever that is. On top it's totally gone, every day it's a little bit more traumatic when I do the once daily comb and have to gather more up to throw in the bin. My eyebrows and lashes are thinning. I know these aren't the important things but to me they are, I don't recognise me in the mirror anymore. I'm paranoid at every ache and pain, I'm forever touching my boob! I can tell myself the worst stories sometimes, my brain is a great but dark storyteller... And whilst it's TMI, I've never had constipation like this in my entire life. It's been so bad my ribs are too tender to even touch. Currently on 4 laxatives a day which is so excessive! On the plus side i've not struggled too much with sickness, feel super grateful I have my appetite and energy is still doing ok.  I just think right now I have too much time to think, and social media can be terrible! Anyhoo, just brain dumping, thanks for reading if you made it this far. Your posts these past few weeks have been one of the few things that have been a positive - @Shi I've also made a note of all your recommendations! Lots of love to you beautiful ladies xx ... View more

Hi all my lovely May lot Hope you’re all doing well, I’ve just caught up on everything. Sending love and hugs to all who need them right now. I’ve been missing in action due to my appendix deciding it needed to come out the same week I was due my second EC. To say I’m struggling with the timing of everything is an understatement. I came out of hospital Thurs evening and chemo has been delayed a week till Friday. I’m very sore and have been given pain relief. I’m finding it hard to process it all and on top of everything I washed my hair yesterday for the first time in over a week and the hair shedding has started. It all feels too much for me to comprehend right now.  I have to hope this is all going to come good eventually. Right now I’m feeling so overwhelmed. How is everyone else managing with accepting this journey? Xxx ... View more

Morning my lovely May cheerleaders. First session on Fri went as well as these things can. I felt oddly calm, knowing there was no more waiting and I managed to last with the cold cap. That evening I had the worst headache, sweats, slight nausea and exhaustion but for the most part with a lot of sleep and the meds they sent me home with I was fine. I think I had so much anxiety for and on the day it helped to send me into a solid sleep. The past 2 days have been ok, I can see a drop in my energy levels and I've been awake since 2.45am this morning. I'm aware this is my last day with meds so not sure if this is a false reality right now. Injection last night was uncomfortable but again it's done now. Am also conscious this is my first one when I have a relatively healthy immune system on my side but we can only hope things remain as well as they can over the next few days. Sending love to you all - will be attempting a hair wash in the next few days, all tips welcome xx ... View more

I 100% echo @crazycat - I am an absolute ball of anxiety this morning, this still seems so surreal. Thank you so much for all the comfort & support in the last few weeks. @crazycat Hope today goes well, will be with you in spirit and for everyone else - so much love - thank you xx ... View more

Hi all - I'm also starting friday and my anxiety is so high right now I'm struggling to focus on anything but. Your posts are super comforting so big thank you for that. I have such a good army of family and friends but still feel very alone navigating this so reading each other's stories really does help xx ... View more

Thinking of you today @Soggs52 xx @Zanna38 Virtual high five to getting the first one under your belt - hope today gets better for you xx ... View more

Will be thinking of you today @Zanna38 xx ... View more

@crazycat I'm also on my own and trying to figure out how best to navigate this journey. We can figure it out together as I also start on the 27th. Friends and family have been amazing but it’s a real battle in your own head when you're trying to self calm and self soothe isn't it. I met a lovely lady at the hospital today who cold capped and you would never know she lost any hair looking at her. It gave me so much hope. I'm trying to get some bits together but mindful I also don’t want to go overboard I think i'm trying to focus on the small things to avoid dealing with the big stuff. I still have moments of not quite believing this is all happening to me.  The anxiety of starting is really getting to me now, i'm wrapping up work this week to take some time off, something else I’ve dug my heels in on for too long but I have to be realistic. @Zanna38 Sending you lots of love for tomorrow. The start will always be hard but once you’re going you will at least feel like you’re moving which I think is a lot better than where we are right now. I know you can do this x @Soggs52  Fingers crossed for Wednesday – it’s weirdly comforting to know we will all be in and around a few days of each other - sending virtual hugs to all xx ... View more

Thank you @Shi for all the tips and the hugs. It helps 🙂 @Coddfish Likewise - glad to hear your first EC has been kind to you, please keep us posted. Thanks for sharing your experience it really does help. @Zanna38 I booked an appt yesterday to get my hair cut and look at wigs, it was emotional. I keep looking at myself in the mirror wondering if it'll ever come back to what it is now. I think this waiting game is really not helping, I am imaging all the worst case of everything.  I have to try and remind myself this is a set period of time, we'll work through it then once out the other side we can get out lives back - please stay in touch on your journey and share and share alike xx ... View more

Hey @Zanna38 I've been told the same about EC, the 12 weeks for the Taxol feel so long. Reading up on blogs sometimes doesn't help either.  It feels odd right now like nothing has changed. I look the same, feel the same. Every day I look in the mirror at my hair and it breaks my heart. Night times feel the heaviest. For my brows & lashes I bought Revitalash & RevitaBrow - they were created by an ophthalmologist whose wife was going through BC to help her get her confidence back. I can only try. For brows I've bought some stencils and some natural lashes. Who knows if i'll use them, I've never been able to work with lashes to now, not sure why all of a sudden I think i'll be able to become an expert but it helps me feel like I'm in control or at least trying to be honest. xx     ... View more

HI @Zanna38 We'll get through this together.  It's the 4 cycles of EC every 2 weeks I worry about the most but as with anything a lot of this is uncertainty. No one can tell me yet how poorly i'll feel, however I'm inspired from reading some of these posts that in some cases it seems manageable, so we hope for that.  I've just bought some bits for my eyebrows and lashes, I hope they don't go but if they do I want to be prepared. It's never easy for anyone but I love my long hair 😞 Good luck for next week and know I'll be with you in spirit - the sooner we start the sooner finish xx       ... View more

Yes I've got a wig appt sorted as well, part of me is in denial I won't lose my hair and the cold cap will all be fine but I want to be prepared no matter how hard it will be. A big part of this for me is the acceptance. Of what's coming, and what will be, and I hope like plenty of the other lovely ladies on here I find I can say, it wasn't as bad as I thought but I will only know that when I start. xx ... View more

Hi @Soggs52 Thank you for this.  I need to try and get a balance on my emotions, your right when you talk about the older people going through it as well, my nurse says she has an 88-year-old and a 92-year-old going through it! I've seen the unit and know where I'm going and when but the waiting is causing my anxiety to spiral. The thought of my hair going is the hardest thing, I've said i'll try the cool cap but hope this isn't too bad.  This has all happened very quickly for me, its been about 3 weeks from start to finish so I think my brain is still trying to digest a lot of it.  Thank you for all the tips and support, it helps a ton xx ... View more

Hi all Newbie here. I'm due to start on the 27th May & I'm really struggling with what's ahead of me. I can't calm myself, I'm struggling to sleep, and my panic levels are so high.  My first cycle will be EC x 4 every 2 weeks, then Paclitaxel weekly with a dose of Carboplatin every 3rd week for 12 weeks. It feels like a lot, will be 20 weeks in total with a 2-week break. I worry my body and my mind won't be able to sustain it... I've already started reading some of these threads and they're helping a lot but i'm just so scared still. Hoping being part of a community will make me feel less alone as I navigate this xx ... View more