I have downsized my house and got rid of the mortgage, given up work and only stay in touch with the friends and family that I like. 90 percent of the time I am happy and positive and in many ways my life has changed for the better - but at times I also feel very alone and vulnerable - I often look around in a crowded shop for example and want to shout 'do you know what I've got and how scared I am!'. Also, there comes a time when you cant keep talking about your illness to friends bless em. Two years on from diagnosis I am also going thru a bit of a rebellious phase. It is really bizarre cos I want to smoke, fill myself full of junk food and slob in front of the TV because everyone keeps telling me to be healthy - its a bit like being a teenager again. Am I strange or has anyone else felt like this?????????
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