I just wanted to thank you all for all your kind words. I haven't been back on the site since the day I posted this. It is just so painful reading what I wrote and then remembering. At the moment I am coping by just trying to keep as busy as possible and not thinking about it. I called the Samaritans on the day and just cried my eyes out. I felt so much better just speaking to someone who was sympathetic and caring. I know there will be a point where I really need to start properly grieving and not pushing it back, but I just feel I am not brave enough . She was a phenomenal women and did not deserve to die the way she did. I try not to think about those last few weeks of her being in hospital. She suffered so much, it really is just not fair and I don't think I will ever understand it.
Anyway, I really appreciate all the support and strength and love to all.
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Thanks guys. I am not sure why but today just really felt like the end of the world. I haven't cried much these past 6 months at all. Today just felt like everything was going wrong and that the one that could really make it better was my mum. I have tried with all my might not to think about her being sick. It was terrible to see her that way. Even as I write this now my heart just breaks thinking that she had to suffer like that. I am so angry at my husband, its like he thinks that by now I should be over it. Perhaps it is my fault because I just didnt want to deal with all the grief at the time. I, like many of you had to hold the family together. My older sister is a little more fragile than I. I just cant stop crying today. It just hurts so much. Whenever I think of her, I always remember how she used to be before she got sick. Thinking of her last few weeks in hospital send this stabbing pain through my heart. I am so angry as well. At everyone. The doctors, my mum, my family, my husband. The doctors diagnosed her at such an early stage and 2 years down the line after she was diagnosed, she’s gone. She said she would be ok and that she wouldn’t leave me and she did. I am so angry. The company my husband owns is going through some rough times and its all he is concerned about at the moment. I cant confide in him about the way I feel. I am too afraid to try counselling. I am afraid that once I start thinking about it, I will never stop and I’ll be depressed like this forever. I don’t think I have ever felt this empty before. I just want to start healing.
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HI there guys,
Hope everyone is ok. I lost my mum to Breast Cancer 6 months ago. She suffered so much before she died. She was so young. Only 57. I haven't really been able to grief properly these past couple of months. Its like I just wanted to get on with life and just forget that it has happened. Today is the first day I feel so angry. I even throw something at my husband. This is so unlike me. We had a huge fight and all I could think of was it was my mum and how I wish she were here. My husband isnt very emotional. Its like he doesn't know how to be there for me. It is hurting so much today. The pain is right in my chest and I feel as though there is no-one I can talk to.I dont think I have ever felt this angry, hurt and alone. I am even scared of saying what I would really like to do for fear that I might actually do it. I feel pathetic for even crying. My husband thinks I should just get over it but I cant let go. I feel like sleeping it all away and never waking up...
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